Chapter One

Fatalities surrounded me like a room with no windows and I felt as if I couldn't escape. I kept traveling despite the aching desperation for rest and eventually, I found myself in the cold unforgiving city of New York, where I met him. I hadn't known that this was where my story was going to end. One thing is for sure, no matter what comes my way, I am going to survive.

It was February 1st of 2019, and the memories of my past haunted my thoughts as I walked the warm streets of New York. I had no clue if I was going in the right direction, but I knew that my memories would guide me to my destination. Carrying only a backpack filled with necessities and a handful of cash on me, I began to trek down a winding road. Cars raced past me as the pavement led uphill where a pedestrian's crosswalk stopped me in my tracks. I pressed the button and waited for the signal to change. As I was waiting, I observed the streets before me. New York looked nothing like home, and I longed for the feeling of nostalgia, but I knew I wasn't going to find it here.

My stomach growled. Knowing I could suppress my hunger for the time being I kept scanning the road ahead for any hazards and even potential places to rest. As the signal changed, I carefully walked across the street, and I was finally rewarded when I laid my eyes upon a Subway. Heading toward the cluster of shops, I opened the door and walked inside the small building. Strong scents of freshly baked bread and warm cookies flooded my senses through a mask that covered my face as I walked toward the counter and observed the menu.

"Welcome to Subway. What can I get started for you today?"

A voice broke my gaze away from the menu before I locked eyes with the person before me. My heart began to pound in my chest as I felt waves of buried emotions rush over me like a tidal wave. I almost forgot how to breathe. I cleared my throat and began to salivate my dry mouth before I spoke.

"Yes, can I have a foot-long wheat with provolone cheese and black forest ham, toasted please?"

I couldn't understand what I was feeling but I knew I didn't trust it. Maybe it was just the shock of seeing someone that resembled him so much or maybe it was just the fact I was so used to keeping my head down and never making eye contact.

"Alright, and for your toppings?" His voice was soothing and calm. The way he presented himself made my curiosity run wild.

"Can I have lettuce, tomato, black olives, and avocado, please?"

As he placed the toppings onto my sandwich, I couldn't help but feel like I knew this man from somewhere and I kept wondering where I recognized him from. He looked so familiar; I just couldn't place it.

"Any sauces?" He asked.

I shook my head and pulled out my wallet.

"Your total will be 5 dollars, please"

I handed him a 5-dollar bill and grabbed my sandwich, adding a 5-dollar tip to the jar for his service. I then began to head to a table and sat down. I pulled my mask down and slowly began to eat my food while I observed the man behind the counter. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes, he stood tall and gentle. I couldn't help but feel like I was being pulled toward him. As I got to the second half of my sandwich, he began to walk toward me.

"May I sit with you?" He asked. I nodded hesitantly and cleared the table up.

"My name is Isaac. What is your name?" He said softly.

"My name is Makenzie"

I played with the lettuce in my sandwich as I felt his gaze on me. I had given him a false identity only for the matter to protect myself. I didn't know this man or what his intentions were. I had to protect myself first but something inside my heart was filled with regret and guilt. I hadn't known why so I had chosen to ignore it. I learned it was better not to ask questions.

"Nice to meet you, Makenzie! Is it to your liking?" I met his eyes and nodded with a soft smile but quickly averted my gaze.

"Rather delicious, thank you!" Wrapping the rest of my sandwich up, a soft chuckle emerged from Isaac as he put his hand out to stop me.

"No, no, let me show you how to wrap it so you can preserve the quality." He then proceeded to show me how to wrap my food and I tilted my head.

"You know, you are rather kind to a stranger. I'm curious as to why, I could be a murderer for all you know." Leaving an unsettling silence between us for an excruciating time, he finally broke the quiet with a subtle chuckle.

"I'll take that as a joke because if you were a murderer I think you would be behind bars right now and not inside a subway eating a sandwich. Besides, it's better to be kind rather than hostile. You never know what someone has gone through or how their day went, a little kindness can go a long way for someone. Even if someone is rude, they still deserve that kindness, they don't realize it yet. Every single person on this Earth has good inside them. Besides, I thought you could use a friend"

I was astounded at his response, although he was wrong about one thing. There wasn't purity in everyone because I found that some people were the devil. What intrigued me the most about Isaac was the matter of how someone like him exists. Perhaps there was something worthy behind those chocolate brown eyes of his or maybe there was possibly something more sinister.

"That's quite an interesting view you have. Although, I wish it were that simple. Maybe you could tell me more about it sometime." My eyes widened as I realized the danger of how poisonous the words that came out of my mouth were. I had no intention of saying that it was out of impulse.

