Chapter 4

The sound of my alarm would usually make me hate the day, but today, it made me love it. I shut the alarm off, stretched, and glanced over at Liv's bed. She was still sleeping. I stood up, stretching slightly more again. It was raining lightly outside, which gave a nice ambient sound. Usually, I'd shower by this point, but I have no clothes, so I guess I should go make food. I took my phone and headed downstairs, closing Liv's door as gently as I could to be sure not to wake up. I slowly crept down the stairs, wondering what I could make.I mean it's her house, is it disrespectful to start eating their food? Maybe I should've asked her, considering I didn't even eat yesterday. Once I made it downstairs, I looked at the couch. Her dad was still sleeping. Man, he's gonna either wake up feeling completely refreshed, or feeling like he just got tortured. A few more steps and I arrived in the kitchen. Alright, now, there were a lot of cabinets to go through without waking anyone up. I checked the upper cabinet on the left, and there was oatmeal. Packet oatmeal at that. I took two of them. "Maple & Brown Sugar '' and "Apple & Cinnamon". A mix of these two doesn't sound bad. All I need is a bowl. I looked through another cabinet, then another, and another, and then I found bowls. I grabbed one. A red glass bowl. I poured the two oatmeal packets into the bowl, grabbed the milk from the fridge, poured that into the bowl, tossed it in the microwave, and started it. While it was cooking, I tossed the packets in the trash. While I did that, I heard a light creak come from upstairs. I waited, trying to hear anything else, but nothing. Maybe the microwave was too loud. Once there was one second left, I opened the microwave. I grabbed the bowl by its edges and set it on their nice dinner table. Spoon; gotta find a spoon. I walked over to the cabinets and rummaged again. There was a small box of spoons that I grabbed one out of. I walked back to the table and began eating.I looked at the clock on his oven, and it was 8:51. Hasn't even made it to 9. I'm gonna have to figure something out to do to pass the time. I heard another creaking noise, followed by footsteps on the stairs. Either Liv or her sister, and I pray that it's Liv. I feel like it'll be easier to explain why I'm eating her food. The steps got louder and louder and my anticipation grew stronger. I heard the step on the floor, and it was not Liv. It was her little sister, staring at me. I stared back, and the silence felt demeaning. No words were exchanged. Just eye contact. She looked about 5, maybe 6. I was only getting that from her size. Her hair was brown but lighter than Liv's. She walked closer to me, and I started feeling awkward. What am I supposed to say to this kid?"Are you her boyfriend?" I choked on the oatmeal I still had in my mouth. I wanted to verbally say no, but I couldn't. I just shook my head aggressively."You need water." She stated. I did, but, by this point, I was just trying not to die. I manage to cough up the oatmeal into a napkin. She kept staring."Who are you?" She asked."I'm your sister's friend, that's all.""Did you sleep with he-""No!" Maybe she meant sleep as in, slept around her, not directly with her."How old are you?" She had a bunch of questions."I'm 14.""You're so old. I'm only 5." I never thought 14 years was that old. But, I'll remember that old age starts at 14."Do you wanna play with me?" I checked my phone for the time. Only 8:56."Sure, I suppose I have time.""Okay! I'll wait for you." Then she just stood and watched me eat. I'll admit, I admire her patience. I hurried and ate, putting the bowl and spoon in the sink, and tossing the napkin away."Follow me to my room." She took my hand and walked upstairs. We went down the other side of the hallway, opposite Liv's room."This is my room." She opened the door, and it was definitely pink, with a lot of toys and paper on the ground. She let go of my hand, walked to the center of the room, and sat down. I sat beside her."Do you wanna color?""Uh, sure." She smiled and gave me a pack of colored pencils with a blank sheet of paper. Now, I'm terrible at coloring, but I've always been good at sketching things."Do you have a pencil or a pen?" She didn't reply, but she walked to her bed, grabbed something, and handed it to me.It was a pen, and a pretty fancy pen at that. Not a pen I often see people carry casually. I shook the thought off and started thinking of what to sketch. Is she gonna keep my sketching? I put the pen on the paper and decided to sketch a horse. Why a horse? Because children like horses, I think. Line after line, the horse started coming more to life. I had a decent amount of horse sketches in my journal. When I was growing up, my uncle had a horse. Her name was Artemis. Artemis was a big and fast horse. I remember her being white and black, almost like a cow. I rode her a lot before we stopped seeing my uncle. I'm not sure why, but I miss Artemis. I finished the outline of my horse, now time for the major details. I glanced over to see what Liv's sister was doing. She