Chapter 20: Yumi V.S. Gittarackur

OMG! The 20th chapter guys! I'm so surprised that I made it this far! Anyway recently I decided to try my luck out on Whattpad im addition to my Webnovel and Quotev. I haven't put up all the chapters yet but I will! So please if you like this story and have whattpad view it, add it to library and all that fun stuff so it can reach more people! Anyway that's enough of me. 

Seeker Out!

P.S. A bit of a warning there is a lot Yumi just thinking in this chapter as I really don't know how else I'm supposed to convey her thoughts and her reasoning. Sorry 😅

P.S.P.S. I frogot who asked last chapter but here is a longer chapter. And I didn't even mean it! The thing is I've been planning and fantasising this scene for a bit so I was super excited to write it. And now that I am I really can't stop! As of writing this note I'm at 9.7 pages long! This is the longest chapter I've ever wrote ever period! And I'm not even done!

(Yumi POV)

'I really want to get this over with' Is all that was on my mind as I entered the fighting area. I see the guy whom I just remembered his name (and no it wasn't the bee girls boyfriend. I know I was surprised as well) Pokkle. 

'Its quite the stupid name' I start thinking as I let my mind wander. The guy seeing my distracted face got irritated that I was not even paying attention to him while we where about to fight. 

So in retaliation he brings out his bow and shoots a arrow at me. "What are you even thinking about! Focus on our fight!" He shouts.

I easily (well not really but it looked easy) deflect the bow, swatting it away with my left hand.

"I'm thinking about how stupid your name is" I explain, not really 'eager' to fight this match. I'm still in a horrible mood and only a bit of time to myself can fix that so this guy is out of luck.

"My name isn't stupid!" The guy says offened making me roll my eyes with a sigh.

"If you say so" I then turn to Netero raising my hand.

'Like hell I'm gonna deal with this sh*t again. I know that Killua is gonna kill that useless guy soon. Even if it irritates me that his useless yandere brother is gonna mess him up in the head. I've already weighed all my options and I know that even if I kill this guy and get disqualified, I still really need a hunter license for my later plans. So I have to mentally prepare myself for when Killua gets hurt and position myself to console and encourage Gon and the others to help them get through this. Long story short I have a lot to do'

"Netero I'm gonna lose again." I say as I walk away, choosing this time to rest my back on the wall next to Netero farther from the main four. I really didn't want them to ask me anything as I still haven't fully sorted my feelings into boxes in my head and heart. 

I only notice once I've gotten to the wall but an eerie silence enveloped the hallway. It's clear everyone was confused but it's not like I'd ever explain myself so they move on.

The only thing that Yumi seemed to forget was that in her losing against Pokkel after Hisokas and the Kunfu guy she had to face Killua. 

Once she relized this she started to panic, to sweat even. 

'Oh Sh*t! I'm so useless! I can't believe I actually frogot this! I just ruined everything! I could've just threatened the useless guy and everything would've gone fine. But no! Because I couldn't figure out these emotions in time and was too distracted I didn't relize. But I couldn't bear to fight Killua. I'd rather conced. But if I do that then I'd have to fight Illumi and trust me I would do so in a heart beat but that would mean that he couldn't face Killua. That would mean that Killua wouldn't go rogue and even if I wouldn't mind that. The whole cast especially me needs to get stronger. And I need to meet the Zoldick family to do somthing!'

My face soon falls understanding what I must do. I really hate to do this. I'm goinging against the main cast, the whole reason I'm living, the whole reason I'm in this world, the whole reason this world even exists.

'There just has to be another way! What if we just ask him to visit his house again? No wouldn't they tie him down and whip him! No! Dammit dammit dammit! I don't care. In the end no matter what I wanted to do at the Zoldick manner it'll all have to wait. Even if it stops the main four from getting stronger. I'll make sure to get stronger in their stead. Cause under any circumstances will I ever cause them any pain!'

So when it reaches my turn I don't even bother stepping out. To Killuas great irritation.

"Come on aren't we gonna fight?" Killua asks.

