Chapter 10: THE KISS OF DEATH AND AN OMELETTE TO GO WITH

For the first quarter of the year; Ack, Brent, Kong and I were inseparable. We spent our times drinking at Kong's, smoking weed, and listening to Kong's stepdad ramble about nonsense, all to the backdrop of throwback Dad Rock.

The night wasn't complete without heading down to the local gas station at 2am and ordering pies from the night pay window. I hadn't hitch hiked in a long while, perhaps the gigantic fuck around that had been the Keri mish had put me off.

As far as other aspects of my life; I had finished course and found a job at a local cafe. I had worked there for all of a month before I had the balls to steal the whipped cream canisters, some call those canisters Nos.

It was a last minute choice, I was on closing and it was only me there, I knew I had a backpack so I decided to chuck a couple boxes of nos canisters into my backpack as I knelt behind the counter.

The cafe I worked at was part of the local hardware store. I would watch guys I had seen in the high school halls walking around shopping for materials for their jobs. And sometimes they'd get me to make a coffee and I'd pretend not to remember them, never fully looking them in the eye. 

They would then take their box of screws and their hot cup of coffee and walk themselves over to the car park where they would hop into their financed Utes. 

One thing to Mention was that Mercedes worked at the cafe with me. The chick that Brent and Kong and I had seen down at the local museum hanging out with crackheads twice her age. Although we didn't speak much, she was surprisingly good at her job and wasn't completely unbearable to be around.

I often began to wonder if I had made the right choice in leaving school. I thought this as I jammed a couple cream canister boxes inside my backpack, slung my bag over my shoulder and left at closing.

For the most part everyday was the same, I'd wake up, go to work, close at work, then head round to Kong's where Ack and Brent would already be with a couple cases of bourbon. The only difference this time was that I would have free reign to scab drinks as long as I kept the nos coming.

"You guys go ahead, I don't want any part in that bag of tricks." said Warick, Kong's stepdad.

Ack had secured us the cracker and balloons from the local vape shop and we set off on rotation cracking balloons and holding them until we were all ready.

"One..two..three..go." 

we heaved in and out, in and out, over and over, until we physically couldn't. I sank into my seat and began to feel my consciousness fall, I let my balloon go and it fizzled across the room. Brent and Kong had given up, in the same fuzzy daze that I was in, but Ack was still going hard. 

Nos only lasts about 30 seconds, and it seemed that Ack was still breathing in and out of his balloon well past the closure of my buzz.

His breathing wasn't the same as it had been when we were all starting the huff though, it had diminished in pace and his balloon was shrinking rapidly, his eyes lazy and glazed.

I tapped Ack's shin with my foot, "Easy there bro." 

Ack breathed in once more heavily, his balloon was pretty much deflated. He then dropped the balloon and began to dribble saliva but was still huffing. 

We all watched as Ack huffed air and his eyes began to flutter. Then I jumped to my feet and caught Ack as he fell forward and nearly domed himself on the edge of our drinking table.

"Shit! What do we do!?" I exclaimed, laying Ack onto my old seat.

 Ack's eyes were now shut, and his breathing was now shallow and harsh. I pried open his eyelids with my fingertips and noticed that his eyes were rolling into the back of his head.

"What's happening?" said Kong, taking a closer look at Ack.

I shoved Kong back, "Give him some air."

I grabbed hold of Ack's shoulder and began to shake him firmly, "You all good bro? Can you hear me?" 

He didn't respond, only his shallow breathing noting that he was still alive.

I grabbed Ack under his armpits, "Shit! Get him on the ground!" 

Brent cleared our cans from the space on the ground and Kong laid a pillow down for Ack's head. I lowered Ack onto the ground and began to look around.

The first thing I noticed was that Warick, Kong's stepdad, was enjoying an omelette made from Russel's eggs and had his music blaring so loud in his garage that he had no idea what was going down in the room just over. 

"Who remembers how to give CPR!?" I asked frantically. 

"CPR?" repeated Brent.

"Yeah, we learnt it in course!" I said again, watching Ack's breathing begin to flounder. "Fuck it!" I began giving Ack chest compressing without fully remembering how to. 

