Chapter 16 - Well, Obsession Is Also ‘Relative’

The almost ten year old Elua clung onto her mother in a way she hadn't done for many of those living years. It wasn't just the immediacy, but the way of it. More 'vulnerable' than 'loving'. Before Yatrel could even ask what it was about, or start to return the hug, her daughter began to speak.

"I'm not sure if I've ever said this, but I really thank you for giving birth to me. I'm grateful. In a very different way… and maybe regrettable for you to hear that it's a fraction of what I feel for Qat… I do love you."

The reborn cultivator, while much tinier and 'younger' than the person she held onto, also outclassed them in both spirit and physical cultivation realms. Yet she felt *vulnerable*! She suddenly began giggling while pressing her cheek into her parent's bosom.

"I probably also shouldn't admit that I love you *more* at this time than I might have, had the fiance you arranged for me been someone else other than *exactly* Qatrand er Yecine. I really, truly love and cherish that individual. No matter what happens, they will be mine. They already *are*."

The small girl added quite 'firmly'.

"But Qat is also dutiful. I'm concerned that others might get in my way. Please do your utmost to help me if things ever go… 'strange'?"

In the instant after asking the question, a pair of lusterless and unblinking mint eyes tilted and met those of the adult who shared them and knew well what they meant… as she had seen the recording of her own face when in an 'obsessive trance'. They looked nearly exactly the same as hers had from start to finish in her 'duels'.

An equally dull toned voice, that held terrifying *weight* of a kind which Elua had never even 'dared' let her Qat hear, delivered the final lines of 'warning' she wanted to convey.

"While I don't especially want to do it, I think I will be far worse than all of your 'horrible' killing single rivals in combat stories combined… if someone tries to keep Qat from me. I really don't think I will consider any kind of consequences. Anything that slows me will be an obstacle."

"To be honest mother, even in my calmer state I have barely held myself back in the past from asking you to help me kidnap 'him' because there is no way that they are safer or more cared for than they would be by remaining by my side."

She did manage to keep her much more 'intentful' spirit tied away, despite the way she was presenting the other qualities of herself as being about 60% 'real' from her past. Striking her with that pressure again after covering it up a little bit ago would just be rude!

Elua closed her eyes and waited until she felt the 'normal' vital shine in her irises had returned 'appropriately'. Willfully employing her Astralism to *delude* herself was a technique that took a few moments.

There was no need to explain to the woman that the lovely, charming, and amiable young miss known at the estate and the Youth Guild was the real 'trance' in a certain sense - or that it was largely a coincidence that Elua's old *natural*, lifeless gaze was so familiar. It was a similarity the scheming cultivator was more than happy to capitalize upon - after it had been brought up in the many little stories spoken freely by the woman.

Though it was also a 'gamble' since she never got to see the recording herself.

"But - I'm scared Qat will reject me if I do anything too quickly… or that they'll try to accept… but that showing this side of me will start changing them into someone I'm not in love with."

Her voice had also regained a little 'rasp' of emotion, but it wasn't especially 'sweet' like her 'facade' usually used. There wasn't a lot to feel *sweet* about after that declaration. The 'results' as she described had been the primary outcome of her usually 'short term' dalliances, with her intense personality somehow 'breaking' what she had been attracted to.

While she had known this fiance for longer at this point than those 'short' attempts, she had also kept much of 'herself' a secret the entire time.

'In a way, only 'half' of me has ever met her.'

"…Mom, can you not tell dad about how I am yet? I don't want him to change either. He's someone who often gets in my way, just a 'little' and… and makes me accustomed to it happening. That seems like something I need?"

She'd never learn to *unconditionally* forgive the person doing it, but she could practice ways to alleviate the building 'grudge'. Her father really was taking hits for his daughter's team!

"I'll even stop bullying him so much, if you want. Or do it more…? Do you like it when he turns to you for reassurance or…"

Towards the end her voice had grown closer to how it 'normally' was and she groaned a little while shaking her head. The imagery was not good!

"No, nevermind. I don't want to know *those* things. You're both my parents! What was I even thinking?"

"Elua."

Her name being called after being allowed to speak so much without a single comment made the young girl stiffen and tighten the hug. About half of it was a *sincere* reaction!

