Chapter 7: Forced Smiles

Lying in my bed, there I awoke with my legs and back feeling sore; the extended period of time where we did nothing but walk and rush to places made my body ache with pain.Though that was the case, I smiled, recalling the events that played out yesterday and with my eyes wide open, I looked outside to see a clear sky and sunny day. A small breeze blew upon my face as my crooked window allowed the elements of the outside to pass through and as I made my way down the stairs of my home, I quickly made myself a small breakfast that required little to no effort.A scrambled egg with a side of pickled cucumbers. It was the last few things I had in my fridge before I made my attempt to take my own life. I was afraid everything would go to spoil once I was gone, hence leaving me today still somewhat hungry and without any groceries.As I cleaned the plate, fork, and spoon I dined with, I suddenly heard a knock on my front door and as I came to answer it, there I found Riku once more, today dressed much more differently than she was yesterday.She wore what looked to be a much higher quality two-piece dress; the main color of the clothing combined with the pink that complimented the light look, gave the impression she had put much forethought into choosing what she wore."R-Riku? What are you doing here again?" I quickly asked of her with a somewhat concerned look, wondering what she was here for the third time at the front of my doorstep for the past couple of days."Haha, I actually came out here to invite you out again! There's a few events that I want to go with you and since my mom also insisted I can't go alone either, I thought I'd ask you out...""Please! I really can't miss going to these places either! It's the most trending news right now! Please go out with me, just this one more time?" She said with both hands clapped and in a praying motion; an awkward smile stapled onto her face as she did so.There I stood, wondering what I should do with Riku who was essentially pleading with her all to go with her and though I was still tired from yesterday's journey, I couldn't outright dismiss her after all we've been through yesterday.I looked toward her and reluctantly accepted her requests; the answer turning the desperate expression on her face right around almost instantly. I felt something within me wrench with the slightest regret but as I remembered the fun and excitement we had yesterday, I quickly dismissed those thoughts and after getting prepared, we took off once again, heading straight to the train station and toward Osaka.The place is known for the bright blinding lights of its streets and the scenic landscapes it offers............As I sat on the train, feeling the movement of the quick bullet train speeding through the tunnels and landscapes in between the two grand cities, I looked over to see Riku somewhat fidgety.She was holding her own hand as if she was hesitant to do something and though I wanted to reach out to ask what was the matter, as soon as I made even the slightest hint of inquiring about it, I was simply met with a short answer that diverted the attention away from it."She was nervous, but about what?" I wondered in my mind for a couple of minutes longer but before it could be answered, I was abruptly pulled out of the train by Riku the moment it stopped, and unable to catch my breath, I was grabbed up and brought away like a mother to its kin.For our first stop, she brought me to a cat cafe, a place that simultaneously housed multiple cats and kittens while serving tea and snacks during the customer's stay. Approaching the store, I found the place to be packed and full of trendy aspects; many of the dishes served in the cafe had nothing but photogenic dishes with cat designs printed on them.From pancakes in the shape of cats to coffee with pictures of a cat's face in the shape of the white foam on top, the place certainly gave the impression it had nothing much else to offer other than the novelty of their cats.I sat there, dining upon a piece of pancake, and shooting a glance towards Riku, I found her sitting there awkwardly. She appeared to be fine at a single look but as I looked closer, I could tell she was uncomfortable with something.As if there was a thought plaguing her mind, her expression told that she wasn't focused at all. "Riku? Is, anything wrong?" I asked of her, concerned about her well-being as I began to worry about the current state she was in."Oh- Huh? Ah, right! No, there isn't an issue- How's the pancake? I heard that they use a secret ingredient to achieve a much fluffier consistency!" She said, snapping right back into her usual self yet as she also did so back in the train ride, she diverted and changed the topic."Right... I'm just asking because you don't seem like your usual self... Are you really fine? You haven't even touched your sundae..." I inquired, noticing the pristine and untouched glass filled to the brim with pink and white desert that looked like it belonged in an art museum."Aha! Of course, I'm fine, I'm just thinking about something, nothing important, really! Oh, right! We should really hurry up eating, our next destination is a little out of way around here..."If we can leave in the next few minutes, we'll make it there on time for one of our reservations!" She exclaimed, suddenly hurrying up before we could even enjoy the full extent of the attractions in the cat cafe."Something was wrong about