Chapter 11 - ‘Exercising’ Spirits

A certain tall, dark haired youth sat in a candlelit ritual circle with the 'family blade' on her lap. It was a heavy straight blade of a style similar to an extra long 'spatha' - much longer than she was ready to wield. While it had once been a powerful tool, now it was no more than a sentimental relic that only some few were allowed to hold onto while cultivating in the reserved location.

The Yecine family was larger than a majority of the local affluent holdings, but they also sported the most concurrently living members despite their tight control over the number and timing of births allowed. Depending on your lowest ranking type of energy cultivation, there existed a maximum number of birthable children. A rule enacted over the universe by one of the early ascending Divinities.

They had 'claimed' it was to prevent future overpopulation and ill effects on the fabric of the universe. Then again, a lot of the early ascenders used the final rank to enact various mandates that appeared to just make it 'harder' for those coming next.

Qatrand as well as most Lower Realm cultivators weren't aware of the meddling that happens on an ascension - and Elua herself didn't know for sure whether it was a dark tinged 'machination' or truthful 'orchestration' to keep the universe from collapsing.

While each cultivator at least knew it was because of the 'cosmic limitation' that any of their kind could only make so many offspring in their lifetime, it still wasn't something *managed* by every 'established' family. The Yecines were heavier-handed. The available resources were also firmly managed by their council of elders and rationed as they saw appropriate.

Qatrand had been allocated more than most.

She spent more time being instructed by various elders than others. The ritual circle in that room, in which she spent more time than anyone else, was designed to help stabilize the spirit - which was a large benefit in a region where that sort of cultivation was often neglected… though she had always been told only to use it to improve her mental focus during her primary physical cultivation.

They wanted her to reach Echelon Four Enchanter in a certain field before anything else was considered. The elders and her father especially had been quite adamant about it lately, looking to solve her now periodic 'problem' before it was noticed or before her bust possibly grew noticeable and wasted the expense of the body double. Even the foods she ate before entering it were always expensive and meant to provide the 'most value' to her physical growth, though that functioned as somewhat of a double edged sword at this point.

If they knew they were wasting much more than they needed with such inefficient ways of turning consumed matter into inner energy, a few of the elders might be subjected to a sudden ruptured aneurysm.

However, as she sat meditating in this session also knowing none of that, for the first time in her twelve years, she chose to *directly* 'rebel'. She was using her given time in the room to focus on increasing spiritual cultivation! Qatrand didn't know where the Goltbred obtained all the things she knew, but the young Yecine had been willing to give her suggestion a try.

The explanations from her fiance a few days before had made her question the wisdom of her elders instead of just accepting their teachings. Elua had taught her in simple terms but with a voice that lent more weight to everything. It felt entirely more 'absolute' somehow!

Essence was an 'outer energy', physical was an 'inner energy', and spiritual was something more *esoteric* that… functioned sometimes as a bridge and sometimes more between the two. It was the energy of the 'self' that existed both in and out of the body. It mingled within the same space as the 'essence field' but also remained segregated from either energy.

It was almost something not even there, but made witnessed by the observer - and it had *always* been the illusionist's favorite of the three, for that quality so like her Astralism… and more.

There was a bit of synergy between the entire trinity of cultivation, but spirit had a more noticeable effect on early progress because of how refining it improved the thinking process… with diminishing returns later and variable magnitude of results between individuals. Still, this would lead to better and quicker understanding - and control - of both the inner and outer energies for even the most average in talent practitioner.

The cute girl had bragged that the reason she had 'already' unlocked 'two' Aspects was because of the benefits of what was so wrongly neglected in this region. While such a description fully omitted the more important part of retaining knowledge of the myriad millenia of a past life, it didn't change the fact that what she had implied was 'true'.

It would have taken longer to grow accustomed to her two 'new' Aspects and increase along the echelons for each without her advanced Primalist spiritual cultivation smoothing things over.

In another example, the small Goltbred had never asked *too* many questions of her father, but the brunette was almost certain that he had become a spiritual Enchanter earlier in his life than most did where they lived. It was the logical reason to explain why he was locally among the more advanced of physical Primalists.

She was of course correct, but she also didn't really know at this point that he *wasn't* originally a local. Yatrel er Goltbred's stories tended to ignore anything before the point they were 'together'.

Qatrand, sitting there trying her best to make use of the time, had no reason not to trust - in matters of spirit - the girl that could easily ignore the masking tool that could flawlessly fool Ondua er Goltbred! …But she was still reluctant to completely disobey her family and waste the food, so she used up three-fifths of the allocated time on her 'rebellion' and the rest hoping to help pass the next physical cultivation barrier like they wanted of her.

In only a little more than two weeks, and while getting continual bits of advice when they met up at the Youth Guild, the dark-haired youth already felt right on the edge of getting to be a double-Enchanter. For Elua it was a pretty simple affair to offer the guidance. Her betrothed was already beyond the *real* hurdle of sensing the energy at Early Initial… although that could have been 'forced' if needed.

The reincarnator knew of the less hazardous ways of assisting the 'spiritually blind', though almost all of them were more effective on the very young… and still mentally crippling to the poor mortals that tried fooling less 'interested in caring about the truth' practitioners of this sort of 'unlocking' technique.

Qat had only needed to be spoon-fed some 'advanced' seeming tips to improve her spirit generation during the meditative concentration - and the environment she practiced in made it simple. The easiest method for her was, while calm and focused, to re-examine all of her memories in exacting detail. While doing so she would affirm what she had felt then and what she feels about any of it now.

