Episode 13

It was a day that felt like he was under a curse. But in fact, no one cursed him, so Cassel just anxiously counted down the days until his vacation.

If anyone had cursed anyone, it would have been himself, who had told such a useless and strange lie in his dreams. There was no one to blame, and the curse was becoming increasingly distant.

Cassel no longer attempted fruitless rendezvous. It was not so much that he had lost the will to resist the Ines of his dreams as that he had become realistic about the damage it would do to his reputation.

It was already dangerous enough with just three failures. Now, it seems to have been dismissed as 'I was too proud to feel sorry, so I didn't feel like doing it.'

Cassel's mind was filled with hopeful thoughts that when he returned to the coast of Calstera, all would be lost, with productive hopes, and with the expectation that when he was physically separated from Ines Ballestena, his head would naturally find stability.

'…We need to get away from Mendoza as soon as possible.'

If things continued like this, I might one day be on my knees in the Ballestena family's living room begging my fiancée, who was like a crow. I know it's rude and impolite before marriage, but please, just once, let me be with you… Just thinking about it made me horny.

But on the other hand, I end up feeling like I could pray if she just nods.

Cassel looked at Ines' empty seat with a nervous sigh. The invitation to the concert that the Marquis Vicente had sent them together had ended in half rejection as usual.

The natural consequence is that he attends and his fiancée does not.

She had acted only according to the bare minimum since childhood. She was just as timid as any social interaction. She was already famous for her impertinent behavior, not thinking of moving unless called by the palace, and even then, occasionally refusing.

Everyone invites her, despite all the gossip about her, saying things like, "Look at that rudeness," because her rare presence elevates the value of the event.

And because she had let down the Marchioness Vicente's expectations, he had to explain again today by lying about Ines' circumstances, which he did not know about.

It was okay though. It was better than being tortured by Ines' side.

Why are a man's head and lower body so separate?

In his head, he warned Ines Ballestena not to go any further than this, because only she could accept it if she was crazy, but his body was tormented by the urge to rush to Ballestena's house and rip all of his fiancée's old-fashioned dress apart. He wanted to see that neat face all messed up. He wanted to swallow the lips that said they didn't like him. He wanted to see the naked body in his dreams… … .

'… This is usually not dangerous.'

It was dangerous. It was dangerous in many ways. If he had not been assigned some petty duty as a petty lord, he would have returned to Calstera and stayed in the garrison.

Cassel gritted his teeth as he absentmindedly watched the piano playing of the Marquis Vicente, who was just making do with a couple of excellent musicians.

I shouldn't have come here in the first place. Just seeing Ines' empty seat would rekindle my dirty imagination.

For example, while she is sitting elegantly and appreciating the performance, you kneel down at her feet, lift up her dress, and bury your face between her legs… caress her vagina like that and cry like a dog. Please, just once… .

'…Fuck, why am I begging again? I'm not even a beggar… … .'

Cassel shook his head and rested his forehead on the thought that had now invaded his imagination, which had been completely filthy.

Well, I had to think again.

The wilderness will surely come someday. And that too in the near future.

And they will be forced to sleep together for the rest of their lives. That's how all Escalante couples live, even if they don't love each other.

In this perfect… no, good, no, just obvious future, why should I beg you to sleep with me just once?

He tried to think confidently.

First, it was such a ridiculous thing to do. Second, to himself? To Ines? It was a ridiculous picture. Third, Ines Ballestena had to sleep with him whether he liked her or not. For the rest of her life. Until she died. It was so boring.

Contrary to what he had always thought of as a monastic future, it didn't seem so bad now. And that was exactly what hurt Cassel's pride.

In the end, no matter how much I control myself with rational thinking, the part of me that feels lust for Ines is like a broken lower body that cannot be fixed. I just cannot admit it. Why am I, just… .

"Sorry, I'm late."

Cassel stiffly turned his head and looked at the seat next to him at the quiet voice that sounded like a lie.