"I'd like that. Are you free tomorrow?" His posture changed as he sat upright. He greeted me with a broad smile as I kept myself neutral. I couldn't allow myself to do something so impulsive again.

"Not exactly, and you are wrong by the way. Not everyone wears angels on both of their shoulders. That just isn't how it works. There has to be a balance somewhere and sometimes the devil weighs more than the angels."

"Oh? How so?" Isaac questioned, but I began to shut down. I didn't want to explain anymore, and I wished this interaction had been over with. I felt emotions stirring inside me like a hurricane, I just couldn't take it.

"This was nice, but I think it's time for me to go. It was nice to meet you, Isaac." I gathered my things quickly and avoided his gaze.

"You intrigue me, Makenzie. I have one last question." Unraveling his sandwich, I met his eyes before I froze in place.

"When will I see you again?"

"You'll see me again when the full moon reaches the midnight sky over a desolate canyon, but no later than a coyote sings a song to the moon. " I said before heading out the door, making haste. If only he knew that meant he would never see me again. I left no trail as I continued down the road of memory lane and after quite some time, I finally reached my destination.

I walked up the concrete steps and approached a wooden door. Searching my backpack, I grabbed a bronze key and fumbled with the lock. Finally getting the old door unlocked, it creaked with its age as it slowly slid open. I took a breath in the dusty surroundings and sighed softly. Scanning the room, I heard nothing but the absolute silence of the empty home as I closed the door and locked it before I searched it. It was just how we left it. The remnants of time and nostalgia coursed through my mind with each sensation of my finger as it touched every piece of old furniture throughout the rooms. Beginning with the family room, everything was the same. The same flatscreen television was held against the wall above a dreamy fireplace that began losing its luscious red color with time. What was once left of the firewood was now burned to ash inside the blackened pit, waiting to be rekindled with a fresh set of oak logs and a lit match.

The couch is declining against a soft beige wall with a portrait desperately clinging to the panel as the frame barely holds together a perfect square let alone the family that was once in the picture. The wood held a stench from rot and began to curl from the lack of care it has received from the years this place has been abandoned. Entering the kitchen, it looked like it held up better than the family room. Unfortunately, it had its problems. The faucet no longer ran, the fridge no longer kept things cold, and the lights no longer kept the room illuminated. That job now belonged to the broken windows that must've been shattered from attempted burglary. However, there was nothing worth much more than a dime in this house.

It held more sentimental value than it did monetarily. I moved on from the kitchen and began to head deeper into the house. My breath lodged into my throat as I hesitantly reached for the rusting knob that led to my old bedroom. I turned it slowly and the door opened, revealing a spacious room. I remember everything that happened here as if it never left my mind. The house needed to be put back together, but like all things that were broken, it needed time and money. I hardly had enough of but I knew I needed to make it work. This could be my chance to start over and I was grateful that this place was still standing. So, maybe there was some hope after all. I was exhausted but I couldn't rest now, there was still more exploring to do. As I placed my bag on the bed, I ventured out of the room and headed down the hall where a bathroom to the left welcomed me in.

Surprisingly, everything was in perfect condition except for the lack of power in the building. However, this was a common issue for every single room. I held out hope that our generator was still hiding in the overgrown bushes of our backyard and was still functioning. I headed back to the kitchen and opened the backdoor. Stepping outside, a cold breeze whipped past my face as I observed my barricaded backyard. Just as I suspected, the generator hid in the tall grass. Finally reaching it, I turned it out, and with a sputter, it shut down as quickly as it started up. Groaning in frustration, I kicked the metal box and suddenly it began to start.

"That's one way to do it, I guess." I ventured back inside and locked the door behind me. You could never be too careful in this world. Flicking the light switch the room began to brighten up from the artificial glow. My eyes adjusted to the lights as exhaustion ripped through my body. I entered my bedroom and coughed at the dust particles in the room before searching through my backpack, I then grabbed my bed roll and placed it on the cold tiled floor. As I buried myself in the sleeping bag, I began to stare out my dirty window. I always have a good view of the stars and ocean from my bedroom window. Feeling my eyes close, my mind and body gave into exhaustion and slipped into the darkness as I drifted off to sleep. I woke to the sound of cars racing past the house and birds screeching their morning song. I found it slightly displeasing but it was a wake-up call to begin fixing the house up. Although the property was abandoned, it was still in my family's name. I owed this place the decency of trying to repair what was lost and broken.

