ORGASMS AND INTIMACY

Lately, things had been a little weird with Holly. Peter couldn’t place what it was but she had been a lot distant, a lot torn apart, a lot distracted from him. He didn’t like this one bit and the harder he tried to get her attention, intrigue her, get her to adore him as much as she used, she seemed to be further backing out and more invested in nothing than work.

Just two days ago, he’d planned a weekend get away for them. To get off work and have a camp out together where they could revel in each other’s embrace the entire weekend on the mountain, enjoying nature, and making love endlessly. But when he offered her a bouquet of flowers at work on that Friday, along with a heart felt written note, she’d turned down the date without even going through the note he had written. She had pouted her small lips and returned the flowers to him after taking a quick sniff of the bouquet. “You know I can’t right now, Peter.” She told him. She did sound apologetic and looked guilty and sad when he accepted the flowers back from her. “I’ve got a lot happening, piles up of work. I’m sorry.”

When she made to move away, Peter reached out and groped for her with his free hand as if he were blind. “Just take this weekend off?” He asked with a pleading, longing gaze in his eyes. “For me?” But her response had been the same. She placed a swift kiss on his lips and promised to be over at his place for the weekend if she wasn’t too occupied with work, and then she left him standing—his note and flowers in his hands.

Peter felt rejected, a lot more dejected. He had written in his notes on how much he missed her, longed for her, wanted to feel nothing more than her embrace once again. Of course they had sex once in a while, but it didn’t quite feel like lovemaking anymore but rather just plain sex. She was clearly distracted, having nothing in her head than the work. To some extent, he felt jealous. Felt like a toddler seeking the love and attention from a mother who had just recently given birth and had all focus on the newborn. The newborn in this instance was Holly’s work, and he, Peter was the toddler.

The last time they had sex had been a quickie in the restroom at a restaurant on their last date, a month ago. When she got to his place on Friday night, she had been too tired to do anything and had fallen asleep while they made an attempt to see a movie together. At the very start of the movie, barely fifteen minutes in even. Curled into him like a big, adorable baby, drool dripping down her chin and her snores loud. He had needs and urges to be met but if she couldn’t at the moment, he was willing to wait until she had enough time for him.

The sound of an alarm going off had stirred Peter out of his sleep. He was twisted in the sheets, naked, as he searched blindly for the source of the noise on the bed. When he found the phone, with his eyes still pressed shut, he hit snooze and then pulled the blanket over his head to get a few more minutes of sleep. Ever since college graduation and since he landed himself the job at Aurelia, his life had been on repeat. And just as Holly worked, he also tried his absolute best to be as productive, as diligent and honest as she was but he definitely couldn’t keep up.

Holly was a workaholic at that point.

With his eyes closed, he began searching the bed for the lump of his girlfriend next to him and just as he had thought, she wasn’t in bed. Peter rose up, his arms above his head in a stretch. His mouth parted in a yawn and a guttural groan of relief. The room was dark but the sound of shower running from the bathroom had gotten his attention. It was an early Monday morning and his girlfriend was definitely preparing to head to the hotel and monitor some coordination. The hotel was hosting a sales conference banquet for real-tors in a couple of days and Holly was in charge of everything concerning the event.

Over the night she hadn’t been asleep. She had been on her laptop, Peter didn’t open his eyes to see but he could tell from the constant clicking sound of the keyboard and her indistinct whispering and muttering beneath her breath. She had a business proposal to complete and present. Was it in a couple of days? He couldn’t exactly pin point that but she had told him. Asked for some insights and advise even which he couldn’t provide.

Peter shuffled out of the bed, wrapping the blanket around his waist till he could get a towel to use instead. Beneath the towel, he stood erect, having sexual thoughts spiraling in his head and tumbling over another from sighting his girlfriend’s underwear discarded at the foot of the king sized bed they’d shared the night before.

He proceeded in the direction of the bathroom. Behind the door, Holly was humming, the shower was running and steam escaped out of the spaces beneath the wooden door. A warm bath, Peter thought, on a cold morning. A smile creeped onto his face and excitement caused his stomach to churn but that smile had quickly twisted into a frown of frustration when he twisted the knob and the door wouldn’t budge. She locked herself in. Since when did she begin to do that?

“Babe?” He called. His palms pressed against the door, and almost desperately he pushed at it. “Holly?”

Holly humming stopped, she had heard his voice but he couldn’t hear the keys turning or feel the door opening. Peter’s breathing was harsh, his chest rose in and out almost venomously. He could hear the shower running, feel the heat of the bathroom through the door, feel the mist evading beneath the door but all that didn’t matter. He wanted to feel Holly instead. He twisted the knob once again, and then when it didn’t budge, shook it violently. “Holly, can I come in?” He demanded in a pleading voice. “I need you.”

“Come on Peter!” Holly’s voice finally called out. It had a hint of amusement layering it, and he could hear the chuckles it showcased. “I’ll be out in a few. Stop being such a baby.”

