Chapter 23

Harry Potter + A song of Ice and Fire Crossover

Chapter 23

Days passed before she was able to leave her room.

At first people came to the door but she sent them all away. Ed knocked, Ser Brynden knocked, various others as well but Lily simple barred the door with a spell and then resorted to doing something she hadn't done since she and James had gone into hiding with Harry.

She conjured food.

Of all the magical things she was capable of doing, this exercise was one that she liked the least because the food it provided was bland and nearly tasteless.

However she would rather endure this than have to leave her room and be confronted with people.

No doubt the story had circulated a bit by now, whether by her sister or Petyr or Stark himself and she realized doing some damage control might be in her best interests, but she just couldn't summon the energy. Every time she thought about Brandon or Cat or both of them, her face would flush a deep red with shame and she would bury her head in her pillow, hoping at some point the memory would disappear for good.

It didn't matter if he had gone. Cat had seen and she wondered if her sister would ever be able to forgive her for this betrayal. It didn't matter that she hadn't done anything, it didn't matter that Brandon had been the one to seek her out and not the other way around.

In fact if anything, that might make it worse.

She thought about Brandon's words to her but the more she pondered them the more confused she became. How could he possibly feel that way? What had she done or not done to give him that look on his face?

Had he truly been delusional…..or was it possible that she had become more involved than she had been?

Lily didn't want to think on that possibility for too long.

On the third day of her self imposed confinement however, just when she was considering apparating to the capital to see Elia, she received a visit from her least expected person.

The knock was quiet, almost unsure and there was a distinct pause that followed it, as if the person performing the act was questioning what they had just done.

And then Lily heard the voice.

"Lady Lilian? May I please come in?"

Lily frowned from her place sitting on the window seat. She had been sitting there for the last few hours, feeling a bit more of a sense of freedom because it had become plain that Stark was now gone.

In fact she hadn't heard very much for the last few hours and was beginning to wonder where everyone had gone off to.

But the sound of the creaky familiar voice outside of her door reminded her that there was at least one person still in the keep that she could turn to, someone who she hadn't seen very much of since she'd been back.

She hopped off the window seat and hurried to the door, suddenly filled with an odd anticipation.

When she had succeeded in getting it open, sure enough the hunched form of the master of Riverrun stood in front of her and he was holding a stack of books in his arms.

He grinned cheerily when he saw her, as if she didn't look terrible, as if she hadn't locked herself away liked some fairy tale princess sequestered in a tower.

"Excellent," he said. "You're awake, I thought I might see if you were interested in helping me with these my lady." He gestured to the books in his arms.

"These and others are newly arrived from Oldtown and the Starry Sept and I thought we might go through them together."

Lily looked back and forth between the old man and the books and wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or curse. He knew her weaknesses, this much was true.

Still she hesitated, unwilling to completely leave the anonymity of her chambers. Lily glanced up and down the hall for a moment but upon seeing no one, turned back to Vyman. "Where is everyone?"

"Well, Lord Axel is with his nurse and Ladies Catelyn and Lysa are taking in some embroidery I believe. Lord Edmure is having his riding lesson and I believe that Ser Brynden took Lord Baelish out for the day."

Lily felt an obtuse amount of relief that Petyr was nowhere around. She couldn't deal with him right now and hadn't spoken to him in days.

She wasn't even sure if she would be ready to have a conversation with him in the next few weeks let alone the next few hours.

And then for a moment she felt angry. Petyr was the one that had jumped to conclusions, Petyr was the one who had acted out of turn. If anyone needed to explain things, it was him. She would wait for his explanation and not the other way around.

So instead of going back in to hide, Lily nodded sharply at Riverrun's maester. "Allow me to change first Vyman and I will be right with you."

"Very good my lady."

A short while later, Lily found herself back in her favorite place in the entire keep, the large library where she had had all of her lessons as a child.

Vyman wasn't jesting when he said a large shipment had come in and the crates that lined the floors and sat on the tables indicated more than a few days of packing and organizing.

"Why on earth did you request all these books Vyman?" Lily asked as she ogled them all. "Have you finally managed to read all the books in this library?"

The old maester chuckled. "No my lady, I am simply replenishing several worn out tomes. I had intended to make the journey to Oldtown myself to read some of these but alas my riding days are long since behind me."