I had gotten out of the rugged sleeping bag and headed into the bathroom, but to no surprise, I suddenly remembered the lack of running water. I needed tools to fix this. Treading into the hallway, I noticed a string that led to the attic. Pulling the string, a staircase began to emerge from the roof and showed me the dusty path into the ceiling. I climbed each step and finally reached the top, pulling another string the light turned on. A rat scurried across the floor at the sudden movement while other pests began to run from the light and attempted to find a sanctuary of darkness.

"It has to be in here somewhere." I exclaimed in frustration as my luck of finding the box began to run out until my foot hit a metal obstacle in my path and I knew exactly what it was. Groaning in pain I picked the toolbox up, headed back down into the main hallway, and closed up the attic. The pests were going to have to wait, I could only handle one problem at a time. However, the irony of solving one problem at a time seethed through my mind as I knew I had bit off a little more than I could chew with my issues. Heading back into the bathroom, I spent an hour trying to figure out what the problem was until I realized that maybe this couldn't be fixed with tools. I was screwed. This wasn't a problem that could be solved with some hard work, it was a problem that needed to be solved by interaction with people and that was something I didn't care for.

I spent days putting this house back together to the best of my ability and continued to avoid any human interaction possible. I called someone and got my water pressure fixed. I didn't realize how expensive it was going to be, but a girl can't thrive off hot water even a girl like me. After a couple of weeks passed the only thing that needed to be done was the internet. However, I knew I could live without the toxicity of Wi-Fi infecting the brain with a harmful stimulus. I connected more with nature but perhaps that was because I grew up in a broken home and preferred the comfort of the wilderness rather than easing my suffering and blinding my pain with social media. I was enjoying the solitude. It was desolate and silent other than the obnoxious sounds of the cars traveling past the house or the morning birds crying for joy as soon as the sun began to rise.

However, the encounter with Isaac never truly left my mind. It was as if my mind was on repeat, and I couldn't understand why I was thinking about him so much. He just seemed so familiar, but I couldn't quite place his face in the sea of memories that were scattered in my brain. Although my mind was flooded with delusion and paranoia from being on my own for so long, it played dirty tricks on me as I usually saw and heard things that weren't there. I never understood why but I suppose that's just the curse of choosing isolation. I didn't question it.

It was a curse. Everyone seemed familiar but they were just demons hiding behind the faces of angels and I had to be on my guard for the dangers they wanted to bring forth. Strife, pain, heartbreak, disease, and the most dangerous intention of them all, happiness. For years I refused to fall in line with the hypocrisy and foolishness of falling in love and living a full life with those who were supposed to bring forth peace and harmony. It was exhausting to hide but it soon became second nature, just like the intake of oxygen to the human body. It felt safer and made more sense to me than exposing every single part of myself to the world. I suppose you could say I don't exist anymore. My true identity was lost over the years when I pretended to be somebody new, but it was just to protect myself. I couldn't truly remember the name I was given at birth, all I knew was that Holland stuck with me and I kept it for ages, my brothers called me that so I couldn't see my name being anything else.

I stared at myself in the mirror and obsessed over my flaws. The bags under my eyes, my collar bones begging to break through the surface of my skin from the lack of nutrients, I had so many flaws I eventually began to lose count of how many there actually were. Still, it didn't matter, I had no one to show for and I liked it that way. It was the beauty of surviving for so long. There was a moment where I'd lost myself in the reflection of the bathroom mirror, I didn't understand what was happening or if I had just plain lost my mind.

Maybe I was a psychopath after all or perhaps I was just shattered in a way that couldn't be determined in a diagnosis. I heard a distant voice calling for me and I felt compelled to answer. Walking out of the bathroom, I treaded carefully into the family room, but something was off. It wasn't the same dusty room that had reeked of age, it was now a furnished and sustainable place of living. The television had been playing an old episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I scoffed at the irony of how one child weighed the responsibility to protect the entire world from the ones who threatened harmony. I understood his lack of need to fulfill his duties, he was a mere boy after all.

The one thing I understood more than anything was the fact of not wanting the weight of the world on your shoulders when you didn't ask for it. It wasn't this miraculous gift the elders in the show made out to be, it was quite the opposite. It wasn't a gift; it was indeed a curse. I knew that all too well. However, unlike Aang, I never learned how to handle that burden and rise above it. An aroma that emerged from the kitchen distracted me from the weight on my shoulders and I couldn't stop myself from heading to the kitchen, I didn't understand what was happening. My family was sitting around the table, waiting for something to begin their feast.

