The Corner I'm Backed Into

Layla stood in Alesha's doorway, reluctant to leave her alone after laying Alesha down on her bed. But Alesha had spoken forcefully when she had requested her younger sister to leave. Why was she so insistent on being left alone? Layla didn't know anything about seizures, but she was pretty sure that a person who had just had their first one ever shouldn't be left alone so soon.

"Are you sure you want me to leave you here?" Layla asked, the look in her eyes demanding that Alesha relent and allow her to stay. Even if the stubborn girl wouldn't let her call an ambulance, why on Elantris would she think being alone right now was a good idea?

Alesha's gaze didn't waver, though. "Yes," she insisted, "I'll be fine, I know what it was but I can't fix it if you're here." Alesha was almost surprised that the System had let her say even that much.

[I'm not an idiot,] the System said with an audible eye-roll. [And you phrased it rather well actually.]

Was the System complimenting her or making fun of her? Alesha couldn't tell.

Relenting, Layla sighed. "Alright, well, if you scream again I'm coming back in."

"Okay, and please don't tell Mom and Dad! They'll just call an ambulance."

"Right. Okay."

She shut the door behind her.

Ignoring her sister's mood, Alesha wasted no time pulling up her Status Window, noticing absentmindedly that her level had gone up, leaving her with one undistributed stat point. How anticlimactic, she thought. All that and she'd only gone up one level from slaying the Mother Cragulok? She bit her lip and wondered if she should assign the point. 

Deciding that it would be wiser to see how the evolution changed her first, Alesha pulled up the Chaos Energy "shop" window.

This was it.

She was left without a real choice, forced to make a decision she never would have considered if not for these bizarre, unwanted circumstances.

What would happen to her as part of the evolution? What would she become? Would her body change into something unrecognizable, or perhaps her mind? Would she even care after it took place?

There were so many possibilities to be scared of, yet that last one frightened her the most. She had already experienced first-hand how drastically the System could affect her desires when it really wanted to. Today's incident with the raw chicken had proven it all over again; her perception of raw chicken had done a 180 after being "granted" the quest "reward" that Rogork had dubbed Carnivorous Constitution. The System had affected her so deeply that not only had she eaten the raw meat, which she had been legitimately afraid of even touching before getting the System, but had discovered during dinner time that it was actually more delicious raw than cooked at this point.

If the System could make her perception of raw meat change so drastically through a "reward," then what would it do to her during her evolution? Rogork clearly hated that she was human and found her desire to remain such aggravating. 

Could the System make her viewpoint on her own humanity do a 180 as well?

This was why evolution via the Seed of Chaos System scared her so much. She had no idea what she would become or if she would even remain herself when it happened, and had no degree of trust that the System would evolve her with her best interests in mind. 

This was the corner she was backed into.

Taking a deep breath and holding it, Alesha mentally pressed the button, eyes screwing shut and muscles tightening from anxiety. Her nails dug into her palms with the force of her closed fists.

Nothing changed.

Five seconds passed, ten seconds passed.

Alesha opened one eye, peeking at her room. Huh? With all that emotional buildup, she had expected something to happen.

She sat up, examining her hands and body, finding nothing unusual. Her status window hadn't changed, either. The Chaos Energy points hadn't even decreased. Had… had the System tricked her somehow?

"... System?" Alesha ventured aloud, though quietly just in case.

There was no response. 

Sitting quietly on her bed, Alesha was confused. Mentally pressing the button several more times did nothing. She bit on one of her nails nervously, knowing that it had been almost 10 minutes since the overflow of the Chaos energy. Her health was at 23/28, having been reduced by 5 points from that brief period when her Chaos Energy had been overfilled -- and she was not eager to experience that pain again. 

Why wasn't the button working? Why wasn't the System responding? Was this all a setup just to watch her writhe in agony, first at the idea of losing her humanity, then by repeatedly overfilling her Chaos Energy gauge, putting the only possibilities of painless release beyond her ability to access?

Her anxiety continued to grow as she stared at her Chaos Energy gauge. 

What a cruel fate this was, being afflicted with the Seed of Chaos System. Sure, she was a little stronger than before, and she wouldn't get sick from eating raw meat, but really, what little good had come from it paled in comparison to its negative aspects. She'd been forced to steal from her family only to permanently lose all their most important items to a thieving little creature. She'd been punished to crave raw meat so much it hurt for a span of 8 hours. She was probably already losing her humanity due to the stupid "reward" the System had given her for surviving that punishment so well, and then was manipulated into believing that her only hope to avoid a painful death would be to abandon that humanity intentionally by choosing to evolve. 

Then that one sole hope didn't do anything? And the System wouldn't even talk to her anymore?

All of this seemed perfectly tailored for the purpose of making her suffer.

And it made her angry.