I shake my head. "I drop out"

Netero looks at me calmly. "So you accept that you will only have two more chances left to get your license?" I look at Netero just as calm as he's looking at me answering with my eyes in which me accepts.

"Yumi forfits." Netero says looking away.

"No way!" Killua says glaring at me. Looking at his eyes towards me pained me more then I thought it would but I keep on consoling myself with the thought that it's for him in the end.

"Yumi get out here! We are fighting and we are fighting now" I just look at him coldly and look away pising the boy off further as he starts to ruffle his hair and make sense of the situation.

"Is it that you think that I'm stronger than you?! I'm sure that we're both curious as who is stronger?! Let's find out! Come on Yumi get out here!"

I stay in my place not budging. A murderous auora starts to fill the room a sign that Killua is clearly loosing his temper as he starts to walk towards me slowly. 

'What is he going to do? Slap me?! Punch me! Maybe even choke me out!'

Now these thoughts really excited me, as even with the seriousness of the situation I still really missed pain. Thankfully with my super quick recovery and my injuries turning out to be a fracture and not a broken bone I was out of both my casts this morning.

The pain from that fight with Hanzo has been able to tide me over but I really want more now. I can't harm myself like I'd just opt for in my past life as I have people who would actually care if I did that now. But that just made me more and more impatient and with the emotional turmoil that still follows me due to Killuas rejection of my help and me. Well I just needed the pain to distract me.

So I lead Killua on. 

"What are you gonna do? Kill me" I say a cold teasing tone encasing my voice. 

Now this obviously alerted many men in black but with a wave of his hand Netero stops all of their advances obviously wanting to see how this played out.

As Killua steps closer keeping eye contact the entire time he soon is right in front of me. He is so close I can smell him and his breath (that was minty by the way).

"Yumi why won't you fight me eh?!" He says but even with his bloodlust going everywhich way I can still feel that this is mostly out of a place of confusion rather then anger, but I was too preoccupied by the thought of him possibly injuring me hoping that he chooses to strangle as I haven't had that done to me in a while.

"You are whinning like I child" I say teasing playfully changing up my atmosphere.

"I won't fight because I don't feel like it and that's all. You don't have to worry about anything else on that matter" I finish off matter a factly. 

As he sharpens his hand I can tell that Killua dosn't want to seriously hurt me I can feel it quite easily. He probably just wants to get me to act and properly fight him but unknowingly this is what I wanted. I wanted this pain.

I'm not sure if Killua saw the greediness in my eyes or just heard my thoughts. Because all of a sudden he releases his hand from the knife like form he had put it in and instead plants that same hand on the wall behind me menacingly.

Now normally I'd be fangirling so hard. Like I'm in the position many die hard fans would gladly give their life for (especially the kinky ones). But again I was too preoccupied with the panic I felt as based on his emotions I realized that he might just not hurt me. 

'What! I was counting on that! I need this pain! I need it!' But I never got it as Killua just walks away. 

"You're a piece of work Yumi" is all I'm left with as he walks away. 

Okay now I'm in a bad mood. Like a child after you wave the candy infront of there face just to take it away and eat in your self. I felt horrible, betrayed, frauded, annoyed. But that was only for a split second as soon after the high I felt at the thought of feeling pain again I went low. Like really low.

'If Killua hadn't walked away how much farther would I have gone to receive the pain I wanted so badly in that moment. Would I had insulted him? Pulled out classified information that I shouldn't know against him? Ruin our friendship?!'

As I thought longer and longer I just got more and more depressed seeing the down sides of the impulsive personality I built around myself. 

But I had to push forward as the show must go on. So here I am standing infront of Illumi digusted by how my heart quickened at the thought of him beating me up. 

I start to strategies loosely cause even if I knew I'm about to get beaten up, dosn't mean I'm going to willingly walk into it. I do plan to put up a fight.

Illumi soon started taking out the pins from his face which I admit I wasn't expecting right away but it did successfully raise my guard.

But to my surprise Illumi payed me no mind as he turned and walked in Killuas direction. It takes me a moment to piece two and two together but when I do I instantly dash to the front of the man trying to stop him.

I still have a bit of time as he hasn't removed all his pins only a few.

