Chapter 1

6:00 am

Another day, some mark the rising of the sun as a new beginning but I mark it as the beginning of another bad day. You would wonder why I was always such a pessimist about things and why I always saw the bad instead of seeing the good in things.

My name is Nicole Lee and this is my story, growing up I was always so introverted and shy; afraid to speak up my opinions and what i was going through. The people around me thought I was weird and creepy. 

I grew up in a house where everyone was always against me. My parents didn't care about me or my feelings, I was tagged the failure of the Lee family. While my younger sister Bethany was the family prodigy; you might think that I was jealous of her but I really wasn't. Instead I was very proud and happy for her.

My little sister always loved treating me badly, she would make fun of me and insult me; and my parents would say nothing about it. But if I dared to act against her they would practically attack me, saying I was just jealous of her and hated her. 

You see I wanted to become a dancer but my family saw that as an embarrassing job, they even said that wasn't a job and if I really wanted to waste my life I could go out in the streets and jump in the river and die.

There were times where I really wanted to end my life with hoping that my parents would actually miss me when I'm gone but for people who never remembered to do anything for me it made me doubt if they would miss me.

Today I'm starting a new school, which also happens to be the school my little sister has been attending. My parents never actually let me go to the same school my little sister went to before so I couldn't help but wonder why they would change their minds all of a sudden, but my question was answered when my meddlesome sister came to my room and announced that my parents placed me in her school so she could spy on me.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at their silliness because I was in my senior year and technically my sister was in her junior year, and although the buildings were in the same compound there was a really huge gate in-between to keep the students separate and out of each others business.

I was starting my senior year and in this year was supposed to pick a major, I really wanted to go for theater arts but I'd be skinned alive before I could even get a chance to take one step into the arts class. My parents forced me to go for a business course, i wasn't dull but passionate and besides business was an easy course for me but I wasn't passionate about it.

All I ever wanted in this life was for my parents to just love me, even if it was just a pretense; I'd be satisfied. But no matter what I did I'd still be a failure in their eyes

My alarm rang at 7:00 am to remind me to snap out of my daydream, the school starts by 8:30 but I wasn't in a rush to get ready because I just didn't have any motivation for anything. When I got downstairs my sister had already left which wasn't really a surprise.

"Mom what time did Beth leave?"

Although I already knew the kind of reply I was going to get I still asked.

"Do you really expect Beth to wait for you?. You spend hours getting ready and stroll down like you aren't anywhere late and yet you still have the nerve to ask me when my daughter left" She scoffed.

Of course, they never change, I was sure I recited every word with her in my head as she said it.

"Can I at least have breakfast" I asked.

"Your hungry, well maybe next time you can wake up early that way I'll know to make some food for you" She mocked.

"So am I supposed to go to school hungry" I replied.

"I really don't care how you go to school, all I know is that if you don't walk out that door in the next ten minutes I'll drag you out myself" She stated.

I didn't have the brain energy to argue with her, so I just left. The time was already 8:10 am I was already late and missed the bus, asking her for a ride to school would just result to me getting insulted again.

*********

When I got to school the classes were just starting, so I rushed to an empty seat. I was glad that I didn't get detention on my first day otherwise my parents would just use that to mock me again.

"Miss... Miss..... Miss" The teacher called continuously.

"I think you're the one teacher's calling" 

A girl seated next to me pointed out, I was so stuck daydreaming to o hear.

"Hi, I'm sorry I didn't realize that I was the one you were speaking to" I apologized.

"That's okay, I'm miss Laura your commerce teacher" she introduced herself.

"Nice to meet you" I replied

I knew that my reply wasn't what she wanted to hear but I just couldn't help myself.

"Why don't you come introduce yourself to the rest of the class" She suggested.

"Can I please not do it"

"Well your new here so it's won't hurt if you tell us a little about yourself"

"That's just a polite way of saying no" I whispered

The girl next to me smiled at my comment. I stood up from my seat, and walked towards the front of the class. 