had the colored pencils all lined up on the floor. She looked at me, then dragged her paper to the other side and continued coloring. I guess she didn't wanna have me see her paper.Anyway, with the thought of my uncle's horse, Artemis, that's who I began to draw. Black spots like she had. A messy mane with a long tail. After about what felt like 10 minutes, I finished."Done," I said calmly. I turned halfway over to stretch and she was standing right above me. I jumped a little."You almost gave me a heart attack!" She grabbed my sketch and walked to her bed. She stared at it and glanced at me."You made this?" I nodded, knowing that no one else could have possibly done it."It's so good! It looks so real!" She exclaimed. I grinned. It's nice that I get artistic approval from a kid. I checked my pockets for my phone and realized I left it downstairs. This sketching might've taken a good chunk of time to do."Can you put this on my wall?""Of course I can." Maybe I should sign my name on it. I got up and grabbed the sketch from her. I was fairly impressed with how it came out. Only a few light lines I had to cover up, but other than that, I'd say it's very good."I'll be right back. I'm gonna find the tape." I left the room and went downstairs. There was tape right on the table. I grabbed the tape and my phone to check the time. It was 9:37. That took half an hour to do? I have to leave as soon as I can. I went upstairs, and back into her room. I took a small strip of tape and taped the sketching write above her bed."Thank you!""You're welcome. I'll see you later, I have to go to baseball practice.""Aww, okay... Are you gonna spend the night again?""Umm, I'll think about it." I left her room, closing her door.I don't get time to give a proper goodbye to Liv or her father, but maybe I'll come back for one more night. I picked up my bag, opened the door, and left for practice. It was still raining, so I put my hood up. Luckily she didn't live far from the field. Is this the time to reminisce on liking her? No, not now, maybe later. As my shoes began soaking up all the puddles I walked in, I could see the field. I began jogging just so I could be a little early. I arrived at the front gate, bag in hand, soaked from head to toe, but nothing except for baseball was on my mind. I walked through the gate and I saw one of the coaches."What's your name?" He asked me."Thomas Adler.""You're the closing pitcher?""Yes sir.""Head to the bullpen." I left without figuring out his name. Maybe that was Coach Dreason. I walked onto the field and just took a whiff of the scenery. Smelled like fresh mowed grass. I looked to the right seeing a bunch of kids in our dugout. They were chatting and laughing. I looked to the left, and there was the bullpen. I walked over to it."Over here!" I looked over to whoever said that, it was another coach calling for me in the opponent's dugout. I walked inside and saw a group of other pitchers."You must be Thomas Adler?""Yes, I am.""Alright, good. You're the last pitcher on our list. Everyone is here." He shifted his attention to the entire dugout."Alright, everyone! Let's head to the locker room to get jerseys and lockers! Take your bags!" As everyone left the dugout one by one, I observed how they looked. All bigger than me, and only two shorter than me. I was the last one to leave the dugout, so I followed behind this line to the locker room.As we entered one by one, I felt like I was a professional. Now sure, I'm millions of miles behind a professional, but this feeling is one not to forget. The lights shined bright in this tall massive room. The floor had a black and white carpeted pattern. All the cubbies were spread across the wall, leaving an open space in the center. I realized they weren't lockers, they were cubbies. Which is great because I love cubbies. Our logo was there, perfectly positioned in the center. A tough black and white weasel. We continued walking forward until we reached a staircase that led us down to the coach's office. I'd assume we're getting our cubbies and jerseys first since I haven't seen any position players walk in yet. And that the line started moving very slowly. Kids walked in and walked out with a piece of tape and two hats. One black, and one white. Eventually, it was my turn."What's your name?""Thomas Adler.""What Jersey number would you like?""Is 21 available?""Yes, it is.""I'll be 21.""Alright. Here, put this in your locker." He wrote my name on a piece of tape, grabbed two hats, and gave it to me. I took them and went up the stairs. I suppose I'm choosing my cubby. Alright, where should I be? I stood on the weasel observing the open cubbies. I took the one in front of the weasel's ear. It was the last cubby on the left side of the room before it was cut off by the staircase.I put my piece of tape on top of my locker. At the very bottom was a blank plaque. I'd assume that's where our names go. Very cool. We had two small lights that lit up the inside of our lockers. I set my two hats on the top shelf. A black hat with a white weasel, and a white hat with a black