Chapter - 5

I said it, I said it, I said it.

I told my senior that I liked him.

I told him!

"I'm out of time, so I'll ask you to answer later."

Even though I said that and walked out with a relaxed face.

My heart is already pounding. It feels like it's going to burst at any moment.

I can feel my face getting hot.

I'm begging you to cool down, cool down, cool down, but it's not happening.

You take a deep breath or run your hands through your hair to try to calm yourself down.

I'll even try sighing languidly and looking out the window.

I'm pretending to be calm, but it's clear from my shaking shoulders that I'm not calm at all.

Your breathing is still a little ragged.

This is the first time I've been this nervous since entering college.

I can't help it if I say that I can't help it because it's my first time asking a guy out.

No matter how different I look around me, I'm still a high school student at heart.

Or maybe even a middle schooler, considering my dating experience is zero.

The confession I've been waiting for...I practiced hard in front of the mirror on the eve of the wedding, but it's still hard to do.

I'd rather just borrow a dictionary and go back to flipping helpless worms.

The dictionary was just an excuse, and I actually have one.

I brought it up to confess.

If he backed down from that, he would have been in tears at his own pathetic state.

I'd call that an end to phase one.

Just the fact that I was able to pour my heart out to a senior who seems to be oblivious to other people's feelings is a good outcome.

This way, even if he doesn't like it, he'll care about me.

I had heard rumors that my senior had someone in mind for me since shortly after we met.

At first, I was relatively indifferent, saying, "Hmph, that kind of guy."

I wasn't interested in love stories yet.

Once I couldn't stay indifferent, I started to care about who the "right one" was.

Rumors were famous, so I could find out who it was just by asking my friends a little bit.

Kurumi Ayase, a senior in the third class, a class apart from you.

Long, dark, flowing hair, and a tall stature. She is a member of the archery club and has a lively and cheerful personality underneath her stern demeanor.

Her well-developed, uneven, specimen-like body was the center of attention from both men and women.

Some of my friends said they "admired" him, but I was more jealous than envious.

I was always treated as an "alien" and my body never grew.

How many times have I been hurt by people saying, "You're a foreigner, why are you growing so slowly?"

When I was walking around in casual clothes, I was told outrageous things like, "That kid, he must be in 6th grade," or "Foreigners look older, he must be under 10 years old."

I can't tell you the humiliation of being thought "childish" by men in your classmates who look like children.

Ayase-senpai, who never experienced that and would have been looked down upon.

I was tormented by double envy, wondering why such a person would be by his side.

Just as there was a time when I thought I was "that guy" myself, he's not a student who stands out that much.

He's not that good at sports or grades, and he doesn't have a great appearance or personality, so he's not a pure attention getter.

The only thing that comes to mind when talking about Ayase-senpai is the word "idiot."

He's like parsley added to a dish.

Yet Ayase-senpai sticks to him, eats lunch with him, and walks to and from school with him.

They say "ah, ah, ah" and walk hand-in-hand, and they're like a silly couple.

What made me feel troubled was that I couldn't help but think that such a sight was someone else's business.

It's because I opened my eyes to the flavor of parsley.

It wasn't a very dramatic relationship.

Throughout the uneventful process, I was in love.

He came to the library often.

Our high school has a decent-sized library that's attached to the school, and we have a rotating schedule, but it's basically the library board.

So I got to see him a few times, and it became a natural thing to talk to him.

I had an ingrained suspicion of men; they love to be looked down upon.

I've heard the words "cute" and "pretty" from my same-sex friends, and I have no resistance to accepting them as compliments, even if I do feel a bit self-conscious, like I'm looking at a pet.

But if there's an unpleasant curiosity creeping in, like they're trying to tame a strange beast or something, I'm not inclined to respond.

I guess I'm just a conquering kind of guy.

In addition to the fact that I'm blond and blue-eyed, which still triggers the Japanese complex, my immature body makes me look young.

It's not that I'm not interested in relationships.

It's just that there wasn't anyone I felt like I wanted to be with.

That's why, of course, I didn't have a crush on my seniors at first.

I once gave a very blunt answer without letting my guard down.

Some people here might get angry or intimidated, but you took it lightly.

I've been blatantly snarky a few times, just to see if I was being obtuse.

