Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I've seen many babies before….but I think Axel is one of the cutest.

Currently, Lily was standing in the nursery looking down at the sleeping face of her newest baby brother.

He was only a week or so old but already the pinkness in his skin was beginning to go away and the small tufts of auburn hair could be seen atop his head. His eyes were a deep blue just like all of the rest of his siblings and Lily wondered if she was the only one of all the Tully children to inherit green eyes.

In a way, she was a bit relieved as they were a last reminder of her old life. And no one questioned them because members of Minisa's own family had green eyes so people saw it as a latent quality.

So she was glad that her new little brother had some remnants of her, perhaps it was something that would make them closer as they got older.

"He's red," Petyr said.

Lily coughed and nearly rolled her eyes. "Most babies are red Petyr. That doesn't really go away until sometimes a few weeks after they're born. Axel being red is perfectly normal for a baby of his age."

The two of them had been keeping an eye on the baby. After their lessons had been completed Catelyn had disappeared no doubt to speak to their father about something. At thirteen years of age soon to be fourteen, she thought of herself as very important already and as the eldest daughter of House Tully, there was a subtle arrogance about her that Lily didn't like.

Perhaps she was with Minisa in the sept. Her mother had been spending a lot of time there lately since Axel had been born.

Lily knew her mother thought she had a lot to be thankful for. Producing three daughters and then only one heir was enough cause to make a woman in this world nervous.

And then she had gone nearly eight years without having a child until finally she had produced another son.

Minisa was a highly religious woman and she had spent the past several weeks on her knees thanking the Mother for her mercy in giving her another boy.

Merlin, did she do the same thing when I was born? Lily asked with a touch of irony. Did she do the same thing when Lysa or Cat were born? I'm certain that she did what she is doing now when Edmure was born. What is it about having sons that warrants so much time in prayer as opposed to girls? Do the people in this world really view females as worthless?

Her father now had five children, three daughters and two sons and Lily had a feeling that he was rubbing his hands back and forth imagining all of the marriage alliances he was going to arrange for his daughters and sons and how much influence he would have.

In this world, the more children a man had the more power he had and Lily had a feeling that right now, her father had all of the cards in his hands. She shuddered to think of what sort of marriage her father would dream up for her.

Already he was speaking with Lord Rickard Stark of Winterfell about the possibility of betrothing Cat to his heir Brandon.

Lily had been there when Hoster had imparted the news to Cat and the smug look that had come over her sister's face, Lily had wanted to slap right off.

Her sister's self-importance was getting to her. She flounced about the keep as if she were already its lady and the more it happened and the older they got, the more annoyed Lily was becoming.

She had tried talking to Cat about it before, but the older red head had merely brushed her off as being foolish or overreacting because she was a child.

Sometimes Lily wished it was possible to construct a pensieve so she could shove Cat's head in it and make her see just what she had gone through.

I bet she wouldn't think I was childish then.

Ed too had been acting sort of strange since Axel was born. He refused to spend any time with the baby and carefully avoided any mention of him in conversation.

Lily was beginning to think that he was slightly jealous. For so long he had been the only boy among the Tully children and also being the youngest he had gotten a goodly amount of attention. And then Axel had come along, prompting both Lily and Minisa's focus to shift from him to the baby.

I think I need to have a talk with him too. He should want to protect Axel, after this boy won't be the heir to Riverrun, Ed will. The last thing I want is for the two of them to become like father and Uncle Brynden. No one would want that.

"Did you ever want a younger brother or sister Petyr?" Lily asked absently as she lowered her hand and curled one of her fingers around the baby's auburn locks.

The dark haired boy shrugged. "I never really thought about it. My mother died when I was only a year old and my father never married again because he didn't need to. I guess when you grow up with a lot of quiet…its something you become used to."

Lily frowned at her friend. That sounded a lot like something Severus would say. He had been an only child as well.

The one thing Petyr had on the former Slytherin was that he didn't grow up with an abusive father. Having only met the man once, Lily could see he was a decent man if a little more stressed than usual about the future, but Petyr hadn't had to worry about feeling the sting of the man's hand against his face.

So there was that at least.

