Chapter 21: Saying No

In the midst of the heightened academic demands, the last leg of my college journey unfolded with intense focus and dedication. Remote learning became the norm, and alongside classmates, Jackie and I resumed our roles as study buddies. For months, we navigated through assignments and lessons online, exchanging notes and supporting each other academically.

Meanwhile, a personal realization crept in—an unsettling awareness of my perpetual inability to decline requests, particularly from a girl who I like and cared about. It dawned on me that I had never asserted a firm "NO" when needed, a crucial skill I needed to grasp before leaving the cocoon of college life.

Soon after Jackie reached out for assistance one day, I made a deliberate choice to respond with curt, impersonal replies, devoid of my usual warmth and personal touch. Each restrained response felt like a betrayal of my natural inclinations, a painful internal conflict between what I felt compelled to do and what I felt was right for my personal growth.

Over time, weeks passed with this strained interaction, each "NO" I uttered digging deeper into my conscience. I knew I owed Jackie an explanation, a genuine apology for my abrupt change in behavior. But I remained silent, hoping she would understand without needing further clarification. Instead, her gradual withdrawal and eventual cessation of communication spoke volumes. I had hurt her without intending to, caught in the throes of my own internal struggle.

Reaching the date of graduation and distractions dwindled, I found solace in the support of Joseph and Dane, my steadfast companions through the final stretch of academia. Together, we poured ourselves into our studies and thesis work, meeting every deadline with precision and dedication. Graduation day arrived, accolades followed, yet a hollow feeling persisted within me—a nagging sense of a world that felt smaller than anticipated.

Realizing that indeed, I had learned to say "NO," which is a valuable lesson. But at what cost? It was steep-the unintended estrangement from a friend, the lingering guilt of not explaining myself, and the realization that personal growth often comes at the expense of relationships left unattended.

Yearning for a change, I reflected on my journey through college. I couldn't help but wonder if there was a better way, a path where assertiveness and empathy could coexist harmoniously—a lesson yet to be fully learned.