-we can play go together-

The Bamboo House

I get inside the house with the darkness around me, no lights, no sound. Where's everybody? My head is running round and round about what Serena has said to me. I step inside without a care of the dark. I walk straight toward my room, and there's something different in the garden. It's decorated more colorfully, and there are a couple of lanterns hanging up with branches of the trees.

And suddenly, the orange light, like a candle flowing around my back, creates a shadow of my body on the floor.

I turn my back slowly and see Mr. Kaiza carrying the cake towards me.

"Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthhhhdayyy, Happy Birthday Happy birthday to you.."

And there's a harmonious sound behind my back. I turn to see the Takaki men standing, singing the song with the old man standing in the middle.

"Wooooo."

And they all scream.

"Clap!!!"

And clap for me at the same time.

"Happy Birthday, Zephyra."

Mr. Kaiza.

How can someone fake all of this to me? 

"You can blow the candles."

He says.

"...phoo."

I blow the candles out.

The light then turned on again, and I could see the man in front of me clearly.

"..."

"Thank you, Mr. Kaiza."

"Thank you, Mr. Saya, and thank you, all of you."

And I turn my body back to more than 50 men and bow to them. And the men in suits hurriedly bow back.

I didn't get a cake or a birthday wish from anyone before except my mother, but now I get more than 50 people at once. 

"Let's celebrate at the Gather, everyone."

Mr. Saya speaks up.

"Yes, sir!"

"..."

"You kicked me out today for this?"

I ask Mr. Kaiza.

"Forgive me."

"..."

I look down at the floor. I don't know what to think, and I don't know what to feel.

"Are you mad, Zephyra?"

"No...It's just overwhelming."

I look up at him and smile.

After the celebration, I ate so well, even though my mind was a mess. The delicious food really helped bring up my mood. The cake was yummy, and the performance of the Takaki men was unexpectedly amusing and amazing. 

I go back to my room and wash myself, repeating the thoughts in my head. To clear and stop thinking about it is just to go through it.

I wear my pajamas in a thin black dress and put another thin long-sleeve cover over them. I walk across the fountain garden, and I still hear the crowd noise in the Gather zone. I try to step over the dim light in the garden.

Hmm, I smell the smoke, the gardenia smoke. It's similar.

"Zephyra?"

"Mr. Kaiza?"

"What are you doing out here?... in those clothes."

He asks and observes my body.

"To see you."

"..."

And his face is a bit stunned.

"Can I talk with you for a minute?"

"Yes..."

"Can we talk in your room?"

"...I think we can talk here."

He's hesitated. 

"Um...then about my room?"

"!!"

Is he blushing? I can see that even under the dim light, and he quickly covers his face.

"How about the living room? We can play go together."

I offer another option.

"Living room? "

His eyes are all over me again.

What is he thinking? Why can't we just go anywhere?

"Or you're busy? It's okay then, I'll go ba..."

"!!"

He grabs my wrist and takes me across the garden without saying anything.

We are on the balcony of his room. He slides the door and steps aside for me to go in first. I walk in and look around the room. It isn't decorated with anything—nothing on the wall or carpet on the floor. There's his desk for work, a couch for one person, and two hanging lamps in both corners around his bed.

"Thug."

And then he takes himself inside and slides to close the door.

I turn to see him. He's already laying eyes on me. He's stepping closer while pushing his fallen hair back from his face. I see his red eyes so clearly in the middle of the shadow.

"Hm?"

"...Go?"

He asks.

"..."

I nod.

Why do I feel so awkward all of a sudden?

"Wait for a moment."

He tells me, then takes out the mat, lays it on the floor, and brings out the go board, which he puts in the center of the soft mat.

He's about to sit, so I sit across from him. He puts each bowl of the white and black on the mat.

We glance back at each other's hands for five minutes in silence. Then I realized we hadn't had any conversation since the play started.

"What do you want to talk with me about?"

And he steals my thoughts first.

"...Thank you for the birthday surprise."

"...You already thank me."

"I know, but.. I was a bit surprised and...I just wanted to say I feel appreciated, truly."

I glance at him.

"My pleasure."

He looks at me with his sweet eyes.

"And for everything as well, you have done so much for me, and I don't know how to repay you or express my gratitude to you."

"..."

"The house...the name...and the place for me to stay…"

I can feel his eyes on me.

Then, all my emotions toward him have spoken out, and the thoughts of doubting him are fading away from me. Still, I want to get to know him more, not because of the doubt that I have.

but,

I look at the man in front of me. I love how he's watching me from far away. I love how those terrified eyes are staring straight back into mine. The intensity and the fire inside my body rush me to feel this way, to grab this man's attention, to touch and hold him more.

"What is it, Zephyra?"

He can't wait for me to reveal what I am thinking.

"I know that I told you I don't want to be involved in your business."

But if his business is a part of him, I want to be in it.

"I want to change that thought."

"?"

"Can I say it directly?"

"Yes."

"I want to be a part of that."

"In my business?"

"A part of you. I want to know more...about you."

"!!"

His hand stops while putting the black go on the board. 

"I mean, you know a lot about me, my past, my life, my dream...but I don't know anything about you. To be honest, I wanted to be that way, but...I don't know why, Mr. Kaiza...I don't want that anymore..."

"..."

"Zephyra, I think you're wrong. I don't know anything about you at all. I know you only at the surface level, your background. Even as I look at you right now, I still don't know what you are thinking, what you want or... what your plan is next, and when you will be gone."

"..gone?"

"Because I don't know what you are thinking and feeling. And if you don't feel comfortable enough or want to leave this place or leave me...you'll be able to do that easily."

"..."

"You don't like that kind of...darkness. It's dangerous..."

He continues.

"Dangerous for me? I think I can handle that."

"But I can't. If something happens to you, I won't be able to...and not just that, if you see something… some part of me that you disgust..."

"..."

"Then I'll be responsible for my feelings...because I ask for it, I'll handle it myself."

I answer.

"..."

I raise my hand to touch his hand gently.

"And Mr. Kaiza, no one is perfect. There's no black-and-white side like Go. Everything is mixed up. And someday you see some ugly part of me you might disgust as well."

"!!"

Then, all of a sudden, he grabs my hand and pulls me in his arms.

"That's impossible...there's no way I would feel that way to you."

He says softly in his low voice.

"Please, can I be a part of that?"

I ask him again.

"..."

Then, I push myself away a little to look at his face for an answer.

"I can't?"

"...Yes, you can."

His left hand is on my waist, holding me and pulling me in, while his right hand holds my left cheek and touches it softly. 

"I want to be a part of you too…"

He tells me, and he moves his right hand down and uses his thumb to touch my lips.

"I want to be in every part of your life. I want to know every side of you, the real you."

He moves his face closer to the side and talks to me while his lips slightly touch my lips.

"..."

I watch his lips move, and finally, his lips touch mine. He pushes his bottom lip in between to open up my mouth a little, and he kisses me gently and harder.

The gardenia smell passes through my tongue, and it is sweet. A sweet smoke.