ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴇxɪꜱᴛ?

——•✧✦ A cut for silence I ✧✦•——

"I can feel my organs decomposing."

After this sentence, both animals in the room remained silent. 

The air was thick with an unspoken tension, the kind that clung to the walls and seeped into every crevice.

The man, in his forties, sat vigilantly yet relaxed, his eyes narrowing as he sank further into the worn leather armchair, tired of fighting a repetitive and monotonous war.

Meanwhile, the young man, with a steady gaze, full of life, and smiling, watched him with inner disgust, confused about where to direct it.

"Alexander, we need to address these feelings. What happened again this week that brought you to this point?"

Tilting his head slightly, as if a boulder were pressing against it, the parasite responded annoyed by such a personal question.

"You do your job very well; I wonder who gave you the license." 

Dr. Mitchell tilted his head slightly, a silent invitation for the customer to continue. 

Alexander declared, another bitter smile curling his lips. "At last, we will get an end to this miserable circus."

The doctor's usual practice of not using a notebook was meant to create a relaxed atmosphere, to stimulate a friendly conversation.

Yet against that monster, none of this would have worked.

"I saw someone..."

His gaze drifting to the window where the afternoon light filtered through the blinds, casting long shadows across the room.

Dr. Mitchell said gently, leaning forward slightly. His fingers tapped rhythmically on the armrest, a subconscious effort to maintain a connection.

"Alex, you know that hallucinations are a symptom of your disorder. They aren't real."

"This time was different, I felt like I knew her. Or maybe I just remember her blonde hair." 

His shoulders were hunched, as if bracing for an invisible blow while he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, the strands sticking up in defiance.

"Alex, your life has value. You are not just a spectacle for others."

As only response, he received another fixed stare.

"But tell me, do you still sometimes see people completely painted in black?"

"Well, yes, it generally happens when I am myself, or when I come back from my room."

"How's it going with that girl you knew? I think her name was N.."

Putting a finger in front of the mouth, pressing the lips into a thin line. "Spare me. Today, finally, I will hear that sweet symphony." 

Dr. Mitchell sighed, years of practice hadn't prepared him for Alexander's eyes.

"Still with that story? Why don't you start over? Maybe now you'll find a different meaning if you think about it again."

"Alright, but I will tell you everything as if you were right inside my head."

As he said it, he seemed extremely calm, pointing to his forehead with a finger.

˜"°•.   ♪   .•°"˜

"Hey, what's up with you? Get up, we need to bring my stuff inside."

As always, I found myself lost in my thoughts.

Of course, this time it was different since there was a certain someone with me.

"Ale, why are you standing in front of those boxes?"

It was March 14th of this year. As you know, I have this ability to almost replay that chunk, allowing me to nearly relive it in person.

"Don't waste time. We still have a few hours before your parents arrive, so hurry."

Ah, a certain creature must be thinking about what I'm doing.

So, turning slowly and lowering my gaze, spreading my lips, and raising my eyebrows by 30% I will say.

"Alright, Elaija. Here I am, I was thinking about plans."

This should be enough, but now he could become ironic.

"I am pleased that you possess this skill, but now come back to the present, these boxes won't take themselves up to the second floor."

What a disgust.

"So you should hurry, right? There are still many people down here, you know I hate that they know what I'm doing..."

"Ale, still with this nonsense? Why does it bother you so much, that.. they just see you?"

Ahh, my dear witnesse, maybe I should explain the situation better, but I don't think I need to, after all, I'm a selfish person who doesn't have much time left, so let's move the time slightly forward now.

🔺−−− ☁ −−−🔺

Honestly, as you might have briefly understood, I detest others knowing or seeing who I am or what I do.

The reason may maybe unknown even to me, but now let's return to reality.

I have to think about what to do, since this creature lives with me now.

"So, what do you think of this place?"

Awkward conversation mode: on

"Honestly, it's stranger than I thought. At the station, I already had to fight to keep hold of my luxury: the bottle of water I got from the store near my house."

"Ahh, yes, I understand. I warned you that only strange people live here."

"Well, yes, I had that in mind because of you, but this is too much.."

"It's quite funny.. I.. wait, you must be tired. Wouldn't you like to go to sleep?"

After all, you've traveled for 14 hours. I think it's normal for you animals to be tired.

"Actually, what I'd prefer is a shower, but it might take me an hour because of my hair."

True, your hair is very long. Mine is only a third of that, but gradually I'll catch up to you.

Wait.. Ah ye.

"Go ahead and take your shower; I specifically prepared a couple of new towels for you."

I wonder if Isolde has molted... 

"I'm going out for a bit, so as soon as you finish, go to your room."

"By the way, you're okay, right? I mean, after that incident?"

Now I turn towards him, spreading my arms and leaning slightly forward, accompanied by a bright smile that only a former supermarket clerk can possess.

"Naturally, after all, I am always me."

🔺−−− ☁ −−−🔺

Alright, now that I'm outside, I can head towards the woods, to my secret place.

Of course, I will miss living, after all, I have lived for 20 years.

Certainly, Elaija must feel "betrayed", but at least I left a note and a letter for him, to find my body along with my so-called "will", which, honestly, was fun to record because I got to talk to my entire family.

Not that I care much about them, but I feel I owe them that.

"Good morning, Alex."

Damn, I just stepped out for a few seconds and there they are already.

"Good morning to you too, Mr. Luis."

I live in such a small town that we almost all know each other.

And here are more animals; it's better to take this street where there's never anyone around.

"Ugh, wait, someone is calling me."

Please, don't let it be him again...

"Oh no, it's that bastard Elaija, he scared me."

"What do you need?"

"Go get me a drink, the usual one I always drink."

"You know I always drink lemon tea and have an industrial quantity of it at home."

"Now I'll leave you, I don't want the others to hear my voice."

"Man, you're really crazy."

I'm not crazy, I just have a different point of view.

"See you later."

"Ah, Ale, where are you going?"

"To paradise."

"Hahah, you mean, to the bookstore?"

Of course, right there... and.. I don't even know if I'll end up in paradise... if it even exists.

After all, this is also an experience, and if there is nothing, at least this torture will stop.

"Listen, at this point, why don't you wait until I finish my shower and we go together?"

Seriously? What do you want from me, leaveee me alone.

"Nah, I ordered a book called "The Soul of Heaven." I'll go pick it up and then come back to you."

"Alright, do it quickly, because I think it will last less than expected."

"I hope so too. I hope."

🔺−−− ☁ −−−🔺

What a journey it has been to get here, and honestly, I would have liked to see Isolde, my beautiful one...

I wonder what will become of my "children", or my things...

At least I left enough money for my mother to cremate me.

I will forever be a vase of ashes, even though now my value is not much different from a similar object.

As a young kid, I always saw this act as senseless; strangely, now I find it the only salvation, not so much from these 100% true coincidences, but from my mind.

You know, having the ability to think is one of the most evil curses in the world.

Some of you might also remember the symphony I mentioned before.

Well, it is called the Symphony of Silence.

It doesn't have much to do with music, despite having a similar name, yet it is what I most desire to hear in the world.

The only thing is that it is almost impossible, and it happens in rare moments like these.

But now I don't want to bore you with my motivations, my damned viewer, nor to lecture you.

Am I just wasting time, right?

You think I can't do it, huh?

Try Me Bitch!

Do you see these cuts?

Making a deeper one on the veins won't be too difficult.

From now on, it will be the end credits for you.

So now I start.