Down Memory Lane

—(Mark)—

Wish I could say that the sleep I had was rejuvenating, but it was anything but. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, and every time I was able to fall asleep, I was back in the woods, running for my life.

The feeling of helplessness—the day I stopped being human—haunts me. I can remember the events clearly now.

"I had wanted to get away from everything," I tell James, my voice low . "I was going through a lot at the time. I thought I had found someone I could love."

James nods, listening intently as I continue. "I went to them, confessed my feelings, only to be rejected and laughed at. The only thing that found me that night was a monster."

"You don't have to keep going if it's too much," James interjects gently, but I shake my head.

"I need to say it," I insist. "I came home and locked myself in my room, trying to hide from the humiliation of the day. I decided I just needed to clear my head, thought that a small hike could do the job."

I pause, the memory in my mind. "I snuck out at night when I thought everyone was asleep. I remember the moon in the sky, how it must feel to be free, to just be."

James looks at me, understanding in his eyes. "When I was out in the woods, I ignored the signs that someone else was there with me. Everything was so silent, but I was just replaying the day's events in my head."

"You didn't notice anything unusual?" James asks.

"I heard the rustle of the bushes around me," I reply, "but I just attributed it to the wind. Then, a feeling of dread came over me. I knew that whatever it was, I couldn't let it get to me. But I froze when the sense of dread came."

I take a deep breath. "The moment I started to run, it was already too late. The werewolf swiped at my back, but I was wearing a loose-fitting sweater, so it caught the fabric rather than my skin. I was pulled in the direction of the swipe."

James flinches, as if imagining the pain. "It caused me to tumble down a slippery slope. By the time I got up, I saw it staring from atop the hill. Thinking back to it now, I know it was toying with me. It had every chance to end me before that."

I shake my head. "I started to run again, trying futilely to get away. I can still hear the howl it let out to 'signal' its hunt. The next time it swiped at my back, I screamed in pain, its claws leaving deep gouges."

"You don't have to continue if you don't want too, Lyla can walk you through process it better than I can." James says softly, but I push on.

"If I don't tell you this today. I don't know when I'll be ready to tell you. I'd rather tell you now and while I still have it clear in my memory than later"

"I didn't let that stop me from running," I say. "I pushed my skinny legs for all they were worth back then. That's when I heard a second howl in the distance. At that moment, I knew I wouldn't be making it out of the forest. If I was already losing to one of these monsters, I didn't stand a chance against two."

James leans closer, urging me to continue. "I turned to face the thing that would kill me that night. The only thing I focused on was its eyes."

"If it was going to kill me, I would look it in the eyes while it did," I say, my voice steady. "That's when it took its chance to drag its claws across my chest. The force swung me into a tree."

James winces. "That attack must have caused some serious damage because it became incredibly painful and difficult to breathe."

"The monster looked in the direction of the howl and decided that whatever it was, it didn't want to find out what had caused it," I recall. "With one last glance, it looked at me as if it had been stolen of a meal before taking off."

I pause, closing my eyes briefly. "I was blacking out when I remembered you in your werewolf form towering over me, with a look of surprise and pity."

"I didn't know you were conscious at all," James says softly.

"You said something to me," I murmur, "but I couldn't make it out clearly. I was beginning to pass out from the amount of blood I was losing."

"But I could tell that you were giving me a choice to live. I didn't know at the time what you were offering, but the next thing I felt was you biting my shoulder."

"I couldn't even scream," I finish, my voice breaking. "I passed out because of the pain. When I woke up next, everything in my life had changed. I had a new body, new senses, a new temper."

"It finally hits me," I say, meeting James's eyes. "I know why I'm still not a full alpha now. I think of myself as a monster. I hate what I am because I see him every time I shift. He's there every time I look down at my hands. I see his claws. When I look at the reflection of my eyes, I see him."

James sits silently for a moment, absorbing everything I've just told him. His brow furrows with concern and understanding as he chooses his words carefully.

"Mark," he begins softly, "I can't even imagine the pain and fear you went through that night. But you need to understand something important: you're not that monster. You're not the one who attacked you."

He leans forward, his eyes steady on mine. "What happened to you was terrible, but it doesn't define who you are now. You've been given a second chance—a chance to be stronger, to protect others, to do good with the power you have."

James pauses, letting his words sink in. "I've watched you, Mark. You've taken what could have made you bitter and angry and turned it into something positive. You've stood up for people, like you did for Michael. That's not what monsters do."

He reaches out, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You're not alone in this. You have a pack, and you have me. We'll work through the nightmares, the self-doubt, all of it, together."

James offers a small, encouraging smile. "You're stronger than you think, Mark. And one day, you'll see yourself the way I see you: as a leader, a protector, and a friend."

"Now I don't think it'll be a good idea to make you go to school for the next two days untill the weekend. So I'll let the school know that you will be absent until Monday for family matters. It'll give you time to process what happened to you that night. I'll have Lyla talk to you later." He puts a hand on my shoulder before leaving my room.

I didn't really talk to Lyla during my session. Every time I tried to talk I couldn't get the words out. Instead we talked about other things and she told me that it was up to me to decide when I would be ready to discuss that night but that we would still be working on my sense of self.

The rest of the day I was a robot going through the motions of life. I had ask Lyla if she and anything strong enough that could get past my supernatural system and let me sleep with out the nightmares.

She did but warned me that I wouldn't be getting more than two nights worth so that I wouldn't become dependent on using it. This time I wouldn't be waking up in the middle of the night.