chapter 10
"You've grown to be so straightforward," he adds and I scoff.
"Enough of your talk and bulls…just answer the question."
He sucks his teeth and stresses himself with his hands in the pockets of his Jean. "Why? It's not like you're going to believe a word I say." He's right. I might not believe him. But at least I'll be relieved if he says he didn't do it, whether it's the truth or not.
"Correct, but you have to make me believe you."
He nods slightly. "I didn't do it, I didn't kill Zack."
"But that night…"
"I know what I said that night, and that was only because…Zack was going to run away."
My head spins. "What?" I utter in confusion.
"The reason why he was seeing me often was because he needed my help to find his Mother." I shake my head. Revelation after Revelation. "You don't look surprised." He looks into my face.
"Detective Chrome told me. I mean, I don't know if I should be mad at him or not." I feel like my head is going to explode. I don't even know the mother of someone I called my best friend. How am I sure his real name is Zack?
"Why not? Just because he's dead doesn't mean you shouldn't be mad at him for keeping secrets. He might have his reasons, but you shouldn't suppress your feelings just because you pity him."
"I'm awed to hear that from you," I scoff.
"Wha-what's that supposed to mean? It's not like you aren't mad at me," he says.
I position myself so I can look into his face properly. Does he think this is a joke? He murdered someone in front of me. He ruined my childhood. He gave me a series of nightmares. I had tons of sleepless nights because of him, and he thinks I'm only mad at him?! No! I'm not mad, I'm angry!!!
"Because being mad is a good thing?"
He takes a step back, probably noticing my wrath. "No, but it's a way to show your emotions."
I scoff as I look away. "Because you fucking care about emotions!" I yell. Something is beginning to boil inside of me, and I notice my eyes welling up with scalded water.
"Anna…" he holds up his hands.
"Don't you fucking call me that!" I spank his hand away, and he drifts backward.
He keeps quiet, eyes on the ground, while I let my tears burn down my cheeks. "Fine," he says after a while. "I'm sorry, okay?" His face gradually turns red. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry you had to witness Mikaela's death. I'm sorry I ruined your life. I'm sorry you lost Zack, and I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. I'm sorry I was taken away and left you to deal with so much pain all by yourself…" I'm shocked to see the water forming in his eyes. "Arianna I am so so sorry!" The water breaks and rushes down like heavy rain. "I'm sorry I spent more time with Mikaela and not you. So it's okay to blame me for everything. Even though I'm not at fault, I'll take the blame for it and I'll be sorry." He cries. And after he's done he sniffs and wipes his eyes and Marches into the house. I feel a mite of guilt.
JEREMY.
A heart can melt a hundred times, but yet it will still be solid, just so it can melt a thousand more. I thought I was strong enough to face the truth and live with it. But damn, it so fucking hard, especially when I'm standing in front of disintegrated and unfortunate Mikaela. Can I ever forgive myself for being such a messed-up friend? Is there any way to make it right? I squat below her stone which reads: MIKEALA AYESHA JOHNSON. From 2007 - 2018. She was too sweet to have lived such a short life. I remember so well when she sacrificed her grades for mine. She chose to help me study when she had a scholarship exam to study for the next day. I remember all those blames she took on my behalf, breaking the flower vase, lying that I was at her place when I was actually with Arianna at Kreamy, or when she insisted on giving back Arianna's book to her, but that didn't go well, did it? I guess this is the reason why bad things always happen to good people. How did she go from being so alive to be so dead? "I miss you MJ, I miss you so much." I ride back home with a heavy heart which I've been carrying around for the past five years.
"Jeremy!" I hear the screech of my name as I take off my helmet. Following the voice, it lands my gaze at Anna. Her eyes admonish me of her anger, and my body elevates questions, like why is she mad? What have I not done this time? And why did she scream my name knowing she's calling it for the first time in years?
She marches towards me. "I'll just go straight to the point." She did go straight to the point, just that it was painful because I had to accept things I didn't do, and it's even more painful when she accuses me of it. Whenever I look at her, I have this undying hope that she will hug me and I'll cry on her shoulders and she'll tell me it's okay, and she'll forgive me for being such a biased friend. But that's nothing but hope which dies instantly with one glare.
ARIANNA.