But did that really count for much here?

Abusive parents and fathers and mothers were a dime a dozen in this world and Lily wondered if it had been like this in England as well and she had just been sheltered from it having the parents that she did.

She bristled slightly at the memory of her parents and decided that she didn't want to think about this anymore.

Petyr gave her an odd look. "Are you alright Lily?"

She nodded and turned back to the sleeping baby. "I'm fine. Lost in thought I suppose. As much as I like having another sibling, I hope this will be mother's last one. She's putting a lot of pressure on her body."

"Well after all the children she's given your father there won't be a need for anymore," Petyr said pragmatically. "Three daughters and two sons. Your father has five children

Lily, which means he's going to have connections all over Westeros when you all become of marriageable age."

There was a strange light in his pale eyes as he said that which made Lily frown. She wondered what he was thinking.

"Don't remind me," she said. "I'm not even eleven years old yet. The last thing I want to worry about it getting married. Besides, I'm the third daughter. Cat and Lysa will marry long before I will and hopefully I'll meet someone I like in that time and father will let me choose who I want to marry."

Petyr's eyes darkened then and he glanced down at the babe. "I hope my father will let me choose who I want to marry too."

There was a long almost uncomfortable silence and then Lily coughed and gently shoved the other boy's shoulder. "But we're too young to be worried about that aren't we Petyr? We're not even eleven yet."

The dark haired boy gave her a small smile. "Right. We don't need to think about that right now. By the way, have you finished that book Maester Vyman gave you?"

And just like that, conversation turned towards more comfortable things prompting Lily to breathe a sigh of relief.

She avoided the subject of marriage as much as possible, partly for the fact that she would have a very slim chance of choosing who she wanted to marry and partly because of the bad memories that came along with it. She had been married once, had loved the man she had married and had had a child with him. Marrying again, even though she hadn't seen James and Harry for ten years was excruciatingly painful. She knew she wasn't likely to find someone who she loved in the same way she had loved James and that grated at the most sensitive part of her soul.

Lily knew she would have to make a decision when she was older about whether or not she would respect her father's wishes and marry a man of his choosing, or if she would choose to be the Blackfish of her generation and run off like her uncle Brynden did, perhaps making a life for herself in the Free Cities.

While that idea was enormously appealing, there were a few qualms with it that made Lily pause. Doing that meant leaving Petyr, Ed and Axel behind forever and that was something she was loathe to do.

If she truly ran off, it would be total and permanent and she would cut all ties with the Tully name.

As much as the red head hated that a new life had been chosen for her instead of her being allowed to die or go back to Harry and James, she had grown accustomed to this world, to her new family and friends.

Despite everything that had happened and the manner in which she had arrived in this place, she had grown to love them.

It would be unbelievably selfish to leave all of that behind.

Her happiness would come at the cost of her family and her new home. And that was something Lily refused to do. No happiness was worth her family.

So the third option would be to stay, but to find a highborn lord of her own choosing, spend time with him in the proper context and then suggest a union with him and hope against hope that as time went on she would grow to love this person.

Lily accepted the fact that love was hard work. Even though she had chosen James, loving him had been laborious at times, even it had also been the most rewarding experience of her life.

If she had to do it again…it would tear at her heart…but she could do it.

"Lily?" Petyr asked and the small red head realized that she had lapsed into silence yet again. "Are you alright? You have a strange look on your face."

Lily shook her head and squared her shoulders. "Yes Petyr, why don't we go outside? Axel isn't going to do much right now. We'll find Ed and see if you've gotten any better at using a sword."

"Of all the things I want to do right now, that makes the very bottom of the list," the other boy groaned. "Why do I need to learn how to use one of those anyway?"

"When you become the lord of your own keep, you'll be sworn to Lord Arryn or to his nephew Elbert Arryn. And should the Arryn of the Vale ever call his swords, you must answer. Unfortunately war is a part of this world Petyr and you're not going to get anywhere by reading and planning all the time. Sometimes this life will throw things at you that you won't be able to expect. What are you going to do when that happens?"

"I'll duck," Petyr muttered prompting a smile to jump to Lily's face. "Every time?"