Lily picked up a rather large tome that was covered in leather as thick as her thumb and which boasted a rather ostentatious title about river farming. She looked the others over and saw that many of them were as different as night and day.

It wasn't until she got to the third stack however, that she was truly surprised.

"A Historie of Northern legends," she read aloud and then frowned at Vyman who was watching her. "Was this from the citadel as well?"

"Nay," the maester replied. "Lord Brandon brought several tomes with him from Winterfell when he was here."

At the mention of the name, Lily gingerly set the book down as if it had the ability to burn her and immediately turned to the stack next to it.

She could feel Vyman's eyes on her but she did her best to not look at him. "Why exactly did you ask for books on northern legends."

"I am a learned man my lady," the maester said. "I have made knowledge my profession and I would be remiss in my duties as maester of this keep if I did not seek out all the knowledge that I could. I would also be remiss in my duties to you as I know your healthy love of reading. I thought you might take a few of these back with you to the keep when you left again."

Lily sighed and ran her fingers down the cover of one of the books absently. "That's very kind of you Vyman and I thank you but I'm unsure if I am going to go back to the capital when all of this is over. Perhaps it might be better if I were to remain here."

There was a moment of silence and she was finally able to meet her old friend's eyes over the top of the table. He held her gaze for a moment but then turned it back towards the tomes on the table. "And why is that?"

Lily sighed again, she felt as if she had been doing a lot of that lately. "I've been away from home for too long as it is Vyman. I can't help but feel as if I could be doing more good here than there."

"I'm afraid I don't understand," the maester replied. "What exactly do you mean by "more good?"

Lily closed her eyes briefly. "I feel like my relationships with my siblings suffered when I went away. I haven't been there enough for Axel. He's growing like a weed and soon Cat will be married and he'll be forced to grow up on his own. I don't want that for him."

"Lady Lysa will remain behind," Vyman pointed out.

"I know," Lily said. "But for how long? Sooner or later father will find someone for her to marry and then only Ed will be left. He's all but assured my own marriage to Elbert Arryn and it will be only Axel and Ed and father here. Axel is still a boy."

"You know I will do whatever I can for the lordling," Vyman said in a warm voice and for a moment Lily felt shame.

"I know," she replied. "But I just feel as if I haven't done enough."

She continued moving on down the stack of books, looking at each one but not really seeing it, slowly becoming lost in her own thoughts.

Vyman was silent for a long while after and she could hear the steady sounds of books being placed in their organized places, the subtle sliding of leather onto wood and the satisfying click when they slid all the way onto the shelf.

The library hadn't changed much from the last time she had seen it. In fact many of the books were still in their assigned places and the shelves were devoid of dust and bits of debris. No doubt Vyman spent his usual amount of time in this room polishing the covers and oiling the bindings.

She could almost see the old maester, still sitting in the afternoon sunlight from the tall windows, sealing and binding pages together.

Being a maester in this world sounds wonderful, she thought absently to herself. There are no politics, no drama, just books. Its absurd that women can't join the order.

When Vyman spoke again, she was so lost in her own thoughts that his intrusion startled her.

"Why do you feel as if it is on you my lady," he began, "to be the only mentor figure that the lordling has?"

"Not the only one Vyman," Lily replied. "Just another one."

"Do you feel as if he has had insufficient care these last few years?"

"Not at all, I just sort of wish I had been here so that I could be a part of his life."

To that Vyman had no response and Lily went back to her musing. She knew the capital was hardly the place for a child given Aerys tendencies but a part of her wished she could bring Axel as she had a feeling he would love it.

He would have a boy his own age there in Prince Viserys and having friends was always a wonderful thing. She tried to remember not having friends in Elia and Ashara and found the notion made her a bit sad.

Just then the sound of footsteps made her look up in time to see a servant enter the room and hurry over to Maester Vyman. There was a letter in his hand and once he had deposited it with the maester, he bowed to the both of them and left the room.

The old man looked the parchment over and made a grunting noise.

"What is it Vyman?" Lily asked.

"A letter for you my lady, from Lord Elbert Arryn," the maester said.

Lily blinked, her breath catching in her throat for a second before she hurried toward him. She hadn't heard from Elbert in weeks and now out of the blue, his letter had arrived, a most welcome diversion indeed.

