part 36

"What… what are you talking about?" 

I quickly turned my head away. 

I wanted to avoid his gaze that seemed to see right through me. 

But Seung-rok didn't care. 

He kept staring at me and asked again.

 "How much do you know?" 

"…" 

I decided not to say anything. 

It was not a lie.

Truly, I didn't know what to say. 

I just swallowed dryly and let time pass by. 

Then, Seung-rok spoke up. 

"I'm joking." 

He said it with a light smile, almost too light.

"What the heck!"

I frowned deeply and glared at Seung-rok. 

Without thinking, I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. 

It was a rude thing to do.

But he started the joke, so I thought it was okay. 

Seung-rok chuckled and batted the pillow away with his hand. 

Watching him, I sighed. 

I already worked for three months.

Even though he hid his true feelings behind jokes, I could still feel the real 'doubt' in his heart. 

I hesitated for about 0.1 seconds. 

Seung-rok was the first to back down. 

I could have avoided the truth just like him. 

Then we could go back to the same routine as yesterday. 

But, 

"You know. Right?"

I decided to just go for it. 

Three months was enough for me. 

It was time to lay everything out. 

After all, both Seung-rok and I had doubts. 

We couldn't go back to the past. 

We already crossed the point of no return.

It seemed much better to lay it all out now than to live with awkward suspicions. 

"…"

When I confronted him directly, Seung-rok fell silent. 

He shifted his body slightly, adjusting his posture. 

Somehow, his gaze seemed a bit sharper than before.

After a moment, he continued in a voice that was somehow drier and a tone lower than usual. 

"From now on, everything I say is a secret. I…" 

At that moment, I raised my hand. 

"Wait a minute!" 

Seung-rok, interrupted mid-sentence, slightly pouted his lips. 

"Why?"

It was the first time I saw him look even a little flustered. 

I felt a tiny bit of satisfaction, thinking I had managed to ruffle him a bit.

Worried he might retaliate, I quickly explained my true intention. 

"Before you say anything, can I have a drink? I can't listen to this sober."

***

"I can go alone, Seung-rok." 

"We could just grab the whiskey in the hotel bar. Seriously." 

We bickered as we left the hotel. 

It was 10 PM, but the streets of Seoul were still lit up and not too dangerous. 

But for some reason, Seung-rok didn't want to leave me alone. 

So he followed me to the convenience store. 

Luckily, the store was close to the hotel entrance. 

At the store, I bought two bottles of soju and a variety of snacks, from beef jerky to shrimp chips. 

These were foods Seung-rok would never touch. 

"You could have just had the nuts and whiskey in the hotel room." 

"Forget it. What do you want to drink?" 

I pointed to the canned beer section, ignoring his comment. 

It was a subtle suggestion for him to join me. 

Seung-rok slowly shook his head.

"I don't drink much." 

"I saw you drink well last time. And it was makgeolli." 

He sighed softly and answered.

He couldn't control his emotions around me. 

Maybe he thinks I am strange?

"I don't drink makgeolli at all. Just get me a bottle of sparkling water." 

As he said this, he glanced at the basket I was holding. 

It was filled with snacks he had given up for his health. 

"Use this to pay." 

When he pulled out his card, I shook my head. 

"I can afford this." 

I stubbornly took out my wallet and paid myself. 

Watching me, Seung-rok tried to hold back his laughter. 

To him, this amount of money was nothing. 

Perhaps it was funny for him to see me trying not to burden him. 

Everyone around him, from colleagues to employees, tried to take advantage of him. 

Only a few family members and friends were exceptions. 

I tried to be a different kind.

Even after seeing his impressive background, I didn't try to benefit from his status. 

I treated him as just another person, like myself. 

After he sensed that, our conversations naturally grew longer and deeper. 

Today's conversation felt particularly dangerous though. 

He smiled bitterly.

I saw him wearing his mask and sunglasses. 

This was his limit. 

No matter what, he was a K-pop idol. 

Even late at night, he had to hide his face. 

Hotel staff or convenience store clerks might recognize him. 

Even within his team, people were trying to bring him down by leaking information to reporters. 

He had to be careful in every aspect of his life. 

He couldn't even go to a convenience store freely. 

How could he open his heart to someone else? 

As I thought about this, my lips twisted slightly. 

His hand tightened around his mask. 

As long as he was an idol, he could never take off that mask, I thought.

***

As soon as we got back to the room, I set the table. 

I poured soju for myself and sparkling water for Seung-rok. 

I also prepared some warm dried pollack, beef jerky, nuts, and a few snacks. 

Considering the money spent, it was a pretty nice setup.

"I'm good at this, right?" 

I felt a bit proud and teased him slightly. 

Honestly, I was a little bit proud for real.

But Seung-rok said something completely unexpected. 

"You must have done this often for your ex-boyfriend." 

"What?" 

I laughed.

Was he jealous? 

