One-shot

Don't cry for me

That was the thought that kept crossing inside my mind, as I saw her casket being lowered.

"Hey.."I felt a little tap on my shoulder, it was my best friend. "You alright?"

I just shake my head a little bit.

"You sure? I haven't seen any emotion from you since the beginning of the funeral. You don't need to act tough, just let it out."

"No… It's just, for whatever reason, one of her last wishes for me was to not cry for her." But he was right, my chest, my stomach, and my brain hurt as hell trying to hold everything.

"I see, in the end she can be a little unique huh.." Jokingly he said.

"Haha… Yeah, right"

The funeral was finished, but I stayed a little bit with her parents.

"Thanks for being with her till the end, son." Said her father to me as he tried to comfort his crying wife on his shoulder. "You are a good kid, it must really hurt to lose her this early."

"It is, but it must be more painful for you guys, losing a daughter."

"Don't be like that, everyone feels the same, especially you. You have been with her for the past 3 years, even though you knew her condition."

"I guess I do really love her."

I saw her mom stopped crying, started hugging me.

"I'm so happy she knew you, everyday the only thing she talked about is you, never a little bit thinking about her condition. She looked so happy every time seeing you." Her voice was really shaking, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask us, you are part of our family now."

"Thanks.."I hugged her back tightly. She started to cry again.

"I'm going first" I told them

"Don't do anything stupid, son."

"Haha, I won't."

Walked away from her parents, toward a car. There was my best friend there leaning beside a car.

"So, what's your plan now?" He asked me.

"Why? Relax, I wont do anything stupid."

"Back to usual life I guess, without her of course." He sighed a little bit, then went into the car.

On the road, we didn't really talk much.

"By the way, at the end of October, I'm going overseas, opening a new company."

"So sudden? And this October, so 2 more months?"

"Not really, I have been planning this since a few years back." He stopped talking for a bit. "You wanna come with me?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, you can be my right hand. You have a lot of experience in this sector right? I believe in your skill. No need to worry about where to stay or your pay, I have planned it and you are going to be paid well."

"Wait, you have been planning this for years, but never talk to me about it?"

"To be honest," He stopped a bit. "Don't be mad at me because of what I'm going to say."

"Alright?"

"Since the beginning of the plan, you have always been my first choice."

"And you never asked me?"

"Because of her."

I just silently stare at him.

"Aww… Don't look at me like that." He laughed a little. "Listen, if I invite you, that means you and her will move with me right to the overseas? Do you think it's fine for her? Everybody around us know she love this city so much."

"Yeah, you are right, I don't really want to see her leaving this city."

"That's why, I don't think it's worth the pay anyway."

I don't really talk much again, but I kinda understand what he is trying to say. Looking outside the windows of the car, I can see a few road lamps passing us.

"Give me some time to think."

"Yeah, no problem."

"See ya"

"Yeah, thanks for giving me a ride."

I lived in this city alone. I wasn't born nor grew up here. The only reason I'm here is because of my job, it pays well.

Back to my messy room.

Straight to the bed.

"I'm so tired."

Didn't take long after I closed my eyes for every memory of her coming to my mind like ocean waves. I felt like my brain was going to explode from it. But

Don't cry for me.

It crossed my mind again, I still remember that day when she asked me for that. Few days ago, beside her hospital bed.

"When my time comes, Don't cry for me, okay?"Said her while patting my head.

"Why?"

She smiled a little bit, "Nothing, I just don't want to see you cry up there, your crying face is really ugly."

I laughed a little bit hearing that, "Look who's talking." My response as I pinch one of her cheeks.

"By the way.." She looked at the sky behind the room window.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still remember the place where we first met?"

"That little library? In the center of the city right?"

"Yeah, do you know they just had a renovation?"

"really? Never really been there for a long time, no reason to be there."

"Yeah, a little bit bigger now, also more books!"

"You visit there regularly huh…"

"Yeah, it's close by, but I can't go there any more, haha" I actually can hear her voice shaking a little bit there.

I didn't really respond. Just sitting there looking at her face. There will be no miracle here, only reality.

