The Art of Sarcasm

The next day was Monday. Ehvermaia woke up and prepared some frozen meals. After cooking, she ate and went to take a bath. As she touched the bathroom floor, it made her think of the ice rink. She rubbed her foot on the bathroom floor; it didn't feel like ice but it made her imagine one. "Shit, I'm getting late," she muttered, then hurried into the shower. When she was done, she looked at the time and realized she was already late. "Hell," she said, stopping her rush as she knew it wouldn't matter now. She changed into her uniform and walked to school.

When she arrived at class, there was no one there. "Where the heck is everybody? It's clearly not time for recess or something." She looked around but saw nobody. Suddenly, she heard cheering from the covered court. She headed there and saw many people. Spotting Ehrie, she approached her. "What's going on?"

Ehrie gasped in surprise and happiness. "Oh my gosh, what took you so long? I was waiting for you! I signed you up and it's almost starting. Go onto the stage now," Ehrie said, almost tearing up as she kept pushing and leading Ehvermaia to the stage.

"What the fuck? Where the heck did you sign me up? Hey, hey, hey?!" Ehvermaia exclaimed.

Ehvermaia found herself on stage with five large empty canvases on easels, each with someone standing beside it. She thought, "Is this an art contest? Thank God, I'm relieved." As she stood by one of the canvases, the four other contestants looked at her and mumbled, "Is she the cheater? Her art looks like it's printed. Now people will know she's a cheater."

Ehvermaia scoffed and muttered under her breath, "I bet I'm better than all of you." She looked around and noticed there weren't any painting materials. "What the hell?" she said.

Just then, she heard Shevonne calling her from behind the stage. As she approached, she saw him carrying art materials. "What kind of person signs up for a contest without bringing any materials, huh?" he teased.

Ehvermaia took the materials from him. "Thanks, I guess?" she said, rolling her eyes as she went back to her canvas. Shevonne laughed at her response, thinking, "Why does she put an 'I guess' in a thank you? Idiot." He then went to the back of the crowd with Ehrie and his sister Shaylene.

Shevonne looked at Ehrie. "Thanks for the act," he said.

Ehrie smiled, flattered. "No problem!" The three of them stood from afar as Shaylene walked to the stage with a microphone in her hand.

"Alright, are you guys excited?!" Shaylene shouted, and the crowd cheered. Ehvermaia recognized the voice and made eye contact with Shaylene, thinking, "It's her. So she's the one who organized this contest. I hope there's a prize."

"Now let's ask the contestants some questions first. I'll start with you," Shaylene said, approaching Ehvermaia and gently grabbing her hand to lead her to the front of the stage. Ehvermaia wasn't scared, but she was nervous about the questions.

"What's your name, 5th contestant?" Shaylene asked, pretending not to know her.

Ehvermaia thought, "Acting like you don't know me, huh? Alright, let's do this." She replied, "My name is Ehvermaia. Ehvermaia Kehr."

Shaylene smiled. "What a lovely name. Tell us a little story about why you love art and why you signed up for the contest."

Ehvermaia was dumbfounded, unsure of what to say. She wanted to act, but she couldn't think of anything. "What an interesting question," she said sarcastically, adding, "I started art five years ago when my mother died of cancer. I was once a ballet dancer, but I stopped because I couldn't afford it anymore. Do you want to ask more questions about my mother's last words?" she said sarcastically.

People laughed, including Shevonne. Shaylene, trying to keep her composure, thought, "Shevonne is right about her being sarcastic. My horns are going to show." She continued, "So why did you sign up for this contest?"

Ehvermaia laughed at the question and answered seriously, "What does it look like? I'm clearly here for the prize." The crowd laughed again as Ehvermaia went back to her place. Shaylene asked the remaining contestants their questions.

After finishing the questions, Shaylene announced, "Draw someone you love. Love and like are different, so make sure it's someone you love because once you're done, I'm going to ask what your painting is about and why you chose it." She took another look at Ehvermaia and winked.

"You can't draw without looking at something, huh? But Shevonne said you drew him at the ice rink even though he was far away. Now, let's see who you'll draw," Shaylene thought as she walked away from the stage to stand next to her brother Shevonne and Ehrie. The three of them stared at Ehvermaia, excited to see what she would create. Shaylene then looked at Shevonne. "She sure is a sarcastic one. I like it," she said.

Shevonne rolled his eyes. "I don't like her. Keep that in mind."

Shaylene was intrigued. "If she draws you, will you admit it?" she asked, laughing. Shevonne, flattered, crossed his arms but said nothing.

