Chapter 16
"Why didn't you just text me? Or call me? You had my number, then you blocked me."
He shifts his attention to my eyes, and lips as I talk, and takes his hand off me. He inhales, and looks down at his shoes. "I thought you were pissed at me."
"What? What gave you that idea?"
"I don't know," he shrugs. "Maybe the fact that you didn't tell me you were a guy. That you didn't say it before you left, when we agreed to be honest and open and happy."
"I said I wanted things to be like they used to when we first started hanging out. I wanted to tell you, but every time I tried, I just got so scared."
He pauses for a long moment, considering what I had to say. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm not going to blame you, for any of this. Coming out and saying it, and especially to someone you're so close with can be nerve wracking. I was just mad at myself."
"Why?"
"Because at first, I thought that you just didn't trust me."
"Sebastian, I trust you with my life," I confirm. "Seriously. And, how did you even find out?"
"Okay, don't get mad," he begins. "The day before you came to my house that last time, I was talking to Stefan. Stefan told me because he was frustrated. Don't worry, I did not tell anyone else. And neither did he."
In any other case, I would be furious, but it was Stefan. And Sebastian. And I didn't live there anymore. Any news of me that got there would be nothing but a rumor to them. "Oh. So, you thought I didn't think of you as someone close enough to tell?"
"Pretty much," he nods.
"Well, Seb, that's just stupid. I love you, and I really just thought that you didn't even stop to think of me in that way because-"
"What?"
"W-what?" I inhale sharply right after I can get the word out. "No, no. I just mean that, well, I mean, I like you a lot."
"Lucian, I have those feelings for you too," he smiles. "Don't worry."
"I'm glad. Very glad. But, now I have another question. How did you find me on that app? And, also, does this mean that you moved here for me?"
"Well, first, it's called 'entering your name into the search bar and looking for results in Nebraska by getting the premium version,' and second, this is a good town. And, yes. I needed to get away from home. And you're all it took for me to find a place I wanted."
He's so sweet, and cute. Even if we got here the hard way, we're here. We're here now, and happy. "I'm happy to see you. Really happy. And, I'm excited. Knowing that you're going to be here."
"I'm always here for you. Even before, I was there. I should have known you wouldn't have been mad at me. I'm really happy too."
I could tell. His smile hasn't left his face since he looked at me from the bench as I got out of Lora's car.
We spent the next hour catching up. All about me. He almost refused to even talk about himself at all, which made me sad. But I knew he would open up eventually, so I humored him, and filled him in. With how life is with my aunt. I told him about my new friends. I even told him about the kiss with Liam. And how wrong it felt.
"Wait, so Liam is Zara's boyfriend, though?"
"No, they're the ones with an open relationship."
"Oh, okay," Sebastian sighs. "I hate saying this, but I almost miss it when you only had three friends."
"Oh, I'll even admit it gets confusing. Tough. But I really am a lot happier now."
"That's great. Really great to hear," he responds. He stands up slowly, offering his hand.
"Hm?"
"Let's walk a bit."
"Okay, yeah." I had to admit, just holding his hand gave me butterflies. I never got butterflies like these before. They weren't the kind of nervous butterflies I would usually get. For once, I feel confident that Sebastian feels the same way that I do about him. So things don't look so scary, or unclear. I know that even the unexpected would be accompanied by my best friend, and possibly even my future boyfriend.
"What are you thinking about?"
"What?"
"What are you thinking," he laughs, "right now? You seem a bit distracted."
"I'm just really happy right now. I-I'm sorry. I forget how to act normal around you it seems.""That's okay. You're being yourself, and that's what I love about you."
"So, when you say love, you actually..." I trail off, trying not to sound too pushy in front of him.Sebastian leads us through the main area of the park, to where there is a cluster of trees, with a clear path that ends in a small pond. "Yes, I love you." He comes to a halt, making me look directly into his beautiful eyes.
In any perfect scenario, any movie, we would kiss. Right now. We would lean in, step closer. Let our lips linger less than an inch apart before letting them touch each other. "You wanna go get pizza after this?"
"Oh! Yeah. Um, wait. No! Sorry, sorry."
"No, that's fine. We can get whatever you want. Or, if you wanna have dinner another time, I would gladly take you. Anywhere you want."
"I would love to tonight, but I already promised my aunt I would be home to help her make dinner," I reply. "Yeah? What are you making? I can help," he offers. Not even hesitating. Was he always this straight forward? Probably."Well, I'd have to ask her first.""Oh! Right, of course."