"Sorry, I broke the mood huh, haha, so, promise me alright!" She gave me her pinky finger. "Don't cry for me, okay?"

I really didn't understand why she asked me that, "Alright, I promised", I crossed my pinky finger with hers. I love her smile.

I felt my brain becoming a little bit relaxed after remembering it, I opened my smartphone, got some notifications from my parents, nothing much. I replied to them shortly.

Today is Saturday, August 24th. Right, tomorrow is the 25th.

Since last year, or when I knew her condition to be exact, I realized my time with her was short, but I didn't want to be a selfish person and keep being with her. So we decided to always do something special on the 25th.

Last month, our last. I was going to ask her to go to some fancy restaurants, but she denied it.

"So, where do you want to go?"

"Do you still remember that bench? Beside the cliff."

"Yeah, wait.." I'm a little bit shocked. "You want us to go there?"

"Yeah, I don't think we can do this anymore next month, I want our last precious moment to be there, just the two of us."

I hated those sentences, but she was right. Her condition is getting worse.

"Alright."

She smiled.

Didn't want to think about anything anymore, so I tried to force myself to sleep.

Every memory of me being with her keeps crossing my mind, it feels so suffocating for me, but I just keep suppressing it, I already promised her.

In the end I fell asleep.

I woke up, not knowing what time it was, or how long I was sleeping. I didn't even remember what time I fell asleep, but I must be pretty tired, because I can see the sunlight inside my room.

Realizing that I still wore the same uniform at the funeral, I went to the bathroom and started cleaning myself.

I hate morning showers.

I tried to find my smartphone on my bed, checking if I missed any notifications.

But, the same moment I opened my screen, my stomach felt like it wanted to get off from my body.

"Is this a chat? From her?" A chat notification from her.

"Impossible. Her parents? No, it doesn't make sense either."

No time waste, I unlock my phone and tap on it.

Hi, first things off, this is a scheduled message, so I don't chat from up there, haha…

This is the first sentence. I felt like puking, but I also wanted to laugh. She is still doing something like this, but why?

You might be asking, why?? Right? Haha..

I don't know why, I felt like I could see her smug face up there.

Okay, do you still hold your promise? Don't cry for me, right?

Yeah, I did.

And if you read this message that means today must be the 25th , and I got a favor from you.

Even now she is still really needy. I laughed a little bit.

If you are done with the shower (Don't forget). I want you to go to the library where we first met, maybe around 11 A.M is a good time, and wait for my next message! ♡

Huh? She wants me to go to that library at 11 A.M?

I Looked my phone clock, it's around 10.30 A.M.

"Yeah, I can make it."I took my bike key, and wore my jacket. I didn't really want breakfast right now, I didn't think my stomach and mind could eat anything right now.

On the way to the library I kept thinking about her, what was her plan, and what kind of message she was going to send me next.

I arrive at almost exactly 11 A.M. I went to the library, it was bigger than I remembered, this is the place where we first met. I'm not really a book type of person, but fate did bring me here that time.

I can feel my smartphone shaking, a new message from her.

Have you arrived yet? I hope you do. Do you still remember the moment we met for the first time?

Of course, the only reason I even went here was because my friend asked me to accompany him here. He wanted to have a little meeting with the owner of the library. I didn't understand why he asked me, but because I didn't really have anything to do anyway I accepted it. I'm still grateful for it.

I still remember the library, still really small, with only a few tables and bookshelves, But I like this place's vibe, it's really comforting. When my friend was busy with the owner, I just walked around the library. Nothing really interests me there.

But then I passed into her, on one of the bookshelves row. I see her for the first time. She looked like trying to reach something on the top of bookshelves but she couldn't. Looking around and there was nobody, I approached her.

"Need help?"

"Eh?" Realizing me, she took a step back, a little shocked, her face becoming a little red. Her reaction made me laugh a little.

"Need help reaching for the book?" I asked again.

She stared at me a little bit, then after some time, she nodded. When scanning through the top shelf, I asked her if I held the right book. Then after grabbing the right book I read the title "Our Forbidden Love".

The title was… interesting.