There was also the way of using everything affirmed about herself to form goals and attempt to 'visualize the future' in the case the goals were - or were not - met. Qatrand er Yecine was less adept at this specific meditative exercise. Never meeting the goals that were set for by others already terrified her too much and the future…

'What… is my future? I'm supposed to marry El. That was what the elders planned for me because of the promise that existed between our family.'

Her brow furrowed in the ritual circle.

'Actually, when did I stop questioning that? I used to be confused why they needed me to pretend to be a boy. My father hadn't had all the children he could. I still… don't really know. What was it they told me that made me comfortable with the lie?'

She thought hard but could only remember being told repeatedly that it was what needed to be done. Combined with all the other lessons on filial piety, adherence to duty, and the cruel assurances of praise and reward when everything 'eventually' succeeded…

Qatrand had grown numb to thoughts of 'more'. Of thinking for herself.

The youth 'struggled' with *wanting* more than what others wanted of her.

'I promised to protect and cherish her. They… didn't exactly tell me to do that, but it was what *she* asked to hear… and the same words were going to be used in the ceremonial vows I'm meant to take when we are both adults.'

Even if doing such a thing 'on her own' earlier than 'expected' had been something of a choice she made, it still felt to the nearly thirteen year old not to have been what 'counted' as something she had 'wanted'. It had been tinged with too many other… 'needs'.

'Is there something else about the future I should be seeking? Something unrelated to my family or to El…'

A pair of mint colored eyes had been occasionally appearing in her mind throughout her days, for a little more than three years since their first meeting. But the voice behind them had also seemed to have a *need* of Qatrand like the elders of the Yecine… or maybe far more.

No one else had ever cried because of her action - or inaction. At least not in front of her. Experiencing it had etched how much freer and vibrant the younger of them was in comparison, even though she really didn't want to see it happening again.

'I'm not sure what it is, for her. It's a 'need', like I've felt for 'approval' from the elders… but it's also different. If I can't even tell that much about my fiance, how am I supposed to make other decisions about the time to come?'

The girl stroked the ceremonial blade laying on her lap while gazing at its luster in the candlelight. There was something she always found comforting about the item, though her recognition of the vague feeling was as dim as almost any other new or unknown sentiment. Quite a few fresh sensations had been fleetingly crisp and then abruptly hard to describe when it involved the mint-eyed girl.

"Life wasn't… 'fun'... before I got to see her more often lately. Everything I've been told or taught seems a little less useful than what she can easily explain with that gentle smile she wears. She also… called me special the very first time we met. I was 'liked'."

The supposed 'heir' of an elder in a family run by a council had never thought much about having fun until Elua er Goltbred started to ask during the 'games' they were using to train together. Enjoying herself, far from being secondary, had never really been an option in the first place.

She also hadn't really had a real strong impression of what being liked actually *meant*, at the time it had been said those years before. Qatrand was still slightly fuzzy on the answer to this day, but could sense it had something to do with why kissing El had felt like the 'right' thing to do… but her first cultivation session after had been frustrating!

When she closed her eyes she kept feeling phantom sensations on either her lips or her temple. It turned out to be distracting even in the 'spirit calming' ritual circle. Thinking about that again caused her to change to speaking thoughts out loud, just to help get rid of the 'ghost'.

"What happened at the training grounds had to be reported before someone else did. The elders had only said something along the lines of: It's good if the girl starts to like you romantically, but be careful about what more you go and do."

The Yecine adolescent knew, because of their further explanations, that they meant the rule about not revealing that she was a biological female. She was unshaken that they had no idea such a vital secret had been already lost to the brunette almost instantly years prior. The only way they could is if Qattrand told them about it - which she would never do.

The youth used to think that she made that self-promise to likewise keep the information about El's advanced spiritual cultivation a secret for only a pair of 'specific' reasons. One, it was only fair if her real gender was being kept quiet. Two, it felt related and bound with the concept of 'protecting' her. But inside she knew it wasn't so grand… and lately that acknowledgement was growing.

It was primarily fear of consequence - and that anything else was wordy justification.

The girl very much wanted others to 'like' her. To approve and praise. Everything she'd ever done - listening to the elders, training with the sword, pretending to be her father's 'son' - was with that hope at its core. However, it wasn't that long ago that she hadn't understood that motivation 'fully'.

Now that she did, and now that Elua er Goltbred had 'traded' her the revelation of her Physique's properties… she didn't actually know whether to laugh or cry. Cynosure. A 'strange' reactive Physique gracing the holder with a constitution that makes their enemies pay more attention to the person with it over others.

She'd wanted for so long to be seen, acknowledged, and paid more attention to for her efforts. The universe then fated her an ability that essentially told her she might as well go seek such things from people or creatures trying to *kill* her.

Not knowing *how* to 'react' either then or now, she did neither. Qatrand just sat there quietly being calm as her self-granted time for cultivating spirit was running out for the session. She was good at that, at any time other than when El randomly struck a 'new' emotion. Like the one she still didn't *quite* get no matter how many times she thought of the words and her state at the time.

That odd 'gloom' when learning she was liked partly for her rare Physique.

"She… said it was one of the reasons. If I tell everyone, will my family also like me? What happens after that? They already give me so much. Would they think it's a good ability? Will I have to work less? I don't really mind training or studying, I just regretted not being good enough at either to be praised."

A sudden inspiration struck the girl.

"Maybe… maybe that's what bothered me. The Physique is… something I gained. Something I did work for. But… also it doesn't feel like something of my own yet. I don't want to be praised or liked for… for… what… do I actually want, specifically?"

For the first time in the weeks of rebelling, the dark-haired 'son' spent the entirety of the three hours 'overlooking her spirit' without even bothering to make an effort in her physical cultivation.