"You know, I gotta say, you being straight forward, inviting yourself over to my house is really quite refreshing," I tease.
"Yeah, well, I'm done being shy. I think we both missed out on a lot because of that. And, also because I wanted to be mysterious," he teases back.
"Are you serious, Seb?"
"Kind of, I guess. I mean, I kinda was hoping this would be a romantic, huge reveal that would makd you fall for me just like that, you know?"
"True. And as frustrating as it was not being apart, I feel like things are normal. C-completely different, but normal. But, there's some things you just won't get out of me."
"Oh, so should I be assuming I'll be calling the shots here?"
"Probably," I laugh. We make our way to the pond. We sit down on the ground, and I begin to take out my phone.
As I unlock my phone, I can see a hand come out in front of me, then head straight for my phone. Sebastian grabs it. Takes it out of my hand and leans in so close it triggers me to lean back as well. So, he tosses a leg over mine, and grabs my hands. His innocent grin turns into a cocky one. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he wasn't ashamed. Probably because he knew this was exactly what I wanted, even though this was one of the things he could never get me to admit. But there's nothing I've pictured more than having Sebastian pin me down and kiss me. And take what he wanted. He finally connects his lips with mine, in a genuine kiss. A kiss we both wanted, and wasn't influenced by others. Alcohol, or money.
He releases his grip on my hands, but continues to kiss me, allowing me to take some initiative if I really wanted to. So I ran my fingers through his beautiful, long hair. I could hear his breathing getting slightly heavier, and whenever I felt the impact I had on him, it would only fuel me to kiss him deeper, and for longer, until a moan would escape his mouth. At first it scared me, but then he began to gradually move so his hand would reach my waist, and I knew that he wasn't going to leave me. That nothing is scary as long as he's holding me. When he finally lets me go, I realize that there was a slight change in scenery. I look past him, in the gaps of the trees, and realize it's gotten slightly darker out. How long had we been kissing?
"You should... probably text her now," he says as he catches his breath."Oh, yeah. I um, I'm sure she won't mind." I pick up my phone off the ground and text her. Me: "Hey, so, remember that guy I told you about? The guy with the hair, best friend/crush that blocked me?"When I put the phone down, Sebastian is looking back at me, and glances down at my phone, making it known he peeked over at it. "You talk about me?""Just a bit, I suppose," I blush.
"That's okay. I talk about you too."
"Really? To who?"
"Well, my mom. Until I moved," he admits.
"So, what is the deal with that? Noa said you stopped talking to your mom completely."
"Well, pretty much. She didn't support me," He explains briefly.
"I can definitely relate." My phone vibrates, so I pick it up to see that Lora responded.
Lora: "You mean Sebastian? The only guy you ever tell me about?"
Me: "Right, yeah. Well, that's actually the guy I was meeting up with."
"I still text her to let her know I'm doing alright," he continues.
"Wow, then I guess you're doing more than me."
"At least my mom is tolerable. She always tells me she loves me, even if she's mad at me. I know you didn't have it as easy."
"Yeah. I'm glad you at least still talk a little bit. My mom never even responds when I text her. So I gave up completely like a week ago." I exhale and look back down at my phone.
Lora: "Honey, you could have just told me. I wasn't going to be mad!"
Me: "I seriously didn't even know! Would you mind if he came over for dinner?"
Lora: "I don't know, hon. I feel like at some point I have to say no to something."
Me: "You can say no all day tomorrow! I promise! I'll do the dishes and the laundry tonight and wash your car tomorrow."
Sebastian helps me up, and we begin to head back to the main area of the park. "You know, I've been to this park three times, and I had no idea there was a pond here."
"Yeah? This was the first place I went after I got here. I left my bus I converted into an RV and packed everything in my car. Right now I'm at a hotel while I get everything settled. There's two places I'm looking at right now."
"Well, if my offer with my aunt worked, I'll be able to show you today where I live, and you can pick the house closest to mine," I tease.
"Hm. Works for me."
Lora: "Deal. Just be here soon. Or... no seconds for dinner. Or, whatever I'm supposed to say to give you discipline."
I laugh as I show her response to Sebastian.
"Works for me. Alright, let's go. If I'm helping, you're gonna want seconds at least."
"I missed your cooking," I reply as we get in the car.
"And I missed cooking for you."