For a moment she felt a stab of guilt, both for the fact that she hadn't written him back and because of what had transpired a few days ago.

That thought was enough to make her hesitate before she reached for the letter.

Vyman frowned at her. "Are you well my lady?"

Lily swallowed hard. "I…I think so Vyman."

He continued to frown at her. "Then whatever is the matter?"

Lily cleared her throat and finally succeeded in taking the letter. "Nothing Vyman. It's just been a while since I've heard from him is all."

The old maester shrugged and turned back to the stack of books in front of him. "Perhaps his letter was lost along the way my lady. Nothing to concern yourself too much about."

At the moment Elbert is not the person I am concerned about Vyman.

Lily turned away and walked slowly towards the tall windows at the end of the tall shelves of library books. For some reason, she wanted to be completely alone when she read this.

She had written Elbert upon her return to Riverrun just to let him know she had arrived home but otherwise had heard nothing.

It was a long time before she decided to open it and even when she had, it took another long few minutes before she brought her eyes to the words on the page.

Dearest Lily

Please forgive me this long absence in writing to you. My uncle has kept me busier than I had anticipated and I feel as if the last few weeks I have been running to and fro about the Vale on this errand or that. Every time I sit down with a quill and a piece of parchment I remember that I need to write to you and I vow to do so upon the completion of that letter to some lord. And then undoubtedly Coleman comes in with yet another letter and I am forced to put this discipline off once more.

Nevertheless I vowed to write and here it is, alas it is not long before I am to leave again so I must make this brief.

I am certain that you would have heard by now of the tourney being held at Harrenhal in honor of the birth of the new Targaryen princess. My uncle and I will attend of course along with Ned and Robert. I hope to see you there along with your family. I am looking to make better their acquaintance as our families will be connected better in the future. Whoever is important to you of course is important to me.

Ned and Robert, well perhaps mostly Robert are eager to participate in the tourney and I am considering such a venture as well. Ironically it would be my first. I suppose that means I should get some more practice in.

But I digress, the point of this letter was to ask you a question.

Lily paused here and swallowed hard, her heart beginning to pound. She wasn't even sixteen yet, she certainly hoped he wasn't about to ask what she thought he might.

Should I choose to compete in this tournament, would it be too forward to ask you to wear Arryn colors as a sign of your support? Perhaps it's a bit simplistic but I think I would feel better if I were to look in the crowd and see you there wearing the colors of my house. Perhaps it will be a reminder of what I have to look forward to with great anticipation.

Lily felt her cheeks flame at his words and swallowed hard, unsure if she was nervous or excited at such a request.

Also is there a possibility that you could come early to Harrenhal? Again, I hope you don't think me too forward but I would like to spend some more time with you as little has been allowed in the last few months. My time running the Vale and assisting my uncle has left me almost too busy in relax and I find I can truly do so when I am with you.

My uncle and I and Ned and Robert are leaving on the morrow for the Riverlands. Any return letter you send should find me there.

I await your letter with great anticipation

Elbert Arryn

Lily took a deep breath when she reached the end of the letter and refolded it. A bit of anticipation curled through her when she anticipated the notion of going to Harrenhal. Not only would she get to see Elia and Ashara again as well as the princesses, but the notion of spending time with Elbert was an appealing one.

Plus, it would free her from an increasingly awkward and potentially painful situation that was unfolding here.

But then she remembered her words to Vyman only moments ago about wanting to spend more time with Axel.

What if you brought him with you? A small voice asked in the back of her mind. He just might like Elbert and it might be good to get him out from under father's thumb. You could also bring Uncle Brynden to keep an eye on him.

Yes…that just might work.

She got to her feet and hurried towards the doors of the library.

"Where are you going my lady?" the maester called out from behind her.

"To my room Vyman," Lily replied. "I have a letter to write."

Ω

Later that evening saw Lily hurriedly throwing things into a trunk. She had quietly gone to see her father in his study when he had returned for the evening to discuss the matter of bringing Axel with her to Harrenhal when she went to answer Elbert's invitation.

Naturally, Hoster had been surprised at the invitation but also pleased and Lily was certain she could see the wheels turning in the old man's mind as he thought of the possibilities.

