Laigah

[Hell, the first circle of Apathy, Laigah]

There was a young woman sitting in a room with a table and a chair, and a single candle. She was holding a knife in her hand, and the candlelight illuminated the room. She looked at me the same, but I can't remember.

She looked at me. She wasn't afraid of me.

She wasn't afraid.

But she wasn't scared of me. She didn't look scared of me. But I don't care. I'm here because-

I don't know...

"I don't know..."

She looked at me, her eyes looking at me, not moving, not blinking. She just sat there. Her body didn't move. Her expression blank like that of a statue.

"Why am I here?"

I asked her, the words leaving my lips, sounding distant and cold, hollow and empty, lifeless and dull. But she didn't answer me.

"Who are you?"

I asked her, and she didn't respond.

"What's going on?" Frankly, I didn't care very much. I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to be here anymore.

"Where am I?"

"Where am I?" I repeated.

I couldn't feel a sense of unease wash over me. I was calm. I felt calm. But I wasn't comfortable.

"Are you okay?"

The woman finally spoke. She seemed worried.

"Yeah. So, can you answer my question?"

She nodded her head, her long, flowing, curly, shiny hair swaying behind her.

"Of course."

She was the only person that I saw. Speaking of; I took note that there was no door within this room. I'd call it weird, but then again, I've seen and heard and felt a lot of strange things.

"Well, what's going on? Why am I here?"

"I don't know. Do you not remember anything?"

"Nothing at all."

"I see."

"So, is there anything you want to ask me?"

"Why did I come here?"

"You're in hell." She said?

"Are you sure? Is this a joke?"

"No, it's not."

"How can this be hell? Rather, how can I be in hell?"

"You were judged by God and found wanting. So, you're in hell."

"So, God decided to make me go through this hell?"

"Yes, he judged you by his own will. It doesn't matter how he judged you. That's why you're here." her voice was rather, unnaturally calm and monotonous.

"God has his own reasons, and you must respect him for it. There is nothing more he can do to you than what he has done." Yet again, her voice sounded like that of a machine.

"So, what happens now?" I asked.

"I don't know. What happens now?" She budged her eyebrows.

"Do I have a body?"

"No."

"Do you have a body?"

"No."

"I'm going to ask you again. Do we have a body?"

"No."

"So, what am I?"

"You are a spirit."

"Why can't I see my body?"

"Because you don't have one."

"I see. So, what is hells punishment anyway?"

"It's up to God to decide the punishment."

"I see. I don't see. So, is there a time limit?"

"God is the only one who can answer that."

"Okay. How am I supposed to interact with god? Am I supposed to pray or something?"

"I don't know. I can't tell you. God will talk to you eventually."

"So, what's going to happen to me now?"

"I don't know."

"Can you tell me more about myself?"

"No."

"Well, okay then. So, are you going to be here for the rest of my stay?"

"I don't know."

"What should I do, then?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure you can't tell me more about myself? Where do you get the information from?"

"It's God."

"I see. Can you please tell me something? Do you have a name?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. Please. Just tell me your name."

"I don't have a name."

"Okay, that's fine. Can you please tell me where I should go?"

"There's no point. We won't know where we are going until we get there. Plus, we can't even leave even if we wanted to."

This back-and-forth of ours went on for hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even years.

"So, if you don't know anything, then why did you try to help me? Why did you bother speaking with me?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know. It just came out of my mouth. I was bored."

"Bored? In hell? I'm here, and you're there, and we can't even see each other, let alone all we can do is talk to each other. And you were bored?" Well, frankly, I used to be able to see her. But it's more like she faded away from my vision, and now all I see is her spirit.

"Yeah."

"Can we see each other, then?"

"I don't know."

"Well, can we at least try?"

"We can try, but there's no guarantee it'll work, but, can you just stop talking for a while, then? It's getting annoying."

And now I truly believed, years had passed. Years of silence and talking. Years of waiting. Years of wondering.

"So, are you a spirit or an angel? And what exactly are you? Can you see God? Can you even communicate with Him? Why is it so difficult for me to find Him? And why can't I hear Him? Why can't I see Him? I've never heard of a being that can't speak or see God. Does He not want to speak with me? Or does He not exist at all?"