"Come join us"

Their voices called out. Hesitantly, I sat and felt uneasy. I was never welcomed at the family table, and I didn't understand why now was any different. For a moment, I had given in and enjoyed the feast, each savory flavor causing me to close my eyes as I explored each flavor but the next time I opened my eyes, I was in horror. Everyone around me was dead. Hearts were ripped out of their chest and their eyes were lifeless. My hands were bloody as I sat back in the chair in horror. It's happening again, I did this. I can't believe I did this again. Suddenly snapping me out of my haze, the knob of my old front door began to rattle as it slowly crept open. I had unwanted company.

I found myself in my kitchen chair with dread in my heavy heart. I didn't know who was about to emerge through that door or if it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I knew I didn't want to test the water and find out. I hid behind the door frame and held a knife close to my chest, I was prepared to fight. The doorknob wiggled, and with a frustrated grunt, the figure finally managed to get the door open. With a knife in hand, I hid behind the kitchen wall and waited for further movement. Footsteps crept toward my location as the intruder coughed as the dust that resided inside this house filled their lungs. I was ready to lunge until I realized this person's scent was familiar.

"Come on out, little one. Fear nothing, it's only me" The voice called out. I tucked my knife away into the waistband of my pants and emerged from the shadows. I struggled to contain my happiness as the figure before me was only one of my childhood memories brought back to life.

I had no words; all I could do was rush toward the figure and hug him tightly. It was my brother who was announced dead when I was merely at the brisk age of 16. He returned my hug a little tighter which confirmed that this wasn't a hallucination. How I missed him so. He rubbed my back and I sniffled into his neck, my body threatening to break out into tears from the presence of the only family I'd ever loved.

"Collier, I thought you were dead!" I exclaimed.

He returned my comment with a slight chuckle. "Oh, Holland, you know nothing could kill me that easily. Besides, I left with only a scar." I hadn't heard that name in ages, I was left with slight discomfort at the name as he tried to reassure me, but it was no use, I was still left with dread about what this could mean.

"Why are you back Col?" He sighed quickly before releasing me from his embrace. My stomach began twisting into a knot as I felt my worst fears would take over.

"You need to come back home"

My heart was pounding like a drum, and I began to lose my breath. In the chance to save my balance, I had gripped the wall as panic set into my mind. The walls began closing in on me as I began to lose my vision, Collier grabbed my other arm and held me up to save me from falling.

"I understand this is sudden, breathe. You need to come home, Holland. There is no other way, our family is in danger, and they need you. Our home is in jeopardy, they are demanding you return" I was dreading the next words out of his mouth, and I was praying to the lunar god that Collier wasn't going to mention the people I fear the most. The reason I had been on the run for ages.

"The Tzula's are coming for you. However, they offer mercy if you willingly return." There was no mercy with the Tzula's. He was lying through his teeth; I could hear the way his heart skipped a beat, and his avoidant gaze was no failed sign of him trying to believe his lies. In his attempts to comfort me and soothe my anxiety, I looked up at him and frowned.

"You didn't come here to see me, did you? You came here to bring me to slaughter. You know they won't offer mercy, Col. They're going to kill me"

Fear filled my emerald eyes, as my heart was full of betrayal from the only brother, I would've sacrificed anything for. With a hurricane of emotions swirling around in my heart, I couldn't help what had happened next. Pushing Collier away I began to groan in pain, he stumbled to the floor as my arm snapped behind me. I crumpled to the floor as my bones snapped one by one. My once human body had morphed into a silver coyote. I jumped over Collier and ran out of the back door, fleeing as fast as I could. I knew it wasn't safe for me to stay in that house anymore. He knew where I was and chances are, they probably did too. If Collier was right about the Tzula clan then I needed to leave and run as far as I could before my time was up. This would be my new sanctuary with a curse I didn't ask for, but this would be my only safe space. I fled into the thriving life of a nearby canyon called the Letchworth. Was it dangerous in this terrain? Yes, but I was prepared. I'd take my chances.

I have survived this long without losing my life, but I was already half alive internally. I didn't have a choice. It was either I flee with what is left of my aching heart and do what I do best. Hide and run. I had found a lake to quench my parched throat. Lowering my snout into the water my tongue cupped up the water and eased the burning sensation I had felt from pushing my body so hard. The cool water had soothed my mind and body before I flopped over and sighed. I should've known his appearance would have led to betrayal. My dead brother suddenly coming back to life after what felt like an eternity of being claimed as deceased seemed all too merciful. I should have known better, why didn't I trust my gut? I knew something was wrong the minute he entered the house; I suppose my emotions had blinded me once again. That would be the last time. I spent the next hour of daylight pondering my next move and it hit me. With sudden realization, I needed to not only leave my past behind, but I needed to leave my human side behind. To be truly safe, I could no longer exist. Holland could no longer exist, and neither could her hundreds of identities.