Mission 01 - Show Your Style
"BIRDIE NO!"
Ah, the voice of Lindsay Jones… If I remember correctly as I'm falling to what is almost certain death, she voiced Vanessa Kimball in RVB, Hilda in that one 2014 superhero show RT did and Space Kid in Camp Camp. Funny how in the most dire of situations, those with ADHD can focus on the most random of things.
Ah, where are my manners!? I'm- You know what? How about we take this from the top?
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"They will see. We'll fight until eternity~" I'm bored… this is just an endless black, inky void… is this what the afterlife is supposed to be? "Come with me, We'll stand and fight together~" At least I have my memories, and can for some reason all of a sudden perfectly recall all these songs… Is this a perk to keep me from going insane? "Through our strength, we'll make a better day~" I really hope I could make a better day, if this is all it is can I at least have some agency of my movement rather than just feeling nothing but my own conscious thoughts and voice? "Tomorrow, we shall never surrender~" Nothing like Devil May Cry's more sombre-
"Ah! I see someone finally figured out the trick to my black room." AH FUCK MY EYES, "TURN THE DAMN LIGHTS OFF FUUUUUUUUU-AUGH" WHO THE FUCK IS PUTTING THEIR HAND IN MY MOU- Wait, I have a mouth, I have my eyes? I can TASTE HIS HAND!? "Shut the hell up, okay?" SHit spit it out, spit IT out, SPIT IT OUT! "My hand is clean, I washed it with sanitizer before putting it in your germ infested shithole." THAT'S THE PROBLEM, ASSHAT!
The man who shoved his sanitizer covered hand into my fucking mouth smiled as he withdrew it, and promptly wiped it on a cloth before throwing it into the air. Only for it to burst into flame. "You done freaking out?" My eyes bulged as I tried to comprehend the sheer fucking BULLSHIT that was what he had done.
It took a moment for my brain to catch up and the taste of hand sanitizer to spread across my tongue. He stood watching me with Apathy as I proceeded to scrape my tongue desperately to remove the fucking horrid taste. "DUDE! Not cool!" I yelled at him as I shoved myself off the floor with a final spit, the taste still fucking lingering on my tongue.
"Where the fuck are we?" I asked while attempting to shade my eyes from the harsh white light bearing down from above. Looking left and right, the place seemed to be never ending like I was in SCP 3008 without any of the fucking shoppery shit. "Welcome to what I call the in between." The man threw his hands into the air as he walked around me.
"You can call me Alphonse." Alphonse said, giving a small bow and pausing. As if the dick head had expected me to applaud him for some fucking reason. "John, John Fallout. My parents had a weird naming convention." I, of course, held a hand out for a handshake. "Oh? You must be a special one then." He stared at my hand for a second before giving it a firm grip and shaking. "You mind telling me what the fuck is going on? Because last I can recall, I got impaled by a DMC Devil Sword Dante and Yamato replicas that were made of metal." I scratched the back of my head as the question left my lips, seeming all too surreal and uncomfortable of a thing to bring up… Like, who the hell just brings up how they died? Me, that's who, apparently.
Of-course, that line of thought brought me back to how it happened in the first place. Like I was just walking by a booth at the Galcary Comic Expo, admiring the real sharp metal replica and wondering how the fuck they even got permission to hang a couple over the walk-way… Then the fucking metal wire holding up the Yamato and DS Dante snapped, allowing both to split my skull open.
"This is basically my home, well… second one" He seemed to grumble the latter part as he pouted. "But you're the first person I've had here since that ass Kulvero fucking kicked me outta my last one." Alphonse shrugged as if it was no big deal, and with a snap of his finger, a white board appeared behind him. "Uh huh…" There were little doodles of random things, Dick butt, Kill Roy… Hell, he even turned around and fucking drew a little duck with a switch-blade. Right next to a fucking sick as fuck stylized S.
"So, sorry about getting D-stracted." He turned back to me with a weird fucking smile. "Since you're the first guest I've had in a while… and I'm fucking bored outta my mind…" Alphonse started to walked around me, inspecting me from head to toe with interest, even if it made me a little fucking uncomfortable. "You were saying something?" I raised a brow at him, with my arms crossed.
"Oh right, first guest and all that." He froze where he was for a moment before responding, he rested his arms behind his back as a creepy smile bloomed across his goddamn face. And I'm not going to lie, I took a fucking step back because of that. "I'm going to give you a gift~" His breathing picked up as he took a knee, almost as if he was going to propo- "The gift of Life!" I took another step back, a feeling of dread crawling up and down my spine.