There have been two times I have regretted smoking weed, the first being my job interview, the next being my first aid course.

"That's 28 man, I think you blow into the mouth!" said Brent. 

I pinched Ack's nose, inhaled a lungful of air and bent down to breathe it in. But suddenly, Ack slapped me across the face and sat up with a dizzy glare. I toppled over and made some room for Ack. 

Ack rubbed his eyes, yawned, stretched and got up off the ground. "What's the haps?" 

Warick opened the garage door holding a half finished plate of omelette, he walked over to Brent and said, "This omelettes something else, you get us another dozen and I'll give you a handful of bud, how's that sound?" 

"Oush, can I have some eggs Warick?" asked Ack.

Warick was hard of hearing, "Sorry mate, I'm not into men. Why don't you ask Kong, he'd be happy to help you out."

"Fuck off, Ricky." said Kong, offering a can to the centre of us all.

Ack picked his can up from the table, as Did Brent and I, we cheers'd in a circle and skulled the last of our drinks. What better way to celebrate payday.

After another hour of yarning and drinking, Ack decided to leave for home, but Kong made him a bed on the couch.

All that was left was Kong, Brent and myself, Warick had gone inside to attend to Kong's mother, Janine. 

I ran my hands through my growing hair, "Getting sick of this hair aye." 

"Brent's really good at giving Haircuts, he sorted me out." said Kong, taking his hat off and rubbing his head.

I pointed at Kong, "He gave you that haircut?" 

"Yeah brother. Not bad aye?" said Kong, putting his hat back on.

I leaned up in my seat and took my shirt off, "Let's do it. If you do a good job, I'll pay you." I told Brent.

"Nah don't worry about that bro, got your back." said Brent as he turned to Kong, "Get me a towel and some scissors." 

"We don't have any hairdressing scissors," said Kong.

"Any scissors will do." replied Brent.

"Nah, fuck that." I started, grabbing for my shirt.

Brent grabbed my shoulders and shoved me back on my seat, "Trust the process, king." 

I paused, "Are you sure you can do this?" 

Brent sucked his teeth, "Don't worry bro, I gotchu." 

Kong came back with a towel and some paper scissors, Brent wrapped the damp towel around my shoulders and held the sides of my head, "What are we feeling like today?" 

"I want short back and sides." I replied, shifting about in my seat.

"C'mon man, everyone gets that haircut, how about we go for something with more style." said Brent.

"Like what?"

"I'll surprise you." said Brent, snipping a loch of my hair.

"Shit, man!" I jumped, "What kinda haircut are you gonna give me." 

"Just trust the process bro, you'll get so many bitches with his haircuts," said Kong.

I sat back in my seat, "Speaking from experience are ya Kong?"

"Hey, I've done it more times than you!" laughed Kong. 

"You guys have pretty much banged the same chicks." said Brent, snipping more hair off. 

Kong carefully watched Brent as he snipped away. I noticed from the feeling that Brent was only snipping the same spot. 

"Give me a damn mirror," I ordered.

"We don't have any." smirked Kong.

Brent snipped off more hair, then Kong raised to his feet, "Let me have a look at this shit." 

Kong joined Brent's side and they both erupted into laughter as they looked at the back of my hair. 

I jumped to my feet, picked the towel up and rubbed off my head. Then I rushed towards the bathroom and tried to look at the back of my head but couldn't. Then I felt the back of my head and felt a patch of bare skin. Long story short I had to get Kong's mum, Janine, clip the sides of my hair short. She had to do the sides skin bald and trim the top shorter, effectively giving me a crew cut. 

Kong's older sister came out of the house and said hi, then went back inside. Janine and her daughter chatted for a while and then Janine came back outside for a cigarette and told us all, "You should hear what Kirtsy(Kong's sister) said about Max."

"What?" asked Kong." 

"She said 'Fuck yeah, he's hot mum, and he's nice and tall and I bet he's got a dick like a donkey.'" Janine erupted in laughter.

I joined in on the laughter, as did Brent, all of us except Kong, he just sat there in agonising pain.