Chapter 11

Countless nights I tossed and turned, haunted by the dread of my own judgment. Sleep eluded me, not a single moment of mental rest.

Unconsciously, my nails frantically raked across my chilled skin, leaving behind mottled, bloody welts. My eyes, glazed and unfocused, were drawn to the blurred window, the sole source of dim light in the enveloping darkness, as if waiting for something unknown. The itching sensation tore at my skin, sending a frenzy through my body, fueling a growing sense of unease.

I want to peel off this skin, want to vomit out all my guts.

I want this pain to stop.

Death.

Is that the end of it all?

The door flew open with a bang and a blast of frigid air swept into the room. Whirled around, my eyes widening in alarm as I saw two shadowy figures silhouetted against the doorway. Their faces were twisted in annoyance as they glared inside.

"The Commander demands your presence."

"...Me?"

"You're needed immediately."

Mustering all my strength, I shuddered to my feet and dragged myself towards the iron door. One of the figures nodded curtly, a silent command to follow. Cowering beneath my thin cloak, I tried to conceal the ragged wounds marring my skin. My heart raced as I contemplated the possibilities that lay ahead.

The imperial military is a vast and complex organization, centralized under the absolute authority of a Commander-in-Chief. Thirteen military districts are spread across the empire's borders, each governed by a Deputy Commander. These districts are further divided into smaller units, led by high-ranking knights. Beneath them are the silent warriors: the soldiers. The Commander-in-Chief, the supreme commander of the royal army, is here to oversee this vast network. And he will be the final judge of my transgression.

The sound of hurried footsteps reverberated through the long corridor, each step seeming to last an eternity. A rising tide of nausea threatened to overwhelm me, but I forced myself to swallow the bitter bile. Two lines of knights stood at attention, as still as statues. Their gleaming armor and royal crests formed a chilling barrier. Their spears were raised high, a symbol of their unwavering authority.

Halted before the imposing door, my body racked with tremors. A wave of chills and heat washed over, leaving me feeling disoriented and overwhelmed. The heavy wooden door groaned as it swung open, revealing a dimly lit room filled with towering stacks of documents. With a harsh shove, they forced me inside and slammed the door shut, the sound echoing through the silent room.

Sunlight pierced through the window, casting long shadows across the room. Seated at his desk, a man cut an imposing figure. His gaze, piercing and intense, was fixed on the aged papers before him. Clad in a deep blue uniform adorned with a gleaming white wolf insignia, he was the epitome of power. Instantly, my head bowed. A heavy silence descended upon the room, broken only by the soft rustle of turning pages.

"I'm sure you know why you're here."

"...Yes..."

Being so close, I was able to appreciate the strong, angular lines of his face, the hallmark of a true leader. A middle-aged man of imposing stature, his deep-set eyes held a wisdom that belied his years and his silvered hair added to his distinguished appearance. The Commander-in-Chief, a man perpetually occupied with the affairs of his many districts, was seldom seen. To be in his presence was a great honor, almost a privilege. Yet, his appearances were often ominous.

"Just a few days ago, this military district was suddenly hit by a surprise attack. Coincidentally, this attack occurred at a critical time when all the deputy commanders were on their way to the capital for an urgent meeting at the palace."

"...I can assure you, I am not a traitor. My decision to leave was based on personal reasons, and it has nothing to do with betraying anyone. I understand that this may be difficult to believe, but I beg you to give me the opportunity to explain myself fully..."

Stunned, I straightened, forcing myself to look at him. His expression was so eerily calm.

"Were you the one who led the archers in creating that sudden smoke screen during the crisis?"

"...Yes, I admit that it wasn't a wise decision."

"Reviewing your file, it's clear that as a pharmacist, you've made significant contributions to saving lives during your time in the military district. And that smoke screen was a turning point, not only diverting the dragons from the main tower but also buying precious time for reinforcements, forcing the dragons into a difficult position and ultimately forcing their retreat."

"...I didn't think the plan would succeed, in fact, I knew it was a risky move that could potentially harm our forces. But in that critical moment, all my decisions were driven by a single goal: to protect the main tower..."

"Your actions, regardless of the circumstances, were commendable. If it weren't for your quick thinking, the main tower would have fallen, creating a vulnerability in our empire's defenses that would have been difficult to repair. The consequences would have been catastrophic."

His eyes, filled with admiration, held an indefinable anxiety. I couldn't help but question whether his compliments were sincere or a facade for hidden doubts.

"Nevertheless, it is undeniable that this was a serious mistake, born out of our overconfidence. This incident should serve as a stark reminder, and we must ensure that it does not happen again."

The file landed on the desk with a thud, shattering the silence. Leaning back in his chair, he tapped a steady rhythm on the worn cover with his fingers. His words carrying a weight that seemed to linger in the air.

"Licia Zivuska Diotisalvi"

''Y-yes?...''

''I was curious about many things when I went through your file. But it's easy to see why your alias is so unusual. A stray wolf. Are you an immigrant?"

"...Yes...I...I'm not from Isidore..."

"A humble family, welcomed into the empire, was torn apart by a sudden tragedy. The mother died in a sudden attack. The father, burdened with the weight of the family, was drawn into the war. Despite their hardships, they poured their love into raising you and another child, a testament to the kindness of their hearts."

The cigarette ignited, its smoke curling into the motionless air, heavy with unspoken feelings. In the quiet room, only the soft sigh remained.

