Chapter Seventy Nine - Next Stop, Innuendo

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe belongs to JK Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros and some other high falutin' companies. Me, I'm just a PR professional. I don't profess to own - and would never dream of making any money off - JKR's wonderful world. However, its her sandbox and she's left the gate unlatched so we can go in and play a bit. Which, I've done.

Chapter Seventy Nine - Next Stop, Innuendo

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-==(oIo)==-

\""/

For their final breakfast of the school year, the group all sat at the Hufflepuff table. As per the norm, everyone was out of school robes for the trip back to London.

Harry spent quite a bit of time answering questions from other students about his two new Lordships to add to the ones about the defeat of Old Mouldy Shorts.

Eventually, though, they were on their way to the train. They were also among the first students to make the journey from the castle to Hogsmeade station, as Harry wanted to get away from all the questions.

As they arrived on the platform, and collected their trunks, there was a bit of a bottleneck of students heading for the various carriages. When they struggled their way through the pack, Harry and the others saw why there was a delay.

Sitting at the rear of the train was a shiny new carriage. But, this one had the house crests of the four founders adorning the side panel rather than the single crest of Hogwarts. On both platform side doors was the word, 'Private'.

"I think this is ours," said Harry, wondering aloud.

He walked over to the door and reached up to place his right hand on the door handle.

"I wouldn't do that, if I was you," said a Hufflepuff. "It gave me one hell of a jolt when I tried."

"That's because you're not the rightful Heir of one of the founders," smiled Harry, looking back. He reached up and grasped the handle. Twisting it, he felt a blood lock release and pushed the door open. "Yep. I was right," he said.

Blaise hopped in while Harry and Neville loaded the trunks into the carriage. Blaise pulled them through, out of the way.

With the last ones in Harry indicated to Neville to precede him in before he followed and closed the door behind him. Someone behind himthen tried to open the door, again, and yelped in pain as they shook their hand free before tucking it under their armpit.

Harry looked out the window and saw it was one of the older Slytherins. His friends were laughing at him as he scowled back.

Shaking his head and wondering how someone from the House of the cunning and guile could do something so stupid, Harry turned away and entered the carriage proper. What he saw near took his breath away.

The entire carriage was decked out like a part parlour car, part dining car, part office, and all opulence. With the exception of two water closets cum change rooms, and a small kitchen area cum bar, the entire carriage was open plan.

Storage of trunks was in a special rack set near the door through which they entered.

"This - is - amazing!" he said.

"I know! Right?" said Daphne, coming forward, with a big grin. "And, it's yours!"

"Ours!" said Harry right back.

Walking slowly along, he looked in all the spaces and to the end of the carriage. Opening the door, there, he stepped out onto a small balcony that was about four feet wide and covered the width of the carriage. Two outdoor wooden seats were there, bolted and folded up to the back wall.

He wondered why he didn't see it when they approached the train.

Walking back inside, he opened the door at that end that led back onto the platform and hopped out. Looking around, he saw that the rear open platform was actually disillusioned.

'Huh!' he thought. 'It makes sense, I suppose.'

As he opened the door to re-enter the carriage, he heard someone call him. "Hey Potter!" the voice called.

Harry turned around to see who was calling him. It was the twins. "Hey gents!" he said. "Come on in!" and held the door open for them.

"Nah!" said one.

"We're meeting someone," said the other.

"We'll try to come and see you..."

"... once we're on our way."

"That'd be great," said Harry.

As he was talking, one of Sixth year Slytherin Prefects walked up and interrupted. "Hey, Potter!" he sneered, standing up proudly. "I think this is our car." His friends looked on with glee.

"You thought wrong," said Harry. "This is the private car of the Heirs of the founders. That means me." Harry then slammed the door in the idiot's face and watched as he became angry and grasped the door handle. Like the Slytherin before him he snatched his hand back in shock as the handle - did whatever it did.

Chuckling, he moved back to the others, who had decided to take seat in a group in the parlour area.

"What's so funny?" asked Tracey.

"Oh, I've just been watching some idiot pureblood supremacists trying to get in," he chuckled. "Somehow, they seem to think this carriage is for them."