She realized that I read the title of the book, then she quickly grabbed the book from my hand. For some reason, I liked her cute reaction and wanted to know more about her.

"You like that kind of book huh?"

Her face turned red again, and she shook her head quickly.

"No…" Her voice was really small, "It's not because of the genre, but the author, I like her. It's just this is sometimes her book can have this kind of titles."

"I see, then, can you help me recommend her book?" To be honest, I didn't really have any interest in reading a book, but this was the right move.

"Ah? Really?" She started looking at her piles of books, then handed me a thin book. "Here.."

"Lost And Found".

"Why this?"

"I don't think you are the type of person to really read a book, this book is pretty thin and there are no boring moments here, so I think it might suit you."

"Hahaha…. Pretty considerate of you." She wasn't wrong. "Thanks, are you going to read the book here, now?"

"Oh, yeah" Her voice is still really small.

"Can I read it with you? We can read books together here."

"Eh?" She looked hesitant at first

"I understand if you want to be alone, I actually don't really have anything to do right now, just waiting for my friend here."

"Umm.. okay"

We walked a bit to the reading tables, we introduced ourselves a bit, and I sat across from her.

She was right, this book is really intense, I never see any down moment from this book, without me realizing I am already done with half of the book.

"You… read?" I felt a little tap behind my shoulder, again my best friend.

"Oh yeah, she recommended it to me. You should read it, it's pretty good."

"Your colleague?, Never see her"

"No no, I just also met her now. Helped her a little bit, and asked her for book recommendations because I don't know how long I should wait for you."

"Owh, Yo. Nice to meet you." She just nodded a little. "So, you still want to keep reading or what? I'm done with the meeting."

"Right, we can go now, I can continue reading it back home."Standing up, and looking at her "I'm going first, thanks for the book, I will surely complete it."

Not a few seconds after we walked, he asked me, "You don't want her contact?"

"Oh yeah, you are right, I'm so stupid." I rushed back.

"I know this is sudden, but can we exchange contact? Maybe I could ask you more about book recommendations." She looked at me a little bit, looking hesitant, but suddenly she smiled a little bit and nodded.

"Oh.. nice" I can hear my best friend saying from afar.

Is it really fate ? The moment I met you for the first time. To be honest, when you offered your help back then, I already prepared myself to run from you. But on the other hand I want myself to change, so I tried to respond. Never expected it to end like this… I'm so happy.

Alright, do you still remember that book that you helped me to grab? If you still remember, I want you to find that book and read it here now. Relax, the book is pretty light and thin, and the title is not that bad. Haha.

"Our forbidden Love right?" I walked around the bookshelves, and found the book. It was thin. I didn't think it would take me much time to complete it.

Complete it by today, okay! YOU MUST!, of course I can be a little bit needy and selfish right? Okay, wait for my next message! ♡

I couldn't stop smiling while reading her request. I grabbed the book and started reading it.

In short, this book tells a story about two terminally ill person, that don't want to spend the rest of their life inside a hospital, so they went to steal random cars, go around the city and do a few things that they have been dreaming of for the next few days. It was a tearjerker actually.

While reading this book I can feel her presence beside me, as if she was there looking at me reading this book, eagerly waiting for my reaction after reading it.

After done reading it, I smiled and talked to myself

"It was good, but no way you are going to do something like this right? Hahaha''

2 Hours have passed since. I opened my smartphone and I didn't see any new messages from her.

"Not yet I guess.." My body suddenly gave me signs that I haven't eaten anything yet since morning.

"I guess I'm grabbing food next" After returning the book, I walked back to my bike, then I felt a little vibrate from my pockets.

A new message from her.

So? It's fun right? Do you know I actually try to learn how to hotwire a car, because of this book?

Really? This girl…

But yeah, I don't think I have the right skill set for it… haha. You haven't eaten right?

Is she an Esper?

How about going there? My favorite place, Pasta House, our first date location.

Right, it should be close by. I won't read further, so I just started riding my bike there.

"A table for one?"

"Yeah"

"Okay." As she guided me to my table, I saw the table that we used to sit on our first date. Beside the window "Can I sit there instead?"