I pull out my scythe and jump for a downward strike in which he blocks with one hand but at least I've distracted him enough to stop moving towards Killua and hold off on removing his yellow pins.

I do a backward sumersult causing me to fall at Illumis feet causing him to look down at me following me with his eyes. Using my remaining momentum I jump up and aim my knife (Now in my left hand) at his eye which he jumps back to avoid. 

I don't let myself think about a next move. I just move, imitating a wild animal with one objection. As winning is far out of the picture I am to at least poke out this guy's eyes and/or get this prick far away as possible from my Killua!

Illumi while I'm mid air because of the failed lunge kicks me in the stomach. Knocking the air out if my lunges, somthing the sick part of me (which is practically everything at this point) greatly enjoyed as I twist in the air allowing myself to right myself before I fall landing on my feet.

His calm emotional presence dosnt make me happy about the situation I've found myself in. Yet I still smile widely my teeth practically glowing as my eyes shimmer with joy as I relished the pain I had just felt savoring it. 

But my eyes also contained seriousness and uunderstanding of my assignment.

I rush at Illumi again putting my knife back in my pocket while gripping my right hand tighter around my scythe in a reverse hold.

I then attempt to kick Illumi on his right. He blocks it but this time instead of finishing the move there I instead bring my scythe around to Illumi's left for a strike and it connects.

I get too excited once I see the blood flow from the medium sized cut distracting me from Illumi's left hand that gives me a uppercut punch in the jaw.

As I go flying enjoying the pain I'm feeling I don't fall so perfectly this time but I soon get up from the ground some how smiling brighter then I did the before. 

I continued trying multiple maneuvers which didn't make much impact but at least kept his attention on me. Soon the time in between every bout that I used to quickly recover got longer and longer, it still stayed to seconds but it gave Illumi more then enough time to remove the pins one by one.

I still made sure that he had to drop them quickly after as I didn't want him using those as a weapon but we soon reached a point where I was exhausted and he was about to remove the last pin on his face.

'NOOOO' I shout internally as with a burst of energy I drop my scythe and exchange it with my knife.

I quickly throw my knife at his left hand just then realizing how much I wish I had another as he deflects it with right fully removing the last pin.

'Now this is where sh*t hits the fan' I thought exauhseted as I sense the emotions of the boy who I was just wishing for him to choke me out turn from calm (or as calm as he could get) turn into straight up fear because he knew the face of the man I was fighting.

I wished he had just ran out of the building then as that would've made my job much easier. But sadly he stayed in one place due to fear making me feel even worse and even more angry at at the man I was fighting.

I know that from now on I have to avoid his eyes sight while stopping him from looking at Killua. So I grip my knife tighter as I go to slit his throat. Again I only get a bit of blood as he spins away. 

Taking advantage of his spin while his back is turned I try to stab him in the back to keep him facing away from Killua.

This surprisingly worked as he just lunged forward to doged the stab keeping his nasty eyes away from Killua. 

But soon my whole body starts throbing causing my body to slow down. This makes it harder than ever to keep jumping around this guy and keep him occupied. 

I ignored all of this though as I continued. As I will continue as long an nesserary. I soon got tired to a point where my brain automatically started filtering out everyone else's emotions to focus on mine as well as focus on powering my body.

But soon my sluggish movements caught up to me as I while going in for another attack tripped. And due to exhaustion the moment I stopped moving my body refused to start moving.

I look up at the huge decorative clock I realize that we and Illumi had been fighting for over an hour which explained my bodies exhaustion despite its great stamina.

But at the end of the day I still felt like a total failure as I just lie there knowing that Illumi can get to Killua and it will go just like it did in the anime. Like I never even existed. Useless.

But yet again Illumi surprised me as instead of going to Killua right away he first picked up a few needles and walked towards me.

"When I first saw you, especially how my brother smiled at you at the tower I almsot thought it was a joke. I will admit now that we've fought, despite me going easy on you, you put up a good fight. I can almost see what my brother sees in you. Well unluckily for you, my brother dosn't need someone like you in his life. To be a great assasin he needs to be removed from those unessesary emotions and a woman like you would only be a hindrance. So to simply put it I need you to leave by yourself so he dosn't think of developing these kind of emotions ever again." Illumi says throughout this whole monolog got closer and closer to me. 