her, why was she hurrying up all of the sudden?"It was what filled my mind right then as I stuffed the last few bites of the sweat and somewhat savory pancake into my mouth and soon after I took my last bite, we took off without another second of waiting.It was all too sudden and though I wanted to ask her directly about it, there was something I just couldn't put my finger on right then... Her smile didn't look like what I saw yesterday, it was almost forced on, like a smiling mask worn by someone who couldn't smile.As I felt her hand grab onto my wrist, it was much more clingy and harsh, as if she didn't want to let go of me no matter what; the feeling of disparity in her actions acting as if she had little time and little opportunity left............We stumbled our way to our next destination and by the time we saw the place, it was already well past the morning and entering the afternoon. I panted heavily as for the past two hours, we did nothing but cross streets, climb up steps, and down the many twists and turns of the long streets til we finally saw the destination Riku had in mind, that being a grand arcade that was similarly packed full of tourists and people."We made it! Just in the time of it's peak hour too! Come on Eito-kun, we've got to try out every game here!" She said while bearing yet another smile and upon reaching the first game, I was plunged straight into the feeling of excitement.Though I had to admit I wasn't too keen on venturing out to experience such enjoyments, games, and others of such was a pastime of mine I always liked doing.Slotting in a token to take part in our first game, I laughed away alongside Riku yet before long, we were already onto our next game.It was too fast-paced, faster than I could keep up and although I wanted to give an input, I was cut short once again.I saw the dedicated look in her eyes, ones that were slowly but surely becoming more and more vivid to me to the point I truly wondered if she herself was enjoying any part of these activities. Though I felt the fun moments and the laughter we shared from time to time were genuine, I couldn't help but notice the blatant gap and wall set between the two of us."Why was she in such a rush, is there something she's not telling me?"Before I knew it, an hour had passed and as we got off from the last game available in the large arcade center, I leaned upon a wall, feeling spent from overexerting.Downing an entire bottle of water I got from a vending machine, it quickly quenched my thirst but did nothing for the fatigue built up all day. I was tired and exhausted, my feet pained and my eyes starting to dizzy; sweat running down the sides of my forehead even though we spent our day at an air-conditioned place. My sore body felt uncomfortable and as I looked towards Riku, I could tell she was of the same. Sweat too ran down her skin and though equally tired, she looked like she was putting up a face of being energetic in front of me while brimming yet another smile that didn't sit right with me for some odd reason."That was amazing, wasn't it!? Each game really was incredible, I had a lot of fun this time around, let's head on to the next destination...""We still have a bunch more places to go, we can't just sit here and let the day pass on so quickly!" She exclaimed and before I could give an input, we were already on our way to the next destination; the feeling in my gut started to stir as I began to regret coming to this outing............The early evening soon arrived and standing before the streets of Osaka, we walked forth into the stores where hundreds to thousands of people flocked for an early dinner. The irresistible smells of grilled foods, the incomprehensible snit-bits of conversations of people, and the lights that just started to fill the streets as the sun began making its way down the horizon, the place we were at felt almost dreamy.The two of us walked forth, passing through the stores which already looked to be full of people lining up to enter. It was beyond crowded and each step felt like we were squeezing through between cracks in a wall.Despite our movements being impeded, Riku still pulled me forth, quickening the process yet only adding to the exhaustion that was slowly pushing me down like weights.Eventually, we arrived at one of the many stores and though we sat down to eat, she hurriedly had me finish up on what I was eating, insisting we needed to spare as much time as possible to head on to the next place.I looked toward her and reluctant as I was, I followed through with her demands once more, thinking I'll just have to endure this for moments longer until it is all over.Yet as the two of us began heading forth and entering restaurant after restaurant, eating at their famed dishes and leaving as soon as we finished, a crack slowly began to form in my heart; the void that once filled in the gap now showed cracks as if it were glass.I couldn't take much longer and finally as our eating spree ended and as the sun made its last bit of descent down into the distant horizon, I stopped, feeling tired of everything Riku was doing.Standing under the underpass of a bridge, I looked down and abruptly, halted my next step. I didn't want to endure this much longer as for the entire day, I had to put up with what Riku had planned for the two of us.The skies began to turn darker and darker, the black clouds slowly taking over the dark blue sky. The feeling of blowing cold air added to the gloomy atmosphere, it will soon begin to rain."