"Sure."

I sat there and started looking at the menu. After some time, I ordered Carbonara, her favorite. I prefer Aglio.

"Please wait for your order, thank you"

I continue reading the message.

Carbonara? Aglio?

Carbonara

Whatever it is, no problem. While typing this message I kept remembering our first date at this restaurant. I never expected myself to have a boyfriend. I mean, knowing my own condition…

Don't talk like that..

But, that time you still didn't know my condition. I don't have the courage to tell you, i'm afraid you are going to leave me if you know it, I know it really selfish of myself not telling you… but…

No… I don't care…

I'm sorry

Don't… apologize, I don't care about that, I just want to see you happy.

This moment, it was hard for me to keep reading, my throat felt swollen from everything, but I just kept pushing myself to read.

Don't cry…

This was her next message.

Don't make a fuss at a restaurant, remember you have a ugly crying face.

I smiled a little bit.

Our first date here might be one of my favorite moments of my life, we don't talk about anything important but in the end I'm happy that finally I can find someone who I know truly cares about me. You also introduced me to your friends, the first time I really had a friend.

I always avoid people because of my condition. I'm afraid of hurting their feelings, but you made me realize it's not about hurting their feelings when my time comes, but about the moments that we spent together.

For unknown reasons the message stopped here.

"Is this her last message?", at the same time my food arrived. I looked at it, it looked really good, then I saw an empty seat across from me. I can feel her presence here, was she watching me eating? I hope she eats well up there.

As soon as I started to eat, I received another message, but this time it was not only a text message, but a few photos with a message, you can also schedule a photo message apparently.

The first photo was our first date. Here, I could see a little bit of sauce on her lips there.

I swear, I'm really embarrassed looking at this photo again, that sauce, how can I not realize it. But it also one of my favorite photo, our first date.. nothing can replace that.

The second photo is her birthday celebration party. Me and my few friends celebrate her birthday inside of a karaoke booth. I could see her trying to sing in this photo.

This is the first time I actually celebrated a birthday not with my parents. My whole life has always been with my parents, it's not that I'm not happy about that, but this is something I never thought I could experience. I'm really happy here, I really shy to sing that time, but I'm happy when you guys cheer for me.

You singing isn't that bad also, just remember to take a breath, haha

While eating my food, I started remembering more about us.

The third photo was a photo from a photobooth, if I remember correctly this was when we watched a horror film. I was sure she was really scared.

This… because of this film, I couldn't sleep well for few weeks

Oh yeah, this was also the moment where she kept calling me at random times at midnight, where she asked me to keep her company while she tried to sleep.

You helped me sleep back then, but… you need to fix your sleep schedule!

That, I can't promise.

Then, the last photo, a photo of me, her and her family at the local aquarium.

This photo, my parents really like you, they are the best parents that I could ever asked for, for the last few weeks I keep crying, thinking that i'm going to leave them. I can hear my mom cry behind my room wall, my dad also… I know he just trying to look tough. Sometimes I have a thought that maybe I should not exist in the first place, rather than giving them this kind of memories.

No… You are their most precious child, I bet they don't have any regrets being your parents.

This is also the moment you knew about my condition, right?

That's right, but it wasn't her that told me about it.

"Son, what makes you like my daughter?"Both of us were waiting for her and her mom from the toilet.

"She's really cute." I answer directly without any hesitation.

One of his eyebrows raised, and this time with her voice volume getting louder "Oh.. so just because of her looks?"

I did this intentionally, I wanna see his reaction.

"Haha.. Not only that. For me she is the kind of person that keeps emitting a positive aura around her right?"

He looks more relaxed now "Yes, yes"

"Hmm… She can even forget about herself when helping other people, sometimes she is just too good and kind for her own sake."

"HAHAHA"He laughed, then slapped my back really hard "I understand that very well son...." Then suddenly he stopped laughing "But you know where your head is going when you make her sad right?"

"Yeah, yeah, my butt."

After that conversation, both of them came back from the toilet, and on our journey back to their home, they gave me a ride.

"I think it's time for him to know…" On the road, suddenly her father talked.