By the time he had finished he was looking down at me with his cat like eyes.

"My brothers feelings for you hasn't advanced far enough for it to hurt all that much so if I make you reject him now. So..." he says as he bends down and implants a pin into my forehead.

"Your command goes a little like this, if he ever confesses his feelings for you or you confess and he accepts your feelings you are to treat him as coldly as possible, then once you are alone write a note about how you could never be in love with an assasin and then hang yourself. Finally you will remeber nothing of this command I'm giving you."

Confusion as well as rage fills my head at this man's words before I soon feel myself fading out of consciousness. 

(General POV)

As Yumi limps on the floor unconscious everyone wonders what they had discussed but they can't for long as Illumi soon walks off the fighting area and approaches Killua.

Kurapika and Lerio noticing their friends disstress step infront of the boy stretching their hand as an added form of protection sending a message.

That they won't budge. 

But Illumi made it clear that they wouldn't need to worry about him as he stopped moving stating a little bit away.

Killua (if in his right mind) would've been touched at his two freinds protective gesture if he wasn't looking at the floor as well as his mind wasn't clouded by the feeling of helplesness. He hated being so helpless, useless.

But this was his brother we're talking about. The brother who has loomed over him his entire life. The brother who constantly opposed his very mention of freedom. The brother who is the most invested in him becoming an assasin. Other than his mother. 

"You didn't even greet your big brother after you stabbed mother and Milluki." Illumi says casually.

But these simple words shocked the entire room at this revelation. While it only made Killua swallowed his saliva in an attempt to coat his dry throat.

"I guess" 

Illumi cocks his head to the side.

"Mom was crying, tears of joy. She was happy that you had grown up. But she was unhappy that you left home so she wanted me to check on you but I didn't expect to find you here. I didn't know you wanted to become a hunter. I need to be one for my next job."

Killua replies eyes sticking to thr floor. "I don't really want to become a hunter. I just felt like taking the exam"

"Look up"

At that command before his brain could debate his body reacted obeying his brothers voice and looking up at him in the eyes. Even if he hated doing so.

"That's a relief as I have a bit if advice. Give up on that useless dream. You're not an hunter. You're an assasin. And that's all you'll ever be."

This visibly wounded Killua as he instinctively took a step back eyes wide not wanting to hear anymore but his feet felt heavy, glued to the ground.

"You are a puppet of the darkness. You don't want anything or wish for anybody. You live in the shadows so you can only feel pleasure when people die. That is how me and Dad raised you. What would you even accomplish by becoming a hunter? You have no use for the title as of yet."

You don't want anything or wish for anybody kept ringing in Killuas head. It hurt him more then he liked and angered him more than he expected. He's been told this entire life yet now it felt more apparent then ever. So the first time in a long time he spoke up.

"I don't want become a hunter. And even I want somthing..." he says as this pictures of Gon, Kurapika, Leorio and finally Yumi flooded his mind. 

"No you don't" Illumi immediately rejects.

"I do!" Killua says raising his volume voice laced with desperation."There is somthing I really want!"

"Hmmm" Illumi says curious. "Tell me what you want then"

Killua stays silent looking down at the ground once again.

"What's wrong. You don't have anything do you" Illumi questions. After another pause Killua finally gives in confessing to his brother.

"I want to continue being freinds with everyone, and help Yumi with her pain. I really am sick of killing ppeople. I just want life to continue as it has been now. And be normal." Before Killua even relized it he was crying. It's not like his brother cared.

"Impossible" he says quickly barely even letting the boy finish causing a flinch from Killua as he clenched his teeth.

"You can never keep freinds, or help anyone else. Your only ability is to discern weather you can kill them or not. That's not only what you were taught. It's why you're acting like this. You don't want to help Yumi. You find her strength intriguing and her affinity for darkness fascinating. While for Gon its the excat opposite. For you he shines so bright that you don't know how to classify him. That statement is somewhat similar for the rest of your so called freinds. You aren't sure wether you should or rather you could kill them or not" And just like that a seed of doubt was planted into Killuas heart.