Why am I feeling guilty? I haven't done anything but say the truth to his face. The last time I saw Jeremy cry was when I told him my parents didn't want me to be around him and I was going to obey them. "So you're leaving me? I thought we were Best friends for life." He cried as if his life depended on our friendship, even though he and Mikeala were tight. And now I feel like I'm treating him poorly, but how am I supposed to treat him? He killed someone. A tinted GMK drives past me and takes a turn to Oscar's driveway. I stand still, curiously waiting to know who the fat cat is. The door clicks and opens. First is the Polished red nails on the double-inched shoe, then it's the glowing skin of a white Chick. She steps out of the car and hangs her purse on her shoulder. I roll my eyes. Eww. It's Delilah Oscars, Jeremy's mother. She probably got the car from one of her rich boyfriends, which makes me pity Jeremy. You can tell it's not fully his fault he turned out this way, he just happens to have a ratchet and disgusting mother.
She sucks her teeth standing in front of me. "If it's not the world's best friend," she smiles a sweet but devilish smile.
"I don't want trouble," I tell her because I know troubles are all she can ever offer.
"Me too dear, so I'll appreciate it if you don't come anywhere near my property," she glares at me, then takes a step forward. "You don't even stand next to it."
I feel her hatred in her chirped voice, then I look at where I'm at, it's next to her house. I shake my head. "I'll go," I tell her and proceed to my house.
"Baby doll," she calls me before I can cross to my house, and I turn to face her. "If you oblige to my word, you won't regret a thing," she threatens. It would have been easy to understand she was the one who killed Mikaela, she has always had that killer vibes you know. It was more than cruel of her not to shed a tear at her husband's funeral. I can still remember her rocking an all-black trouser suit with her tinted sunglasses on, and the way she was fanning herself and chewing gum when the sermon was going on. She's more flinty than Jeremy. I roll my eyes and cross to my house.
I spend the rest of the day trying to focus on my studies for the upcoming exam which is just three days away. The night draws quicker than the rise of the morning.
I startle as my mom barges into my room. "Sorry, I should have knocked," she says standing beside the door.
I pay less attention as I get up from the bed. "It's fine," I say walking to the bathroom. "I was hoping we could make some samosa together." I hear her footsteps behind me.
I turn to face her. "I'm tired, maybe some other night," I tell her before stepping into the bathroom.
"Okay." Her voice is small. "Are you coming down for dinner?!"
"I'll pass!" I say as I zip down my clothes and hang them on the rack. I turn on the hot water and it melts my body, then I hear my door open and close. The shower is great but it's not capable of washing down the pains of losing Zack, witnessing Mikeala's death, and being robbed of my childhood. I get out of the shower and put on my nightwear, then I throw myself on the bed. I close my eyes trying to fall asleep, then someone barges into my room again. Surprisingly I'm not surprised, It seems like I'm getting used to people invading my privacy.
"Future?" Damn, what the hell is he doing in my room? I pretend to be asleep knowing I can't fool him, but I have to try because I don't want to speak with him. "I know you're awake," he says. I know he knows that, and I also know he knows that I know he knows that.
"Come downstairs for dinner," he says, but I can never mistake him for a caring Dad.
"I'm not hungry," I mumble into the pillow.
"I'm not asking," he says. Fuck it how he thinks he has right over everything that goes on in my life. The clothes I wear, the people I talk with, the places I go to, the way I speak? How on earth did I let him have such power over me?
"What?" I sit up, looking at him in his eyes, fearlessly. "You gonna force the food into my mouth?" For the past 16 years of my existence, this would be the first time I'm standing up to Mr Langford.
He smirks as he throws his face away, as his gaze falls back on me, I find out he's not smiling which spikes my heart a little. "Do you have something you want to say to me?" He buries his hands into his pockets. I have lots and lots of things I want to say that I won't be able to finish if I'm given 72 hours.
"Why did you delete the messages and calls I received from Zack the day he died?" I stand up from the bed as I question my scary father.
"It would I've looked bad on your side," he says.
I scoff. What?! "You mean the opposite right? Because it already looks bad on my side!" I yell. Wow! It feels good yelling at him.
"What do you think? That I deleted it to frame you? You are my daughter!" He yells back.
"Well, it doesn't feel like that!" I yell even louder, and both Charity and my mom barge into my room.
"Is everything okay?" Mom asks, looking back and forth at me and Mr Langford. Does everything look okay? That's what I want to say to her, but that would only mean passing my aggression to her.