"I was trying to come on time, but Luciano… … ."

Ines kept her lips shut, wondering how people were so surprised by her appearance that they were ignoring her performance and just staring in her direction.

But Cassel couldn't close his slightly parted lips and just stared blankly at her.

My heart was pounding like it was broken. I was sure I was now horny and couldn't distinguish between reality.

I'm horny, my heart is racing.

Cassel looked down at her face in embarrassment, then paled as he remembered himself with his head buried beneath the hem of her dress.

At that moment, Ines' hand gently pushed his face forward so that he was facing forward. Damn, this hand again, why isn't it wearing gloves... ... .

"…Why did you come?"

Cassel asked in a low whisper, looking straight ahead. She took out her fan and waved it around, responding in the same low voice.

"Because Your Majesty will come."

"What the… damn it, that's enough."

It seemed like a dream, but it wasn't a dream. I could tell just by the feeling of the tips of my short fingernails digging into my flesh inside my tightly clenched fist.

If possible, I didn't want to see Ines again until the end of the vacation, but if there was one thing I hoped for when I did see her, it was that reality was different from my dreams.

In fact, the Ines in the dream is so idealized, so obscene, so vulgar, so seductively exaggerated that—he is deeply disappointed in the real Ines and never becomes horny again.

No, of course, in the bedroom, you need to feel a certain amount of desire to produce a successor… … but wouldn't it be better to just maintain a certain amount of dignity? Anything.

"Sir, please be respectful and refrain from such behavior in public settings."

Yes, dignity. The dignity that Ines had instilled in him since childhood.

Cassel had never experienced days so driven by desire. He had never known regret or hunger for anything. Everything was given to him before he wanted it. And before any woman wanted her, she wanted him first.

In those peaceful days, there were no particularly memorable experiences or women. There was no reason to give his heart to a woman he would never marry, or feel love for her. Contrary to Oscar's harsh assessment, he had been quite rational since childhood. So it was somewhat fortunate that the first protagonist of his shallow dreams was the woman he would marry.

But the fact that I was being swayed like this, and that I was not just living faithfully to my wife because I was married, but that I had no choice but to look forward to a future where I could say, 'I can't get an erection from other women, so I have no choice but to live like this,' was equally irritating.

This is, so to speak, a question of choice and ability.

It could be done anyhow—it could be biologically possible to sleep with another woman anyhow—but the will, the morality, the trust, the formality of the highest nobility… … not to do so.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know why, but you seemed a little shocked… … ."

Oh, a guy I don't even like? Shock...? Why me? He tried to ignore the petty and frivolous questions that came to his mind in an instant.

Then, no suitable response came to mind. While Cassel glared at the players in front of him, Ines spoke quietly again.

"So I thought I should see you once before the end of my vacation. I was wondering if there was any misunderstanding."

She just said she didn't like him. So it wasn't worth wasting energy on. It wasn't worth killing him to betray him... Is there any room for misunderstanding here?

Cassel responded nonchalantly.

"You can see it anywhere, even if it's not a place like this."

"There's no need to make a separate space just to see each other."

"… … ."

It felt like I'd been hit in the head again, this time with something like a chunk of metal.

"… Ah, we're not meant to be like that?"

"No, I don't have any serious business… Did I offend you again?"

"Why is it '경' again?"

"Shall I call you Captain Escalante?"

"I feel uncomfortable with formal language. It's gross. Don't do it. It makes me look like I'm the only one being treated unfairly."

"what's the matter?"

"You're listening well this time."

Ines frowned when he said that without answering her question.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

It wasn't that hard not to imagine her naked body, not after feeling like I'd been hit in the head.

Sure, I thought so.

"Escalante?"

Ines tilted her head toward him as if studying Cassel's face. Her face stopped just a hand's length away. Without warning.

At that moment, Cassel's breath stopped.

It looked prettier than in my dreams.