Daphne rolled her eyes as Tracey giggled. "For how long do you think they'll keep trying?"

"Probably for the entire trip and for quite a few trips to come," replied Harry. "I saw the twins, out there. I've invited them to join us but they're off to see their friends. They'll be by once we're under way."

"How will they get in?" asked Luna.

Surprised at the obviousness of the question, Harry hadn't thought of an answer. "Huh!" he said. "No idea."

Thinking for a few moments, he said, "Hang on." and moved to the front of the carriage. There was the door leading back up the train. He opened it and opened the door into the next carriage across the hitch. He was back in the normal train carriages.

'Okay,' he thought. Turning back to the founders' carriage he placed his hand on the door handle and felt the jolt of being recognised. 'Yep,' he thought. 'That'll be a problem.'

'Hmm.' Realising he already had the answer, he reached into his robes and drew out his prepared note he would have put on their compartment door:

TRY KNOCKING

'The Eight'

He affixed it to the door in the middle of the glass directly below the word 'Private' with a Sticking Charm, before stepping back to have a look at it.

'That'll do,' he thought, before closing the door.

Walking back to the others and taking seat on the loveseat next to Daphne, he said, "There. Done."

"What did you do?" asked Hannah.

"I put our 'Try Knocking' sign on the door between carriages," said Harry. "Someone'll just have to go and see who it is if we hear a knock."

Turning to look at Daphne, who had changed her position on the seat to lean on his shoulder, he said, "Sorry, love. I'm going to see if we have elves here."

Though she pouted, Daphne pulled away from him to allow him to rise again. He walked over to the bar and sat on one of the stools.

"Elf?" he asked.

With a pop Frosty appeared. "My Lord?"

"Oh, hello, Frosty," said Harry. "I thought there might be a different elf for the carriage."

"Would you like a different elf for the carriage?" asked the little elf, clearly unhappy to ask.

"I'm happy to have you serve us, Frosty," smiled Harry. "I just didn't want to take you away from your modernisation and refit work on the Gryffindor and Slytherin suites."

"I am happy to serve, my Lord; in whatever capacity you need," replied the elf.

"In that case, how about some drinks for my friends and me," said Harry.

"Of course, my Lord," bowed the elf.

Harry went back to sit with Daphne just as he felt the train begin to move. They were on their way back to London.

_‗_

-==(oIo)==-

\""/

About an hour into their trip, they received their first knock - after they first heard a yelp.

Laughing among themselves, Harry was about to get up and go take a look when Blaise said, "You wait there; oh, great and wonderful Lord Slytherin. Allow this lowly peasant to see what they want."

Harry, of course, the great and powerful Lord he is, blew him a raspberry.

Grinning back, Blaise walked to the door and opened it. Someone tried to step in and he blocked them from doing so.

"Blaise?" called Harry, wondering what was going on.

"It's a prefect, my Lord," he replied, calling back. "They seem insistent they be allowed in."

Harry sighed and muttered to Daphne, "I think I better go and resolve this issue to ensure it doesn't happen again."

She nodded and pulled back. "Go forth, my hero; and deal with the scoundrel."

Harry just snorted as the others laughed or giggled.

Walking over to the door, he said to Blaise, "Alright; I've got this. Thanks, Blaise."

As Blaise stepped out of his way, Harry stepped forward to block the door. He was faced with yet another angry Slytherin. This one, a girl and prefect. There was a second one standing behind her, also with an angry expression. "Alright," he sighed. "Why don't you try and tell me what this is about. Hmm?"

She thrust her chest out at him, turning just slightly, and angrily asked, "Do you know what this is?"

Harry looked down for a couple of moments before looking back up again to meet her eyes. "A nice pair of boobs?" he asked, trying to act innocent.

It was ruined by Blaise, standing just apart from him, snorting and choking while trying not to laugh.

"Not my boobs!" she barked at him, making the girls behind Harry squeal with laughter.

"What? You mean they're fake?" he gasped. "Can I squeeze 'em and see for myself?"

"No!" the girl practically screamed at him, going red with anger. His friends were practically howling with laughter behind him, while the girl behind her went red with embarrassment and had to look away.