"Yeah, everything is fine. I just want to sleep, or do I also need permission for that?" I ask, glaring at Mr. Langford.
"Honey, let's give her her space…" She tells her darling husband.
"Please…" she adds. He stares at me for a while before stepping out. He was probably thinking I've grown wings to stand my ground with him, and I think so too.
"Good night dear," Mother says as she steps out, dragging Charity along with her. I go to sleep with a heavy heart. First I fought with Jeremy, then Mr Langford, and now I can't get over the thought of being a suspect in a murder investigation.
JEREMY.
I wake up, get dressed for school and head downstairs where I find my mother preparing scrambled eggs.
"Am I dead?" I think out loud.
She turns to me and grins. "Goodmorning baby," she says.
I crease my brows as I step closer to the kitchen. Wait. "Are you dead? Maybe we are both dead."
She laughs. "Okay, sit your ass down big boy, and enjoy heaven, if that's where we are." She dishes out the scrambled eggs and serves them on both plates for dinner. Delilah never cooks, she can't risk spoiling her polished nails. All we eat is different kinds of cereal at home, while we find good food outside. I reluctantly sit down, staring at the food, too afraid to taste it. I mean, she has never cooked before, does she even know how to? "Come on, you'll love it," she whispers to me then flips her hair behind her. Why did she decide to cook? What if she's trying to poison me? My mother is the last person I can trust.
"Shot!" I look at my Wristwatch. "I'm late, I'll get something to eat on my way to school," I say, standing up.
"But honey…" she stands up, "I made this food with so much love," she says, and I give her a dumbfounded look.
"For who?" I ask, and she purses her lips. I force myself and kiss her on the cheek so she doesn't suspect anything.
"I'll see you later," I tell her and proceed to the door.
"Love you! Be good!" She yells at my fade.
I try not to laugh. It's like the Devil advising his disciples to repent.
ARIANNA.
I'm too weak to get up from my bed. And I can't afford to miss school because it's revision day. Argh! I force myself up and trudge to the bathroom. I shower, brush my teeth and get dressed. Strangely, nobody came to check up on me, my mom or Charity always do every morning.
I go downstairs. "Samosa time!" Mommy squeals, and I startle and burst into laughter.
"God! Don't ever do that," I tell her, taking my seat in the dining room.
"If that's the only thing that can make you laugh this loud, I'll continue doing it." She places a plate of Samosa in front of me and pours some orange juice for me.
"Thanks, but I thought you made samosa last night," I say.
"Nope! Not when her sweet baby girl ain't in the mood," Charity says over the phone she has been busy on. I roll my eyes. But just as I am about to dive into my food, Mr. Langford appears before me.
"Good morning Daddy," Charity says Chirpily.
Mr. Langford takes his seat at the front of the dining room before me. "Morning," he replies.
I'm really mad at him right now. I'm at the stage where I no longer fear his worst side. I pull back the chair and stand up. I pick up my school bag and wear it over my shoulders.
"Where do you think you're going?" Mom asks.
"To school. I've lost my appetite."
"Well, you better find it young lady," Mom growls. At first, I was shocked, but nah. I proceed to the door, but just as I wrap my hand around the knob…"ARIANNA LATISHA LANGFORD, breakfast now!!!" She yells, pressing her fingertip on the dining table. I'm not shocked to see my mom in such a feisty mood, I'm shocked to hear her call me LATISHA, the last time I remember that was Charity's middle name. I sigh and stride back to the dining, while Charity stares at Mom with wide eyes. It is a quick and silent breakfast, without Mr Langford uttering a word. Afterward, Charity rides me to school, which is boring, yet noisy, she won't stop talking about clueless things. Finally, we get to school. As I'm about to get off the car, I feel the need to ask her about Zack. "Chas..?"
"Huh?" She responds. She was at the party that night, she was one of the people who had the most fun time, maybe she noticed something about Zack…or maybe she didn't. She has nothing to do with this, I shouldn't bring her into it.
"Never mind," I tell her and step out of the car.
Walking down the hallway I can't stop but notice people gazing at me, it's as if I'm an interesting cinema movie.
"Miss Langford," Principal Casablanca calls from afar.
I pause for a second as I see Alisyn, Matthew, Jeremy, and Detective Chrome standing together with Principal Casablanca.
What the hell is going on?