"Hello everyone, My name is Nicole Lee; It's very nice to meet you all"

"Very good, Nicole." 

I went back to my seat and the classed commenced immediately. The teacher taught us on the topic scope of commerce, it wasn't really hard for me to understand because I wasn't a dull child the only problem was that I wasn't interested.

*******

After the class we also went through a few other classes before the lunch break, The bell rang indicating it was time for lunch. It made me remember that I hadn't eaten anything all day and I had no money with me; I felt a little dizzy so I took a seat at the bench next to our class.

"Hello there" someone greeted.

I recognized the voice because it was the girl who sat next to me during class

"Hi" I forced a smile.

"My name is Vivian but you can call me Viv"

"Nice to meet you"

"I can tell just by watching your attitude in class that your not a business student" 

"Well, all this is still new to me"

"It's new to all of us, but unlike the rest of us with excitement and anticipation in our eyes when we're been taught. You just have a look of boredom"

"Are you always this nosey" 

"Believe me when I say I'm not, it's just that I really like you and I want to be friends with you. So please don't take my curiosity as an invasion of your privacy"

"Wait, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that" 

"No it's okay, you were right we barely know each other and I have no right to stick my nose in your business" 

"But I want you to stick your nose in my business"

"You do"

"Yeah, maybe I can finally open up and talk to someone"

I didn't know if I was doing the right thing by talking to a complete stranger about myself, but I really just felt like I had to get it out of me.

"Your observation is on point, I'm not a business student. Never have been and never wanted to be" 

"Then why are you in the business class"

"Because I have no other choice, it's complicated"

"I see, if your not into business then what are you interested in"

"Theater arts"

"OMG are you for real, that's totally amazing"

"It is"

I couldn't help but ask because I have always been told it's shameful and embarrassing.

"Heck yeah, what do you do. Music, choreography or acting" 

"I think I'm into all of them, but I major in music and dance" 

"Damn my new friend Is a performer, I can't wait to tell Clara and Julia" 

"Wait who's Clara and Julia"

"Oh Clara is my older sister and Julia is her best friend, they are both performers and they are really good. They represent the school in competitions and even though they have never actually won the title, they always end up in second place; which is still pretty cool"

"Wow... that's pretty dope"

"I know right, you should really go see them"

"I can't"

"Why not"

"I told you it's complicated"

"How complicated"

"Its actually deeper than you can imagine"

"I see"

She didn't push me further, but I could tell she was curious. Vivian was a free girl but if we were going to be friends I needed her to understand where I came from so that way she wouldn't push me to something I didn't want.

"My parents banned me from doing anything related to arts, in our home the only music allowed is those 190s music; and I'm not talking about the good kind like Celine Dion, I'm talking those ancient music that just want to make you cringe. My parents made sure to break me completely until I no longer had any sign of hope, I am a complete shadow of who I really want to be. I'm afraid to speak up because I'm scared I'll be rejected and told no, so I keep my feelings bottled up inside of me. I understand that you want to try and help me; but I just don't want you to get involved in a struggle that I already gave up on"

After my long speech I finally felt free, like I could finally breath. Talking felt really good and I was glad I finally had someone to talk to

"I understand that you want to make your parents proud and I love that but if it's at the cost of your own happiness I'm not down for it, I haven't met your parents but I already don't like them."

"It's easier said than done Viv"

"Nicky I still think that it isn't right"

"And that's not all of it, I was transferred to this school because my parents needed an extra pair of eyes to watch me"

"An extra pair of eyes, do they have a teacher here that's on their side"

"No that would ruin their perfect reputation, my little sister Bethany she's in the junior class"

"If she's your little sister isn't she supposed to be on your side"

"You would think that but technically she's not on my side, probably because she's too busy looking for every means to compare herself to me"

"And here I thought my family had issues"

"Welcome to my world, are you sure you still want to be friends with me; my life is pretty complicated"

"Are you kidding, that's all the more reason for me to be friends with you"