Before I could respond, he quickly added, 

"Just kidding." 

His face was completely expressionless, a perfect poker face.

"Whatever." 

I shook my head and downed the liquid in my glass. 

I heard him click his tongue. 

"You're drinking soju from a glass?" 

"Where else should I drink it? We don't have soju glasses." 

I needed a drink. 

I didn't care if it was a glass or whatever. 

I had a rough idea of what I was about to hear. 

It was something I couldn't listen to sober.

Seung-rok looked at me with worried eyes. 

"You should at least mix it with beer." 

"Beer makes me fat. Now, tell me." 

I finished one glass and poured another, glaring at Seung-rok. 

I wiped the soju from my lips with the back of my hand. 

My face started to feel warm.

"How much do you know?" 

Of course.

Classic Seung-rok.

He never showed his hand first. 

People say.

'Haste makes waste.'

But he was just a bit too much.

He started with a cautious question, probing me. 

He was different from me, who always showed my heart right away. 

Maybe that's why he succeeded in society. 

And maybe that's why I didn't.

I couldn't stop thinking unnecessary thoughts. 

A bitter taste lingered in my mouth. 

So, I tried to imitate Seung-rok. 

"I don't know anything." 

I pretended not to know. Seung-rok's eyes narrowed slightly at my words. 

"Don't lie." 

I shook my head and continued. 

"Really. I just felt something was off. That's all."

"…"

Seung-rok said nothing. 

But from his eyes, I could tell he was not suspicious.

"I'm not a fool. I know the difference between parent-child and brother-sister relationships. I just felt something strange when I saw you and the child. That's all." 

I honestly laid out my thoughts, except for the part where Hayeon had already told me the truth. 

How would Seung-rok react to this? 

Would he tell me the truth?

I asked again, looking at Seung-rok who was silently drinking his sparkling water. 

"Am I right?"

Seung-rok quietly drank his sparkling water and looked into Mina's eyes. 

Our eyes met. 

Oh my gosh.

Why does he look like him?

His gaze didn't waver at all. 

His calm eyes made his incredibly long eyelashes stand out even more. 

As I looked into his lake-like deep eyes, Seung-rok slowly and carefully began to speak.

"There's no need to say more to someone who already knows everything."

Each word was carefully chosen, but it wasn't a lie. 

I could feel it.

He immediately closed his mouth and just drank his sparkling water.

"Is that all?" 

I asked to confirm.

"Yes."

Seung-rok said just one more word and then took a sip from his glass. 

It was as if he was asking, 'Do you need more words?' 

It was natural for an idol to be defensive about their private life. 

Especially about sensitive topics like whether they had children or not. 

But why did I feel so disappointed?

Feeling an unknown emotional turmoil, I downed the remaining soju in my glass.

"Stop drinking," Seung-rok tried to stop me, but I shook my head. 

Then I slammed the empty glass on the table.

"Have you said everything you wanted to? I'm leaving."

I noticed Seung-rok's gaze waver slightly. 

Seeing that, I felt like saying one more thing. 

Impulsively, I snapped at him.

"Don't be too nice to me. It makes me expect something more."

"What?"

"I'm leaving."

I tried to get up immediately. 

But…

"Huh?"

My legs wouldn't move. 

Seung-rok grabbed my arm as I stumbled.

"Why are you acting like this?"

I couldn't hear his scolding words clearly. 

It was because I felt the touch of his hand through my arm. 

It was the first time he had touched me directly. 

For some reason, my face turned red. 

My legs, once weakened, wouldn't regain their strength.

I stumbled again.

"Ugh."

Seung-rok sighed softly and continued speaking.

"You can't walk. Just sleep here."

"No… I don't want to."

"You can't even walk to the front door. Just lie down and rest here."

Finally, I nodded slowly. 

The argument continued.

"Just sleep in the bed with Hayeon. I'll sleep in the living room."

"How can I sleep next to her smelling like alcohol?"

"Then you shouldn't have drunk."

Seung-rok's words hit me hard. 

I wanted to snap back, but I didn't have the energy. 

Barely managing to wash my face and brush my teeth, I collapsed on the sofa. 

Seung-rok turned off the living room light.

"Sleep well."

His voice was indifferent but somehow kind. 

But I felt angry. 

Why was he so cool? 

I regretted opening up to him in a fit of anger. 

After a pause, I answered softly.

"…Okay."

I didn't want to answer, but I also wanted to. 

He was kind as a sheep, but wise as a serpent. 

When he seemed close, he would become distant. 

He was a really strange guy. 

Thinking these thoughts, I started to fall asleep when I heard Seung-rok's low voice.

"Don't feel wronged."

What did he mean by that? 

I had so many questions, but I couldn't speak. 

Then I heard his voice again.

"I also expect more and get disappointed every time."

Hearing those words, my eyes snapped open. 

My heart started pounding wildly. 

My body felt heavy, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall sleep tonight.