Her mother just kept silent, but she started holding my hand tightly. "Son, we got something to tell you."

I didn't really know what I was going to hear at that time, but looking at the mood, it was definitely not something good.

"How long have you been with her now?"

"Almost 2 years, right?" I responded while looking at her.

"2 years, I guess you're ready."

"Yeah?" I can feel the air pressure getting heavier inside the car.

"To be honest, son, your girl, she… got a condition, and her life isn't that long.."

I couldn't really convey how I felt hearing that statement, is that a joke? Why so sudden? Am I dreaming? I didn't response

"I'm sorry, I never told you…"She started holding my hand more tightly, and started to cry a little bit.

"Forgive her, she can't tell you because she couldn't do it… She's afraid that you are going to leave her if you know, but as her parents, and you as her boyfriend, you have the right to know…" I can hear his voice shake a little bit. "We understand fully if you want to stop this relationship after hearing this, it's unfair for you to have this kind of experience this early."

I understand what they are trying to say, but my brain is also busy processing everything.

"How long? How much time is left?"I asked.

He didn't answer.

"1.5 years, at most" This time it was her answering.

I just sat there silently, she was still crying, at the same time she loosened her hand a little bit, but this time I grabbed it back.

"No.. we will be together, until the end, screw that feeling."

She didn't respond, but I can sense her getting more relaxed.

"Thanks son." That journey might be the longest journey all of us ever had.

My parents never really agree of me having a relationship, not because they over protective of me, but they know that I will leave that person early that I can leave a really deep scar, but you know how selfish I am, so I can force them and pressuring them to accept you, because I believe in you that you will accept me… and for that, im thankful…

Of course I will always accept you. At this moment It was really hard for me to keep eating, but I didn't want to waste it, so I kept forcing myself to eat, and continued reading the message.

I'm sorry if I make you hard to eat, that's alright take your time.

Idiot…. After reading that, I stopped reading the message, and focused on eating my meal.

I hope you are done with your meal, now, what can I ask you this time….

How about… karaoke?

Huh? Karaoke? Me alone?

Yes, alone, that's alright, I want you to sing a few of my favorite songs, while remembering me.

What a weird request.

You know the karaoke place where we celebrate my birthday? That place should be perfect, I'm waiting for you there! ♡

I think this is the last message from her this time. I guess I'm going to the karaoke now. After paying for my food, I saw the clock on my phone that already showed around 3 P.M, I think I spent too much time here.

On the road, I started remembering how I tried to invite all my friends in this city to help me celebrate her birthday. It was actually pretty hard helping them to empty their schedule and for whatever miracle all of us made it.

Earlier I was actually worried she couldn't blend in with my friends, but that worries went away when my best friend started singing with stupid sound and made everyone laugh.

"What an idiot…" I laughed a little remembering that moment.

Arriving at the karaoke, I started to rent a room. Because I didn't really know how long I would be here, I just rented room without fixed duration.

Nothing has really changed here since last time. I really like music. but singing? Far from it.

When I went inside my room, and started to sit, I felt a little bit stupid being here alone, I looked around a little bit, I started remembering a little bit about her singing here.

Turning on the television and looking at the list of the songs, I realized I didn't really know what song I should sing. I know she likes a lot of songs, but which one should I choose?

While busy browsing the list of the songs, I receive another message, but this time again, not a text, but a voice message.

You can even schedule a voice message, she really tried everything.

I started playing it.

Hey hey, miss my voice?

Of course you idiot, it's been a while since the last time I heard her happy voice, listening to it actually made my stomach hurt a little bit, on the other hand I'm happy I can hear her again.

So, already inside the karaoke? Okay, the first song I want you to sing is, Cupid, by Fifty-fifty.

Huh? I know this song, pretty popular, started looking for that song, and when I tried to start it, the voice messages continued.

Wait! Before that, there will be new voice messages, play that together with the song.

She also wants to sing huh? This girl.

Then I receive a new voice message, and as her wish, I play it together with the karaoke song.

♪ La, la, la, la-la-la ♪

♪La, la-la-la, la, la-la-la ♪

I can hear her singing, the timing a little bit off, but I can bear with it.

