Vol 1 Prologue - Final Testimony

What happens after death?

That was a question almost anyone would have been familiar with. A question that everyone would eventually ask at least once in their lives. A question that some of the greatest had tackled ever since the first humans gained sapience. Every culture and every religion, both dead and alive, had claimed to give an answer to this question.

Truly, it was that important. To the point that one could be defined by how they viewed such a subject.

People who were entirely materialistic would say that nothing came after death. They believed that there was no afterlife, that faith and good deeds would bring us nowhere after we took our last breath. We would become dust and our molecules would be reused for the birth of new life elsewhere.

People who were religious would say that there was something that happened after death. We would go to either Heaven or Hell, or any other afterlife one's beliefs might dictate. It would truly depend on one's faith and what they had accomplished in life to attain such reward, or punishment.

Others would say that we would reincarnate. That depending on specific circumstances, we would either be reborn as another person, or something else entirely. The laws of karma would apply here, whether good or bad.

There were many thoughts and feelings that one would have whenever this one specific question was asked. But, truly, it was something that was almost impossible to know the real answer to. If so...why would one try to find out?

Why would one want to escape their current lives, to be released from their predicament, to be liberated from their bodies and minds?

Why would someone want that sort of decision to be acted upon?

Varying reasons, that would be the answer. But those varying reasons were ones that would lead to one conclusion and one conclusion only; they wanted to escape.

Whatever that might lay ahead, these people who chose to not live anymore, they were the ones that had suffered. They were the ones that found no more meaning in life. No reason to continue.

The most arrogant and full of themselves would call these people cowards. The most empathetic would be saddened for them. The most indifferent, simply a passing pity.

But for her specifically...

"This is it, huh?"

It was a decision that only the most desperate would make. An option that only the most fearless would take. A choice that only people who had nothing else would choose. It was truly one of the hardest things to do as well, at least for her.

She had persevered for so long, she had found glimmers of hope that her life could improve. But, to what point did that matter in the end? Despair had taken over her, it was simply just not fair.

She had heard from somewhere, when she was naught but a child, that giving up was easy, that it didn't suit those that chose to fight for the ones they held dear. But to what end did that matter? If one was powerless against their fate, what else could they do?

She had no power. She had no wealth. No influence. Barely any friends.

Pathetic, that's what she was. A sorry excuse of a daughter, that's what her mother would say. A pity, that's what most people in her life would deem her as.

Standing upon the ledge of a building, looking over the skyline of the city in the midst of its nightlife, the girl whose name did not matter anymore contemplated her life for the final time.

She was born 19 years ago to a well-off family, and for the first 7 years of her life, she was happy. Just like any other child, she experienced an ordinary childhood. She had her own favourite dolls, her own favourite show, her own favourite food and drink. A hatred for broccoli, a dislike for gross boys, a love for her mother and father.

But after tragedy had struck, when her father died in an unfortunate accident, things rapidly fell down. Like a jenga tower, the crucial piece caused the entire structure to crumble. Her mother soon fell into despair, never escaping her grief and went straight into anger.

Instead of rationality, she blamed her own daughter for ruining her life. Knowing that if her father hadn't tried to go back home early to give gifts for her, he wouldn't have died. Indeed, a trivial reason for why the young girl, powerless against fate, would be at fault.

She found it funny, to say the least. She laughed for a brief moment in remembrance of that event. But of course, it did not stop there.

For the next several years, despite her mother's hatred, despite the fact that they were no longer well-off, she managed to get an education. Living off of her mother's dishonest and undoubtedly filthy work, basically a prostitute, she was able to study and open her eyes to the wider world at large.

But, because of how she had lived the years prior, she was never able to make any friends. That sort of notion persisted for quite a while, it's a marvel how she hadn't left the place in search of another. Perhaps the escape from her hellish life pushed her forward. It was something to look forward to.

Eventually, she was able to make a friend, another girl, who lived a far happier life than her. It was one of the brightest events she had in a while, the brightest it had ever been since the very peaks of her early childhood. But now...why did it matter?

She had no worth to speak of, that's why her mother hated her. She wasn't special, at least not anymore in her eyes. This reasoning was kept clear in her mind every day. It was like she had no family to speak of, just an older woman she lived with.

But in any case, after she had made that new friend, whose name was Violet, an exchange student from Britain, her life slightly turned for the better. More things to look forward to, more things to do outside of her home. Something to be positive about.

But, once again, even after that fact, a few days ago tragedy struck again. To say the least, after taking Violet's advice on how to heal her bond with her mother, she decided to go and visit her at work. Her mother did not have a good reaction, at all.

She said to her that she ruined the moment, that she was nothing but a waste. She was nothing but a hole that kept sucking in their desolate wealth. It was a disaster, a blunder, fitting for an imperfect girl that she was, she thought to herself.

With tears in her eyes, she left her mother to her own devices. She left not for home, but for nowhere else. For days she decided to starve herself, to torture herself for her mistake of a life. She had been conditioned to think so, to feel so, to be so.

No one paid attention to the girl lying in wait, the most flawed of damsels in distress. At this point, she wondered why she wasn't even taken advantage of either. Perhaps because she wasn't even worth that? Who knew at this point. It didn't matter in the end.

For this...this was what it all led to.

"Suicide."

Another word spoken, a simple yet powerful word. A harrowing word. Even in the current state of her own mind, it brought fear to her heart.

What would Violet think of this, she wondered, tears in her eyes streaming down as she thought so.

It was...no matter.

In the end, she was nothing, right?

Her friend could always find another better girl to bond with. After all, she even said that she would eventually go back to her home country after the semester ended, moving schools and all due to her father's work.

At most, she was a footnote in her life. At best, she was a fleeting memory.

With a last smile on her face, feeling calm over her last and final decision, she took a step, and let herself fall.

She heard a fading scream from behind, but it didn't matter. She could feel that someone was trying to save her, it didn't matter. She was about to be free, she was going to answer that lingering question that everyone else had asked themselves in their lives.

Truly, what happens after death?

Would she become nothing more than a rotting corpse, soiled in blood and decaying, left with nothing but an eternity of nothingness?

Would she be granted access to Heaven as compensation for her despair and clinging on for so long, or would she be granted punishment in Hell for her mistakes and final act of sin?

Would she become another being in this world, released from all despair, but still tied to the cycle of karma that she had to pay for?

There were many thoughts and feelings that one would have whenever this one specific question was asked. But, truly, it was something that was almost impossible to know the real answer to. If so...why would one try to find out?

This was her reason, that she was nothing, that she was a mistake better left corrected, a laughable life that thought she was something more. Her thoughts and feelings over this very question were rather bittersweet, but they were her own.

A final thought to the world at large, one of gratitude for bringing her here.

"Here I shall write my final testimony: thank you for everything, sorry for any wrong that I have done. I hope you live on well without me."