After some discussion, he had agreed, but only if Lily brought her uncle with them, a notion she had decided upon before ever coming to him.

He had then given her leave to depart early and Lily had walked back to her own chamber in a daze.

She was uncertain of whether she should speak to Cat before she left but as it turned out, she didn't have to.

"Where are you going?"

Lily flinched and turned around, having forgotten that in her haste to pack, she had forgotten to close her door. Upon seeing her oldest sister standing in the doorway, she grimaced and quickly looked away.

"I'm leaving," she said quietly. "Lord Elbert wrote me today and invited me to Harrenhal early. He is going to be competeing in the tourney there."

Her sister's expression was unreadable as she took in the open trunk and the scattered clothes. "Father said you would be taking Axel as well."

"I am."

The silence in the room grew and grew until Lily wasn't sure if she could stand it any longer.

Fortunately before she exploded from the apprehension Cat decided to break the silence. "What happened…..out there?"

Lily's shoulders stiffened but she refused to turn and look at her sister. "I told you already. Nothing happened."

"Look at me."

At the simple but short and sharp request, Lily knew it was time to stop hiding. If she wanted her sister to believe her, she was going to need to stop acting guilty.

So she turned around and looked the older girl hard in the face as she said her next words. "Nothing. Happened."

Cat stared back just as solidly and for a long time, both girls were just glaring at each other as if their very eyes were swords.

Cat broke first however.

She closed her eyes and finally stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it.

"Would you please start at the beginning then?" she asked in a pained whisper. "No one has said anything for days and Petyr has all but vanished. I don't know where he's gone off to."

"Vanished?" Lily asked frowning. "What do you mean he's vanished?"

"I mean today was the first day I've seen him since the night of….Brandon's goodbye feast," Catelyn explained, lowering her voice. "Uncle Brynden took him out for the day to gods know where. But before that….I didn't see him at all."

Lily's eyes narrowed on her older sister at this knew information. She had barely thought of Petyr since that night because the memory evoked a certain rage in her. He had barely been the boy that she remembered.

Plus if she thought about it too much, she remembered Brandon's words to him which made her want to shudder.

"And Brandon….Brandon left just after you did," Cat went on in a low pained whisper. "He stormed off and I didn't see him until the following morning when he left. He didn't even look at me."

Lily swallowed hard. "Oh Cat….I….I'm so sorry."

Cat's sorrow disappeared in an instant and she glared at her sister. "Don't you dare feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity. I want the truth. What happened out there in the godswood?"

Lily regarded her sister warily for a moment before she sighed and sat down on the window seat. "You had better sit down….this is going to take a while."

Cat hesitated for a moment but finally moved into the room and sat down on the trunk opposite Lily's bed, far away enough away for Lily to feel the divide between them.

"Tell me," she said.

So Lily told her.

She told her all about wanting some air and leaving the party in favor of a quieter locale. She told her all about Brandon finding her out there and sitting down next to her. She told her about her failure to leave when she should have and about Brandon's attempts to talk to her, speaking of things he had no right to speak of her and her own shame at not leaving when she should have. She told her about her own anger at the position she had been put in and about her terror at his forwardness.

But for all the truth Lily voiced about her last encounter with Brandon Stark, she didn't tell her sister about what her betrothed had said about value. She couldn't.

There was no way that Cat could ever know that Brandon had looked at her with eyes that were too familiar and said words that should only be said to a person that you loved.

Those words, she would take to her grave.

When she had finally finished, a silence far heavier than the one that had occurred when Cat first arrived permeated the air.

Both sisters did their best not to look at each other and stared hard at the floor. The tension in that moment was thicker than the silence but both tried their best to tune that out.

"I suppose that I have only one more thing to ask," Cat said finally in a voice so low that Lily could hardly hear her.

"And what's that?" the red head asked fearfully.

Cat looked up at her with eyes that glistened with sudden tears and terror stabbed through Lily.

"Do you love him?" she asked.

It took a moment for the question to compute in Lily's brain and when it finally registered, she released her answer all in a rush.

"Seven hells no."

Cat nodded at the floor, blinking hard as if she were trying to get control of herself. "That's some small comfort at least."

