clarisse

In the Uzumaki Estate's basement...

A man with white eyes was hanging upside-down by his feet. A boy no older than 13 was standing on a cat walk next to the man.

"No, you can't do this. My IMAGE will be broken forever!" The man with white eyes exclaimed.

The boy laughed evilly. "You should have thought of that before you mentally and verbally abused Hinata," he retorted as he pulled a lever.

The man was lowered into what appeared to be a huge cauldron full of Type 2 Smilex...

"NO!" He screamed.

"No one will hear your screams. HAHAHAHA!"

Suddenly, the boy pulled the lever in the other direction. The white-eyed man was coughing and wheezing. When he was finished returning to a normal breathing pattern, he was quite puzzled.

"Why am I not laughing uncontrollably?"

"What? You thought that was Smilex? Naw. It was pink hair dye."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

THE END

The Laughing Fox

by Lord Dragon Claw

Disclaimer: I've just disclaimed Batman in front of a bunch of handicapped boys! Now someone get me Santa Claus!!

Key: "Japanese." ")English.("

Chapter Seven: Clarisse

Naruto awakened to the sound of Tsunami screaming to please don't kill her son or else she'll bite her own tongue off.

At first, Naruto was pissed as he looked at a nearby clock to see what time it was. He instantly knew he had been left behind, but at least there was amusement somewhere nearby. Perhaps Kurenai-sensei had anticipated this? Manipulative woman.

Naruto got up and silently dressed himself and readied his weapons pouch. He could hear Inari crying as he apparently regained consciousness. Suddenly, the boy stopped crying. Naruto could hear the sound of a kitchen drawer opening. He heard a knife being removed from the drawer. The front door opened again. Naruto looked out the window to see the boy running with a steak knife in hand.

That kid has guts.

You said it. I wonder if it was something I said?

Evidently, it was.

Well, let's go have some fun!

You're going to kill the broad's kidnappers? Clearly, the Kyubi was confused.

Yeah. Wanna make something of it?

No thanks. I'm good.

You're learning; I'm so proud!

Your sarcasm is blistering.

You're welcome!

With that, Naruto pursued the kidnappers while making sure that Inari didn't notice him.

Waraji and Zouri were bored out of their minds. Sure, they got to kill a pig on the way to kidnapping Tsunami, but then they didn't get to kill the brat. No matter.

Suddenly, a rock hit Waraji in the back. Inari then demanded that his mother be set free. The swordsmen turned to see that the brat had followed them and was holding a pitifully dull steak knife as a weapon. Tsunami again threatened to end her own life if they harmed her son, but Waraji quickly knocked her out before she could make good on her threat. Meanwhile, Zouri began walking towards the boy, hand on his sword. Inari charged him, but before either person got within striking distance of the other, a sound like thunder echoed in the immediate area. Zouri's head exploded to his right in a mess of meat, bone, brains, and blood as a heavy lead object traveled through it at incredibly high velocities. His body fell to its knees, and then fell face-down, making a pool of blood and gore under him.

Inari was scared as Hell. Then a familiar psychotic laugh echoed out and Naruto suddenly appeared on top of Zouri's corpse, a large, straight metal object with a wooden handle in his hand. On the top of the object, an orange smiley-face had been painted.

"Say 'hello', Clarisse," said Naruto creepily as he pulled the trigger. Waraji's head exploded backwards. His corpse similarly fell backwards when his knees went limp.

"Naruto?"

"What?"

"Thank you!"

Naruto was confused. He didn't know why Inari was thanking him. He guessed correctly that it had something to do with saving the boy's life as well as rescuing his mother.

"Well, you got guts, kid. How about you go and get a lynch mob together? I'm going to the bridge now. Bye bye!"

With that, Naruto disappeared. Inari was a little confused - he didn't know what a lynch mob was. He then determined that he should get the villagers together so that they all could fight as well.

Naruto reloaded Clarisse as he made his way to the bridge. He had used two slugs against the samurai, and he loaded his shotgun with a shot cartridge and another slug. He was still a little pissed that his teammates had left him behind.

As he approached the bridge, he made note of the thick mist that had gathered. He also saw a dome made of ice. Naruto prepared a kunai...

Hinata was worried. She was stuck inside the dome of Makyou Hyou Shou (Demonic Ice Mirrors) that Haku had put up. She was having difficulty predicting Haku's next move as he moved faster than her Byakugan could track. She had a number of senbon needles sticking through her body.

She knew that Shino and Kurenai-sensei were facing off against Zabuza and having difficulty. She didn't know what to do.

Experimentally, she threw a kunai at one of the gaps in the mirrors. Haku reached out of a mirror and caught it only to have his mask hit by another kunai thrown from outside the dome. Haku fell out of the mirror and was temporarily stunned.