"It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. Not everyone would willingly sacrifice themselves for a loved one. Especially considering you don't have any particular advantages. Your physique, strength, knowledge, status..."

My hands clenched into fists behind my back as I listened to his harsh words: 'weak,' 'incompetent,' and 'lowly.' He was clearly holding back more.

"...Despite the challenges, I've always strived to be the best pharmacist I can be."

"Struggling to stay alive"

"..."

"Every contribution, big or small, from the soldiers here deserves to be valued. It's hard to believe that someone who once contributed so positively to the unit could become such a despicable traitor."

"I'm not a traitor...I can swear on my life."

"Meaningless oaths rest on a thin tongue."

"...Please..."

"While there are doubts, I will give you a chance to explain yourself. Think of it as a favor this military district is granting you, we won't immediately disregard your past services. However, bear in mind that every deed has its repercussions."

Know there's no mercy for traitors, but what I'm about to confess could lead me to a different fate. Taking a deep breath, I tried to compose myself. He didn't rush to judgment like the others, perhaps he will listen.

''You have nothing to say in your defense?"

Perhaps these words can never be taken back. But what else can I do but face the problem head-on. There's no turning back now, every step is a gamble. Given the current options, every choice is a dead end.

"...If you've reviewed my file, you...will know I have a history of involvement with opium and poppies. Life in the military district was suffocating, not just because of the smell of gunpowder and blood...but also because of the vicious insults and brutal beatings inflicted by the Deputy Commander. He not only tortured me physically but also mentally. He constantly pressured me to produce opium to feed his own addiction...I couldn't bear living a life enslaved by the crimes of others. So, at the first opportunity, I seized the chance..."

Grasping the edge of my coat, my eyes never left him, pleading silently. A profound silence filled the room, punctuated only by the steady tick of the antique clock. Extinguishing his cigarette, he picked up the file and began to flip through the pages, his gaze scanning the pages.

"What proof do you have?"

"...The cigarettes he carried weren't ordinary tobacco, they were pure opium. You can verify this yourself, Commander. He has an illegal supply line from outside the military district where he frequently trades opium. That's...all the information I have. I don't actually hate this place...I understand everyone is trying to contribute to the war effort. But I don't want to be involved in this anymore. The illegal drug trade not only destroys people but is also a serious crime...It's wrong, both personally and against the empire..."

"What about the physical abuse?"

With trembling hands, I pulled off my tattered brown cloak. Beneath it, the thin, off-white shirt, stained with the colors of the earth which was never enough to keep me warm, now revealed the long scars marring my back. His gaze fell upon me, empty and unfeeling. The old and new wounds, barely visible in the sunlight, were a painful reminder of what I had endured, leaving me feeling confused and ashamed.

"How long has this been happening?"

"...Five years, since I enlisted."

"Why didn't you report this sooner? Besides you, is there anyone else who knows about this?"

"...I didn't have any chance. The Deputy Commander held all the power in the military district. There was no one I could turn to. If he found out, I couldn't imagine the consequences."

"If what you're saying is true, this is a very serious matter. A high-ranking officer involved in drug trafficking and the abuse of soldiers is a grave violation of the empire's laws and morals."

Leaning back in his chair, his gaze lingering on me with a heavy dose of suspicion. 

"Despite that, you have just admitted to a serious crime. Do you feel any remorse for what you've done?"

"I admit my guilt. I...plead for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life atoning for my sins and hope to have a chance to return to my family...I still have a younger sibling..."

"The penalty for treason is death, do you understand?"

''...I undertstand...''

Tolerance and compassion. Is it too much to ask.

"I will personally look into this matter. Until a final judgment is reached, you will remain in custody to ensure a fair and impartial investigation. My actions are guided by my principles. A leader does not dismiss the efforts of their subordinates. Everyone has their own struggles, and my years on the battlefield have given me a deep understanding of this."

"...Words cannot express my gratitude..."

"This doesn't mean you're free from the consequences of your actions. Now, you may leave."

With a slight bow, I departed in silence. Outside, the knight guards stood side by side, as rigid as stone statues, motionless in the cold morning. My steps faltered as I glanced through the wide window of the grand hallway. In the distance, bathed in sunlight, the towering castle wall stood , a colossal guardian of ancient mysteries. Each cold stone step echoed with a mournful cadence, harmonizing with the gentle snowfall outside. Life went on, but a part of me remained forever in this place.

The tears had long since dried, leaving an aching void. The door slammed shut behind the departing knight and a sudden, sharp wave of pain washed over me. I stumbled and fell, clutching my stomach, my face twisted in agony. Cold sweat broke out, my breath came in ragged gasps and spasms wracked my body. I retched, bile rising in my throat, its bitter taste filling my mouth. A faint whisper, meaningless sound, echoed in the darkness and was lost in the gloom.

''...No...please...''

Bolting upright, my eyes flew open in terror as the only light came in through the cracks in the door. My head spun, cold sweat drenched my body and pain shot through me so intense I dug my nails into my flesh.

"...Death...is not as simple as that..."

Doubled over, my head bowed as I retched. Bitter bile dripped from my mouth onto the floor. My head felt like it was about to explode and a constant whispering echoed in my mind, like a broken record.

"ENOUGH! SHUT UP!"

My vision blurred, I stumbled and collapsed onto the old bed. 

No one was there. 

In the end, there was no one here.