"Every time."

"Then I hope that works out for you."

Ω

Later that evening, Lily was sitting in the large window sill of her chambers, dressed for bed and holding an enormous book in her lap.

It was the one Vyman had recommended to her and when she had told Petyr she hadn't finished making notes on it yet, he had complained that she had had it forever and if he had been given it first he was quite certain he would have read it twice by now and made notes.

That had earned him a slap upside his head from the red haired girl.

But he did have a point. She had had it for a while and it was getting on time to finish it and get it back to the maester so Petyr could have it.

So here she was.

It was a book on Old Valyria, all the information that the Targaryens had acquired since they had first come to Westeros. It contained information about their dragons, their old family lines the landscape of Ancient Valyria and a thousand other mentions of the dragonlords.

Something that was of particular interest to Lily was the mention of the Valyrian steel, a secret that had long since been lost.

There were a few of the pieces in Westeros, the most famous being Ice which belonged to House Stark, but most had passed into legend.

That one was of some fascination to her because the sword had been in the possession of the Starks before the Targaryens had come to Westeros…so how on earth had a sword whose origin was from across the world come to be in Westeros before the ancestors of those who had made it had even gotten here?

It was a puzzle and one that Lily wanted to solve.

She made a note about the Valyrian steel sword called Brightroar that belonged to the Lannisters.

I wonder if the Tullys have such a sword, she thought to herself. Every great house seems to have some sort of ancestral weapon, why don't we? I should ask Maester Vyman about it tomorrow.

Just as the thought passed through her mind, there was a slight almost timid knock on the door.

"Come," Lily called out softly.

To her surprise, the door opened a moment later to reveal her oldest sister standing upon the threshold.

Lily's eyes narrowed. "Cat. What are you still doing up? Everyone's already gone to bed."

"I should ask you the same question," the older red head replied. She paused, twisting her hands together as if she were nervous about something, which only served to make Lily more curious.

Finally she looked up. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Lily blinked in surprise but managed to recover reasonably quickly. "Of course. Come sit down."

She put the book she had been reading aside and folded the parchment neatly before setting it atop the book.

Her own chambers were small but cozy with few pieces of furniture. Said pieces only included the bed, a large wardrobe, a writing desk and a sort of vanity that was next to the window only a few feet away.

The small writing desk was situated directly in front of the window with the bed on the left side of the room and the wardrobe against the far wall between two tall floor-length windows.

Lily liked her room the best as it had many windows in it that looked down onto the large river below the keep and it was a place of solitude. Its window sill she had enlarged with magic to make a window seat which she had covered with a blanket and cushions to make herself feel more comfortable.

No one usually bothered her when she was in her room and Lily was glad of that as it was the one place besides the godswood that she felt she could let all of her emotions out. The journal she had taken to keeping was locked in a secret compartment in her desk which she often wrote in in the evenings.

In those leather bound pages she had poured the past. She had recorded every memory she had ever had since her first childhood so she might never forget it and every memory she had of James and Harry so that they might live on in her mind forever.

Lily had emotionally let them go, but they would still be a part of her as long as she was still in existence and it would be a disservice to forget about them completely.

So she had let their memories harden in her some ways, she wasn't as naïve or as sweet as she was before, every action needed to be taken with a grain of salt.

Maybe that was why she judged so much more freely these days and didn't feel herself capable of trusting quite as much as she used to.

It was a little sad when she thought about it, but one can't go nearly to the gates of the afterlife and then be turned back by the grim reaper to another life without being a little jaded and cynical.

She waited until Catelyn had settled herself on the window seat beside her and to the surprise of the younger red head, the older one drew her legs up onto the seat and pulled her night gown down over them as if it were a tent.

It was the most unladylike thing she had ever seen Cat do since Minisa had sunk her claws into her.

She suddenly got the feeling that what her older sister was about to say was personal and decided to give Cat her full attention.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

Cat pursed her lips, a habit she had picked up from Minisa and glanced down at the knotted hands that were wrapped about her knees.

"We're getting older," she said finally. "And…we're different."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "I could have told you that. We're as different as oil and water."