When I finally return home, it's 5:18, and I have an additional person with me when I come through the door. It's not Cass, or Liam, or Zahara. It's the famous Sebastian Galanis. The man Lora knew everything about thanks to me. We entered through the front door, which went straight into the living room. I led him through to the kitchen. I was surprised to see that Lora wasn't waiting for us at the kitchen counter with a stool pulled up. But to the left, in the dining room, a voice calls out, "Oh, you're home! Come in here, come have a seat!"
I grin at Sebastian, and gently squeeze his hand, which was slightly trembling. Is he nervous? That was so unlike him. I led him into the dining room, where Lora sat drinking a cup of tea. Before I can even introduce him, Sebastian stands tall and takes a step forward, reaching out to shake her hand, and introduces himself. I could still tell there was a hint of nervousness in his eyes, but his charming smile shined as bright as ever. "It's very nice to meet you. You have a beautiful, beautiful home."
Lora immediately straightens up her posture, taken by surprise by how polite and proper he was behaving. I knew it wouldn't be long before she started acting more herself. Which would usually scare me. But it's Sebastian.
"It's very nice to meet you as well. From what I've heard, you're a fabulous young man, and I fully trust you with Lucian. And oh, my, that hair," she compliments. "It's so long, and beautiful."
"Thank you, Ms. Bucur," he smiles. I take a seat to the left of Sebastian."Whenever you two would like," Lora begins, "I can make dinner. I was going to have Lucian help, but since you're our company, I'll let you two hang out, and I'll let you know when it's ready."
"Are you sure? I would love to help," Sebastian offers.
"How about next time, hon. I insist, you two go watch a movie, or play with the cats or something."
"No, really, I-" Seb begins.
"Nope, let's go." I grab his hand and take him to my bedroom.
"Your aunt is really nice. And, very trusting."
"Oh, yeah. But, she knows we aren't gonna- I mean, we won't, not yet-"
"I know what you mean," Sebastian laughs. "We'll talk about it when we get there. Or, if? When?"
"Yeah, yeah. That. Yep," I reply nervously. I close the door behind us, and the first thing Sebastian notices is the painting of his I put on my shelf. At least we've moved away from the sex conversation.
"You actually kept this?"
"What do you mean? Did you think I would have thrown it away?" I moved closer to where he stood, just in front of the shelf. We both admire the golden eyes of the tiger painting. As abstract as it was, he was good at highlighting those important details.
"Well, no, but it's right in the center here. I expected you to just kind of toss it off to the side."
"Come on, Seb. Does that really sound like me?"
"No," he replies with a shrug. "I guess not. I think I could have done a lot better, though." His eyes start to drift around to other parts of my room. "I like this room a lot better than your last one, no offense."
"None taken. So do I. It's a lot less-"
"Nauseatingly girly?"
"Exactly," I nod. I led him to sit down on the edge of my bed, facing the television. "Do you want to watch a movie? A TV show? We could listen to music if you wanted. Lora just got me a new speaker the other day," I offer.
"I'm fine with whatever you want," he replies, wrapping his hand back around my waist. He pulls me closer than we already were. I could smell his cologne, and the shampoo he uses for his hair. THe kind that smells like berries. I rest my head against his shoulder.
"I missed when you used to do that."
"So did I." I could have sat like this all night with him. I still couldn't believe this was happening. But part of me expected it the whole time. The other half told me the first half was delusional. "You know, I can turn on the TV. We don't have to be completely silent." I turn back behind me and stretch my arm out far enough to reach the remote laying on my bed by my pillow.
"Remember that night, on your birthday, when you were at Noa's?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Remember when you hugged me and shattered that plate," he laughs.
"Shut up!" I reply in a teasing tone. He continues to tease me, so I pretend to lunge at him. Sebastian grabs a pillow from my bed at first to shield himself, but in the end throws it. He completely misses my head, or any part of my body, which only prompted me to laugh harder at him. He playfully shoves me, so I poke him in the stomach in response, which he hated. This turned into a play-fight that seemed to have no end. Until it did, with me falling off the bed, and while I began to laugh so strangely he couldn't tell if I was laughing or crying, Sebastian began to genuinely worry.
"Oh, fuck, my bad! You okay?"
"No," I reply just to mess with him. I didn't expect him to fall to his knees next to me and make sure I was going to be alright.
"I'm joking, I'm joking! I'm just fucking with you."
"Come on, don't scare me like that." He smiles as he takes a good look at my hair. "Your hair does look fantastic, by the way." He leans closer, and catches me by surprise as he presses a kiss to the top of my head.
"Oh. T-thanks," I responded nervously. He helps me back onto the bed. I'm still blushing from the small gesture.