♪ I'm feelin' lonely (Lonely) ♪

♪ Oh, I wish I'd find a lover that could hold me (Hold me) ♪

To be honest, I didn't want to sing, I just wanted to hear her voice, but, I'm sure she wanted me to sing along, so I started to sing along with her.

♪ Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real (I'm a fool) ♪

♪Cupid is so dumb (A fool for love, a fool for love) ♪

Ah!! I love this song so much, it kinda reminds me of moments where I'm still alone, hahaha, so? You sing along right?

Yeah I did.

Alright, next song!

How many songs will we sing together? I received more voice messages from her, and I tried my best to sing along with her.

Then on the ninth song.

♪Let's fall in love for the night♪

♪And forget in the mornin'♪

This, Let's fall in Love for the Night by Finneas, one of my favorite songs.

Ignoring the reason why she chose this song, I started to sing along.

♪'Cause I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid♪

♪Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise♪

♪I know better, I know better♪

♪I know better than to ever call you mine♪

This is one of your favorite songs right? It's unfair for us if we keep singing my favorite songs, so I include one for you. Well, I actually also really like this song. The lyrics are a little bit harsh though. Anyway, I think the next one is the last song, a song that represents what kind of life I would actually want if I never had this condition.

Don't say something like that, I didn't care how short we spent time together, the most important thing was that I have you.

The longer I sing, the more emotions flow into my head, like a dam with a crack and overflowing with water. I didn't know how long and how strong am I going to keep holding everything.

Then the next voice message arrived.

I play it.

♪I met you in the dark, you lit me up♪

♪You made me feel as though I was enough♪

♪We danced the night away, we drank too much♪

♪I held your hair back when you were throwin' up♪

...

♪Just say you won't let go♪

♪Just say you won't let go♪

…

♪I'm so in love with you and I hope you know♪

♪Darlin', your love is more than worth its weight in gold♪

♪We've come so far, my dear, look how we've grown♪

♪And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old♪

…

♪Just say you won't let go♪

♪Just say you won't let go♪

♪Just say you won't let go♪

♪Oh, just say you won't let go♪

Say you Won't Let Go by James Arthur, of course.

Fiuh..! I'm tired of singing a lot of songs, you sing along right? No skip!

Of course, how can I refuse you?

Alright, because I'm already tired of singing, next message will be back to the text, and you can leave the karaoke now, our session is done, and I hope you enjoy it.

I was actually surprised that I enjoyed it a little bit, even though I was alone, or not. She had a lot of ideas.

Placing my mic back on the table, I left the karaoke booth and paid for my session. Outside of the building, I realize the sky is getting darker. It's almost past 5 P.M now.

I sit on the top of my bike for a little while, waiting for the next message, not long after that, I receive it.

I bet you are waiting for me, haha.

Oh how I wish I could pinch those cheeks now.

Next, no need to worry, this is the last place.

For some reason, I didn't want this to end, I wanted to keep her message.

Last place, of course, that special bench, you know right?

Of course, but it is pretty far from her, I hope I can reach there before the next message.

I know the distance is pretty far from you right now, take your time riding, don't speed! Wait for my next message, okay? ♡

On the road again, I started to look a little bit more about this city, it was a small city, there were not many tourist attractions here, but for some reason she really loves this city.

I never really cared about this city, the only reason I lived here was because of my jobs, and my best friend also lived here.

But since then, I started to love this city, but right now, I didn't know. I feel like I'm just gonna keep torture myself staying in this city longer.

Maybe after almost an hour of riding I arrived at the bench, and sat there. I remembered last month when we sat here together for the last time.

My phone vibrates again.

Have you arrived? I hope you weren't speeding, remember I can see you and everything you do up here now!

You can still crank a joke huh.

Remember how we ended up finding this bench?

Yeah, it was because I took a wrong turn when we got back from our date, and ended up here.

You took a wrong turn and we ended up on the top of this cliff, but after seeing its view, we decided to find a place to sit and we found this bench. I feel that it is so romantic, especially the views, so pretty.