Cat ran a hand through her hair. "I know but…but that's not important right now."

This was very confusing.

"Right now?" Lily asked with a frown. "What do you mean? What's happening right now?"

It was then that she got a look at Cat's face and was astonished to see crystal like tears forming in the older red head's eyes.

Immediately all judgements and resentments for her older sister flew out of Lily's mind and she leaned forward, deadly serious. "Cat, what's wrong?"

Her sister scrubbed at her eyes for a moment and took a shuddering breath.

There was a heavy silence between the two girls in which Lily could feel her anticipation mounting along with an ever increasing feeling of dread.

She felt like she was going to explode before Cat finally spoke again. But she only had to utter two words in order for Lily to feel ice water sliding down her back.

"It's mother."

An awful silence reigned between the two of them as Lily tried to process what Cat was talking about. Chills rose on her arms and she absently rubbed them with her hands before turning back to her sister and forcing her stiff tongue to move.

"What…What about mother?"

When Cat spoke again, her voice was so low that Lily could barely hear her. "She's sick."

It took a few seconds for that to compute before Lily felt like she had mastered herself and swallowed hard. "How do you know?"

Cat took another deep shuddering breath and swallowed hard again. "Yesterday….Yesterday I was going down the hall toward my embroidery lesson and I passed Maester Vyman's study. The door was standing ajar slightly and as I walked towards it I could hear muffled voices. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard mother's voice coming from within. I nearly paused but then decided what they were talking about wasn't any of my business and carried on. But then I heard mother say something that made me stop."

"What did she say?"

Cat took another breath. "She told him that the potions weren't working."

Lily's eyes narrowed so deeply she was certain she appeared to bear a strange likeness to Lord Voldemort.

She knew that Muggles taking potions in this world was far more common because there were no such things as personal healthcare. The maesters were the only ones who performed healing functions and potions were included in their job description. Maester Vyman had delivered all five of the Tully children and even those that were still born before Cat's arrival.

If anyone knew about the health of her mother it would be Vyman. And if she was taking potions from him in order to get rid of some unknown illness….no something was very wrong.

"What else did they say?" she asked, her mind whirling.

"Maester Vyman was quiet for a long time and then he suggested something else they could try, some other potion but I can't remember the name. And then mother sighed and she said….she said….she asked what the odds were of her surviving this illness."

Lily swallowed hard. No one had to tell her what it was.

"Vyman, Vyman said that he didn't know. And then….Mother said if this didn't work, she didn't want to try anything else. She….She just wanted to let it happen."

Without even realizing it, the corners of Lily's eyes began to sting, and her fingers produced their own subtle tremble.

It couldn't be….it just couldn't.

But there was terrible certainty that even though she had somehow been given a pass from death, no one around her would be able to.

Not even her own blood.

A little dark voice whispered in her mind that she had been bracing herself for death ever since she was born.

"Lily?"

The younger red head looked up to see Catelyn eyes flooded with tears that she wasn't even bothering to wipe away. Her face was blotchy and her hands trembled, her hair slightly askew as if the stress of the revelation had tousled it.

She had never looked more unladylike and the worst part was that she didn't even seem to care.

Hesitantly, almost robotically, Lily reached for her sister's hand because she knew it was something she needed to do.

In the next instant, Cat surprised her again by reaching out and pulling the younger girl into her arms, shoulders shaking with sobs and tears.

"Is mother going to die Lily?" she asked in a shaking voice.

Beyond Lily's surprise that her older sister had come to her about this and had not gone to her father or confronted Vyman about its truth spoke volumes about the way that she valued her presence.

Lily had always thought Cat found her annoying and only tolerated her presence because family was in their house saying.

She hadn't known that her sister saw a strength in her that she was drawn to. Maybe there was something she and Cat had in common after all.

But the knowledge that it had taken something as gut wrenching as their mother's potential illness to bring them together is what scared Lily the most.

A united family shouldn't have had death to bring them together.

But she couldn't even bring herself to answer the older girl because the last thing she wanted to make was a false promise.

After all, James had promised her that they would survive the war, raise Harry and the rest of their family.