"Cat," Lily began. "You have to know. I didn't intend for any of this to happen. I don't know where he got these wild fanciful ideas, or delusions about me. I've done my utmost to avoid being near Brandon Stark at all and – "

"I know," her sister interrupted. "I know that you would never….intentionally do anything to hurt me. That's not who you are. But….I was hurt. I believe you when you say that nothing happened. I don't think you're capable of doing anything disloyal. But….it didn't matter if you weren't. He was."

Lily opened her mouth, wanting to refute her sister's claim but after a moment, lowered her head miserably because she knew Cat was right. Brandon had clearly had no qualms about acting in a dishonorable fashion.

He knew exactly who he was betrothed to and it didn't matter to him that it wasn't her. He had acted in his own self interest and not anyone else's. It didn't matter to him what her feelings had been and it certainly didn't matter what her sister's feelings had been.

And that suddenly made Lily hate Brandon Stark all the more.

She glanced down at her fists that were sitting clenched in her lap and loosened them because her nails were digging into her palms.

"So what happens now?" she asked with a very dry throat.

"I don't know," Cat replied. "I need to think. I knew that Brandon didn't have any feelings for me a long time ago. I knew that he wasn't pleased about this marriage but I didn't care because he was so handsome. I thought over time, he would come to see me as I wanted him to and perhaps we could have a marriage like mother and father. But now I've come to see that maybe that's not the case."

Lily swallowed hard, shame pouring through her. "Cat, I'm so sorry I – "

Her sister held up her hand, indicating for her to stop. "I need to get these words out Lily. If I don't say them I'll lose my nerve."

She paused and took another deep breath. "I know its not your fault. I've been telling myself that for days. But it doesn't make what happened hurt any less. In some ways it makes it worse. You didn't choose him, you didn't even want him but he chose you."

"He chose a delusion!" Lily snapped, her voice thick with tears she had no longer thought herself capable of producing. "He chose a mirage. He didn't know what he was choosing but it certainly wasn't real!"

To that Cat had no answer and the two sat in a painful silence for longer than Lily wanted. She wanted to assure her sister that of course Brandon would love her in time, that the encounter in the godswood had been him attempting to blow off steam but she hadn't wanted any of it.

But the singlemindedness she remembered seeing in his eyes deterred her.

Brandon might be delusional yes….but he was determined in his delusion.

And if he didn't want to marry Cat….than there was little that could be done to change his mind.

"Did you talk to father?" she asked hoarsely.

The silence was almost unbearable by the time that Cat answered. "No. I've had too much to think about and I know that I need to think some more before I decide what to do. Even if I were to go to him, father wouldn't care. He'd demand I marry Brandon because that's what I'm supposed to do. A first born daughter of House Tully must marry the first born son of another great house."

"Do you even want to?" Lily whispered.

Catelyn pursed her lips and her expression became unreadable. "It doesn't matter what I want. Its my duty. Its our house words after all."

Lily had nothing to say to that. But every part of her strained against those words. Happiness had to matter to some degree. She fully understood sacrifice…but a sacrifice that would likely make her sister miserable and give her father more influence wasn't something she understood.

In fact she was beginning to resent her father for it.

What had he done for his family after all? When had he ever considered their happiness?

"It also says honor," she said tightly. "And there is nothing honorable about what Brandon Stark tried to do."

"No," Catelyn replied, equally as tersely. "But if even if he doesn't have honor, then I must at least."

"But at the cost of your happiness?" Lily asked almost pleadingly. Though it wasn't her life, the thought of her sister with some man who might emotional abuse her with infidelity made her sick to her stomach.

Catelyn slowly got to her feet, her expression still unreadable. "Sometimes it isn't happiness at first in a marriage, but then you have a responsibility to make it so. That is something I can do."

She turned and headed for the door. "Have a good trip with Uncle and Axel, we'll see you soon in Harrenhal."

"Cat wait," Lily scrambled to her feet, desperate to say something else, anything so that her sister didn't have to go through with marrying a cad like Stark.

The older girl paused with her hands on the door, waiting.

"I'm sorry," were the only words that came out. "I wish that – "

Suddenly Cat turned around and strode back towards her. Without a word, she pulled Lily into her arms and held her tight, surprising the red head more than if she had struck her.

"Do you care about Lord Elbert Lily?" she asked in a tight whisper, shocking the younger girl.