Ehvermaia stood still, unsure of what to paint. She peeked at the other contestants and saw they had already started. Her eyebrow raised when she noticed someone attempting to paint Shevonne. "Why the heck is the forehead so long?" she thought, amused. She started to feel the pressure but finally came up with an idea. She drew a horizontal line in the middle of the canvas and began painting. She looked at the timer—only two hours left.

As she finished her painting, she glanced at the other contestants' drawings. They were all portraits of Shevonne. She covered her face, trying hard not to laugh. Two hours passed, and Shaylene excitedly took the stage. "All right, all right, let's start with contestant number one." Contestant number one brought their canvas to the middle of the stage and showed their drawing. Shaylene turned around to avoid laughing and then looked again. "I see, you drew my brother. Why did you decide to draw him?"

Shevonne looked at the painting, trying not to laugh. "Why the heck is my forehead so big?" he muttered. The second contestant drew him, as did the third and fourth. Now it was time for the fifth contestant, Ehvermaia. Shevonne moved closer, thrilled to see her work.

"Come to the middle, dear. Now, show us what you drew," Shaylene said, eagerly waiting.

Ehvermaia stood in the middle of the stage, carrying her painting. She sighed, looked at the crowd, and then turned the canvas around. It was a painting of a stadium with Shevonne dancing on the ice rink and Ehvermaia sitting in the stands, painting him.

Everyone was shocked at how realistic the drawing was. Someone mumbled, "It looks so great. The painting has a painting of her painting, and even that painting is so realistic."

Shaylene looked amazed. "Now, tell us why you drew that."

Ehvermaia sighed and scratched her head. "Well, I clearly don't love him, but he made me feel loved. He's a great friend. Once, he asked me what figure skating meant to me. I told him it was art, but he didn't get it. I explained that when he steps onto the rink, he becomes art, and when he dances, he is a masterpiece. Not just in figure skating—everyone is art. Even all of you here, cheering, create a masterpiece. Everything is art, and that's why I chose to draw this. Because I love art, and everything is art to me."

The crowd erupted in cheers, praising her painting. Someone even yelled, asking if they could keep it. Shevonne was amused. "Thank God she didn't draw Valerie too, or I'd end up smashing the painting," he thought.

After Ehvermaia finished showing her drawing, Shaylene announced her as the winner. Ehvermaia wasn't really happy about it; she felt embarrassed about what she had painted. Shevonne then approached her, carrying the painting.

"Can I have it? It looks so good," Shevonne pleaded.

"No, I want to sell this so I'll earn money instead of just throwing a masterpiece away into some dirty hands of yours," Ehvermaia responded sarcastically.

Shevonne teasingly pushed her face away. "Tsk, you're so naive. I'll pay for it." Ehvermaia suddenly kicked his backside.

Shaylene approached them both. "I would like to have the painting too. We will pay for it. How much do you want for it?"

"I'm just kidding. You can have it. I didn't even use my materials and canvas for it," Ehvermaia said, handing the painting to Shaylene. Shevonne looked annoyed and said playfully, "And when it comes to me, you say something different. And what was the kick for?"

Shaylene giggled. "But you worked hard for it, so I'll pay for it."

Ehvermaia was confused. She hadn't felt like she worked hard on the painting at all. "What do you mean, worked hard? That? Work hard? I'm so talented that some basic art I did is a masterpiece to you. What would happen if I actually worked hard on something?" she said sarcastically. She waved goodbye and walked away, leaving the painting with Shaylene.

Shaylene watched her go and then turned to her brother. "I like her attitude. I think you fall for that attitude of hers, don't you?"

Shevonne was flustered. "What the heck? Why would I like that sarcastic mouth of hers? I'd be terrified if I actually did." He walked away, looking at the time. It was lunchtime, and as he headed to the cafeteria, people gathered around to look at him, as usual.

As Shevonne headed into the cafeteria, he saw Ehvermaia sitting and being surrounded by people, who were asking her why she was so good at painting. She looked annoyed by the attention. Shevonne, smirking, joined her at the table, sitting opposite her. The crowd screamed and someone even yelled, "OH MY GOSH, LOVE TEAM!"

Ehvermaia, hearing the yell, rolled her eyes but tried to ignore it. Shevonne, noticing her annoyance, smiled. "Hey everyone, what if Ehvermaia started painting to earn money? Isn't that a great idea?" he suggested. The crowd cheered in agreement.

Ehvermaia shot him a glare. "If you sponsor me with art materials and canvases, then maybe I would," she replied teasingly.

Shevonne, surprised by her playful response, raised his eyebrows. "Alright then, that's a deal."