-up next will be the karaoke and after that, we'll... Eito-kun? What's the matter, are you tired already? It isn't even nighttime yet, come on-" She said, but was quickly cut off."Enough already Riku-san... I can't take this much longer, I've had enough of all of this... Why are you trying to rush everything so much, it's just too much..."And why are you trying so hard to appease me..." I told her, Riku stopping in place as she heard me talk in front of her with my back turned against her."I could tell that you aren't enjoying this either, so stop trying to make it like you are..." I said in a raised voice as rain droplets began to fall from the sky; the water falling down and striking like needles on Riku who was standing behind me.I looked down to the floor and didn't care to turn behind her and watch her face to face. I was already tired beyond belief and couldn't bother mustering more strength to face her directly. Yet the silence she gave was clear as ever."She really was hiding something""I- I... I didn't think it'd turn out this way haha... I hope you can understand but I was just trying to bring you to see and experience as many places as possible...""We only have so little time together, I felt that we should do more things together since I liked the outing we had yesterday..." She said with a smile on her face while looking down at the pavement on the floor, her heart-wrenching with pain."Felt that we should do things more together... It's just... It's just too much for me to handle at the moment. Since coming with you to Osaka, everything we did was a rush, I didn't know what to feel about it all...""Why were you in such a hurry, why are you trying to rush things? Yesterday night was perfect yet, today was a disaster... Why, why..." I said as I repeatedly asked and asked, again and again why she was going out of her way to do this.The fake smile she put on, the struggle behind it all, I couldn't understand one bit of what she was trying to do with me. It all puzzled me and only made me hate the fact I was this clueless."...Because... Because! I'm not immortal. I was never an immortal, I lied back then... The time I said we have so little of, I just wanted to experience it all with you together..." She confessed the words that escaped her mouth now in bold letters and facing me directly.The silence that stood between the two of us, was egregiously slow and slothful. I turned around and looked toward her and finally, I spoke with my head still turned to the ground as up until then, I still couldn't face her directly."Why..." I said."I just-" She replied."Why did you lie to me..." I continued."Because-" She told me."Was everything else a lie as well.." I asked her."No! That's not it-" She tried saying."Then what wasn't a lie!? What else are you keeping from me, what were you trying to do by getting me to come out like this..." I said, my head in a stir while tears then fell from my eyes like the raindrops that fell from the skies.I felt betrayed from the moment I heard that she said she wasn't immortal. I recalled back then, when she told me she was immortal, I was beyond relieved that there was someone who was similar to me and yet, it was all a lie after all. "Yesterday! Yesterday wasn't a lie at all... I genuinely wanted you to come with me to those events...""I really liked how you came with me and when I heard that you liked it too, I was so happy that day..." She said as the rain mixed with her tears, making them indistinguishable from one another of the two liquids."Then why today, why did you change so suddenly today... Why did you force so much down my throat today... Why did you do it even when you hated it as well." I told her as I allowed the flow of my tears to continue down and hit the puddles of water forming below me."It's.. It's because I love you! I wanted to become a part of you, back then when I was at school, I've always looked at you from afar! You were the one who I loved the most, the one that I couldn't take my eyes away from..."I just... I just wanted to become a part of you that you couldn't forget... Because I'm not immortal, there will come a time you'll eventually forget about me...""I'm sorry for everything, I just wanted you to love me, even if I had to force a smile to appease you..." She said as her face turned red from the tears that couldn't stop flowing from her eyes.She was entirely desperate now and as I looked up to see her, I found her standing under the distant neon lights of the city streets. She was entirely beautiful, similar to the moment I felt back then yesterday.Yet, I couldn't forgive her... Not when she lied to me blatantly. The fact that she lied in front of my face like that during my most vulnerable of times, during a time when I had nobody left and had already made an attempt to end it all, it was an unforgivable act..."Riku-san..." I said; the suffix I added to the end of her name cutting deep into her heart."I- I can't accept your feelings... I'm sorry..." I said and turning my back from her, I slowly walked away with a dreary expression.The rain continued on and as I slowly disappeared away into the darkness of the underpass, Riku was left still under the rain; her mind still hung up on the conversation she just had. She was rejected of her confession of love and drenched under the rain, she gulped heavily, regretting everything she had done up until this point...