Entry 16: Tangled Connections

Just as I was starting to relax, my phone buzzed again, the vibration cutting through the easy flow of our conversation. I sighed, feeling a twinge of frustration as I glanced at the screen. Another message from Maeve. It felt like no matter how hard I tried to keep things separate, she was determined to pull me back into her orbit.

Maeve: Joanne…

Her message was short, almost accusing, and it made my heart sink a little. I took a deep breath before responding, trying to keep my tone light even though I could feel the tension creeping back into my shoulders.

Joanne: Don't be like that, I always hang out with you guys at school.

I hit send, watching as the three little dots appeared on the screen, signaling that Maeve was typing a response. It didn't take long for her next message to come through, and when it did, it felt like a slap.

Maeve: I already warned you about her.

I could feel my chest tightening, a mix of anger and hurt swirling inside me. It wasn't like Maeve to be so direct, so harsh. I glanced over at Rachel, who was lying back on the grass, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the warmth of the sun. I didn't want to ruin this moment with her, but I couldn't just ignore Maeve either.

Joanne: Maeve, we're fine… I'M fine. You don't have to worry about me whenever I'm with Rachel.

I stared at the words on my screen, feeling the weight of them. It was true—I was fine with Rachel, more than fine. But convincing Maeve of that was going to be a whole different challenge.

I glanced at my phone, watching the typing icon appear and disappear multiple times, as if Maeve was struggling with what to say next. The pause in her response made my heart race a little faster, a knot forming in my stomach.

Joanne: I understand you two had a complicated past, but I'm sure it's different this time, okay? I'm not trying to replace you or anyone else.

I hesitated before typing the next part, knowing it was a delicate balance I had to strike between reassuring Maeve and not downplaying my friendship with Rachel.

Joanne: I just need you to trust me on this. I'm happy, Maeve. And I want you to be happy for me too.

I sent the message, my fingers lingering over the screen for a moment. I knew this conversation wasn't going to be easy, but I hoped that maybe—just maybe—Maeve would understand where I was coming from. As I waited for her response, I glanced over at Rachel, who was now propped up on one elbow, watching me with a curious expression.

"Hey..you good?" she asked softly, clearly sensing the tension in my posture.

I forced a small smile, not wanting to drag her into the middle of this. "Yeah, just confused on a group project." I replied, my tone as casual as I could manage.

"YOU? Confused on a project?" She asks as she sits up with a playful smirk and raised eyebrow.

Rachel's playful smirk and raised eyebrow made me chuckle despite the tension that still lingered in the back of my mind. "Yeah, believe it or not," I replied, rolling my eyes in mock exasperation. "Even I get stuck sometimes."

She laughed, the sound light and carefree. "Well, that's a first. Maybe I should be the one tutoring you for a change," she teased, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Don't get too excited," I shot back, playfully nudging her. "I'm not ready to hand over my title just yet."

Rachel grinned, her teasing expression softening as she looked at me. "Seriously though, if you ever need help, I'm here. You've done so much for me; it's the least I can do."

I appreciated her offer more than she knew. Just hearing her say that made me feel a little lighter. "I'll keep that in mind Rachel, thank you."

Before she could respond, my phone buzzed again in my hand, pulling my attention back to the ongoing conversation with Maeve. I glanced down, and sure enough, another message had come through.

Maeve: I'm not trying to be difficult, Joanne. I just don't want to see you get hurt. You mean a lot to me, and I feel like she's taking you away.

I sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and guilt. I knew Maeve cared about me, but her protectiveness was starting to feel suffocating. I didn't want to hurt her, but I also couldn't ignore how much Rachel had come to mean to me.

Joanne: I'm not going anywhere, Maeve. You're still my friend, and that's not going to change. I just need you to trust me on this.

I hesitated before sending the message, hoping that it would help reassure her. When I finally pressed send, I glanced back at Rachel, who was still watching me with a curious, but patient expression.

"Are you REALLY sure that everything's alright?" she asked again, her tone more serious this time.

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the situation but determined not to let it ruin our time together. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Just... juggling a lot right now."

Rachel nodded, her gaze understanding as she reached over to gently squeeze my hand. "I get it. Just know that I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Her touch and words were comforting, grounding me in the moment. "Thanks."

She smiled, giving my hand another squeeze before letting go. "Now, how about we forget about all that and focus on something fun? Like finding the perfect movie to laugh at tonight."

I smiled back, grateful for the distraction. "Sounds like a plan."

As we began scrolling through movie options on her phone, I tried to push the conversation with Maeve to the back of my mind. When Rachel and I finally said our goodbyes, I felt a mix of emotions. I was happy to have spent time with her, but the unresolved tension with Maeve weighed on me. As I walked home, I pulled out my phone and stared at Maeve's message again, knowing that I needed to find a way to make things right with her without complicating things with Rachel.