"You look really red. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just hot in here," I lied
"Are you sure? I actually found it a bit cold in here right now," he grins. He saw right through me as soon as I tried recovering from the kiss. It was just a kiss. I need to calm down. "Or is it me making you hot?""W-what?! No, no. No."
"Relax! I'm sorry. I shouldn't tease like that if you don't like it," he says, pulling me closer to him, even resting a hand on my thigh."Sebastian?"
"Yeah?"
"What did you first think of me, when we met? Do you even remember?"
Without any hesitation, he knows what to say. "Of course I do. Everything about it, almost. Why do you ask?"
"I just want to know. Plus, I'm running out of things to say."
"Well, it was back when Jackson was adopted, officially. The day before Thanksgiving, right? That was the first time I had been at Noa's house. Her moms were really nice, and Diana kept making me those damn cookies," he snorts. "God, I love that woman, but I've never seen her not baking, or not making kids in her home eat her baked goods, or eating them herself. Anyways, I finally had enough and I didn't want to tell her. But then you came in, and something was off about you."
"Off? Am I going to regret asking this?"
"Just wait. Yeah, you were kind of sad. You seemed to avoid me and Jackson, and pulled Noa off to the side to talk to her. I still don't know what you were talking about. But, when you came back, Noa made you come up and talk to me. And that gave me an excuse to stop stuffing my face with cookies."
"Yeah, then you asked me what my favorite Thanksgiving food was," I add.
"I was gonna come back home that night but since we were on break, I stayed the night along with you at the house because I wanted to help make food the next day. You know, you never actually mentioned the full story, but why didn't your family ever celebrate Thanksgiving?"
"Hm? My mom just thought it was pointless. Nobody ever visited us 'cause they lived too far away. The family that didn't just hated us. And my mom didn't have anyone to show off her cooking skills to, so it just never became a big deal in our house."
"Oh. I didn't know that. I'm sorry. Then, if I had known that, I would have gone all out for your first thanksgiving, to make it even more special. I just thought that your parents didn't eat turkey or something," he jokes.
"No, no," I laugh. "And what do you mean? You made those weird yam things with marshmallows! You made the turkey by yourself, and helped Diana with the pie. And it's still one of my favorite memories."
"I'm so glad I was able to be a part of that. I want to make every day you spend with me one of the best. Do all your firsts with you."
"You don't really mean that, I'm sure."
"Why would you assume that?"
"You'll get bored of me," I reply, bringing down the mood a bit with my natural pessimistic attitude I had gotten from my mother.
"Lucian, you're my favorite person in the world. I hope you can eventually believe it. Then, who knows? I can cook for you, every day. Go to your school dances. Drop you off and pick you up from school. Get cheap matching bracelets with heart charms on them that break in a week. Go shopping with you, have picnics. All of those stereotypical things boyfriends are supposed to do. And anything else you want. For you."
"Wait. Are we boyfriends?"
"Do you want to-"
A sudden knock on my door makes both Sebastian and I jump back and scoot apart. He quickly takes his hand off my thigh before Lora comes in to announce that dinner is ready. "Food is ready. Hope you're both hungry!" Fuck.
Lora leaves the door cracked, leaving us to get up and prepare for dinner. "I guess we can come back to this," I sigh. I wanted to just say it just then, but then Lora interrupted. And if I did it now, what would be so special about it?
"No," Sebastian replies firmly.
"What do you mean, 'no?"
"Lucian, do you want to be with me or not?"
***"So, Sebastian," Lora begins. "Time to ask some questions.""Go ahead, Ms. Bucur. I'm happy to answer anything."
I'm just hoping Lora doesn't cross any line with Seb. I stay silent as I eat my pasta and chew on some bread, looking off to the side, out the window. It looks like it's getting a bit chilly out for a summer night.
"You're seventeen, correct?"
"Yes, ma'am. I'm turning 18 in August."
"And you're getting a house here. That must be exciting, finally being out in a new place with a house of your own."
"Yeah, yeah. It's great, having this freedom. It's a great town. I actually lived close to the area briefly after we moved from Greece."
I didn't even know that. "Really? I didn't know that. Why didn't you stay here?"
"My mom met John, but now that they're split, I don't feel like I have to pretend I loved it back there anymore because I know she was pretending too. We both wanted to get out, but she'd rather stay settled down now," he explains.
Lora takes a sip of her water, then smiles warmly. "Well you're always welcome over, hon. And if you need any help moving in, just let Lucian know. We'll help take care of it."
"You're so kind, Ms. Bucur. I would love help, but only if that wouldn't be an inconvenience. Thank you for being so welcoming."