She wasn't sure herself when it was that she became so prone to being 'nervous'. Perhaps it was partially the length of time spent away from 'humanity' before her ascension attempt.

"For me, the most important thing to say first… is that I love you as well. To be equally as frank as you were, it is in a different way but undoubtedly *less* than my feelings for Ondua."

The next part would be a terrible thing to say for most people, but since her daughter was willing to be this honest and open with her thoughts - she shouldn't do any differently.

"In a worst case scenario, where I could only save one of the two of you, it would be devastating - but I wouldn't hesitate. I would prioritize him. From the way you spoke, you are the same."

Yatrel began stroking circles over her daughter's back. While a large part of her had been overjoyed at learning the girl was as at least as non-typical as herself, she was also a little sorry that she hadn't prepared that well to deal with it. The girl had been so *sweet* that she fooled everyone!

'It also means she felt she had to hide it, even after I started telling my own stories. That does hurt my pride.'

"That's why if you were possibly worried that I would judge you for those 'hidden pitfalls', as those not like us have called parts of my personality, then you can know I won't. Instead I can claim to understand you as perfectly as anyone could."

She stopped the circling motion and patted between her shoulders twice.

"Though hopefully that's just 'for now' and you do get your wish. Even your father thinks he is a good boy, so it would be nice for you to be accepted 'completely' by him."

While in some ways Elua felt like the one reassuring her would have spoken the right gender if she knew the truth - especially after the brunette went to these lengths to make it clear how important Qat specifically was - she also retained some cautious fear that her mother may have a hidden internal 'line' about these things. Be it relationships with same genders or just ones started on lies.

There was just no good way of probing about it in this moment; not when she just made it clear that the trajectory of her life was revolving around a certain person. Casual questions could only be inferred to be about the young Yecine.

"As for the rest, I'll try not to get too involved except where you ask me to. I *would* like a little preparation time if you do intend to kidnap Anper's heir… so maybe I'll start making a few plans now just in case. Like purchasing a small home for the two of you that can't be traced as owned by our family."

The girl's body eased, but the grip on the Dame Goltbred's dress tightened. 

'Sorry again, father. In that same kind of 'worst case scenario' she spoke of, between my two parents - my instinct is to say that I would probably pick her and not feel that bad about it. Though at least she'd probably try and kill me afterwards, when your death 'breaks' her and she blames me, so your 'revenge' on the unfilial daughter is covered!'

There were *a lot* of acquaintances - that Elua didn't keep around long - in the past life… who told her directly that her 'macabre', played-straight humor wasn't *funny*. Then again, most of those particular people laughed at their *own puns* - so who between them was the 'real' monster?

The mother and daughter gradually exited the carriage that had been stopped for a while. They parted to their own rooms and goals until the family met at the dining room as usual. With most of the food cleaned from her plate, Elua placed down her utensils and cleared her throat.

"I know that this may be a strange question, but is there anywhere else I can learn and apprentice from other than the Youth Guild?"

She knew of some options already that could fit her age and status. While she didn't make a lot of 'excessive' conversation with the other children since she joined, she did listen when there was not much else to do. It was mostly a matter of what things her parents would *approve* of considering… they actually only let her 'go out' on the days one of them were free to join her.

"What brought this on?"

"Isn't that a silly question? She's going to be sad without her betrothed around as much and wants a more intense distraction… preferably somewhere away from a place with memories of them."

After shaking her head at her husband, Yatrel smiled knowingly at the girl as her sentence ended. The man seemed at once uncomfortable and 'uncomfortable' - two separate but similar emotions aimed at two different sources!

He couldn't help but remember how *he* insisted that the two spending time would be 'good', but now his daughter is going to be sad…

"I'll talk with a few people tomorrow and then we'll discuss it more."

"As will I."

The Goltbred heiress smiled and thanked them. She knew it was unlikely that it would be anything especially dangerous. There would be no hunting or gathering out in the forests. Other strenuous labor would also be doubtful. She was 'not' a physical Enchanter yet, as far as they knew.

Unfortunately, that also discarded places like a blacksmith where she could probably play around with her Element to do fun things. She had pulling and confining humidity in the air down quite well - enough that she could be confused for a weak Water Element practitioner. Practicing with feeding or sparking *fire* would be a logical step. 

'I hope they don't pick things that are too boring… and that hopefully give me time to get up to mischief, even if they are.'