"Yes," her sister whispered back somehow finding her voice.

"Then hold on to him tight," Catelyn replied. "He seems like a good man and those are hard to find. Don't let him go."

She squeezed tighter for a half second longer and then let go, striding back across the room, absently wiping at her eyes.

She disappeared through the door before Lily could formulate another sentence, forcing her to stare at the empty door in bewilderment.

After a moment, she sank back down onto the window seat and placed her head in her hands. What next? What next can go wrong? My sister's about to marry a cad who seems to be good at emotional manipulation and there's nothing I can do about it.

For a brief moment she considered going to her father and telling him had happened but then quashed the thought as it seemed no one else knew outside of the four people involved.

The last thing she wanted to do was make an enemy of her sister and make things more complicated than they already were.

And speaking of complications.

There was one more person that she needed to talk to before she left.

Ω

After inquiring around for a bit, Lily was finally able to narrow down Petyr's location.

Surprisingly her uncle told her that he was in the godswood and had decided not to come in for dinner when the two of them returned from their day of riding.

Deciding that that wasn't a good sign, Lily decided she would go into the wood, find her friend, say her piece and then leave.

As angry as she was at him for the scene he had caused, there was a part of her that still remembered their long years of friendship and was unwilling to leave on poor terms.

At the very least, she owed it to him to try.

She had refused to try and men her relationship with Severus before she had died and it was one of her many regrets about that life.

He wasn't hard to find.

Ironically he was sitting on the bench before the heart tree where she herself had been sitting not long ago and she swallowed hard at the memory.

Thank the gods that Stark was gone.

He was sitting on the bench, back ramrod straight, staring forward almost as if he were glaring at the tree after he had made a declaration in a rousing argument.

Lily paused at the edge of the clearing and took him in for a moment, gathering her own courage. "I didn't think I'd find you here."

The boy started a bit at the interruption of the silence and twisted around until he was facing her. He didn't say anything even though the recognition was there but Lily wasn't sure what she was expecting him to say.

She stepped forward. "Can I sit down?"

Again he didn't say anything but he did move over on the bench indicating that she could sit. Taking that as a sign of good things thus far, Lily cautiously moved around the bench and sat down next to him.

For a long time both of them said nothing and merely stared at the heart tree in front of them. The night was quiet but it was a different sort of silence than Lily had experienced.

She could almost feel the tension radiating off of Petyr but it was a tension she didn't know the origins of, and she almost didn't want to ask.

"What are you doing out here?" she was finally able to inquire.

"I needed to think," Petyr replied dully.

"Think about what?"

"Everything."

The silence reigned for a moment.

"You're leaving tomorrow?" Petyr asked finally.

"Yes, Uncle Brynden and Axel and I are going to Harrenhal early. Nobles are already arriving for the tourney and I am eager to see Elia again."

She carefully refrained from mentioning the presence of Elbert as she wasn't sure how Petyr would take the information. He had grown down right volatile when she had mentioned other men in the past and now she was certain she knew why.

"I suppose Stark will be there," he said in a brittle tone and Lily stiffened. "I would not know, nor do I care."

"You don't?" Petyr asked turning toward her, but she couldn't read the expression on his face.

"Why would I?" Lily challenged. "The man is betrothed to my sister and we have no claim to each other."

"He certainly didn't seem to think so," Petyr muttered as he turned away from her again.

Lily sighed, she was beginning to lose her patience. "It doesn't matter what he thinks, my mind on the subject has long since been made up and there is nothing he or anyone else can do to alter it."

"Then why on earth were the two of you out here alone?" Petyr demanded turning to face her again. "Why even throw your reputation into question?"

Lily raised an eyebrow at him, refusing to rise to the bait. "My reputation is fine, thank you very much. Its Lord Brandon's problem that should be worried about. He seems to have developed into something of a cad and a philanderer."

Petyr snorted but otherwise said nothing else.

Finally Lily realized she had had enough. Petyr's feelings had been talked about by nearly everyone but himself and even though she was certain she knew what they were, she needed to hear him speak them aloud.

"I've come to say goodbye," she said, hoping this would give him an opening if he truly wished to talk. "I don't intend to come back to Riverrun after the tourney, I will be returning to the capital with Elia. I may stay there for a time and then go to the Vale. After that I don't know."