weasel. Even simple colors can go a long way. I sat down on the cushion that was in the cubby and looked at everyone. The position players were already going down the stairs. Then one came up and looked at me."Is that locker beside you taken?""I don't think so.""Good looks." He put the tape on it, and I got up to read his name. "Karson Anderson"."What position do you play?" I asked, trying to build a relationship with one teammate."Shortstop. What position do you play?""Closing pitcher.""That's gotta be a lot of pressure.""It can be. But they consider the shortstop the leader of the infield." He laughed."Yeah, I guess they do.""Alright, everyone!" Everyone turned around. Coach Dreason was standing in the center of the room."As you may know, this was supposed to be our first practice. However, the rain seems to have other plans for us. We have our first preseason game tomorrow. So we're gonna go around the room, introduce our name, position, and a fun fact about everyone. Let's start with you over there." He pointed directly at me."I'm Thomas Adler, closing pitcher, and a fun fact about me is I can play the piano." That was probably the stupidest fun fact I could've said. Whatever, I'm sure they'll forget about it. Coach Dreason then looked at Karson."I'm Karson Anderson, and I play shortstop. A fun fact about me is I was starting quarterback for our football team during winter." Now that sounded way more impressive than a pianist.Coach looked at the next kid."Uhh yeah, I'm Caelan Endicott. I'm the catcher, and something about me is that I love food." The whole locker room began laughing, and I laughed along. Coach Dreason was straight-faced. Only a few seconds of laughing until he whistled, and it got quiet."Who's next?""Cole Carter, closing pitcher. Something about me is that I've been playing baseball since I was born." Just thinking about Cole already annoyed me.I know I know, it's a teammate rivalry and nothing personal, but he's different. I'm confident that I can prove my worth at tomorrow's preseason game. I will prove why I'm the best pitcher they've seen. They'll regret even thinking about choosing Cole over me. Everyone else did their introductions, and it seems like I'm gonna get along with this team quite well. At least I hope so."That's everyone. Now, in case you don't know. I'm Coach Dreason, and I don't take any excuses. If we lose, you better accept fault, if you make a mistake, you better accept fault, and if you cost the game with your bullshit error, you will run the bases until I say you're done. And then you'll accept fault. Now, set your things up, and you can leave. The schedule will be emailed to everyone, you can print it and put it on your wall. Have a good day everyone." Coach walked down the stairs into his office, and everyone began chatting again. I opened my bag, and took out my glove and cleats, setting the glove next to hats, and the cleats below my cubby, in a drawer meant for our cleats. I closed my bag and began walking out of the locker room. I checked my phone for any messages. Not a single message.Should I go home or return to Liv's house? I think my parents can go one more day without me. So, after walking out and leaving the baseball stadium. I took the path back to Liv's house. The rain still hasn't let up at all. I'm almost starting to think we're about to have a storm. I didn't bother putting my hood up, I just let my hair get wet. Maybe that'll do it a favor. Maybe it'll turn my hair a bit darker. It's already black, so I'm not sure how much darker it could get. Karson seems like a cool person that I can get along with. Hopefully, he's not Cole. Or anyone like Cole. I'm still hungry even after eating. I should stop somewhere to eat. I looked around and noticed a brightly glowing sign that read "QuickPick". I walked down the street to it, and thankfully it was a convenience store. I pushed the door open and walked in. It was brightly lit, filled with snacks on racks, and dry. I took my wallet out of my bag and put it in my pocket. Now, let's see what I can find. I began looking around the aisles for snacks. I took a basket and all of a sudden, everything just looked delicious. I feel like I could eat everything in this store right now. I grabbed a turkey sandwich and tossed it in the basket. What else? I went down the chip aisle and grabbed a nice bag of CrunchRite chips. I walked down the candy aisle and grabbed two random bags of candy. Should I get Liv something, just to be nice? I'm not trying to come across as a flirt, but, being generous. What does Liv like? I've never seen her eat. Well, I'll take a shot out of the dark and hope she likes chocolate. I grabbed a bag of chocolate candy and tossed it in the basket. I think that's all I need. I walked up to the counter and placed my basket on top."Is this all?" The lady said."Yes, madam." She began scanning. I took out my wallet and waited for her to finish."That'll be 11.89" I dug in my wallet, and I set the money on the counter. She grabbed it and I grabbed the bag that all my food was in, waiting for my change. Once I received