Ehvermaia, clearly irritated, pushed his face away. "I'm not painting thousands of people. I might end up living in the same place as my dad," she said sarcastically. She stood up, and the crowd followed her. Annoyed, she asked, "Why are all of you following me?"

Shevonne laughed as he stood up too. "Because they are fans of yours. And guess what? I am too." The crowd screamed again, and Ehvermaia looked even more displeased.

When the crowd finally stopped following them, Shevonne turned to her. "Are you upset with me? I was just joking, don't take it seriously."

"Joking? It was so funny that I started to laugh uncontrollably," she replied sarcastically.

Shevonne couldn't help but smile. He enjoyed teasing her and her sarcastic responses. Just then, Shaylene approached them, carrying the painting. "Hey Ehvermaia, let's go have dinner later," she suggested.

Ehvermaia scoffed. "In your house? No, I would not love to."

Shaylene giggled. "I like your humor. I was like that at your age. We'll eat dinner, just the three of us."

Shevonne leaned in to whisper to Ehvermaia, "Go choose a restaurant near the beach beca—" but before he could finish, she pushed his face away. "Why the hell are you so close to my face? I don't like that."

"Would you have dinner with us, Ehvermaia?" Shaylene asked again.

"Sure, sure. I suggest somewhere near the beach because the fresh air is so good at night," Ehvermaia said, looking away. Shaylene agreed and walked away with the painting.

Shevonne was shocked and pleased that Ehvermaia had actually agreed. Ehvermaia, noticing his reaction, snapped, "What? What?"

Shevonne, placing his hands dramatically on his shoulders, said, "That was so romantic."

Ehvermaia slapped him. "Romantic? You found it romantic because I pitied you? You're such an idiot."

Shevonne yelled playfully, holding his cheek. "What the heck was that for? I was just playing! My face hurts, damn it." He leaned against a wall, covering his face playfully. When he peeked, he realized Ehvermaia was already gone. Someone even asked him if he was playing hide and seek.

"That was so rude," Shevonne mumbled as he noticed that Ehvermaia had walked away. He went to her classroom and found her sitting at her desk, drawing something. She was alone, so he grabbed a chair, placed it in front of her desk, and sat down. "What are you drawing?" he asked, acting as if Ehvermaia hadn't left him earlier. When he looked at the paper, it was a note saying "Got you." Shevonne smirked. "You're so annoying," he said, looking at her.

An hour passed, and everyone went home. Ehvermaia picked out some dresses for dinner, while Shevonne lay around waiting for the sky to darken. When it was time for dinner, Shevonne and Shaylene went to pick up Ehvermaia at her house. Shaylene made a naughty smirk, teasing her brother. "Ooh, how do you know where she lives? That's so naughty."

"What the—? I picked her up when we went to watch a movie..." Shevonne realized how that sounded. "I'm not hitting on her. It was just a friendl—"

Shaylene interrupted, laughing. "It was just a friendly date?"

Shevonne looked pissed. "It was not a date. We were just hanging out, that's all. Nothing else."

When they arrived at Ehvermaia's house, Shevonne knocked on the door. Ehvermaia came out, and they both got into the car. "I didn't know you would pick me up," she said.

Shaylene, looking in the rearview mirror, replied, "Do we still need to say that?" and drove off. It was a long drive to a beach restaurant. They parked, found a seat, and asked for menus. Ehvermaia took homemade red velvet cookies out of her bag and placed them on the table. "Have some. I baked them," she said, staring at Shevonne.

Shaylene took one, and so did Shevonne. They all took a bite, and Shevonne finished his cookie. "That was delicious. How many talents do you have? You dance, you draw, you bake, and I can't forget what you did at the ice rink. That was amazing too."

Shaylene handed the menu to Ehvermaia and Shevonne so they could choose their orders. Shaylene chose the shrimp, Shevonne chose the shrimp salad, and Ehvermaia chose a beef salad. While waiting, Shaylene noticed Shevonne had eaten something he wasn't usually allowed to: the cookies.

Shevonne then remembered Ehvermaia saying his name sounded similar to her father's. "What's your father's name, Ehve?"

Ehvermaia, curious about the sudden and weird question, replied sarcastically, "Why, are you going to ask my father on a date?" Shevonne placed his hands on his chin and let out a small giggle. Ehvermaia continued, seeing his serious expression, "Are you this serious about dating my father? Didn't know you were gay."

Shaylene laughed, remembering when she was also sarcastic like Ehvermaia. "What's your father's name? Maybe I will become your stepmother soon," she joked.

Ehvermaia was stunned and sighed, feeling pity. "Oh, I didn't know that a beautiful woman like you was into psychiatric patients. My father's name is Chevon, with a C, not an S."