Alone

- We women have been doing it since the beginning. You can do it too. - she says softly. - Just don't stop living. You deserve to have every experience that you know you haven't had. - I can feel Alice blushing on the other end of the line. - I love you!

We said goodbye, I turned off my cell phone and lay down to sleep. It was hard to fall asleep. As much as I didn't want to assume it, my thoughts kept returning to Mr. Colle.

The next morning, everyone was off, except me. The house was empty. I took my time organizing everything and getting to know the property better.

I was on the third floor, next to Mr. Colle's room, when I opened a large sliding door and found the library. It was huge, with books that went from floor to ceiling, a fireplace, armchairs, glass that replaced the windows and took up the whole wall, framing the magnificent view of the stream and the mountains; it looked like a painting. And it was the perfect place to read. I looked at each shelf.

- Jane Austen. - I smiled to myself as I took the book in my hand.

No. It definitely didn't look like Colleri. Did he choose all the books? Did he like English literature? Classic books? Fifty Shades of Grey? I shook my head from side to side as I smiled and felt my face flush. I had to stop thinking such stupid thoughts.

I sat down in the large armchair next to the glass, which looked more like a hand painting. I began to read. I had always loved reading, it was like therapy. I spent hours reading, jumping from one book to the next. I yawned a few times before taking in my heavy eyes and falling asleep. I found myself wandering through painful memories again.

- Nicole pissed the bed! Nicole pissed the bed... She pissed the bed! - A chorus of children laughed at me, while I cried, cowering in a corner.

- Leave her alone! - A floor instructor advised them, while scaring the children away from me. - If this keeps happening, I'll have to talk to your mother," she said in a firm voice, "Call her, call Madeleine. Tell her I want to go home.

- Darling, everyone wants to go home. But you were left here for a reason. - She smiled wickedly.

- Please! - I cried softly. - They took my Teddy. My father gave him to me. I need him back. I can't sleep without him.

She continued to laugh, as if I'd told her a joke.

- You're too big to use a bear to sleep and pee in the bed. - She picked up my bear some distance away and, instead of handing it to me, continued to hold it.

I raised my head and looked at her. I put out my hand to take it.

- No, no, no, darling. - She took a step back. - I'm sorry, but you're too big, it's hurting you, don't you see? You've been wetting the bed for three nights now.

I denied it with my head. - Please, Mrs. Clementaine. My father gave it to me.

- I can't do that. And you need a bath! You stink of urine. - She took me by the arm and led me into the large white ceramic bathroom. On the way, I cried loudly, I whimpered, I tried to get out of her hands, I screamed for someone. For my mother. For my father. Anyone who could get me out of there. She took off my clothes, turned on the shower and threw me into the cold water, turning her back on me.

- And don't be long in the shower! - she said brusquely before getting out.

The cold water hit my back as I shivered. I cried for moments that seemed endless. I don't want to be alone. Why did they leave me alone?

I saw the bathroom door open and the light from the corridor come in. Small feet approached. I looked up.

- We saw what they did to you - a red-haired girl, apparently a little younger than me, said. - It was cruel. I'm so sorry. - She gave me the kindest smile I'd received in days.

- She really is a witch! - a blonde girl with short hair, whom I hadn't seen before, said in an annoying voice.

- Shiiii! Vivian! - The redhead caught her eye.

- It's nothing you haven't said before. - The blonde pouted and clung to a small blanket she was carrying.

- Come with us," the little redhead said.

I nodded.

- You don't have to stay there alone. - She held out her hand to me.

- I want to be alone, thank you. - I put my head down again.

- Come on, Alice," the blonde said, turning around. - If Clementaine, the witch, sees us here, we'll be in trouble.

I saw her little feet go out the door and I cried again in silence.

Moments later, the shower was turned off. I looked up and there they were again.

- We won't be able to sleep with you here - Alice said.

- Hey, here. - Vivian handed me a small bear. - This is Mr. Eagles.

I looked at them uncomprehendingly.

- Please take it," the blonde said softly.

- Let's go. It won't do you any good to stay underwater for so long. - The redhead gave me a bathrobe.

I took the bear from her hand and stood up. I put on the bathrobe and walked outside with them.

- It's going to be okay - the blonde said. - We'll be together. Nothing bad will happen.

The redhead gave me a warm smile.

No. It's not going to be okay.

I'm scared. I feel alone. I don't want to be alone.

My heart hurts.

I don't want to be alone.

- Wake up, sweetheart - a hoarse voice called out.

- I'm scared... please... don't leave me. - I felt enveloped by a cloud. Light body, snug.

- I promise, I won't leave you. - Once again the sexy voice in my dreams. And that smell... That woody smell, it was sensual.

- Don't leave me - I repeated, agonized.

- No, darling, I'll never leave you.

I felt protected. For the first time, that nightmare that had been repeating itself for years became bearable. And for the first time I didn't want to wake up. It was good, I felt loved.

I moved comfortably in bed. I opened my eyes. That smell. It smelled like pure... Colleri. I looked around and, just as I started to regain my senses, I tried to get up abruptly and fell off the bed, on my butt. The sheets tangled around my feet, and I shook myself until they came off. Thank God I was still dressed the same. In Colleri's room.

Holy shit! IN COLLERI'S ROOM! What was I doing there? I was in the library. That nightmare... the smell... the voice.... The girls had once warned me that I talked in my sleep.

I felt a huge blush rise to my face. I slowly got up and put the sheet back. I looked around. No Colleri. I sneaked out of his room. I didn't see anyone. In fact, I didn't even want to. The feeling I had was that if I met someone, they might see my worst intentions in my soul and I honestly couldn't deny it.

I practically ran when I reached the corridor to my room. I was finally able to lose myself in my thoughts.

When I woke up, I took my shower and waited long enough for everyone to leave the coffee table. I put on a flowery dress and went downstairs. I walked through all the corridors apprehensively. Ah, today is everyone's day off, I reminded myself and finally breathed a sigh of relief. When I got to the dining table, I was surprised to see Mr. Colleri still sitting there. He was reading a newspaper that covered his face. The table was unmade, but there was a plate neatly arranged with a piece of cake, a loaf of bread and toast, juice, coffee and some fruit. Oh, damn. Don't tell me he expects me to eat next to him.

I sniffled slightly. He didn't react and continued reading the paper. Was he upset? Even if he wasn't, what courage would I have to talk to him?

I approached the chair, picked up my plate and tried to walk to another seat further away. I was stopped. He grabbed my wrist with his hand. It was like an electric shock went through us, I'm sure he felt it too. He squinted his eyes in my direction, making me shudder. I bit my lips instinctively in response.

- I'd like you to sit next to me, Nicole.