For that, she wasn't wrong, I was still amazed at how beautiful this view was, especially at night.

This… also our first kiss place right?

I was getting a little bit flustered remembering that moment, but yeah.

Once again, I never expected in my short life I could experience that kind of moment. I'm so happy.

Every sentence that I read this time, the more emotion that keeps flowing and stacking behind my already cracked dam. I felt like I wanted to puke to be honest.

Are you still holding your crying?

Yeah…

Is it hard? I'm sorry

No, I already promised you this.

Do you still remember the last time we were here?

Of course, the last moment of us being together as a normal couple.

We sat here silently for hours, waiting for the sunset, waiting for the views.

Your head leaning against my chest

I can actually hear your heart beating that time, I don't know why it sounds a little bit faster than it normally does.

Of course, idiot. This is our last date.

Still remember that conversation?

"Thank you…", Yes, you started saying this after a long period of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being with me all this time, even after knowing my condition.."I didn't respond, my throat felt swollen hearing her.

"It hurt…" She spoke again, I panicked a little bit.

"Heh? Do you need me to bring you to the hospital now?"

"No… not that kind of feeling, but my chest… it hurt so much thinking about this moment, about us"I kept silent. She looked at me now, her eyes full of tears.

She put her head against my chest again, I can hear her saying something faintly.

"I don't want to die…"

It broke me, she started crying, I tried to hold it, I didn't want to make any sound, just hugging her, trying to comfort her.

What can I say at that moment? There won't be a miracle, it was a reality, a painful reality. I just sat there silently hugging her.

Remembering that moment made me suffocate, I can feel my dam getting more cracked, I didn't know how long I could hold it, but I kept reading.

There I express my greatest wish, what a selfish person am I right? Saying something like that to you.

No, nothing wrong for wanting to keep alive, nothing wrong from that.

I'm sorry for forcing you to not cry for me. Next message will be my last message and also my last wish for you.

Not 10 seconds passed by after I read that, a new message came, a photo and a voice message.

This photo was the photo of both of us here on the bench, with the city view as the background and our faces a little bit messy because we just stopped crying but we still did our best to smile.

My hand shaking trying to play the last voice message, I know this will be the last message from her.

I pressed play

Once again, and for the last time, thanks for being with me until the end, even after I'm gone.

I can't express how much happiness I got for being your girlfriend all this time, meeting you for the first time, knowing you, being your girlfriend, having a first kiss with you, then staying by my side until the end.

You have a long life ahead of you, I don't want you to forget about me, but keep going, don't stop because of losing me.

This is my last wish now, right now, here, you can cry for me now, let it go… You have done your best for me

I Love You….

I cried, and cried, and kept crying, everything that has been burdened me since that day just exploded inside my head. Suddenly I started walking beside the cliff fence and started screaming loudly.

I don't know how long I was there, crying. After a few moments, when I felt a little bit calmer, I realized I cried for more than 5 minutes, letting all my emotions go.

I sat back on the bench, trying to calm myself now, and wipe all my tears.

"You alright there?" Suddenly I hear a really familiar voice behind me.

"Huh? What are you doing here?" Still trying to calm myself, I saw my best friend standing behind me, and then sat beside me.

"So, what happened? Why did you start crying here now?"

I started telling him what happened to me today.

"I see.. even being up there, she can still pull this kind of things" I can hear him laugh a little

"Yeah, I love her so much" I also laughed a little bit, "Then why you here?"

He showed me his phone screen, a message from her.

Hey, I know this is sudden and weird, but this is a scheduled message you read now. I have a favor to ask from you, can you go to this place around 7? I bet he must be there at that time, and try not to contact him.. please! I just want to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid there.

"She even already use you as part of her plan huh"

"Your girl sometimes can be a pain in the butt" He joked, "But, im happy you alright now, and not doing anything stupid"

"Shut up, I'm not that stupid."

After that we stopped talking, and just looking a city views for around 10 minutes

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, thanks to her, I guess I already let everything out now, I will keep her last wish from now."

"I see, so, what's your plan now?"

I just sat there silently for a little while

"Your offer? Still up?"

He looked at me, and smiled a little bit.