my change I put it in my pocket and waved her goodbye. She wished me a safe trip. Back out and into the rain, holding my duffle bag and my bag of snacks. I took out the sandwich from the bag and ate it while I walked.Now, no more stops, I think. Just going back to Liv's house. You know, a few days ago, I would've never thought I'd get the chance to come to her house, but now I'm going back to her house again. I think I've built a good reputation with her family so far. The rain is becoming natural to me today. It hasn't gotten lighter or heavier. The clouds didn't even seem to get darker. They just remained gray. I walked and walked, and continued to walk. I've been getting a nice workout with all these steps. I was now in her neighborhood. Just a few houses down, and I'd be there. I can't stop thinking about what Liv's little sister asked."Are you gonna spend the night again?" That's all I was hearing in my head. Did she want that? Did Liv want that? I doubt Liv did, but I think her sister did. All because of that horse sketching. Thanks to my artistic abilities.I got to her house, then to her door. If this door is locked, well, I don't know. Let's just hope it's not locked. I put my hand on the doorknob, and twisted slowly, my hands slowly slipping off it from the rain. It wasn't locked. I pushed it open slowly, walked in, and closed the door slowly. I stood on my tippy toes to see if her dad was still on the couch. And surprisingly, he was. Completely sleeping. I don't know how many beers he had, but I know that's the best sleep he's ever had. I took my shoes off at the front door and walked up the stairs. Do I go into Liv's room, or her sister's? I chose the latter. I knocked on the door and waited. The door opened, and there she was. Liv's little sister standing in front of me."You're wet.""I sure am wet.""Why are you wet?""The rain made me wet.""Being wet is bad.""It's more uncomfortable than bad.""What's that?""What's what?"That word.""Oh, that. It means it's not fun." I feel like me and her have a lot of back-and-forth conversations. Like an intense game of table tennis. Just constant back and forth."Come in." She walked away from the door and I walked in. I took a seat on the floor, setting both my bags by her bed."What's your name?" She asked."Thomas.""I have a friend named Thomas.""That's very lovely.""My name Ella. You can call me Ellie.""I think I'll just call you Ella." I took a look around the room, well decorated with a lot of animal stickers."I'm gonna get my sister for you.""Wait wh-" Before I could finish, she ran out of the room to Liv's room. What even made her think that's what I wanted!? We could have continued with our drawing, but apparently, she thinks I want her. I stared at my phone. It wasn't even turned on. I just didn't wanna stare at something else while she walked in. I waited and waited. Then eventually someone walked in. I looked at the door, and it was Ella. Thank you, Liv for not getting up! I lay on the floor and began to stretch my body. I was relieved. I looked at the ceiling and celebrated in my head. I took a deep breath and released it with happiness. I looked back at the door and Liv was right there. I wanted to jump. I couldn't. I wanted to get a better position than lying on the floor, but I couldn't. I just lay there, and we looked at each other."You alright? You're completely soaked.""Yeah, trust me I realized.""Why did you go outside?""Just decided to get some fresh air.""In the pouring rain?""It wasn't raining when I left.""You should shower.""Yeah, I think I'll go home and grab some clothes.""You can use my dad's pajamas. But I'll warn you, they're big." I pushed myself up."Where are his clothes?""The room next to this." She pointed to a door that was a little ahead of this room. I walked into his room and it was kinda small. I mean, it was big, but small in comparison to what I imagined. He had a flat-screen TV on top of his dresser. I checked his drawer for his pajamas. The first drawer had under his underwear and socks. I took a pair of underwear and socks and went to the next drawer. Now that one had pajama pants. I held it to my legs and she wasn't wrong about them being big. I closed the drawer and walked out. I went into the bathroom, and set my clothes on the ground. There were three towels on the towel rack. I turned the shower on and hopped in.I made sure the water was a little cool. There I was. Standing with the water shooting all over my body, kind of hoping they don't check my bag. I poured some shampoo in my hand and began to wash my hair. Usually, when I wash it, it turns out the same. It doesn't get fluffy or curly or anything. It just stays straight. I took the time to thank Liv in my head. I mean, she did invite me for the first time. Without that, this wouldn't have ever happened. I let all the water wash the soap out of my hair. Maybe after this, I should tell my parents that I'm staying over again. Or, at least I'm hoping to stay over again. I don't wanna give a desperate impression or anything. This is the longest time I've been away from home. Usually, I'm a complete homebody. If I wasn't home, I'd be making every excuse I could to get home. She's getting me somewhat out of my comfort zone. But, I think I'll forever stay an introvert. Liv seems like an extrovert just trying to be an introvert, but I'm not sure. I don't see her around too many people. But then again, I don't see her much at all outside of school or even during school. I stopped the shower and got out. I took the black towel on the rack and began drying myself off. I'll let my hair air dry. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were a little red, still felt tired. People don't notice that. They see light blue eyes and that's the first thing that they point out. But, to be fair, I don't see a lot of light blue eyes. Is it time to start growing facial hair? I know, 14 is young, but this is the perfect time to start experimenting with a beard and mustache. I put on the pair of underwear which surprisingly fit well. Then the pants, which I had to roll up and double knot. I put on the socks last, scrunching them. I looked down, and the pants went all the way down to the floor, and stacked a little. I realized I needed a shirt.I walked out of the room, and back into her dad's room. I grabbed a random pink t-shirt that was also massive. And I could never imagine him wearing him. I'm in white socks, green plaid pajama pants, with a pink T-shirt. I've never been a man of fashion, that's for sure. I walked out of his room, and back into Ella's room. Ella and Liv were looking at my horse sketching on the wall."He made this?""He did! I watched him!" I walked up to them and looked at my sketch."I didn't know you were an artist," Liv said."Well, I'm far from an artist.""But you can make things like that.""It's not too hard to make.""We should all draw something!" Ella chimed in. Liv looked at Ella, then at me."What do you think?" I looked at Liv, then at Ella."I don't see why not.""Yayyy! Paper!" Ella gave us a piece of paper and told us the colors were all over the floors. Which they were. The colored pencils were indeed all over the floor. Surprisingly, the pen is still in the same spot. I grabbed the pen and started thinking about what to sketch. I already sketched a horse. What else do kids like? Toys, candy, literally everything except for vegetables. What would she like? Maybe something with scenery, like a farm. That's what I began doing. Now, scenery was something I was either good or bad at. I could sketch people and animals, but buildings, ehh, barely. I started with the foundation of the farm. I decided to make it a small farm. Time goes by, and I finish the foundation. Onto the actual building now. While I was doing the roof, I heard Liv call my name."What?""Are you left-handed or right-handed?""Left-handed. Why do you ask?""Because you keep switching your hands when you're drawing.""Oh, that's something that came naturally I guess. I do some things with my right hand, and some things with both.""That's really cool." I went back to sketching and finished up the roof. For the final touch, I added trees, mountains, and a sunset in the background. I took one final look at it, put my pen down and said,"Finished." Both of them continued to draw and I just waited. I didn't wanna peek at theirs yet. Not until we were all down.A little time passed, and they both said they were done. I put my paper on the small table. Maybe I could've shaded the grass better. I looked at Ella whose mouth was completely open, then at Liv, who couldn't believe what she was seeing."So... Is it good?""It's unbelievable," Liv said."It's cute!!" Ella stated, with a big smile. I smiled."Who's gonna show there's ne-""Me!" Ella cut me off. She seems to like cutting me off. Ella set her paper on the table, and wow, she had pretty good drawing skills for her age. It was a cat under a rainbow. She even had all the colors of the rainbow. Usually, kids her age would have about 3 colors and claim it's a rainbow."Wow! This is really good!" I said to her."You're an artist!" Liv laughed. Ella laughed and bowed."Thank you, thank you.""Looks like it's you next, Liv," I said. Liv took a deep breath."Don't be too harsh. I haven't done art in a long while." She chuckled at her own words, but I could tell she sounded like she was embarrassed."Don't worry. Mine wasn't good either." I didn't think my farm was good, but I guess since I've done art for a long time, it sounds like I'm trying to indirectly gloat. Liv set her piece of paper on the table. It was a girl. A girl hugging a planet. A bunch of stars around her. But the detail on her was incredible. Even a star reflection in her eye! This is talent!"Liv! This is a work of art!" Liv smiled slightly at me."Thank you, I appreciate that." I looked at Ella who was staring at the paper."I seen better.""Oh shush." We all laughed at the same time. Serenity filled the room. Everything felt so perfect. It felt right. This feels better than yesterday. All hanging out, bonding. I truly think I'm in heaven right now. Or maybe I'm still dreaming. I'll have to pinch myself later to be sure that this