Wishing

A gloomy day, a rainy day. The halls had been cleaned out already, and the last call of the school bell had sounded a few hours ago. Classes were empty, students had already gone home, and the staff that maintained the institution had also done their last bit of paperwork, readying themselves to leave.

It was already past the time to leave school, but this particular girl, around 18 years of age, pushing 19, had yet to do so.

She was staring at the window, at her own reflection. She was nothing spectacular, albeit possessing a cute face still. Black hair and brown eyes, a small frown was present, her eyes showing no signs of a youthful dream. They were dull, as if in dread.

She didn't want to go back. Her brows furrowed in frustration thinking that thought, perhaps she could stay here for the night; her mother was never constantly home anyway. She had ignored and neglected her own daughter the moment she started middle school. It had always been like this ever since then.

She figured that idea could work. It was a dumb idea, but there were cases where students did so out of their own volition, or by accident. Nothing crazy, just a one-time thing… probably.

Was it actually illegal to do so? Would she get scolded if she chose to do that sort of thing?

She didn't want to go home. She wanted to run away if she could, but she had no means of sustaining herself at all. She had no present family nearby either. All of them lived far away, thanks to her parents moving to this city after their wedding.

She sighed, fixed her bag, and took a few deep breaths as if to calm herself. It was a stupid idea to stay here. She would try to be more positive, as told by her friend. Maybe things could brighten up a little, maybe her mother had left some money again that she could pick up and save.

With that said, she turned herself around, ready to walk down the hallway of the almost empty school. It was nearing the end of the semester and encroaching towards exams. There were no particular extracurricular activities present because of it. Maybe she could stay over at her friend's house for the night?

That was certainly a choice, one she had never exactly tried before, but one that she could ask by her own volition.

"I wonder…"

Her train of thought was cut short. Her trek of leaving the main hallway of the school was cut short. Purple hair and deep blue eyes, kneeling in front of an opened locker, tying her shoes. That's what the eyes of this girl now saw, near the end of the hallway she walked down from. Those features, she couldn't help but mutter the words…

"Violet?" she said, a bit appalled.

The girl that was called out stood up and turned around, with a smile on her face as she saw her. "Took you long enough."

"...Didn't think you would actually wait for me," she responded.

Usually, the two of them would go home almost immediately together. It was perhaps because of the rain and her being all confused about her life that caused Violet to wait in the first place.

Violet chuckled slightly, before responding in a rather cheerful tone in contrast to both her friend and the current weather. "Really now? You know I would be a bad friend if I chose to abandon you, right?"

"...right." She really hadn't thought of that notion before. Internally though, despite the slight surprise, she was glad.

The two girls now walked side by side towards the main doors of the school they both attended. As they stood there, they could hear the sound of rain falling more clearly. It wasn't anything too harsh, but they didn't want to risk getting wet by stepping outside. At least she wouldn't want that, because Violet was usually driven home by her father at times like this.

"You know, we should definitely go play that new RPG game back in my place once the weekends hit. It could be used as a way to spend our last moments together." Violet said, in her sing-songy tone.

"Really now? You think so?" She responded.

"Yeah! It'll be fun. Serves as a fun reminder and all."

"Hmm...sure, I'd like that."

Violet giggled at her approval, and turned her attention to the environment in front of them again. And as they waited and watched the rain, her friend asked.

"I…" The girl struggled to speak. "I have a question, if you don't mind."

"Hm?" Violet's expression exuded curiosity, tilting her head, her mouth slightly agape. Her friend was usually very quiet, almost passive even, but this was quite a unique situation. "Sure, I don't mind. What's up?"

"I wonder if…" She seemed to falter a little, grounding her thoughts into a halt. "...nevermind, it's…nothing serious. I doubt you would like it anyway, especially since you and your family are leaving by the end of the month…after the semester ends."

Violet was a bit disappointed, pouting. She sighed, and then looked towards the falling rain again, watching the small puddles form into larger ones as they got filled by the constant rush of raindrops. Then…she had something in mind to say. Something that could potentially help her friend if she chose to answer her.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" she said, her head turning towards her, her chest leaning forward a bit.

She turned her gaze towards her, making eye-contact before swiftly turning towards the rain again. "...sure."

The girl was a bit nervous, Violet knew it from expression alone. But a small smile still managed to present itself on her face.

The trickling rain died out, it seemed that the gloomy weather was fading out by itself after all. No need for Violet to be picked up, they together could walk towards their homes, at least until the crossing far ahead, where they would split off afterwards as usual.

The rays of sunlight pierced through the dark clouds, the cold wind dispersed by its warmth. The world brightened itself thanks to the light, and the people that did go outside with umbrellas in tow surely noticed it. They all proceeded to close them and go about their days as normal in turn.

But still, Violet continued on with her question. Calling out the name of her friend, she then said her words.

"What do you want to do?"

Confusion filled the girl's mind, for she could not answer. Her eyes showed no signs of a dream, but there was always a wish that she would want.

It was just something that she was all too afraid to act upon nor talk about. That was all.

————————

The world is beautiful, some might say. Marilyn was once quite confused about how that notion made sense, mostly because her past life did not grant such a miracle of a mindset to be had. In the first place, she never had an opportunity to develop such a thing.

But now, she understood why.