And that promise was currently rotting with the bodies of Lily and James Potter in a grave somewhere in England.

So she did the only thing she could do.

Lily said nothing and simply held on.

Ω

Six months later….

Lily carefully held Axel's chubby hands as she walked slowly behind him down the hall of Riverrun.

They were nearing the great hall of the keep and she wanted to show Minisa how well he was doing.

As Catelyn had feared, Minisa had grown steadily worse. Her hair had begun to thin, her face had become gaunt and her pallor had become an awful ashy grey.

The keep had become very quiet and somber with her illness and Hoster had been grimmer than usual.

As much as Lily may have disagreed with her new mother about some things, she could admit that she had always been the sunshine of Riverrun. Without that sunshine, things had become dull and grey and quiet.

After Cat had told Lily of her mother's illness, the younger red head had gone to Vyman and demanded to know if it was true.

The look on the aging man's face was all Lily needed to know before she demanded to be able to help him in making potions to aid her mother.

Vyman was hesitant at first, but Lily was persistent and after a few days he agreed. He wouldn't let her do much but when he wasn't looking Lily would add charms she had created in her first life when she had been cooped up in Godric's Hollow for months.

There weren't a lot of magical potions ingredients here but she did her best to go for walks in the woods and pick out the ones she knew would work.

So far her mother didn't seem to be getting any better, but she also hadn't been getting any worse.

Right now they were in a suspended state but Lily would certainly take a sickly mother over no mother at all.

When she wasn't helping Vyman with the potions, Lily was taking care of Axel as her mother was too ill to do so.

Lily knew it broke Minisa's heart not to have the strength to breast feed him consistently but it was more important that she be there for him all the time than for him to have no memory of her should the worst happen.

And so the Tully children had taken their turns with the baby, Lily and surprisingly Lysa being the most to mother him.

Cat tried her best but with her mother bed ridden, it fell to her to handle many of the duties at Riverrun, the ones that her mother had previously performed.

Again, Lily was very thankful for not being the eldest. Petunia had always had a lot more responsibility placed on her shoulders than her and it was no different with Catelyn in this sense. Her sister had to become a woman in her mentality and efficiency because the task could be performed by few others.

No concerns could be brought to Minisa as Vyman had insisted that she receive complete rest and not be in the presence of anything stressful.

So the Tully children and Petyr were essentially on their own.

"He's awfully slow isn't he?"

Lily rolled her eyes at her best friend. "He's six months old Petyr, of course he's slow. He didn't drop out of the womb and start running."

"I know," the other boy defended. "But you'd think he would be a little faster by now."

Lily halted and balanced Axel before turning to him. "He only started walking a month ago Petyr. Gods above and below, he's still like a baby horse."

"Actually a baby horse starts walking the moment it quite literally falls out of the womb," Petyr said with an air of superiority. "They have to or how else are they going to learn?"

Merlin, it's like talking to Severus reborn sometimes.

Lily rolled her eyes. "That was a poor example and thankfully the animal kingdom has no bearing on how Axel approaches life. The fact that he is walking at six months is what is so surprising. Most babies don't start walking until they are older. How old were you when you started walking?"

"Seven months," Petyr said in a slightly grudging tone.

"Well there you go," Lily said smugly. "Axel has you beat and for that matter, so do I."

"When did you start walking?" Petyr demanded.

"I was five months," Lily replied. "Mother often told me I didn't like to be picked up and so I decided to start walking as soon as I could in order to get around. As soon as I could hold my head up on my own, I was crawling and when I decided that wasn't good enough or fast enough, I decided it was time to start walking. So I did."

Petyr huffed but didn't reply and Lily took Axel's hands and continued walking.

He wasn't quite talking yet but he did like to babble a lot and make loud noises and Lily always made sure he knew he was being heard. The last thing a child wished to be was ignored.

All in all, it was sort of nice to be back in the mothering role. She hadn't truly performed that task since Harry even though it had taken on a pseudo form with Ed.

"Li!" Axel squealed which she had taken to be his name for her because he could express no more than one syllable.