is reality. If this is a dream, I would ask you to never wake up from this dream. The door opened from behind me and I turned to see who it was."Hey y'all, I'm gonna go to work." Liv's father is finally conscious. I nodded my head to his statement and then he left, closing the door."Well, what should we do now?" Liv asked us."Games!" Ella exclaimed."What game?" I asked."Uno!" I glanced at Liv, and Liv looked at me"She loves Uno.""Where are the Uno cards?""Where are the Uno cards at?" Liv asked Ella."I got them!""Me and Thomas will wait downstairs for you." We left the room, leaving Ella to find the cards. We went downstairs into the living room, and Liv sat on the couch. I sat on the floor."Why did you wanna come downstairs?""It gets really hot in her room after a while." I didn't notice that. After about five minutes, Ella still hadn't come downstairs yet."She's been up there for a while," I said while looking at the staircase."Yeah, she has. I wonder what she's doing."I looked out the window behind me, and darker clouds started rolling in. I knew it'd storm eventually. Just when I thought about going upstairs and checking on her, she came running down the stairs with a smile, bouncing off joy. She completely changed into strawberry pajamas with a turkey hat, and she did have the Uno cards."I have cards!" I nodded my head, and Ella sat on the floor next to Liv."What's with the turkey hat?" Liv asked her."I like turkeys." I grabbed the cards from Ella."Is there a certain way you like to play Uno, Liv?""Not really. How about this; we'll allow stacking." Stacking could make anyone mad in Uno. But I loved it."Alright, we'll do stacking." I took the cards out of the box and began shuffling them. Liv sat on the floor, and we formed this awkward triangle. I began passing out the cards."We'll do seven cards." I passed out the cards, and I laid a card down in the middle. We progressed through the game in awkward silence. Ella added very few comments to the game. Like yelling out the color she was placing down, or the number. The first game finished, and Ella won. I still had 3 cards left, and Liv had about 5. Ella got up and started dancing."What are you doing?" Liv asked while laughing."I win! I win!""Should we play again?" I asked Liv. Ella instantly sat down and said,"Yes." She was treating this game like her life was on the line. The next game starts, and Liv goes first, then me, then Ella. After a little while, Liv looks at me, and she mouths the words,"Let's stack." I nodded my head, looking at the "+4" that was in my deck."Alright Ella, I hope you're not scared of this," Liv said in soft monotone."Pfft. I'm not scared of anything."Just when she said that the loud sound of thunder made her jump. I started laughing hysterically, and so did Liv."I wanna watch a movie now," Ella said boldly, clearly wanting to forget about the storm that was happening. I couldn't even respond because I was still laughing. Tears were coming down from my eyes. That thunder couldn't have started at a better time. Liv turned the TV on and put on a random kids' movie."I'm hungry," Ella stated."I'll fix you something in a little bit," Liv replied."I'll be right back," I added. I walked upstairs and grabbed the bag full of snacks from Ella's room. My phone started vibrating on the floor. It was my mom calling me. I answered her call."Hello.""Son, can you go to the grocery store and get some things?""I kinda can't right now. I'm busy." She sighed."Alright. I'll send your father instead. You know he won't be happy about that.""I'm sorry Mom. I'll make it up to you when I get home.""Where are you?""I'm at my friend's house, remember? Logan's house.""I thought it was Landon?" Did I say Landon last time? There's no way she'd remember that."Yeah, it's Landon. But, Logan just decided to come along.""Huh, well alright. I love you son.""Love you too Mom, bye." I hung up. I felt a bit bad about not helping my mom, but, this is an opportunity I shouldn't give up. It's not something I'd get back to again so quickly. I put my phone in my pocket, took the bag and went downstairs. I gave the bag of snacks to Liv."What's this?" She asked. I could see Ella in the corner of my eye glancing at the bag. She couldn't look more conspicuous."You can give Ella anything out of it.""You bought all this?""Yeah, I planned on eating it, but I've never been a sweets person." I loved sweet food, but I think the sandwich I ate already made me a bit full."Well, thank you. Thomas"I went to sit back down in the same spot I was originally. Just as I did that, Ella jumped up and started begging for snacks."Hold on, hold on," Liv said, trying to calm her down. Liv gave her a bag of gummies then she finally settled down. I was lying against her couch, and Ella sat on the reclining chair, with the recline on. Her feet could barely even get past the main part of the chair. And Liv, just sitting on the couch beside her, watching the movie. I couldn't even focus on the movie. I mean sure, I was looking at it. But my mind was interpreting anything and everything else. I looked at the clock