"Woah! Nothing wrong with it, but I'm not gay nor am I interested in being gender bent nor fucking someone who is gender bent!" I crossed my arms in an X as if to say, no way, hose! And that got him to freeze. He did a bloody reptile blink, inner eyelid and all. And then seemed to understand the insinuation that he was making, he coughed into his hand as he stood up. "Nothing like that, dear boy! I'm going to give you a chance in a new world!" Flower's started falling from the air like confetti, severely confusing the unsuspecting me.
"Now, what should I do?" Alphonse asked the air, firmly ignoring me now. His foot rapidly tapped the ground like a rabbit. And that's when I asked the wrong fucking question. "How about laying me to my eternal rest?" Now, to be fair to me, I had just spent who knows how long conscious and in an inky black void before being dropped into this empty SCP 3008 bullshit. But he froze in place, his head turning slowly as his face contorted into anger. And then I felt that sense of dread turn to despair.
"No." It was quick and simple, he turned to me. "Nope" He took a step, "Nada" another one, "Non" and that's when I started moving backwards to help keep some personal space as he seemed to grow bigger and loom over me. "いいえ, Não." He just kept saying no, slowly getting louder with each step, "Hey man, I would rather-WOAH!" until I fell backwards.
And that's when, mid-way into the fucking black hole, everything stopped. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't flail my arms, I couldn't do anything besides stare at the deep red eyes boring into my fucking soul. "Now, Johnny boy," His voice seemed to distort, as if he was talking over a radio. Green eldritch symbols appeared in the air in front of me and I just felt… Stupid.
"I'm going to have my entertainment, I've been locked here only able to observe the same things over and over," His hands started to spark in a mix of blue and red lighting, "So this time…" He chuckled as he pointed forward.
My entire body, my mind, my fucking soul even… It all felt like it was being pushed through a wood chipper, set on Fire, dunked Into sub-zero temperature, sLiCed anD dIcEd, and — That's when I fucking blacked out.
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"Heh, I'm going to enjoy watching you… Daughter of the Woohoo Pizza Man, I wonder, Cannella Sparda… Will you take after your uncle like your cousin did your father? Or will that power hungry bastard of a Demon have to deal with three Dantes?" Alphonse hummed as he watched the soul morph and the body follow suit, a naked young woman appeared floating in the air, her eyes rolled so far up only white could be seen. He admired his work for a moment before his hand transformed into a monstrous thing. Long fingers with points so sharp they could pierce through metal weaved through the air, a set of clothes slowly appeared over her sleeping form.
"It would be remiss of me to not give you gifts to allow you to survive in this new world… what to give… what… to… give…?" His mind turned back to what happened to the young man, and a cruel smile broke across his face. "With so many options, how will you choose… Why not just give you… EVERYTHING! With a little bit of… Hmm… Shall we say… Mischievous Challenge?" He gave a deep chuckle as more and more green eldritch symbols appeared in the air. With a single swipe of his hand, numerous weapons appeared. "Sparda, Alastor, Nelo Angelo's Greatsword, Yamato, Devil Sword Dante… All so many choices, and you get to have them all." He chuckled as the weapons pierced her body all over, with a flick of his hand the weapons moved, carving tattoo's into her body.
"Hmm, what lives on in your nightmares? A Dire Wolf sized Fox… A giant Owl and… Von Lycaon?" Alphonse seemed generally stumped, staring at the memories of John getting kicked in the balls by the 6'5" battle butler and having his balls frozen off. He waved his hands with a mirthy chuckle as the weapons melded into her soul. "Wellllll now… Isn't that just interesting… heh… You'll certainly have some sweet dreams of him now." He chuckled as the three beings melted into ink and flowed into the holes left in her skin.
"Oh fuck me…" He whispered as he had to fix her clothes back up, fortunately he took some inspiration from the concept art of DMC4 Nero's designs, allowing him to just not worry about it. "I'll do you a fucking favour so you don't have to get new cloths every goddamn time!" He practically shouted at the asleep girl.
"Now the final check." He pulled out a checklist and pen as his body returned to a nondescript human male. "All the DMC and DmC: Devil may Cry Weapons… Barring the DmC Yamato and Illusion swords? Check." He hummed as he continued down the list, "Custom Shadows, gamified cloths and weapon abilities, devil breakers and how to make them/generate the required materials," He mumbled to himself as he gave a quick check mark to each box.
"Ah, here we go, gotta make sure this sticks." He snapped his fingers, green lights appeared and started to hover around her head, inputting all the knowledge she would need to live her life as a female. As well as some saucy dreams about one of her own shadows… "Heh. I'm such a silly prankster." He chuckled, as if he wasn't fundamentally changing someone yet keeping them the same.
"Besides, being Bi sexual isn't that fucking bad."