She was right. At that moment he felt like nine once again. He was behind the door of his parents room, knocking and pushing against it because he had one of those nightmares again and couldn’t sleep. In his head, Holly’s voice had transformed into his mother’s and she’d yelled at him to stop being a baby and return to bed. The darkness in the room enclosed on him and his throat burned with anger. Once again, maybe he was being too demanding?

Peter retreated into the darkness of the room and sat at the edge of the bed while he waited till his girlfriend was out so he could take turns in taking a shower. When Holly’s phone next to him chimed with a notification and illuminated the room with a dim light, he peered into her notifications to see who was texting her at the dawn of the day.

It was was a message of Elizabeth being pregnant and wanting to opt for an abortion.

Holly returned to the room barely ten minutes after. She turned on the light through the switch and instantly glanced around the room for her boyfriend. It hadn’t taken long to spot Peter seating on the bed. His palm was cupping his temple while his other arm was over his chest and he didn’t look please. He heaved a sigh at the sight of his girlfriend and then dropped his eyes from her figure, sulking, almost child-like. Holly’s body was wrapped in a towel that could barely cover up. It stopped just a little above her mid thigh and clung to her skin desperately to hold still. Her red hair had taken a darker shade and shrunk, tousled over head and drooping close to her eyes. She gave him a genuine, apologetic look and proceeds to begin drying her body with the towel while he watched her.

“You got a message.” He told her, in a quiet voice. “It’s from Elizabeth. She’s pregnant?”

Holly nodded, not quite surprised. “I just got to know that this morning. I was shocked believe me, forgotten we’re no longer teens or babies and we can get pregnant now.”

“Who’s the father?”

Holly’s head snapped up to look in his direction and it looked quite intense. “I don’t know Peter,” she said, her voice was filled with uncertainty. “We don’t know. It’s from that night of the party. We never got to know who. I could have known but now I don’t and I’ve been feeling like it’s entirely my fault...” she took a pause and her breath escaped in short shuddering gasps. “I forced her to go to that party and you know, Peter, I haven’t been able to look at her ever since because I think it’s entirely my fault.”

Peter shook his head side by side, “No, my love.” His voice was soft and even the anger he had in his heart had dissolved into pity and compassion. “Don’t blame yourself for what you’ve not done.”

Holly relentlessly continued the self blame. “It is my fault. She could have been home that night but instead I’d forced her into going against her will. And I’ve not been able to go see her or look at her because I promised to find who’d done this and I failed her.” She dropped her towel from her body and onto the floor. And now, completely naked, and dry, she settled at the edge of the bed. Her back was to Peter and as she continued to speak, she fiddled with tip of the sheets that dangled a little down the edge. “I miss my friend a lot. I haven’t seen Elizabeth since a day after the party that I’d been at her place. What wonderful friend that makes me. It’s over a month!”

It was cold, Holly realized, and her warm shower had done nothing than get her more cold. She shuddered when a wave of cool morning air blew against her. Before she could bend down to grab her towel once again, Peter’s hand as sure and firm had pressed against her shoulder from behind. He got out of bed and stood in front of her, his own towel still wrapped around his waist. Holly noticed the big lump beneath the piece of cotton clothing and before she could even make a comment, Peter tilted her head up, his fingers taken a place beneath her chin. Beneath thick lustrous lashes, Holly was looking at him, her facial expression gentle, almost innocent.

“Look, you’re still young.” Peter began talking on a serious but mild note. “But lately you’ve got too much on you. Work, work again, Elizabeth, trying to be perfect. It’s not your fault things ended up for your friend as it had done. You were working, you were busy. You couldn’t have been everywhere all at once—”

“But—”

Before she could let the sentence slip out of her mouth, Peter pressed his fingers against her lips and shushed her. “No buts.” He told her. “You have to let yourself get some off time. Let the motherly weight off your shoulder. Elizabeth’s your friend, not your daughter. She’s a grown woman, even a few months older than you are. I miss the go-with-vibe Holly. The Holly that’s 21, nonchalant and free? The Hakuna-Matata Holly.”

Holly laughed softly. Her eyes filled up with tears at the reminisce of her life as a young adult. “Lion king used to be my favorite cartoon.”

Peter continued talking. “Remember that one time we went hiking, you’d been singing Hakuna Matata in the mountains and when your voice echoed and sang back at you, you tried to convince me that was the other you in an alternate universe?”

Two trail of tears ran down Holly’s cheeks and she’d instantly wiped them away, sniffling and chuckling amusedly as she spoke. “And you bought it, Peter.” Her shoulders shook mildly with the chuckles and more teardrops ran down her face. “You’d believe anything that comes out my mouth.”

“Because you used to be so happy with your make-believe stories.” Peter said, with a smile that caused his eyes to crease. “You used to be so happy. I liked you being happy.”

Holly repeated. “I used to be so happy.”