ahead. "9:45". Time goes by quickly when you're having fun. I would never believe anyone who says that. But now, I think I will start believing that. The rain still going in the background, the warmth indoors, the comfort of the pajamas. Wait, did Ella put her pajamas on because she thought we were having a slumber party? That's pretty adorable coming from her."Tom" Ella wanted my attention."Hm?""Will the rain ever stop?""I don't know. Why?""Rain is loud.""You just gotta ignore it.""Ignore it?""I mean, don't listen to the rain.""Okay." For some reason, I really thought that conversation was going to go somewhere. I slowly began to feel tired. Maybe not for a full sleep. But a tiny nap. I turned over, facing away from the TV, and drifted off into a nap.It felt like a few minutes until I woke up, drooling all over my arm. I wiped it off and looked at the time. I could hardly make it out, my vision was blurry. After blinking a little, all I could do was make out the number 11. I checked my phone and I had eight missed calls from my mom that happened about 20 minutes ago. I instantly called her back and she picked up right away."Thomas! Where are you!?""I'm at Landon's... Why?""Get to the hospital right now!""Wh-what...?" My mind was in a complete daze."I said get to the hospital! It's your father!" I could hear her voice slowly start to crack."Alright. I'm coming." I hung up. And pushed me up. Ella was passed out on the couch, and I could see Liv's eyes slightly open."Where are you going?" She asked me quietly."I have to go somewhere really quick.""It's still storming. Are you sure?""It's important.""I see. Are you gonna come back?" I didn't think I was. But I don't wanna be doubtful."I don't know, maybe." I put my shoes on and ran out the door. It was raining harder than ever, and the wind picked up. The hospital, what could've happened? I ran, I ran faster than I ever thought I could. There was a flash of lightning that carried my adrenaline forward. The moon could barely give me a dim light. I could see people staring at me as I kept sprinting. I started breathing through my mouth, I needed every bit of oxygen to keep my forward. My feet started hurting, but I didn't stop. Tears started running down my face, mixing with the rain."Dad... please be okay..." That's all I could tell myself. I ran past the park, and I was almost there. I saw the red glow of the cross. I was exceeding my own limits. I ran past any cars, any traffic, they wouldn't understand. I ran into the door and pushed it up with full force.I was now standing inside. My body is soaked, I'm breathing heavily, and I'm desperate."Are you alright sir?" Asked one of the nurses. I was panting. I couldn't ask what I wouldn't in a straightforward manner."Where... is Edward Adler? Mr Adler...?""He's in room 105 through those doors." Everyone's attention was on me by this point. But my attention was on finding my dad. I walked through the door and looked at the room numbers. I made it to 105. My hands trembling, I put my hands on the door knob."Where's my son!?" That's all I could hear from inside. I opened the door, and I wanted to break down. I saw a nurse, sitting on a chair next to him. And my dad, who was on the hospital bed. Tubes everywhere, and a monitor screen that showed his heart rate going down. I put my left hand on my heart. It was going faster than ever."Dad!" I ran over to him, tears flowing down my face. I looked at the nurse."What happened!?""It was a car accident." I began hyperventilating."Is he gonna be okay?" I was praying to any God, please let him be okay."We're trying everything we can. I need you to breathe." I ignored her request."Where's my mom at?""She's talking to another nurse.""Nurse..." I heard from my dad. His voice was so quiet, I could hardly tell if he said it, or if my mind wanted him to say it. I looked at him, and he was slowly turning his head to face us."Let me and my son talk... only for a few minutes." I wanted to look back at the nurse, but I couldn't. My father had cuts all over him. His skin was red. He was suffering, because of me.The nurse left the room, and it was just me and my dad. I pulled a chair beside him, and I held his hand."Dad... I'm so sorry... this is all my fault...""Don't blame yourself for any of this." I know I shouldn't, but if I were to have simply said I'd go to the store for my mom, none of this would've happened. I'm such an idiot."You're the best son I could've ever asked for...""Don't say that, dad... Please don't say that." I don't want to think this is the last time he'll ever see me. At this point, I couldn't hold in my tears. I started breaking down."Don't leave me, dad!" I was begging him. I needed him to hold on."I want you to remember something... Don't ever let someone hold you back..." I wanted to say something, I really did. But there's too much that none of my words come out."Look at me, son..." I looked at him. My eyes were red and puffy. I then looked back down."Why are you crying?" I tried to say that this was my fault. But it came out as a bunch of gibberish. He laughed, but it was