"Alright Axel, I'm coming," Lily laughed. She turned to her best friend. "Are you coming or what? This is the first day that mother has been able to sit in the Great Hall in months. I think it would be very nice for us to walk in and for her to see Axel walking. It would bring a smile to her face."

"Alright I'm coming," the dark haired boy said with a very put upon expression. "Sometimes I think you're too sentimental Lily."

"And sometimes I think you're too stiff and don't enjoy life enough," the red head shot back. "Your head is so often buried in books that you forget to see the beauty of what's around you."

"Oh?" Petyr challenged as they walked down the sunlit hallway. "And what's that?"

"Nature, being outside, being around people, family, horseback riding, I don't know, take your pick," Lily suggested. "But all of that's going to pass you by if you spend all your time in the library. I love to read too but its about time you found some balance."

"Yes well, nature makes my skin itch, you know I hate horseback riding and I don't have any family here. My father's in the Vale and my mother's been rotting in her grave ever since I was a few years old," Petyr snapped. "So I ask you, what exactly do I have to enjoy?"

Lily nearly came to a halt as a feeling of dread came over her. That bitterness in her friend's voice was palpable and achingly familiar.

Severus had also once believed that he had nothing.

And Petyr could not be allowed to follow the same path as Severus.

"You have plenty to enjoy Petyr," she said turning to him. "For example you have a lot of playmates. There's four of us now for you to have fun with. And when Axel grows older, there will be five. The only reason you don't like horseback riding is because you're afraid of the horse and the horse senses it. You have to be a little more forceful with it. The moment they know you're not afraid they'll stop being afraid of you. And as for your father, maybe if you simply made an effort and wrote to him once in a while you could have the sort of relationship with him that you want. Why is that so difficult?"

Petyr stared at her for a moment blinking a little as if he were finding it difficult to process what she was saying.

And then he surprised her by giving her a small smile. "Maybe you're right."

Lily used one of her fingers to clean out her ear dramatically. "Excuse me but did I hear you just say that I was right? Did Lord Petyr Baelish, the knower of everything there is to possibly know in the universe admit that I was right?"

The boy gave a long suffering sigh. "Don't get used to it alright?"

Lily shook her head. "Too late for that. I have just made it my personal assignment in life to get you to admit that I am right and you are wrong all the time."

"What have I done?" Petyr groaned.

"You have awakened the beast," Lily said striking a dramatic pose and drawing Axel up short. "From now on, I will be dogging your footsteps to make sure you admit my superior rightness and your superior wrongness."

Petyr muttered what sounded like a curse under his breath that Lily was certain he had heard from one of the grooms. "Did anyone ever tell you Lilian Tully that you are extremely annoying?"

"All the time," the red head said airily.

"And it doesn't bother you?"

"Not at all."

Petyr shook his head and ran a hand through his hair as they continued their stroll. "You're strange Lily."

"I know," the youngest Tully daughter said. "But you'll still put up with me because I'm your best friend."

"Despite my constantly questioning whether I have some sort of brain disease, that is in fact true," Petyr quipped. "Somehow you managed to become my best friend and I still don't understand how or why."

"It's my personality," Lily said giving him a smug smile. "You're just drawn to it."

Petyr muttered something then and she didn't hear what it was but Lily decided at that moment that it didn't matter.

This was the sunniest day the keep had seen in a long while and she wasn't going to let her brooding best friend spoil it.

"Come on Axel," she said looking down at her little brother with a large smile who saw it grinned back. "Let's go see mother. And maybe you can show Petyr that you're faster than he thinks."

She quickened her pace down the hall with the giggles of her little brother filling her ears.

"Careful there Tully," Petyr said catching up to her and taking Axel's other hands. "You're not going to get very far if he trips. In fact you'll probably start him crying and bring the whole castle running."

"Think positive Petyr," Lily said with a laugh.

"You be positive, I'll be realistic," the other boy muttered.

They continued their sun drenched journey down the hallway to the great hall, Axel's baby giggles dogging their footsteps with Lily laughing and Petyr rolling his eyes the whole while.

Both of them were in various stages of positivity whether they were aware of it or not but they would not be so for long.

Because a mere eight weeks later, Minisa Tully died.

Ω