"Anytime you need anything. And you can call me Laura. Auntie Laura. Future Aunt in Law."
"Lora!"
Sebastian snickers, nearly choking on his bread. "What, you don't like that one, Lucian?"
I stare back with the same cold look I was forced to give him only ten minutes ago. He looks back down at his plate. It only got more awkward after we finished eating. I felt terrible having him go back to a hotel until he gets moved in, but he can't stay here. Even if we could be trusted, which we can- especially now, I can't have distractions when I need plenty of rest before state tests begin. I offered to give him a ride to the hotel. He argued with me. For at least fifteen minutes. He wanted to walk. Refused to get in the car. We stand in the garage, shouting at each other when we should have already left. Lora expected me to return home soon. And here we were.
"I'll walk, it's two miles!"
"Through busy, dangerous traffic! Are you fucking insane? Let me drive you!"
"Like two miles here is that fucking dangerous. Remember back home when you ran six miles to my house?"
"That was different," I replied in a threatening tone.
"Yeah. You're right. You needed me. And now, I need something too. To get away from you, and have some time alone."
"Why? You don't want me anymore? What the hell was all of today? Why did you come here?"
"I could ask you the same thing. What happened? I thought you wanted me," he mumbles.
"I do. But I don't know if we should," I admit.
"What are you talking about?" His voice lowers.
"You know damn well. You were all sad, and confused. You still wanted me when you thought I was just a shy, awkward girl. You wanted me then, and if you want me now, then that's obviously all you see." I move closer to him, looking at the ground.
"Are you fucking serious right now, Lucian? I love you for who you are. Or, were. I don't like this. I hate this. It was never about how you looked. What your name was, what I called you. But now you've pissed me off, okay?"
"Why, cause now I have doubts?"
"You're right to have doubts about me. That's a normal thing to feel. I get scared too. Reopening a whole can of worms over what happened in the past. I know things are different now. I'm pissed because you're doubting yourself."
"I'm not doubting myself!"
"Yes, you are. I know you. Why else would you kiss that other guy? You don't kiss people. You wouldn't just do that, no matter how drunk you were. You wanted to see if you would feel anything. You fear that you're just an empty shell since you left me that can't be fixed now that we were reunited," he predicts. And as much as it hurt to admit to myself, he was right.
"I can't be fixed, Sebastian. I can sit here and say you broke me, but if I had been honest from the beginning, we wouldn't be here right now. It's too late. I'm a lost cause," I whimper. I can no longer hold in my tears.
"No. No, Lucian. You're not. I saw the signs." He holds out his hands and squeezes them. "I've noticed them all day today. Those small things. You're depressed. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You need help, and support, so you can't push me away."
"How do I make those thoughts stop," I squeak out through my tears, "when I'm just trying to be happy, and those doubts turn into a voice telling me I'll never be happy because I'm a train wreck?"
"Lucian, I think you should talk to Lora. Talk to me. Someone at school. That will help with those thoughts. I like to write my intrusive thoughts down. I thought you knew this about me, but I assume you don't. I have depression too. I have those thoughts too. Everyone has a doubtful voice inside of them. Some people just need some extra help. And, I didn't mean this to turn into a talk like this. I just want you to know that there's a difference from what you fear, and what should actually be expected," Sebastian says in a soothing voice. He holds me against his chest and speaks in his comforting tone that always makes me relax.
"What do you mean?"
"You worry that you'll drive me away. That we won't ever work because you overthink, and you feel insecure sometimes. But the reality is that I will take care of you and kiss away your tears, and do anything and everything with you and for you. You know that deep down, right?"
"Y-yeah. Yeah. I-I know," I sniffle.
"We don't need to rush anything at all. We don't need to make anything official. Or put labels on things. All we have to do for now is be on the same page with our feelings. We love each other, right?"
"Yes, Seb. I do love you."
"And when you need someone to talk to, or you have a bad day, who are you going to tell?"
"You?"
"Yes. And what are you never going to do?"
"Burden you?"
"Exactly. See? You have every right to be scared. I get scared of a lot of things. I'm still scared of the dark. But even though I feel those anxious feelings, I know monsters aren't real. They aren't hiding under my bed. Nothing is going to grab me or take me when I'm in the dark. Just like those random fears we all have, life, and the unexpected can be scary." Sebastian steps back to give me a second to catch my breath and stop my shaking. "You're still shaking a bit. If you want, I can drive there. You can even stay a bit in the hotel. Warm up and have some crappy hotel coffee before you head back."
