You stuck with me

Hirvan stood on the balcony, lighting another cigarette, his hands trembling. The smoke curled lazily out of his mouth, but it did nothing to calm his nerves. Each inhale felt shallow, each drags filled with a sense of hopelessness that weighed heavier on his chest. 

It didn't matter how many times he had told himself that Fu Yan was probably gone, He couldn't bring himself to turn around and face the empty room. He knew it would crush him to see the space vacant. Yet a small, foolish hope clung to him, that perhaps, just might, Fu Yan loved him for who he really was. Not Hirvan Smith, the shell of the boy whose body he now inhabited, but Ren Lian, the man buried within. He knew it was unreasonable, even pathetic, to harbour that hope. It was a fantasy, and deep down, he knew it.

'What should I do now? Change schools? Move to Astra City?'

His mind wandered through the possibilities, but none seemed bearable.

'I don't know how to face him after this…'