Curious as to what had happened, both Zabuza and Kurenai turned their attention towards the ice dome just in time to see Naruto land while making hand seals.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

Two laughing voices were heard. One was loud and guttural whereas the other was deep and creepy. As the smoke cleared, a giant two-headed hyena was seen.

"The Bird of Hermes is our name," began the hyena's right head. Its voice was the loud and guttural one. Its empty eye sockets glowed red and orange and spouted smoke.

"Eating our wings to make us tame," finished the other head. Its voice was deep and creepy, as if it were the voice of the dead. Its empty eye sockets dripped with blood and glowed a sickly purple.

"They were delicious!" said Naruto from the back of The Bird of Hermes. Both heads laughed at Naruto's joke.

"I doubt we have met before," began the left head. "My name is Pluto."

"And mine is Vulcan. So, who are we to kill?"

"See the guy with the big sword?" Both heads nodded. "I want you to kill him, but I want the sword intact. Have fun!" Naruto leapt off of their back and landed on the topmost ice mirror.

Vulcan spat a fireball at Zabuza. The swordsman dodged. Pluto's mouth opened and many tentacles that were darker than the blackest night reached out to grasp the nukenin. Zabuza chopped through the tentacles with his sword but soon found that they almost instantly regenerated. He was able to get away from the tentacles only to have to dodge another fireball.

Pluto clamped his mouth shut, cutting the tentacles off, but the tentacles linked together to make a squid-like creature that continued to go after Zabuza. Pluto then turned his head towards Shino, Kurenai, and Tazuna.

"I want you three to get behind us - this is going to get ugly."

Pluto then turned back to the battle. Zabuza was busy dodging the dark squid and Vulcan's fireballs. Pluto inhaled deeply and spat out a pile of bones. The bones arranged themselves into three humanoid monstrosities. Each had a spear made entirely of bone. As they attacked, Vulcan inhaled deeply and spat a mass of flame on the ground in front of him. The flame took solid shape and became three metal humanoid monsters. They too attacked Zabuza.

Pluto began spitting bone projectiles at Zabuza whereas Vulcan went back to using his fireballs.

Naruto was trying to figure out a way into the dome without exposing himself to Haku's attacks when the mirror he was standing on suddenly spun, throwing him inside. He landed at Hinata's feet.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a trap like this?" said Naruto as he pulled his face off of the floor. Hinata blushed despite the pain from the senbon needles.

"Now I have two opponents," began Haku. "Which should I kill first?"

"Hi Ma'am!" replied Naruto. "Haven't seen you since the forest."

"You knew that it was me?"

"Well, duh."

"Naruto-kun..."

"What is it Hinata?"

"This boy moves faster than my eyes can track."

"Really? I guess I should speed up too."

Naruto pulled his pant legs up, revealing that his shins and calves were covered in training weights. He quickly unbuckled them and threw them at two of the mirrors. When they collided with the mirrors, said sheets of ice cracked. Then the weights fell to the ground and cracked the tiles that covered the top of the bridge.

Naruto then revealed that his forearms were similarly covered in weights when he slid the sleeves of his jacket up his arms. He quickly removed those weights and threw them at another pair of mirrors, eliciting a similar reaction from both the mirrors and the tiles.

Haku then made an attempt to attack while causing the four damaged mirrors to reform. Naruto dodged and tried to punch the long-haired boy in the gut, narrowly missing.

"Wow. You're still faster than me."

Haku ignored him. Haku decided to try and make for another attack. Naruto narrowly missed with his counterattack. When Haku made another pass, Naruto threw a halibut at the boy, narrowly missing yet again. Hinata, however, managed to nick Haku's right arm with her Juuken, paralyzing it. When Haku made another pass, Hinata tried to hit him again. She missed, but Naruto managed to give the boy a boot to the head. When the long-haired boy hit the ground, he decided to finish off the girl so that he could concentrate on Naruto. He threw a number of needles at Hinata. Naruto's eyes went wide as he wasn't able to stop the needles. He looked at the girl.

"N-n-naruto-kun... I l-love..." she said just before she passed out and collapsed.

Naruto turned to Haku, severe hatred and rage in his eyes.

"You stupid fox," began Naruto quietly. "Gimme your power. GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!"

Fearing Naruto's ire, Kyubi complied. Naruto's eyes became slits and red. His nails lengthened into claws. His hair became much wilder. His canines lengthened into fangs. The whisker marks on his cheeks became darker. His mouth became a snarling, toothy grin that unsettled Haku to the core of his being. Red chakra exploded from Naruto's body as he gave a primal scream, shattering all of the ice mirrors. Naruto leapt at Haku and began to beat the boy into a bloody pulp.

"This is the way we

"Beat your face!

"Beat your face!

"Beat your face!

"This is the way we

"Beat your face!

"For revenge this fine mor-ning!"

Shino, Tazuna, and Kurenai witnessed Naruto's rage as he beat the Hell out of Haku. When Haku could barely move, Naruto pulled out Clarisse and pumped Haku's heart full of shot.