almost painful listening to him laugh."Love deeply, forgive freely. That's the key to life." I squeezed his hand slightly and he began to cough."You've gotten stronger... Stronger than I was at your age." I looked up and forced a smile."I love you, Tommy. Don't you ever forget that... not now... not ever..." his hand fell cold."Dad?" I looked at the heart monitor. It was flat."Dad!" I began shouting at the top of my lungs."DAD!!!" I let my face fall onto his chest, and I cried. I cried my eyes out. Every single tear in my eyes, I let out. I heard the door open, but I didn't look. I kept crying into him. This can't be the end for him. No, no, no. I can't accept that. This can't happen, not today."I need you to step as-.""NO!" I couldn't leave my dad until she got another nurse and she forced me out. Before she did, I felt his hands for a final time. They were cold, soft, and dry. I was now out in the hallway, by myself.So much anger and guilt built inside me, and I let it out. I threw my fist forward right into the wall. I didn't feel it, but the wall cracked. I didn't even bother looking for my mom. I stormed out of the hospital. It was still pouring outside. So much emotion built inside me. I need to release it, somehow, someway. I walked behind the hospital and there was a massive brick wall. With all the emotion I had, I released, yelling during this time. Once I was done, I was exhausted, and I started crying again, leaning against the wall. I stared at my fist. They were bleeding completely. I pushed myself up and decided to walk home. This walk was silent. Too silent. It felt like no one existed. No cars, no people, just me. He's gone, he's really gone. I watched him leave my world. None of this had to happen. Please tell me this is a nightmare. Please let it be a nightmare. I made it to my house, and I started crying again. I looked at the porch, the porch he taught me guitar on. Every sunset, we sat, and we learned the songs he did. He had a thing for old Western music. He loved cowboys, he sure did. I opened the door and walked into my room.My mom was still at the hospital. The lights were all off. I walked into my room, and sat on my bed, turning the lamp on. I took my journal from off my desk and wrote the words I was never supposed to forget. "Love deeply, forgive freely, that's the key to life." "Don't ever let someone hold you back." My journal started becoming wet from my tears, and the water that was still dripping off my hands. I closed it and tossed it.My mind kept replaying the image in my head. His last words, his last breath, I was there for all of it. It's my fault. I know he said it wasn't, but it was. Everything is my fault. I was wishing someone would kill me. Why did this have to happen? Why didn't I just go to the store for him? I started breaking down again. I can't believe he's really gone. It's all so surreal, but the pain is real. I never got to tell him how much I loved him. He's truly the reason why I'm the way I am. I hope I live up to your expectations. I need a hug. At this point, I just need someone. Someone to cry into. I can't be a burden. I stood up and walked to my parent's room.I turned on the light, looking at my dad's side of the bed. I walked up to his nightstand. I picked up a picture. It was of him and my mom seeing me stand for the first time. I smiled, painfully. It hurts to smile. I set the picture down and looked under his bed. There was a briefcase. I was curious, and so I pulled it from under his bed. I opened it, and he had his old baseball gear. Pictures of him hitting home runs, and making incredibly fielding plays. He was so happy. I noticed that in all these photos, he had a black and white bracelet. Looked like a good luck charm. He was always the luckiest. Maybe unlucky that he had to put up with me.I closed the briefcase and slid it back under his bed. I decided to look in his closet. I wasn't looking for anything, I guess, reliving memories. I opened their massive closet and I was kinda glad that they kept their stuff on separate sides. I looked at the right side. On the ground was his guitar. I picked it up, and just inhaled the scent it had. This was my father's scent, something I had to deal with when I played. I miss it, I really do. I strummed the guitar slowly and put it back down. I left the closet and went back to his bed. I wanted to cry again, but I knew he wouldn't like that. He taught me to use my tears for the happiest moments of my life, and never let them fall when I was sad. I grabbed the pillow on his bed and squeezed it. I miss you. I miss you like hell right now.I looked down at the bed, and there was a bracelet. I picked it up, setting the pillow back down. It was the same bracelet from the pictures. I put the bracelet on my left wrist and left his room. I went back into my room and sat on my bed again. I felt the bracelet slowly. It was smooth and a little big, but I didn't mind. What would you want me to become? That's what I've wondered. I lay down and stared at the ceiling."You'd want me to be the best person seen, huh... Goodbye, Dad..."