Ignoring the laughter, she raised her hand and pointed at a prefect badge on the lapel of her robes, and said, "I meant - this!"

"I believe it's called a finger," Harry blandly replied.

Blaise hurried away half-choking on suppressed laughter.

"This - is a prefect badge!" she snarked.

"Oh, tha-at!" said Harry. "It's very pretty. Now, what does that have to do with you wanting to come into my private carriage?"

"It is the job of a prefect to inspect the Express. We have rounds and duties to follow," she said quite snootily, calming down again.

"Really?" asked Harry. "Tell me, what does the engineer look like?"

"Pardon?" she spluttered. Again, thrown off her stride.

"I asked you what the engineer looks like," Harry repeated. "If it's your job to inspect the Express; then, surely, you've been up to the engine compartment. Right?"

Spluttering again, she said, "No. Errr - No. I mean - it's our job to inspect the compartments to ensure the students are all safe."

"Good for you!" said Harry, suddenly beaming. "Then, go do so. There are no compartments in this private owners' carriage. Good day!" And slammed the door shut in her face.

He spun around and winked at his friends, and waited.

Sure enough, there was a bare hesitation before there was a banging on the door.

Evilly smirking at his friends, he changed his expression to one of polite enquiry, and spun back to the door.

Opening it and stepping back in to block the doorway he asked, "Yes?"

The same girl and her friend were still there. "As a prefect, I demand you let me in!"

"I'm not a prefect," said Harry, looking confused. "I'm the owner. Weren't you at the Leaving Feast, where I explained all this?"

"No, I'm a prefect," she said in angered exasperation. "And, I demand you let me in!"

Having now had enough fun with the idiot, Harry said, "I'm the owner; and I demand you go away! And, as the owner, I'm overriding your Head of House's instructions and altering your duties. As of right now, like the engine, the owners' carriage is not part of the train the prefects need to inspect. Good day to you, Miss I. Emma Prefect."

Furious again, she hissed, "We'll see about this!" And she spun about and stormed away; her friend trailing after her.

Just as Harry was about to close the door, the Weasley twins hurried around the corner. Both laughing.

"Hi, gents!" said Harry. "Come on in!" And stepped back, holding the door open for them.

The twins came in laughing.

"We think little Miss Henrietta Vaisey..."

"... is most wroth with you, Harry."

"Is that who that was?" asked Harry. "I thought she was I. Emma Prefect; though, she never actually introduced herself. I was just going to ask her what the 'I' stood for. But, I thought it might have been one of those horrid names like 'Ianthya', and she'd decided to use her middle name, instead. I was even going to introduce myself as H. James Potter and see if we could have found some common ground.

"Because - I tell ya - I wouldn't mind getting my hands on those fake boobs of hers and finding out whether they were spongy, or firm, or have much play in them, or even if it was just bra stuffing..."

"Harry James Potter!" Daphne barked at him with a squeal, interrupting his train of thought.

Looking around, Harry could see Blaise and the twins where rolling around on the floor literally howling with laughter, Neville was getting repeatedly smacked by a bright red Hannah while laughing his heart out, and the other girls, including Daphne and - especially - Luna, were bright red with embarrassment.

"Wha-at?" he asked, really playing up the innocent game. "You think they might not be fake, after all? That, she lied to me?" With a huff he said, "Well, that's just rude!"

"You will not talk about another girl's boobs, fake or otherwise..." Daphne barked at him before she was interrupted by another hard knocking on the door. "Oh, for Merlin's sake!" she huffed.

"I'll get it!" Harry sing-songed, as he practically skipped back to the door.

Opening it the same as with Miss Fake Boobs (or not) Vaisey, Harry asked, "Yes?"

The young woman on the other side drew herself up and said, "Mister Potter..."

"Lord Potter," interrupted Harry. Looking over her shoulder, Harry could see the delectable Miss Vaisey standing back and arrogantly smirking in perceived triumph.

"Mister Potter..." she tried again

"Lord Potter," he interrupted again.

With a sigh she said, "Very well. Lord Potter, I'm Head Girl Melin..."