"You don't know?" Petyr asked bitterly. "You are to marry Elbert Arryn, how can you not know?"

Lily bristled. "Very well then, I suppose we shall part on poor terms."

She had just gotten to her feet when Petyr's hand reached out and seized hold of her own. "Lily wait."

She waited.

He continued holding her hand but stared hard at a spot on the ground as if he wished to burn a hole into it.

"What is it Petyr?" Lily demanded. "For the sake of the gods, say whatever you need to say because I don't think you're going to get another chance."

"Don't marry him," Petyr said quietly.

Lily blinked at him. "I beg your pardon?"

Finally Petyr looked up at her and his eyes were blazing with a determined fire. "Don't marry him. Don't marry Elbert Arryn."

All Lily could do was blink at him in that instant. "Why not?"

The next look he sent up at her was almost tortured. "Do you not know?"

Lily returned it as steely as she could manage. "I have a good idea but how can I know when you've never said anything."

"I didn't think I had to!" Petyr burst out. "You're one of the most intelligent people that I know Lily. I didn't think it would be difficult for you to pick up on the fact that I'm in love with you!"

His outburst echoed throughout the clearing and then was followed by a silence so stark that it was almost unnatural.

All Lily could do was stare at him in that moment, her heart pounding in her chest. A part of her wanted to run, run away from those words because if she was far enough away from the truth, then they couldn't possibly exist.

But that was foolish. Secretly there was a part of her that had known Petyr felt this way and she chose not to address it because of how it would complicate things.

She couldn't be willfully ignorant any longer. Someone else's feelings were at stake.

"Petyr," she began as gently as possible. "Surely you know that my father – "

"Don't do that," Petyr snapped at her narrowing his eyes. "You're better than that, don't hide behind your father. It isn't you. If you wanted something, there is nothing you wouldn't do to get, if you wanted – "

He cut off suddenly and his throat clenched and Lily swallowed the hard lump gathering in her throat.

"If you wanted any part of this," he said gesturing to their still clasped hands. "Nothing would have stopped you."

Lily closed her eyes and felt hot tears slip out from under her eyelids and spill down her cheeks. But she knew as painful as this was, she was glad to be having this discussion. It was something that had never happened with Severus.

"Petyr," she said in a slow voice, trying to control her own emotions. "You're right. Whenever there's been anything I wanted, I haven't let anything get in my way. It didn't matter what it was, I've always barreled through life with the same energy."

Gathering courage, she sat down beside him. "You're my best friend. You always have been, and if you want to, you always will be. But I can't pretend to understand what it is you're feeling…because I can't give you what you're looking for."

Slowly, she withdrew her hand from his and placed it back atop his knee. Better to maintain a bit of a physical distance if this was how he truly felt.

He didn't say anything for a long time and Lily wondered if this conversation would have gone the same way if she and Severus had had it.

But then she decided that it didn't matter because Severus and anyone associated with that life was gone.

"Can I ask you something?" Petyr finally asked.

"Of course."

"If you weren't betrothed would things be different?"

To her credit, Lily paused and thought about that for a moment. She had considered this question before, in the deepest parts of the night when her mind wandered down paths it wouldn't go in daylight.

"No," she whispered finally. "No it wouldn't have."

If it were possible, Petyr's shoulders sagged even more and Lily closed her eyes, unable to bear the sight.

"I should go," she whispered. "I wish you all the happiness in the world Petyr. I sincerely hope you get everything you desire and much more."

And then because she knew there was nothing else she could say to make this any better, she got to her feet, patted his shoulder and left the godswood.

Even as she walked away, there was a part of her that felt lighter. She walked quickly, feeling that what was ahead of her was better than what was behind.

Perhaps it was the swiftness of her steps that carried her that made it so that she didn't hear the words Petyr spoke aloud into the stillness of the wood.

"Don't worry," he said quietly, determination blazing in his green eyes. "I intend to."

Ω

Don't forget to subscribe to my Youtube channel guys, the channel name is Kaetie Mac. I greatly appreciate any new subscriptions as I am trying to build my author platform while I write my own original works. Next chapter will see Lily at Harrenhal with Elbert, the tourney will begin and all the drama that comes with it. Don't forget to review!