"What kind of bullsh*t is that!" Leorio shouts angered by Illumis words glaring him the entire time he speals to Killua.

"Don't listen to this guy Killua! Especially if he keeps saying stuff like that! Who cares if he's your brother!"

*Slap*

Killua flinched as Leorio is slapped across the face and due to the slaps strength it causes him to be flung to the side. But Killua dosn't move. He's too broken to do anything not to even talk about blaintently opposing Illumi by helping. None of that stopped Kurapika from helping though.

"Leorio!" He shouts as he bends down the help the young man but only after giving Illumi a glare which Illumi didn't even bat an eye at as he focused on his brother the whole time.

"Please do not inerupt me and my brothers conversation." Illumi says before Killua finally gathers the will to stand up for himself as he clenched his fist.

"That's not true."

"But it is. You're going to end up killing them all one day because that's how you're wired. First it'll start by you getting urges. Then wondering if you can kill them or not. Because you have the soul of a killer"

Killua just felt lost. Empty. He didn't want to fight anymore.

"Oh wait. There is still the problem of your freinds isn't there?" Killuas heart stops.

"Yes, I can't kill them as we are in the exam. But after the exam I can kill them. Right?" He turns his head toward Netero who nods. "As per the rules."

"Okay then Kil, you know what that means. It's either you fight me or I kill your freinds? Oh but you can't right? You can't even move a inch of your body right now. You're thinking 'but I can't beat older brother' right? But that's good. I did drill 'never fight an enemy that is stronger then you' into you. You should thank me for that" 

Illumi then raises his hand towards Killua as everyone watches with wrapped attention. Killua tries to step back again.

"Don't move!" Illumi cautions. "If you move I would've assumed that the fight had begun. That's the same if our bodies make contact. There is only one way to stop me Killua." 

Killua looks at the approaching hand with terror. Then suddenly the memory of Yumi trying convince him of somthing he didn't understand under the tree in the forest flooded his head as well filters out both my brothers and Leorios words.

(Flash Back Refrence Chapter 15)

I'm looking up at her. I notice her black hair dancing with the wind just like the leaves ruseling overhead. Her deep purple eyes looked distantly into the sky. At the time I didn't understand the emotions swrilling through the girls eyes. I still don't now but I feel like I'm getting close. She then opens her mouth.

"You know I'm going to fight Hanzo. But I'm not going to risk my life because that wouldn't aid in my goal. But I'll tell you right now that if killing Hanzo was the only way to make your life easier. I would in a heartbeat. Faster than a heartbeat. And I honestly feel that deep down it's the same for you too. I don't know maybe I was wrong."

(Present Day Killua POV) 

Honestly all I could think at the moment was weather or not Yumi knew. That she knew I'd get into this situation and that's why she said that and why she asked all those questions. Maybe that's why during her fight with Illumi she was fighting so weirdly. Like she wanted to protect me. Protect me from this, from him. 

'I guess you were wrong Yumi, I couldn't do the same for you' I finally think before looking at the ground in defeat as I open my mouth to speak.

"I surrender...... I lose......"

Okay guys now this was long. (It totaled out at 4,854 words) What I did find funny (despite this overall depressing chapter) was that when I was writing the interactions between Illumi and Killua I actually guessed what this guy would say!

You see I haven't watched the show as a whole in a while and the Hunter Exams arc wasn't my favorite (which translates into me not going back to rewatch that specific part of the show again) so it's been while since I watched the episode. So I've been watching the show again as I write and I was thinking this sounds a lot like what he would say and add it just to find out that he did say that!

I really didn't want to finish the chapter but I was like this should be more than enough and I really hate chapters that seem to go on and on and on. So yeah litterly going straight to starting another chapter after this.

Anyway time for the question! Would you guys prefer...

1) Longer chapters, Less frequent updates 

2) Shorter chapters, More frequent updates 

3) More Spell Checks (it's hard guys! Especially for longer chapters!)

4) More Chapters (heh! I try guys!)

5) Other (what else could you guys want from me or Yumi?)