"No-no!" Harry interrupted, appearing a little panicky. "You can't just be turning up at the door of my private carriage and offering me head, like that. My fiancée is sitting just over there..." he gestured, "... and she'd kill me if she..."

"Lord Potter," the girl interrupted, spluttering. "I assure you, I'm not here offering to give you head..."

"Oh! You want me to give it, do you?" interrupted Harry, pretending to catch on. "Sorry, but this tongue is reserved for that lovely..." he tried to gesture behind him as he was interrupted back.

"Lord Potter," the girl angrily interrupted, again, as Daphne and whoever else squealed behind him. This girl was really starting to channel that red blush now. "I'm not giving, or receiving, head from..."

"Well, I bet that really pisses your boyfriend off!" said Harry. "Oh! No! Sorry! Wait!" he mock-spluttered with horror, as the girl looked back with a similar expression. "You're aware of the laws surrounding Heads of Noble Houses being able to have more than one wife, and you're here to hint what you'd like to do to me if given a chance! I get it! That's what that 'head' remark was all about. Alright Miss Head - wink, wink - Girlmelin. I can play that game. I'd like to talk about my broomstick, and wonder if you'd like to take a ride on it - wink, wink."

She slapped him and stormed off.

Harry closed the door and turned back to his friends. "Well, I think that went very well; don't you?"

While everyone else - including the girls, this time - where laughing - some from embarrassment - blushing and trying not to laugh, Hermione walked over and grabbed him by the chin with her left hand. "Here, you," she growled, raising her wand and casting a Healing Charm on the handprint that had sprung up on his cheek.

When she finished, she stepped back, glared at him and said, "You're incorrigible, you know that?" And, not waiting for an answer, she spun about and marched back to her chair.

People had just started settling down again when there was yet another yelp - male, this time - followed by a banging on the door.

Harry immediately grinned and started to rise when Daphne snagged him by the back of his robes and yanked him back into his seat. "Oh, no, you don't!" she half-growled. As Harry tried to straighten himself out she turned to Blaise and asked, "Blaise? Would you mind?"

With a grin, Blaise said, "Not at all, Milady" And jumped to his feet before hurrying to the door.

He hesitated, just a moment, before yanking the door open and stepping into the gap. Before the boy on the other side could say anything, Blaise called back with a bit of a whine in his voice, "Oh, Merlin! Harry, you were supposed to tell the service we wanted girl prostitutes! They sent us a bloke!"

"I am not a prostitute!" squawked the male voice from beyond the door.

"No, no!" said Blaise, with his off hand coming up in a placating gesture. "I didn't mean to give offence! What's that term they use, these days? Oh, yes! You're a lady's close male companion. That's right; isn't it?"

Harry began giggling. He hated when he did that. But, it's what he did when he was trying to stifle his laughter. It didn't help that Daphne kept smacking him up the back of the head, as he was doing so.

"I am not that, either!" squawked the boy, even more indignant.

"Of course not," Blaise scoffed. "You need to be discreet. I understand that.

"Now, no one here ordered your - specialised services, if you know what I mean - so, we're sorry you undertook a wasted trip. However, we can make it worth your while. And, my, you do have the body for it, don't you?

"There's a girl running about on the train who goes by the name 'Head Girlmelin', she appears to be quite - umm - in need of a close male companion, if you know what I mean. Could you go and - you know - have a chat with her and this other girl named 'I Emma Prefect' - who, we think, has fake boobs, quite frankly.

"Both of them and some others wearing nice shiny badges - like you've got there - seem to be operating under the misconception they have a right to enter the private carriage of Lord Potter-Slytherin-Gryffindor. They don't, of course; but, they do seem insistent. I think it might be repressed sexual urges clouding their logical thought centres."

Harry had abandoned his seat next to Daphne on the couch to escape getting hit all the time, and joined the other guys - including Neville - on the floor of the carriage, rolling around trying not to laugh.

"Please go and - you know," said Blaise to the boy on the other side of the door, "be a close male companion to - sorry - for them, and do what you do to set them straight on that point, would you? There's a good chap." And he hurriedly closed and latched the door before spinning about and grinning like a loon.

