Entry 11: Hopeful

A few months had passed since that eventful lunch, and I had settled into the rhythm of high school life. Balancing my time between Maeve and the gang and my other friends had become a delicate dance. Each group offered something different, and I was slowly finding my place.

Maeve had kept her word and remained a constant presence, always looking out for me and offering her unique perspective on the social dynamics at school. Her warnings about Rachel lingered in the back of my mind, but I hadn't had much interaction with Rachel since that initial encounter. Our paths crossed occasionally, but we operated in different social spheres.

She has tried to reach out to me a couple of times throughout those months, we were having simple chats on phones, but our seperate lives kept us busy. Since that night, we have never got the chance to have our own time to talk, and if we were able to set a date it would get postponed over and over due to the lack of time.

One chilly Friday afternoon, I found myself in the school library, working on a group project with Sophie and Max. The library was quiet, the only sound the rustling of pages and the soft hum of the overhead lights. Sophie was diligently typing on her laptop while Max and I sorted through a pile of research materials.

"Okay, so we need to include a section on environmental impact," Sophie said, not looking up from her screen. "Joanne, can you find some articles on that?"

"Sure thing," I replied, pulling out my phone to search for relevant sources.

As I scrolled through the search results, Max nudged me with his elbow. "Hey, you seem distracted. Everything okay?"

I glanced up, meeting his concerned gaze. "Yeah, just a lot on my mind."

"Is it about Maeve?" he asked, lowering his voice so Sophie wouldn't hear.

I hesitated before nodding. "Kind of. She's been acting... different lately. More intense."

Max frowned, leaning closer. "How so?"

"Just more insistent about things. Like, she's always checking in on me, making sure I'm okay. It's nice, but also a little overwhelming," I admitted.

Max gave a sympathetic nod. "Maeve cares about you, Jo. But if it's too much, you should tell her. She'll understand."

Before I could respond, a voice interrupted us. "Joanne, can I talk to you for a second?"

I looked up to see Rachel standing there, her expression unreadable. Max glanced between us, clearly uncertain about leaving us alone. I gave him a reassuring nod.

"Sure, Rachel. What's up?" I asked, setting my phone down.

Rachel motioned for me to follow her to a quieter corner of the library. I exchanged a quick look with Max, who gave me a supportive smile before returning to our project.

Once we were alone, Rachel turned to face me, her eyes searching mine. "I wanted to talk to you about the party a few months ago."

I felt a knot of anxiety form in my stomach. "What about it?"

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I know things got a bit... complicated that night. And I heard some things from Liam and Maeve that I wanted to clear up."

I swallowed hard, remembering Maeve's warnings and Liam's teasing. "Like what?"

"Like the fact that people think you have a thing for me," Rachel said bluntly, her gaze steady.

I felt my face heat up. "It's not like that. I mean, I was just... curious about you. You're kind of hard to ignore."

Rachel's expression softened a bit. "I get that. But I wanted to make sure you knew that whatever Liam and Maeve are saying, you can come to me directly if you have any questions or concerns."

I nodded, feeling a mix of relief and confusion. "Thanks, Rachel. I appreciate that."

Rachel gave me a small smile. "No problem. And for what it's worth, I think you're pretty cool. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise."

I smiled and nodded in response, the mood's silent awkwardness taking over our conversation. I looked up at Rachel and it seemed she wanted to say more, biting her lip and ruffling her hair.

"So..." I said, breaking our silence.

Rachel sighed, glancing around the library as if making sure no one was listening. "Look, Joanne, there's something else I wanted to tell you."

I leaned in slightly, my curiosity piqued. "What is it?"

She took a deep breath. "I know Maeve's been saying things about me, trying to turn people against me. I don't know what she told you, but... I can tell that you're keeping your distance." She looked into my eyes, her expression filled with pain.I shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to respond. "Rachel, it's not that simple. I mean, I also wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to cause any conflict, and our schedules just didn't match up properly."

Rachel nodded slowly, her expression softening a bit. "I understand. It's just... I miss our friendship, and I hate that things have become so complicated."

I sighed, feeling the weight of the situation. "I hate it too. I don't want to choose sides, but it feels like I'm being pulled in different directions."

Rachel looked down, her voice quiet. "I know. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to choose."

I reached out and touched her arm lightly. "It's okay. I just want to understand what's really going on."

Rachel looked up, her eyes filled with a mixture of hope and sadness. "I just want a chance to have us get closer, despite, you know, others' opinions. I mean, the others also think you're pretty cool," Rachel said, giving me a small smile.

I smiled back, feeling a bit of the tension ease. "I'd like that too, Rachel. It's been hard trying to navigate all of this, but I don't want to lose a potential friend because of misunderstandings."

Rachel's smile widened, her eyes brightening. "Exactly. We're all just trying to figure things out, and high school can be tough enough without all this drama."

"Agreed," I said with a nod. "Maybe we can all find a way to get along eventually. For now, let's just take things one step at a time."

Rachel looked relieved. "That sounds good. And if you ever want to hang out, just let me know. We can always find time, even if our schedules are crazy."

"I'd like that," I replied. "Thanks, Rachel."

As Rachel walked away, I found myself smiling even more, the vision of me and Rachel becoming close again fills me with joy, being able to be friends with her despite everything would be amazing.

"Everything okay?" Max asked, his tone concerned.

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "Just sorting some things out."Sophie chimed in as she read an article. "Good. Now, how about we start reading some of these articles?"

"Oh right," I said with a smile. Thanks to Rachel's conversation, I felt much more at ease and light.

Max, who was sitting beside me, gave me an unreadable look. His eyes narrowed as if observing me, and he smirked as if he had figured something out. He gave me a nudge and chuckled, "You seem to be in a good mood after Rachel's conversation. Did she propose or something?"

I felt my face heat up and looked down, flustered. "Hardly. We just talked things out a bit. It was nice to clear the air."

Max raised an eyebrow. "Clear the air, huh? Sounds serious." He gave a mocking serious expression, then turned to me smirking. "Then why are you blushing?"

I felt my face heat up even more and looked down, flustered. "I'm not blushing!" I protested, though I knew it was a futile attempt.

Sophie hushed us and giggled. "We're in the library."

I rolled my eyes in an attempt to play it cool, "we were just clearing things up, it's nothing too much."

"I would've normally asked if she threatened you or something but then again, you were smiling ear to ear when you returned," Max replies while reading which earns him an elbow to gut.

Sophie looked up from her article, curious, while Max still recovered from the elbow to the gut. "So, does this mean we'll all be hanging out together?"

I smile at the thought and nodded, "hopefully, I mean it depends if she's comfortable."

"Doubt it," Max chimed in wincing, "Rachel and Maeve has this tension, and it would be like playing with fire."

"I know," my face slightly drops as I read the article, "but maybe in the future you know? Maybe we can all get along."

Sophie gave me a reassuring smile. "Well, we'll take it one step at a time. If you think it's worth it, then we'll try to make it work."

Max sighed, still rubbing his side where I had elbowed him. "Yeah, I guess. Just don't expect miracles."

I nodded, appreciating their support despite the complicated dynamics. "Thanks, guys. I just want things to be as normal as they can be."

Max grinned. "Normal? In high school? Good luck with that."

We all laughed, and the tension eased as we returned to our articles. As we continued our research, I couldn't help but feel more optimistic about the future. It wouldn't be easy, but maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to balance my friendships and navigate the complicated social dynamics of high school.