Chapter 38

Ruan Miao couldn't sit still in that environment; the atmosphere was too strange, and he felt like he was the center of attention.

It seemed that enjoying good times could lead to narcissism, making one imagine themselves as the center of everyone's interest.

"I'd better sit somewhere else. It's too crowded here." He got up from the sofa and quickly slipped away without waiting for anyone to speak.

He preferred being in a relatively peaceful and dispute-free environment. Although he knew He Shanglu meant well in trying to include him in their social circle, Ruan Miao had his own plans. He was aware that forcing himself into an unfamiliar circle could make everyone uncomfortable.

The idea of moving out and living independently was something Ruan Miao had never forgotten. From the start, he had no intention of getting involved in social circles, fearing that he might disappoint He Shanglu's good intentions.

"May I sit here?"

To his surprise, Jian Fanyu followed him and Ruan Miao looked up in astonishment, almost forgetting to respond. Jian Fanyu, not receiving an immediate answer, chose a seat that was neither too close nor too far, making Ruan Miao feel comfortable.

"Why are you here…?" Ruan Miao asked, confused.

Jian Fanyu seemed not to notice Ruan Miao's bewilderment. He glanced at his watch and said, "I was actually looking for you. I don't usually attend such events."

"Looking for me?" Ruan Miao was even more surprised. "Is there something you need?"

Jian Fanyu thought for a moment before looking at Ruan Miao calmly. "Could you accompany me somewhere?"

"Ah?" Ruan Miao was dazed for a moment. "Where… where are we going?"

Jian Fanyu smiled slightly and said mysteriously, "You'll find out once we get there."

He then took Ruan Miao's sleeve and led him out of the banquet hall. He Shanglu, watching the scene, was furious to see Jian Fanyu taking his brother away. He shouted, "Where are you taking him?!"

He Shangzhi turned her gaze coldly toward the direction they left and silently tightened her grip on the knife.

Ruan Miao didn't have time to say anything to He Shanglu. Jian Fanyu led him out of the banquet hall and up to the rooftop on the top floor via the elevator. This space, usually used for gatherings, was now empty due to the winter chill.

Jian Fanyu walked with Ruan Miao through the illuminated pathway to the railing closest to the edge. Looking down through the railing, Ruan Miao saw that they were almost at the highest point of the city. The view was breathtaking, with the city below a sea of lights, a sea of red, and the traffic on the overpasses extending into the distance.

"Is it beautiful?" Jian Fanyu asked softly.

Ruan Miao nodded gently, admiring the view. "It's beautiful."

"Isn't it better to stay here than deal with those people?" Jian Fanyu continued lightly, "You probably don't like that kind of place either, right?"

Ruan Miao nodded vigorously. "Of course, I don't."

The two stood side by side at the railing, gazing into the distance. Ruan Miao was unsure why Jian Fanyu had brought him here, but he felt it was better to remain silent, as Jian Fanyu seemed to have something to say.

After a while, Jian Fanyu suddenly asked, "What kind of person do you think I am?"

Ruan Miao was caught off guard by the question and wasn't sure how to answer. After some thought, he cautiously replied, "Probably a very perfect person."

Jian Fanyu turned to look at him, seemingly encouraging him to continue.

"Well," Ruan Miao said, taking a deep breath, "you're the kind of person I really like and admire. When I first saw you, I thought you were so handsome. Even though you seemed cold and hostile toward me, I didn't dislike you at all. I have a bit of a thing for good looks, and you kind of have a filter effect on me."

"To me, you're already great. But it seems like you have very high standards for yourself," Ruan Miao glanced at Jian Fanyu before continuing. "You said you don't play the piano anymore, but I don't believe that. The other evening, outside the piano room, I thought you played exceptionally well. Maybe I lack musical talent, but I have an appreciation for it. I think you're incredibly talented—just don't lose confidence."

Jian Fanyu listened to Ruan Miao, and a self-deprecating smile appeared on his face. "Are you trying to comfort me?"

"No," Ruan Miao shook his head.

Jian Fanyu was silent for a moment before speaking again.

"You should know that I once loved Yan Yang."

"I compromised step by step for him, retreated repeatedly, and ended up becoming a monster."

Ruan Miao turned to look at Jian Fanyu's profile and could sense the sorrow in his voice.

"Since childhood, I've been seen as the perfect child. I excelled at everything, and if something didn't go my way, I would become very agitated. In my world, everything had to be in its proper place according to my standards."

"Yan Yang and I were completely opposite. He was carefree and lived day by day, with no standards for anything. He liked everything unknown, enjoyed trying new and exciting things. If he lived in ancient times, he'd be like a roguish knight."