With the door finally closed Harry and the other three boys on the floor were howling with laughter and occasionally getting kicked by one of the girls; who were still trying not to laugh.

"Who..." chuckled Harry. "Who - was that?"

"Sixth year male Ravenclaw prefect," Blaise replied with a smug smirk and a shrug. "Roger Davies, I think."

"That was Rog?" exclaimed Harry. "Oh, Merlin! He's going to be pissed with me when we get back. I'm going to have to invite him to the wedding by way of apology."

It didn't stop him laughing about it, though.

_‗_

-==(oIo)==-

\""/

The next knock was a while later and was quite a timid one. They almost didn't hear it.

Harry said, "I've got this." And walked over to the door. He took a peek out past the blind and saw it was a small group of timid First Year girls from across the Houses.

He sighed and turned back to the others. "It's a gaggle of female Firsties. Now, I can be a real mongrel, here, and scare the life out of them; or, I can let them in. What say you?"

The Weasley twins were all for scaring the crap out of them; but, everyone else was of the opinion he should let them in. With a sad nod, Harry turned back to the door.

Opening it, gently, he looked down and smiled. "Ladies," he calmly said. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

A couple of them looked to another and nudged her a couple times. "Umm..." she said.

Harry waited a moment or two before sighing and flinging the door open. "Come in, then," he said.

They all came in and stood in a tight group in the middle of the floor, looking a little scared. He gently closed the door and walked past them, taking a nearby seat so he wasn't towering over them.

Looking to the others, he asked, "Were we ever this small?"

"Yep," replied Blaise, adding a smile of his own.

"Alright, ladies," said Harry turning back to them. "I take it you came down here to talk to me or ask me a question or two. I promise I won't yell, scream, shout at you or otherwise tell you off for doing so. So, who's your spokes lady?"

He already knew because he saw the girls nudging her earlier. They did it again while the girl stood there, blushing away, and trying to get up the courage. Leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs, Harry said to the girl, "It's Miss MacDonald, right? Miss Natalie MacDonald?"

Little Miss MacDonald snapped her head up and stared at Harry in shock and awe. "You - you know my name?" she asked, almost squeaked.

"Yes, I do," said Harry. "I watched you being sorted into Gryffindor last September."

"Wow!" she said and blushed again, before looking down and away.

"Now, now," he gently said. "Where's that Gryffindor courage, hmm?"

"I - we - wanted to know - if - umm..." she stuttered.

Harry just sat there and patiently waited. He knew she'd get there sooner or later. But, when she hesitated and looked unable to continue, Harry softly said, "Gryffindors forward, Natalie."

She nodded. Taking a breath and holding it for a moment, she blurted, "We-want-to-know-if-you-have-any-photographs-we-ca n-have." And let the rest of the air she was holding in her lungs out in a loud sigh.

Harry chuckled and asked, "You mean of me, right?"

She looked up and nodded before looking down again. Harry glanced over at Daphne and grinned.

"I've been expecting this," said Harry, sitting back a bit. "Congratulations; you're the first to ask." Leaning back forward again, he asked, "You know Colin Creevey, right? Dennis Creevey's big brother?"

She glanced up and nodded.

"Well, this morning I asked Colin to take some photographs of me dressed really nice. He had his camera with him and took some really nice photographs just this afternoon. If you go and ask him nicely, I'm sure he'll set one or two aside for you; but, you'll have to pay him a small fee for them. Alright?"

Natalie looked up and smiled before blushing and nodding again.

"Is that all you wanted to ask?" he asked.

Another hesitation but she quietly asked, "Can - can you show us that big deer you made appear in the Great Hall, again?"

"It's called a Patronus, Natalie; and yes, I can show you again," replied Harry. "Would you like me to show you now?"

"Yes, please," she practically begged.

Harry chuckled and drew his wand. He gathered his most powerful memory of he and Daphne - one dealing with a particular intimate moment - and cast it down the length of the carriage. "Expecto Patronum!" he almost whispered.

Prongs burst forth from his wand tip on the other side of where the boys were sitting. They moved out of the way to let the Patronus walk back between them.