I nod, trying to laugh a bit to show him I'm not the least bit angry at him. I was frustrated, sure. But never at him. At myself for doubting and overthinking. I fear I'll always be the one needing comfort like this. I just hope he knows I would always do the same for him.
When we arrive at the hotel, he gets out of the car, which he drove, then makes his way to the other side of the car, opens the door for me, and extends his hand. I stand up next to him. looking up since we had such a large gap in height. I smile nervously, and go to grab his hand. Sebastian pushes past my hand and grabs me by the waist, and kisses me.
"Goodnight, Lucian."
"Wait. Can I change my mind?" On the way over here, I told him I should just head straight home, and reassured him I would be okay. I didn't want to keep Lora waiting. But I can just tell her there was a detour we had to take. Or, something. "I want to come in for a bit."
"Yeah. Yeah, let's go." Sebastian flashes me his perfect smile, and brushes his long hair out of his face. I walk alongside him into the brightly lit hotel lobby. When we finally get to his hotel room, on the third floor, we both sigh in unison as we flop down onto the comfortable king size bed. He slips off the jacket he had been wearing over his shirt all day. He caught me by surprise when he took that off as well. No jacket, no shirt. Just a muscular, shirtless man in a hotel room we had to ourselves until I felt I needed to head back home. I knew by now I was staring, but I still had to make sense of something. I noticed something that I really didn't expect to see when I saw him like this for the first time. A dark design, with many shades on the side of his body. What looked to be a jellyfish, starting at his ribcage. That had to have been painful.
"You have a tattoo?"
"Yeah, I do," he smirks. He was obviously amused by my staring. I blush profusely, not sure if I should apologize, or stare more.
"When did you get that? It looks amazing."
"Like, right after you moved," Sebastian reveals.
"Really? Why didn't you tell me?"
"You sound offended," he says as he stands up to turn on the air conditioning. It was really cold outside, but really hot in here. "Plus, we just met up for the first time since you moved here. You expected me to tell you a random thing like that?"
"No, not offended. I don't know. You just don't talk about yourself a lot. I don't know much about your childhood. I didn't even know that you lived here at one point.
"Did you also not know I was double jointed in my shoulders? I also have asthma."
"Wait. You have asthma? And you were a runner for three years?"
"Yeah," he nods, "it actually helped me control my breathing better."
"Interesting. You know, Noa has that too. She plays the flute, and the clarinet. She says that helps her. So I guess it's a similar thing."
"Yeah. I don't really do instruments. It's too difficult for me. I prefer arts like painting, and pottery."
"You do pottery?!"
"Yes! Wow, I guess we maybe should talk about me a bit more," he teases.
"We really should," I agree, patting the area next to me on the bed so he would sit back down. "I absolutely love the tattoo, by the way. Now, I want to know everything about you."
Sebastian sits back down, resting his hand on my inner thigh. "We've got plenty of time for that now."
Our lips connect once again, and soon, one long, passionate kiss turns into much more. His hand grips the back of my head gently, and moves down to my neck, then my back. Then he's taking my hands and inching them to where he wants. Or, where we both wanted them. Don't get me wrong, if something like this was going to happen right now, I wouldn't turn it down. I love this man, and he's here to stay. And I'm incredibly grateful at this moment that I didn't do anything with Liam at the party. And maybe, in the end, I was getting a little too excited. Ahead of myself. I did finally fully realize it when Sebastian told me we couldn't. I didn't expect him to have condoms ready in the drawer or on top of the hotel nightstand, prepared for something like this to happen. My impatience got the best of me as he began to pull away. Making a move for him to continue without protection was probably the wrong move to make.
"Lucian, we shouldn't-"
"No, I want it. I need this. I mean-"
Sebastian pulls back slightly, still smiling. His hair was already messy and frizzy in the front, and his lips were just slightly swollen. "I know you do, baby. I know you want it. But we have so much time. So many amazing things ahead of us. Let's wait. Until we're more...prepared."
I simply nod as I catch my breath. He was right. "Okay. That sounds perfect. I just get so..."
"I know. Me too," he winks.
***As I drove myself back home, I had time to think. About what almost happened in the hotel room. How thankful I was that I had someone like Sebastian in my life. That he could control himself. He knows what's best for me. And, planning. Planning out the next two days, which would just consist of attending school and studying. preparing for tests. Then, next weekend, as Lora, Sebastian, and I discussed during dinner, we were going to help him move in. Until then, on my agenda? Prepare for the best summer ever.