"I don't understand why I liked him. We seemed like two incompatible people," Jian Fanyu said, feeling bewildered, "Yet I was willing to follow him from a young age and never doubted that we'd end up together. In my mind, he was meant to be mine, and neither of us could have anyone else."

"But then, everything changed when he met you. I felt like things were beyond my control." Jian Fanyu turned to Ruan Miao and asked softly, "Do you understand that feeling?"

Ruan Miao felt a chill down his spine, unsure whether to nod or shake his head.

"I also know that he didn't truly love that person. He just allowed him to get close out of a ridiculous sense of novelty and a self-righteous desire to protect the weak. But he never cared about how I felt."

Ruan Miao wanted to say something several times but felt he shouldn't interrupt. The cold wind made him shiver, and he chose to endure it in silence.

"Later, that person eventually self-destructed, but Yan Yang still didn't belong to me. He always had various strange ideas. No matter how much I changed, he remained curious about the outside world. Even a random stray dog by the roadside would make him stop and play for a while."

"I don't understand. I did everything he asked, desperately trying to become the person he wanted, yet I still couldn't keep him. Gradually, I realized I not only lost him but also everyone else, and even forgot how to play the piano."

"I became a wretched creature struggling in the whirlpool of emotions."

Jian Fanyu looked directly at Ruan Miao and asked, "Now, tell me, what kind of person do you think I am?"

Ruan Miao looked up at the calm Jian Fanyu under the moonlight. He thought what Jian Fanyu described sounded like something out of a novel. Though he had read similar stories, the psychological process wasn't quite as complex. After a deep breath, he said:

"I think… it's a pity."

"It's not that Yan Yang is a pity, but that you are."

"There's nothing wrong with loving someone. Although I've never been in love, I can somewhat understand your feelings by putting myself in your shoes. It's not necessarily about having poor judgment; it's more about having a very narrow social circle. You've only seen Yan Yang from a young age, and with your obsessive nature, you came to believe he was everything."

Ruan Miao pointed to the vast sky beyond the railing. "Forgive me for being blunt, but a person like you could easily be a Casanova. There are countless people waiting to catch your eye. Yan Yang was just always in front of you, which made you blind to other possibilities, making you think he was the only good person."

"Losing him isn't the end of the world. Not being able to play the piano anymore doesn't matter. Your talent is still there; you can always find it again. I believe that talented people aren't abandoned by fate over minor issues. You have to believe in yourself. You are the chosen one, and no one can do without you."

Jian Fanyu's eyes held a glimmer of something. "No one can do without me?"

"Of course," Ruan Miao said confidently. "You're just too stubborn. Once you decide on someone, you hold on tight. But as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If one doesn't work out, we'll find another. There's always someone right for you!"

Jian Fanyu didn't respond.

Ruan Miao didn't know that the person standing before him had long since diverged from the storybook ending. In the ten years since, Jian Fanyu had become consumed by madness and lost the ability to love.

"My story is over," Jian Fanyu suddenly changed the subject and looked at Ruan Miao with a half-smile. "Can you tell me your secret?"

Ruan Miao was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond. "Why the sudden change of topic? Besides, my secret is nothing compared to yours."

"I'm just an unfortunate person who died of illness. I don't know why I ended up in this body, living someone else's life. To you, I'm just a passerby, not worth paying any attention to!"

"Then why do you know about me?" Jian Fanyu asked softly. "You know more than just this, don't you?"

Ruan Miao became anxious. 

What could he say? That this was a book and you're all characters in it?

"Can I refuse to answer?" Ruan Miao said, feeling a headache. "Your secret isn't worth a major trade-off. Let's skip this question."

Jian Fanyu looked at him deeply and suddenly started moving closer to Ruan Miao. Ruan Miao was startled by the sudden proximity and backed away until he was against the wall, with Jian Fanyu's overly handsome face right in front of him.

Jian Fanyu leaned in slowly, his expression somewhat ambiguous.

Ruan Miao's mind buzzed with alarm. 

Is he going to kiss me!?

He was paralyzed with fear and thought: "I'm a straight man!"

Jian Fanyu then had a strange expression on his face and said, "What do you think I'm going to do?" He took a step back and adjusted Ruan Miao's scarf, saying, "Be careful not to catch a cold."

Feeling embarrassed for his overreaction, Ruan Miao awkwardly wanted to disappear. "Sorry, I can be a bit self-centered sometimes."

"It's alright." Jian Fanyu seemed in a better mood. "I'm not upset."

After a moment of mutual silence, Ruan Miao thought about heading back. But when he turned around, he saw that He Shangye had been watching them for an unknown amount of time.

"Big Brother? When did you get here?" Ruan Miao asked dryly.

He Shangye glanced at the time and said calmly, "Since you declared you're a straight man."

Ruan Miao: "…"

This day is truly unbearable.