Noticing Hinata, Kurenai ran to the girl's motionless body. Just before she was able to touch the girl, Naruto was there.

"Don't. Touch. Her." Naruto was still pissed and sad. Kurenai complied with his command. Slowly, the red chakra dissipated and Naruto's body returned to normal.

The blonde leaned over and kissed Hinata's pale lips. As he began to stand up, Kurenai could see tears streaming down Naruto's face.

"Get those needles out of her, and be careful," commanded Naruto. "Shino, let's go kill a swordsman."

As the boys went towards the fight between The Bird of Hermes and Zabuza, Kurenai pulled a needle out of Hinata's neck. Suddenly, the Hyuga girl gasped for air. She was still alive!

Zabuza had finally managed to find a way to kill the dark squid thing, and had destroyed two of the metal monsters and all three of the bone creatures. The third metal creature was incapacitated, and Zabuza was attempting to keep The Bird of Hermes from creating any more monsters.

Suddenly, a swarm of bugs started buzzing around the swordsman's head, biting and stinging him. He couldn't ignore them, and he realized that someone was standing behind him. Before he could react, a pair of kunai had been jabbed into each arm, forcing him to drop his sword. As it fell, Zabuza kicked it towards The Bird of Hermes. Neither Pluto nor Vulcan were able to catch the blade, and Vulcan's neck was sliced. Fearing for their life, they returned to the world of summons, taking the remains of the dark squid, the skeletons, and the metal monsters with them.

"You're finished," stated Naruto emotionlessly. Suddenly, they all heard laughing coming from the unfinished end of the bridge. Everyone turned to see a gang of thugs with Gatou in their midst.

"Zabuza," began the crime lord. "I knew you wouldn't be able to complete your mission, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. Since everyone here is tired or dead, it wouldn't be all that hard for my men to kill you all. Additionally, I won't have to pay you if you happen to be killed in the melee. So, baby demon, what does it feel like to feel fear?"

"Hey kid," said Zabuza. "Lend me a kunai."

"Sure," said Naruto before stabbing the swordsman in the heart with it.

"W-why?" asked the nukenin.

"Because your ally killed my girl. Now shut up and die already!" Naruto twisted the kunai as he drove it deeper.

Gatou laughed. Naruto then turned his anger towards the crime lord.

"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!" yelled the blonde in an entirely too happy manner. He pulled out Clarisse and shot the slug towards Gatou. The little man's head exploded, and the man behind him was hit in the heart. Both died instantly.

"Now you've gone and done it!" yelled one of the thugs. "You just killed our source of a paycheck, so we'll take our revenge out on you!"

Suddenly, said thug fell over, a crossbow bolt sticking out from between his eyes. Everyone turned to look at the other end of the bridge to see all of the villagers standing there with various weapons and tools. Inari was the one holding the crossbow.

"Good shot," complimented Naruto.

"Thanks," replied the young boy. The blonde turned to the thugs and touched the palm of his left hand. A pie appeared.

"Kagebunshin!"

Twenty Narutos appeared, each holding a pie. They launched the projectiles at the thugs, each pie hitting one in the face. Screams of agony were heard as the men who had been hit by a pie had their faces dissolved by a powerful acid. The remaining thugs began jumping off of the bridge and onto a boat. The boat sped away, but didn't get far before Naruto pulled a bundle of strange orange sticks out of his jacket. He pulled a tag off of the strings that were attached to the sticks, and hurled it at the boat. The sticks exploded just as they hit the deck, destroying the boat and killing everyone on board.

Naruto went over to where Kurenai was crouched near Hinata; all of the senbon needles had been removed. Naruto's eyes went wide as he saw that Hinata's eyes were open and she was breathing.

"Hinata?"

"Y-yes N-naruto-kun?"

Naruto pinched his cheek.

"Ow. I'm not dreaming. I'M NOT DREAMING! YOU'RE ALIVE!!" Naruto had a grin on his face, but it wasn't a creepy or scary grin - it was a smile of genuine joy.

He began to jump around, obviously happy and excited. As he expressed his happiness, he collected his weaponry and his training weights. He restored said items to their proper places and went over to where Zabuza's sword lay. He hefted the weapon over his shoulder and then walked to where Hinata was, grin still on his face. He placed the sword's hilt inside his jacket, and it disappeared in a puff of smoke. He then picked the girl up and began to carry her back to Tazuna's house.

After Hinata had recovered, and after the bodies (or parts thereof) of the dead (those that could be located) had been buried (Zabuza's and Haku's were side-by-side), the bridge had been repaired and finished. Tazuna declared that the bridge would be named the Naruto Bridge. Naruto laughed his head off when he heard that.

Kurenai and her students said goodbye to the Wave Country, and headed for home. Naruto and Hinata were walking together, hand-in-hand.