No Going Back

Coming out of the room, the party pulsed with laughter and the clinking of glasses, but my mind was very far from the festivities. The warm glow of the chandeliers did very little to comfort the icy grip of anxiety in my chest. My hands kept trembling continuously, my fingers curling and uncurling as if trying to grasp onto some sense of control.

And as guests started leaving, their laughter turning into a distant hum, I found my way to the balcony, badly seeking air and solitude.

I gripped the railing, staring down at the people below. Their faces blurred together, their voices a meaningless buzz. My thoughts were too loud, drowning everything else out. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. It was unsteady. And then, I suddenly felt something. A presence behind me, the unmistakable weight of someone standing close. My breath hitched. But I already knew who it was before he even spoke.

“We can’t keep this a secret forever, Jess.”

(Oh, not again).

I turned sharply. Don stood in the shadows, his expression tight with frustration, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. The dim lighting barely softened the hard edges of his face. His jaw was tense, his eyes dark and unreadable.

“Not here, Don. We have talked about this,” I hissed, glancing back to the people below, to the house and then back at him. My heart was racing, a warning siren blaring in my chest. His expression was clear of any emotions, eerily calm. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, and that scared me even more.

“We need to talk. Now,” he continued. His voice was low but firm, leaving no room for argument.

I exhaled sharply and nodded, knowing I had to have the same conversation all over again. He led me away from the balcony and away from the murmurs of the departing guests, toward one of the empty rooms. Every step felt heavier than the last. My heart pounded aspainfully, the walls around us closing in. I had spent the entire evening trying to avoid this conversation, but Don just wasn’t letting it go.

As soon as the door closed, he turned to me, his frustration rolling off him in wavesp.

“Jess, I can’t keep lying to Ray,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I see him every day, and it’s killing me.”

I pressed my hands to my temples, squeezing my eyes shut for a second.

“I know, Don. You think it’s easy for me?” My voice came out louder than I intended. I was exhausted and scared. I inhaled sharply, forcing myself to calm down. “I feel like I’m suffocating too, you know,” I added, my voice softer now.

Don ran a hand through his hair, his frustration obviously mounting. “Then let’s tell him,” he said. His voice was rising too, the room was growing thick with tension. “Before someone else figures it out. I think your mom already suspects that something’s off. She’s been watching you a lot, Jess. And Ray… he’s not stupid. He’ll put the pieces together soon.” he added.

I flinched at that. The thought of Ray finding out made my stomach twist. The weight of my secret pressed against my ribs like a disease.

“I just need more time, please,” I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper.

Don let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Time for what? Until your belly starts showing? Until someone forces the truth out of you?” he asked bitterly.

Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them back, refusing to let them fall.

“Don, please.”

The room fell into tense silence. He exhaled sharply, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “I just... I can’t do this anymore, Jess. I can’t.”

A sound outside the door made me freeze. A soft shuffle of footsteps.

Don heard it too. His eyes widened, and we both turned toward the door.

It swung open slowly.

Ray stood there, his face pale, his eyes wide with confusion.

“What the hell are you two talking about?” His voice was tight, controlled, but I could hear the cracks underneath.

My breath hitched.

“R...Ray,” I stammered, my voice failing me.

He stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. “No. No dodging. What’s going on?”

Don and I exchanged a glance. Mine was completely panicked. The walls felt like they were truly closing in now. My pulse roared in my ears, and my legs felt like they might give out.

“What the hell is going on with you two?” Ray’s voice cut through the charged atmosphere like a blade. “Both of you have been acting really weird lately. And now I walk in on this intense whispering session? What aren’t you telling me?” He finished, his eyes locking onto mine.

My throat dried up. My lips parted, but no words came out. I could feel Don tense beside me.

Ray’s gaze darted between us, suspicion flickering across his features as if piecing together the fragments of our conversation. Then, his expression hardened.

“Should someone force the truth out of you?” he repeated, his brows furrowing deeply. And then, as if struck by lightning, his eyes widened slightly.

“Your belly showing?”

A long silence stretched between us, thick and suffocating.

Then, it hit him. I saw the realization dawn in his eyes, slow but devastating.

He let out a sharp breath. “Jess, don’t tell me you’re... you’re pregnant,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

The words knocked the air from my lungs. I froze, unable to answer.

Ray’s face shifted, his shock turning into something close to a smile. His shoulders relaxed just slightly. And I just knew where his mind was going to. (Oh No).

“That’s great news. Damn, Jess. I mean, you should have told me sooner.” He stepped toward me, reaching instinctively for my hand. “We are having a baby.” he sayed happily and my stomach clenched.

Don stiffened beside me, his jaw clenching so hard I thought it might snap. My stomach churned violently. The moment stretched unbearably, and the weight of what I had to say pressed down on me like a crushing wave.

“Ray...” My voice wavered. “It is not...”

But then his eyes flicked to Don and back to me again. Something shifted in his expression. A crack in his joy, a slow unraveling of realization. His brows furrowed, his hand dropping from mine as his gaze turned sharp.

And just like that, the floor beneath me might as well have collapsed.