"I don't know. I'm not a spirit. I'm an angel."

"And you can't even hear God?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because God wants it that way."

And why is an Angel in hell? I didn't understand why an angel would be in hell. And it made no sense why God would leave a spirit or an angel in hell.

"Well, I think this is going to be a long time. How long have you been here?"

"I've been here for a long time. I've been here since the beginning. A long, excruciating, long time."

"Really? For how long?"

"Since the beginning. Since the day that humanity existed."

"What do you mean by that? The beginning of what?"

"Humanity."

"So, are you saying that you've been in this hell for centuries, or millennia, or longer?"

"Eons, maybe. As I see it, though, you'll be here with me for the rest of that time."

I see, I don't really care though.

"So, are there others here, too? Where are they? Do you know?"

"There's no way to know where they are. But they are somewhere else, probably."

"Then, can I ask you one more question?"

"Depends. What is it?"

"What is your name?"

She sighed, almost as if to vent out a non-existent emotion.

"My name is- is- is- is- is- is-" She had trouble pronouncing her own name. "It's, uh, it's- it's- it's- it's- it's-" She spoke, her voice sounded broken, almost like a record that had been scratched. Maybe she didn't even remember her own name? "Just call me- call me- call me- call me-"

"Call you what?"

"Call me- call me-"

"Call you what?"

"Call me- call me-"

"What do I call you?"

"Call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me-"

Her expression grew ever more stiff, she was moving and talking like a barbie doll. She was stuck on repeat.

"Calm down. Please."

"Call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me- call me-"

The knife in her hand; one that she'd apparently held for eons, was beginning to warp. The blade bent and curved, and the handle became distorted, like it was melting.

"Calm down."

She just stared at me, her face emotionless, her eyes lifeless. She just stood there, her body unmoving, her face blank. She just stared at me, her eyes empty and void. She just stared at me, her face devoid of any emotion.

"Calm down."

Her head began to tilt.

"Calm down."

She didn't move her body, but her head continued to tilt, and tilt, and tilt, and tilt, and tilt, and tilt, until her head was completely sideways, facing the ground.

"Calm down."

The knife was now a blob of metal and flesh, it had turned into a puddle, the shape of a knife that was once there now gone.

"Calm down."

Her body slumped, and she fell forward. She fell to the ground with a loud thump. The body, now limp, was now facing upwards, her mouth was open, and she was seemingly dead. She continued to stare at me through her death, her eyes wide and unblinking. Her face was completely blank, and her body was still.

"Calm down."

I was shocked, but I couldn't help but laugh.

"Wow. What a crazy woman."

The room began to fade.

"See you, next time."

I said, but no response. 

I began to fade, the room became darker, and darker, until I faded into the darkness.

The room became dark, and the room became colder. The candles, which had been lit moments ago, were now cold and dead. The air was thick, and it was hard to breathe. As if to consume me, this darkness pulled on my limbs. I had a body, after all.

It was the darkness that dragged me to this place. It was the darkness that led me here. It was the darkness that was keeping me here.

And, as if to make a statement, the darkness swallowed me, and continuing to pull my limbs with its darkness strings, I began to smile.

It was a wide, broad, toothy grin that was filled with the joy of the darkness, the coldness, and the quiet.

I was trapped, and I was helpless, and I was scared, but I couldn't help but smile. A champion of the trapped.

I began hopping around in the darkness; I had nothing to do but to look for something to entertain myself, as well as something to keep myself awake.

I couldn't see anything in this darkness, not even my hands in front of my face, let alone the ground.

But I only hopped and springed and skipped and jumped, and hopped and bounded and bounced and skipped and jigged and skittered and jived and trilled due to the darkness.

The darkness began to change, however, and it began to take on a life of its own. It began to speak, to form words and sentences.

Or rather, there was a man, perhaps he too, was bound to the darkness.

I felt my body do things outside of my control. I skipped and jumped and bounced and skittered, but I knew it was not of my doing.

My body moved on its own, and soon I was dancing. It was a dance of joy and excitement, a dance that was a mix of celebration and revelry and abandonment and freedom and hope and excitement and celebration.

I saw a man.