Both Marilyn and Helena had stumbled upon a path she had never noticed before, tucked away behind the overgrown hedges at the edge of the village. The narrow trail was lined with tall, whispering grasses that tickled her ankles as she walked, leading her away from the familiar sights and sounds of home, or the village for that matter.

And the further she ventured, the more the world around her seemed to change.

The path opened into a hidden meadow with a large lake in the middle, a secret haven apparently untouched by time. The sky above was a canvas of vibrant hues, painted with the warm glow of the setting sun. Rays of golden light filtered through the leaves of ancient oak trees, casting a dappled pattern on the ground. Flowers of every colour imaginable blanketed the meadow, even more so than the comparatively small village garden, their delicate petals swaying gently in the breeze.

Marilyn's breath caught in her throat as she took in the beauty before her. A soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips, the sun's warmth seeping into her skin. 

"So, how is it?" Her older sister turned to her as the two of them walked down a small hill and sat at its foot, staring at the peaceful scenery side by side.

"It's…beautiful," Marilyn replied. "When did you find this?"

Helena laughed, "Just recently, a few hours ago when you were still with Bethany."

She remembered now; so that's where she went to? Marilyn was staying with the maid of the family for a bit due to having no apparent interest in exploring the village more, but that idea was quickly shut down when Helena urged her to come out.

She was fortunate that she did not refuse her; this was worth it.

Helena continued, "Soooo, Marilyn. What do you want to do?"

The question caught her by surprise, the small smile disappearing because of it, but not out of sadness.

"What do you me—"

Right, she remembered once again now. They were here to play.

"Uhm…I don't know…" She began to think for a moment; what kind of games could they play here? Hide and seek maybe?

"I did ask you to play with me here, but uhh…I'd say we should just cancel that plan and just talk about what we want to do when we grow up," Helena said once again, looking towards the sky, her feet swaying side to side. "I always like the idea of being a knight, you know? It's just awesome to think about, swinging swords and saving people!"

"You got that idea from reading the novels our father bought, didn't you?"

"Yep!"

When it came to talking to her sister, Marilyn could be a bit less passive, but still, her tone remained polite. She pouted a little, but then again she hadn't read many of the books that were present in this world, so she couldn't judge whether they were a bad influence or not towards her older sister.

"So, little sis, what do you want to do?"

"That I…don't know…"

It was a question she hadn't thought about much even before this life. She remembered Violet's question recently because of this, but she had yet to attain an answer.

What did she want to do? What was her dream? What was her wish?

Dreams and wishes. Two similar concepts tied to each other, but possessing fundamental differences altogether. These two things were alien to the little girl right now, causing her to just blankly stare at the crystal-clear waters of the lake and the warm sunlight shining above it reflected upon its surface.

So maybe, she could just follow Helena's wish; that's what young children her age would do, right?

But she didn't want to be a knight; that life was not for her to take. In her previous life, she always had a dream of becoming someone better, someone capable. So perhaps…

"I want to try and help people, I guess," she said. "I just…don't know how."

She had yet to know herself and what she was capable of. She had been too busy with avoiding a potential bad future towards her family by acting as the opposite of her previous self as a kid, that she was blind towards her own heart and wants.

"Maybe that's why you seem quiet all the time, huh? You always want to help, but don't know how?" Helena asked her.

Marilyn gazed at her own feet, a small frown present upon her face. "...I just want to be obedient and be a good child…I don't want to make mother and father mad."

"Mother and father love us; you can always ask them to help with your dream." She asked again. "They're nice, you know that."

"Yes…" Tears were swelling up.

"So why don't you ask them to teach you how to help people?"

"I…" She was holding it in. "I'm stupid, aren't I? For not thinking this."

"Hm? How so?" Helena had yet to notice it but was still a bit concerned over her words.

"I guess it's because I haven't asked them yet." Using her small fingers, Marilyn wiped the tears off. She wouldn't cry; it was too embarrassing right now. "Or maybe…it's because I haven't asked myself…about what I want."

Some say humility is a virtue; most would agree on that. But to the point of not thinking about one's own wishes, it's detrimental. That's the realisation that the little girl had right now.

"I'm too scared. I know father is kind, I know mother is caring, but I'm too scared of what they might do if I do what I want."

"Marilyn…"

"I'm afraid of what might happen, if what I want might hurt them…" Those were the words she wanted to say, a summary of why she acted like this. She could not hold her tears back, and she cried silently, yet shamefully, like a child of her age.

Helena was certainly perplexed over the words she just heard. Father had always said that Marilyn was special, that she might not be what she seemed to be. She didn't understand why, but this could perhaps be a sign of that.

Whatever the case may be, she had to be a good sister for her. And with that said, she hugged her. Marilyn cried into her shoulders, and Helena could only console her and hold her close.

For a few moments, they held each other close, tears staining the older girl's clothes. But as soon as Marilyn's sobs died out for a short moment, Helena departed from her, and said to her,

"Let's head back, okay? I think we have enough time playing."

A more caring smile was given to her as Helena gave her a helping hand, standing up from the grass that she sat upon. And Marilyn, still sobbing, accepted it.

Dreams and wishes are something intangible, so malleable, always moulded by condition. But they can hold strong through one's own will and dedication. And at this very moment, the start of her own will, wanting to reach for her own wish, had just begun.