Beginning

Hi, my name is Maria I wanted to tell you a story how I loved Someone from a Distances. It all started when I had lost someone who I was with for almost a Decade sadly they Passed on and it took me a long time to heal before I was going to be with anyone at the moment it was the hardest thing I had to go through or even if anyone else has gone through it as well. After a while I went through varies of hard and very Toxic and unhealthy Relationships that hurt me to where I had a hard time trying to search to find the person who can complete me. Because all I ever got was.... Empty Broken Promises or Being Used and Them using ways to hurt me both Mentally and Physically (All I ever wanted was to just be Happy and Loved....) They push me down I get up wipe my Tears and keep looking searching and searching till One Day I met Someone who I met online he was like a fresh of breath air I slowly got to know him day by day month after month year after year we got to be closer He wasn't perfect but I wasn't looking for perfection I was looking for someone who was loving caring and understanding and never judging me. He is the kind of person who is Kind and funny understanding he never judged me and always heard me. It felt not real (It felt like a dream) The reason I say that is because anything good that happens to me, I always doubt myself due to my past where I always get dumped or forgotten the people I was with in my past they leave me either they day before my birthday in the middle of my birthday it also goes same with holidays and anniversaries (cause they usually they forget our anniversary) I was always the one that Remembers and buys them gifts but I never got anything in return which was ok.. Over time but slowly I started getting butterflies in my stomach always hearing his voice or facetiming this person later in the course on we became Bestfriends . And my feelings started growing more for him within over the years. But sadly, I had a hard time telling him how I felt how I am in love with him I proceed to keep it a secret, but everyone knew how I felt about him I even asked my friends and family on how I should tell him. I was scared he wasn't going to feel the same about me, so I proceed to not tell him but inside I wanted to tell him spill everything how I felt towards him I wanted to Scream How I love him how he makes me happy how he makes me feel safe how he their when I am going through my depression, he was their when I almost lost my sister he was their when I needed him he was like an angel sent to me by god. After a little while it got harder cause when he was under the influence, he would be romantic telling me he loves me, but I know it would only be temporary because when he acted normal like nothing happened and I would get mixed feelings and I started slowly doubting myself because I wanted his words to be real not when he is under the influence but sometimes you have to face reality I know I wasn't perfect either cause my feelings for him never changed. (I've waited for him for 3 years).

thanks for listening 

Signing off- Maria 

Quotes from Juice World: "I numb and conceal them kinda like my feelings, but I still feel them." 

"We are trying to hide our feelings, but we forgot that our eyes speak."

"You said, 'I love you,' and I said it too. The only difference is, I didn't lie to you.