Chapter 14: Nicholas

Nicholas p.o.v.

" Twelve years were enough Nicholas, it's time to come home.", Father Said gently, but I didn't reply...I couldn't reply.

They wanted to laicize me... defrocking? wanted me to strip my cassock and white collar...wanted me to leave my vows, my duties, my god...and for what? To be some fucking king...some stupid heir for my father? That black cassock was the only thing I had for twelve years...in all those sleepless nights, that silver cold cross around my neck, and that divine presence I felt in that abandoned small Church was the only thing that had given me solace...the only reason I could remain sane after Samara had died, otherwise, I would have gotten mad recalling that same image of burning Samara with my unborn child inside her. And now, they wanted me to abandon my vows, just like that...How could they even think like this?

Once ordained, even the church cannot strip a priest of his ordainment, but there is a way to leave the duties...by laicizing a priest. This never happened before, I only heard about this process and never actually witnessed it, no one did.

Perhaps, they all were thinking if some of the most powerful people in all three countries will request the Pope, he might get agree to a laicization for me, and honestly, I knew he will, he had to due to the amount of pressure. But the point was, I didn't want to be laicized, I didn't want to be stripped from my collar...this is the only thing I have, and my god knows I'd done nothing wrong, never had I broken my vows in these past twelve years; if we ignore the recent event with Xenia...God, Was...was this some kind of punishment, a kind of retribution for giving in to the temptation?

I sighed, again trying to focus my mind on the topic, I could think about all this later when I'll alone, but for now, I had to know what exactly they all schemed against my queen, my little Xenia...Fuck Nicholas...stop. thinking. about. Xenia.

My eyes looked beside me at Lady Annie, she smiled as our eyes met, " You purposely took me to a pleasure house, didn't you?", I asked but it was more of a statement. They fucking planned this all.

" Forgive us.", Katerina interrupted, making me glare at her, " But we needed to remind you, who you were...and who you really are.", She professed, " The Duke...soon to be The king."

" And what motivated you to do that?"

" My daughter will be your queen was enough motivation.", Katerina smirked, " And she will also take Xenia's place on the Scottish throne...after her death."

That was exactly what I'd been afraid of, the more Xenia will get closer to the throne the more her enemies will gather around to rip her flesh apart like power-hungry animals...and this was just the beginning. When the Scottish king announced his successor after Xenia's brother died, no one in the country agreed to accept a girl as heir but after declaring the treaty between France and Scotland, that Xenia will marry a strong king...everyone seemed to satisfy.

Hatred aside, he is a great warrior and after reading that letter, I could say he loved Xenia in his own weird conservative way. There is no doubt, she will be safer after her marriage. Katerina knows this too, so that's why she was plotting all this before Xenia's marriage. And the reason, she choose me; a potential English King over King Aldrich for her daughter was the fact France is losing the war right now. And obviously, she wanted her daughter to be on the winning side. As I said before, Katerina is a witty woman.

And Xenia didn't stand a chance against her, she is too innocent, and this was all my fault. What I'd been thinking...that I could hide Xenia inside those church walls forever? I should have known, she had to face all this one day. And no matter how much I wanted to lock Xenia with me in that tower, I just couldn't do that forever...If only, I could just hide her somewhere, or take her in my arms and run far away from these wicked people. So far...where no one could see her but me, no one could feel her but me, no one could touch her but me and we could live peacefully, just me, Xenia and our god...no, not even god, just Xenia and me. What the... I think, I just blasphemed. God forgive me...my list of forgiveness was expanding every day now.

But it's not my fault that I felt this way...like God just made Xenia for me, send her only for me...ugh, that's exactly what you thought Nicholas when you met Xenia for the first time, didn't you? That god sent Xenia for you...as a daughter, your another chance to be a father! Now what...you forget that all, and lusting over your daughter? My consciousness scolded me, making me take a deep breath. focus, I ordered myself, listening to the conversation between Katerina and my father; who was apparently talking about having grandchildren soon... great.

" There is no way in hell, I will marry your daughter or anyone else.", I declared making them look at me.

" Why...", Lady Annie screeched, " I am beautiful, rich, have titles and I will be as good as my mother. What else do you want."

Great...she knew I'd slept with her mother and she still wanted to marry me! I stared at her angry face, restraining my irritation; I wanted to run out from there, now.

" You have all the things a queen should have Lady Annie...", I replied, " Just not one.", I add, still looking into her confused eyes, " And what is that?", she asked, raising her brow.

" A brain."

I could hear my father snickering at my comment and that immediately made me feel sad that I disrespected her...I really didn't want to act like that, but this all was getting overly irritating, and I couldn't stop my big mouth. As for my father, he was not my concern, for now, if I will say no to becoming his heir, he will understand that and will never force me and so do Ser Mountbatten. My real concern was this silent man, sitting in front of me with a neural face...Lord Arthur.

And I had a feeling, that he is the most dangerous one for Xenia.