Chapter 20: Nicholas

Nicholas p.o.v.

As my fingers still thrusting in and out from her, my eyes glued to my cassock—what about my vow? A vow I made before my family and God? What does an oath mean to me if, after twelve long years of swearing chastity, I’m shoving my fingers up a woman’s wet cunt?

But then Xenia came, and my eyes flickered down at her breathless body under me, her whimper the most beautiful hymn I’ve heard in my life, and everything else vanished except her and her smell and her taste and the feeling of her pussy clenching around my finger.

I couldn't look away from her innocent teary eyes blinking up at me, watching me as if she was waiting for more...and then she moved her hips when I removed my fingers, grinding her body in demand as she bit her bottom lip and fuck I lost all of my senses. Xenia made me insane, her moans, her eyes, her lips...even her breath made me insane.

And at that insanity, I forgot I'm a priest, I forgot my vows, I forgot my duties, I forgot my god, I only remember Xenia gliding over my hand, in need—ripe, delicious need.

I slowly slide my hand over her body, staring at those savoury thighs to her hands, tightly clenched under my hold, that silver chain still wrapped around my palm, cross glinting over it...glinting proudly between our entangled hands as if it belonged there as if our locked hands were some scared place...as if there was still some purity between all of this madness!

I looked back at Xenia, her eyes had this hungry look, I had never seen before, that look which made me want to eat her up right there...and I will eat her up, or perhaps just a little taste of her?

“ This is so wrong,” I muttered, and couldn’t stop myself, I pressed my covered erection into her pussy. “But just one taste,” I dropped a hand down and around to find her clit again, groaning inwardly when I found that it was still a swollen, hot button of need. I traced my way from her clit to her cunt with my finger and then I brought my finger; coated in her cum up to my lips, “God wouldn’t punish me for just one taste.” I murmured. Xenia gasped when I sucked my finger, our eyes locked together as one. And, forgive me, my God but no communion wine, no salvation had ever tasted sweeter than this, and one taste would not be enough.

If I thought she couldn't make me crazier then I was wrong, because right now I crossed all the limits of insanity...All my beliefs, all my remaining reason and all my self-control just vanished, I didn't give a damn about my honour anymore, I just needed to taste her...just one more time.

And Xenia would come again for me, I decided right then. I would make her come on my face, and just the thought made my balls draw up and my dick jolt in my pants. It was a very real possibility that I might get off without even touching my cock.

My lips touched her skin as I slowly trailed soft kisses over her shoulders and moved down towards those perky breasts to her flat tummy, still hidden under her dress...but soon I'll rip that apart, but first, I needed to taste her. I removed my hand from her wrist as I move lower, she wiggled under me when my lips touched her inner thighs, “ Hold still, Xenia, let me make you feel good,” I murmured against her skin, moving my mouth even closer. I could smell her, and she smelled like heaven, like rose and wind and the delicate female scent that every man hungered for.

I gently nibbled the soft skin of her thighs, enjoying how she shuddered every time my tongue touched her skin, " I won’t lie. It makes me hard as fuck knowing that I was the first man to taste you.”

I heard the words as I said them and stopped, drawing a deep breath, some gallant part of my consciousness trying to flicker back.

" Father!"

Then Xenia moaned and, I didn't hear Sire or Duke, I used to hear nor did she moan my name Nicholas in her breathless voice, she moaned father and suddenly reality slammed back into me by answering that unspoken concern of my consciousness; I was the first man to taste her because, I was the only man in her life because, I was...I am her father, a father who stood there with his mouth between her thighs.

What the fuck was I doing? What the fuck had I done? And why had I done it with Xenia, of all people?

I stepped back, breathing hard, with no thought in my mind other than to get away, somewhere else, anywhere else, just far away from her.

Xenia also stood up, clenching her dress tightly to her chest, " Why did you stop?", She asked and I looked at her. All those filthy thoughts were still lingering inside my mind too but when I saw her...I mean really saw her, not just as a bundle of flesh for me to devour but as a person, as a woman, and then my eyes could see what damage I'd caused. Bite marks, all over her shoulder and neck; ugly reddish blue marks of my lips and teeth, scratches of my nails in her upper arms and dark painful print of my hand on her soft subtle wrist. I was the one who had done this to her...to Xenia, to the girl I had sworn to protect.

Xenia took a step forward making me abruptly step back, her eyes confusingly flickered at me, " What is it, you are scaring me, father.", she said, " Did I do something wrong?"

I just stared at her in disbelief, do something wrong, I was the one who had done wrong. Xenia was that same girl I raised like my own, from teaching her how to use a sword to how to read and write, how to make food and even how to take care of herself in her monthly time...I was like her mother and father both. I still remember, she was a quiet kid and I had a hard time making her open up to me but once she did we were inseparable, she never left my side her small hands always clenched to my cassock, and she always followed me around everywhere, always come crying to me when no kid played with her or when she cut herself while chopping vegetables or fall while horse riding.

All those sweet moments, they felt as if I'd lived them yesterday. For years, my entire world revolved around Xenia...After Samara's death and life in the priesthood, the only good thing that happened in my life was, meeting Xenia. She gave me a purpose to breathe, and the loss of my unborn child slowly healed. And now, I was lusting over that same child. No wonder, god hadn't blessed me with a child...A filthy person like me didn't deserve to be a father anyway.

" Where are you going?"

I heard Xenia asking from behind, her voice panicked but I hadn't looked back...all I could see was now that same thirteen years old child and it disgusted me to my core, thinking that what had I done with her. Hurriedly, I picked up my cassock and cross and left the room without any notion of where I will go in the middle of the night, all I know was, I had to go...I had to leave. And I couldn't bear a site her right now.

Without any hesitation, I wore my shirt, then that sacred black cloth and holy cross...Xenia's cross was still wrapped around my palm and I left it that way. Breaking my vows was the least of my concerns now. All I could ask myself was, why this had to be with Xenia, why I had to lust over my daughter, it could have been with anyone, just why fucking her. I saw numerous nacked women today and didn't even flinch...I met Katerina, one of my bests and still, I hadn't felt a thing. And Lady Annie, I could say she was beautiful and I knew the way she looked at me...I could even do that with her, but even the thought of that grossed me out. I just couldn't understand, why the fucking hell, I wanted Xenia of all people.

My legs strolled on their own and barely in some minutes, I found myself standing in front of our church on this chilled cold night However, it wasn't the first time I found myself in front of the Church on a freezing night, twelve years ago I also stood like this in front of a holy place, a helpless drunken Duke drowned in misery but the presence of my God gave me solace, no drink or soothing words could ever give. And the thought of that calmed me a bit.

Sighing, I opened the golden gates and entered. Perhaps, I should report myself at the Vatican, and confess my sin to his holiness. If Pope wanted to give me mercy, I might be just left alone after they stripped my collar and gave me hundreds or thousands of whips or if he wanted to silently close the matter he might send me far away from here where not even the shadow of Xenia could touch me. I am fine with either way...I just wanted this guilt to end.

And if Pope didn't want to give me mercy then...that witty and insatiable part of me asked making me snicker at my own foolishness. Then what...if he didn't want to give forgiveness to filth like me, then I should be prepared to be used as a lesson to every priest. They will publically burn me, or crucify me. I had no problem with that too...death is a way better option than lusting over my daughter.