But he didn't let it bother him, and when he picked up a book from a high place, he didn't seem to be embarrassed or intentional about it.

He didn't even mind my little voice, which wasn't used to saying hello to boys.

I'm sure it's gotten better from there.

I had a vague feeling that I was asking for the opposite sex to treat me like a normal friend... instead of just noticing a place in me that was only a part of me, like my curly blonde hair or blue eyes.

Or rather, he was.

Strangely, my body stiffened when he showed natural gentleness or consideration, or the occasional joke.

A shell of invisibility covering my body---a mental defense against curious glances or unpleasant words.

I tend to let it wrap around me in interpersonal relationships, but every time I talk to him, I'm conscious of the shell's existence and think I need to "thicken it up a bit," maybe a little too much.

I feel like if I don't, my "stuff" will overflow and spill out....

For some reason, it became very difficult to breathe.

There were times when I thought I should just ignore them.

If I ignore them, they won't bother me.

But every time they spoke to me, I found myself unable to resist responding.

I couldn't ignore them, no matter how hard I tried.

In fact, I probably reinforced my shell because I didn't want to be ignored.

Stubbornly with dark clouds.

And.

When I saw the moment that an impeccable person called Ayase-senpai was accompanying him.

I decided to give up.

Not him, not to keep putting on the shell.

Maybe he's noticing the shells I'm piling up.

He never tries to break them.

I think he's just looking at me, the shell.

But I don't.

Seeing Ayase-senpai leading his hand while smiling happily.

I wish I could stand in that position no matter what.

──I hated myself for stiffening up just because he was talking to me and not having anything to say from my side.

──I hated the fact that if I saw him in the hallway, I wouldn't be able to do more than say hello and walk past him.

I don't really know the person.

So I decided to come out of my shell to get to know him better.

Maybe that means becoming a woman who can't live without him.

I can't help but want to show him the real me.

When I heard from Ayase Kurumi's own mouth that she wasn't exactly dating you, I had to fight down the feeling of wanting to jump up and down.

Kurumi's just a childhood friend, not really in a relationship──

Hearing myself say that to someone else in the library, I finally caught myself.

Even if you and Kurumi Ayase were indeed dating, I was prepared to take it to the bank.

After this and that, it was time for lunch.

I'm still not confident enough to say I love you..., but I rush to my senior's classroom anyway.

I just feel sorry for Compass's short legs right now.

"Wow, it's here! The underclassman from Masung!"

As I enter, I become the center of attention.

"You're so confident, with those eyes. It's like a child actor in a movie."

"I can't believe a little kid like this can steal a man."

"The world ended when Yohei the idiot became popular..."

It seems that the topic of me has been buzzing ever since the confession break.

I've even gotten some pretty awesome nicknames, like "Horseman of Plundered Love" and "Slender Thief Cat".

I'm not particularly bothered by comments from anyone other than my seniors.

"But if your opponent is stronger than Ayase in the third class, you won't be able to fight him..."

"Well, they're not the same type. There's no telling how this match will turn out!"

This is the posture of a girl in love who rushes towards you without even looking away.

She walks fast and often. The senior is sitting in his chair, feeling exhausted.

He seems to be very upset.

"There. Araki. I'm sorry, but I'm..."

"Senpai!"

You suddenly stop yourself from opening your mouth to say no.

Breaking off early is the worst pattern.

You have to put some space between you and her until she pulls away.

"Uh, why?"

You ask the reflexive question out loud.

To her panicked face.

Everyone in the classroom vomiting up their rice with a loud "poof". It's dirty.

"What...?"

Even the seniors have faces like dolls made of clay. It's a little unexpected.

I can't believe how surprised I was to be asked for a hug in front of so many people.

I might have said it a little differently due to nervousness, but the nuances were clearly conveyed, right?

"Can't ...?"

"That's not..., usually..."

You sound surprised and like you're talking about someone else's work.

"Okay, that's it. Let me hold your hand instead."

This is a tactic that utilizes the so-called "door-in-the-face" psychological technique, where you make a big demand, get them to say no, and then give in and make a small demand, and they'll comply. I did it, but it's perfect.

Grab the senior's outstretched hand with just two hands, sandwiching it between your own.

The feel of our bare skin against each other...Hoo hoo, a little intimacy.

It's time for her to come too.

Now──let's go for the victory.