Holding the charm steady with a fair bit of magic pumping into it, he asked the young girl, "Would you like to touch him?"

She nodded and carefully brought her hand forth. Prongs assisted by ducking his head and nuzzling the palm of her hand. As her hand appeared to 'meet' Prongs, she gasped. "It - tingles!" she whispered. "It - feels really nice!"

That brought the other young girls around to also 'touch' him. They ooh'ed and aah'ed and excitedly chattered a little among themselves. He heard one of the young girls whisper to her friend, "It makes me feel all funny - down there." His eyes widened at the implications of that and blushed, as her friend nodded in agreement.

When it appeared they had enough, and were dropping their hands, he said, "Thank you, Prongs," and allowed the form to fade away.

"Anything else, ladies?" he asked them.

Most of them shook their heads while young Miss MacDonald said, "Thank you - Lord P-otter - umm..."

Harry interrupted her as she got tongue-tied and said, "You were brave enough to ask me questions, Natalie; you can call me Harry. Actually, you can all call me Harry.

"Now, don't forget to go and see Colin before the train pulls into Kings Cross to ask for a photo or two. Otherwise, you'll have to wait until September to see him, again."

"Thank you - Harry." She tried to curtsey before the whole lot bolted for the door and let themselves out.

When they were gone Daphne rose, walked over to him, dragged him onto his feet by a fistful of his robes, and snogged him good and proper.

When she pulled away he said, "Not that I'm complaining, mind. But, what was that for?"

"For proving to me you're going to make a great father," she said, before giving him a huge hug.

_‗_

-==(oIo)==-

\""/

Shortly before they were to arrive at Kings Cross, there was another knock on the door. Harry opened it to see Lee Jordan stand there, with a slight smile on his face.

Harry exclaimed, "Lee!" Then reached out, snagged the boy by the front of his windcheater, and dragged him into the carriage, slamming the door behind him.

"Lee!" Harry exclaimed again, and wrapped the boy in a big hug. "I've missed you, man!" he mock-sobbed.

Harry couldn't see the expression on the other boy's face; but, it made the twins, Neville and Blaise crack up laughing.

Releasing the boy from his near-crushing hug he held him by the upper biceps out at arm's length. "Why have you forsaken me?" he mock-wailed.

Bug-eyed and gobsmacked, Lee replied, "Jeezus, Harry!"

That had the other boys howling with laughter, again.

Realising he'd been well and truly pranked, Lee shrugged off Harry's hand and grumped, "Okay, ya got me."

Harry grinned back, chuckled and moved back to sit with Daphne. "Anyone know how much longer we've got before we arrive?"

"I think we just passed Aylesbury; so, only about thirty minutes," replied Blaise, looking out the window at the type of scenery they were passing.

After chatting with everyone, for a while, Lee suggested to the twins they make a move back to their compartment. It would be difficult for them to collect their trunks if they delayed too much longer.

The others remained in the owners' carriage until they arrived.

_‗_

-==(oIo)==-

\""/

Pulling in to the station, Harry opened the station-side door and found the clip to latch it open.

Then he debarked and assisted each of the ladies out of the carriage before helping unload all nine trunks. He and Neville picked each trunk up and placed them on waiting trolleys as Blaise slid them along the floor to the door.

Once they were all out, he turned to see Cygnus, Isabel, Aunt Amelia, Gran, the Davises and the Abbotts all looking at the carriage in surprise, if not a little shock.

Seeing their expressions, Harry moved to the open door and said, "Come; hop on board."

The parents and guardians all hopped on board and had a look, around.

"Why wasn't this part of the train when I went to school?" asked Aunt Amelia for all of them.

"I believe this was added because I've claimed my Hogwarts' Lordships," said Harry. "It's the owners' private carriage. I have no idea, however, how it came to be included as part of the train. I didn't organise it."

After everyone else had disembarked, and Harry had a good look around to make sure no one left anything behind, Harry stepped out pulling the door shut behind him. He didn't want anyone coming along later and 'doing something' within it.

He then floo'ed back to the Greengrass Estate with his family.

_‗_

-==(oIo)==-

\""/