NIGHTMARES

Astrid

I gasped loudly as I sat up straight on my sweat-drenched bed. I ran a hand down my face, hoping to drive away the familiar nightmare lingering in my mind. While growing up, I'd already be shaking in tears, the memory of my brother's desperate eyes haunting me.

It was a reoccurring dream I had hoped to get accustomed to. But every time I remembered Axel's face, his struggles, his sacrifice - it was etched in my memory forever and tore my heart into a million bitter pieces.

I threw off the covers and left the bed, padding barefoot to the window. The moon cast an eerie glow over the landscape, illuminating the shadows that danced across my room.

The night air sent a cold shiver down my spine. I leaned against the window frame, letting the cool breeze calm my racing heart. That dream had always been there to hunt me. It was a constant reminder of what I did to my brother.

"She killed my son!" My mother and Luna of my Pack yelled to my father as she sat on the floor, buried in his arms.

I was eight, and I needed comfort, too, but all I got was bitter hatred from the very people I had hoped would comfort me.

But tonight, something felt different. Tonight, the dream felt more accurate, more vivid. I couldn't shake off the feeling of desperation, of helplessness. I pushed the thoughts aside, telling myself it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.

As I gazed out the window, my eyes tracing the constellations in the night sky, my mind wandered back to the past, to the memories I'd tried to bury.

I used to be his happiness, and he used to be mine. Our parents always needed more time for us as they were always packed with packing duties. Vesper, my older and only sister, was always scolded whenever something went wrong, so she kept to herself.

We were all we had, and we spent our days together. The day I lost Axel was the day I lost my joy, my peace, and everything. After the incident, my mother's rejection was like a knife to the heart. She pressed more profoundly, relentlessly.

She blamed me for Axel's death, denying the Westwood Pack a future Alpha.

"If only you had listened! If only you had listened!! My baby would still be alive." The weight of her words crushed me, and I felt like I was drowning all over again. But I still let myself hope she'd come around and love me again if I begged and apologized..... She never did.

Vesper was always distant, but after Axel's death, her hatred towards me was palpable. She clarified that she blamed me for the tragedy and that I was responsible for the pack's loss.

It became abundantly clear to me that I was alone in my grief. I had no one to turn to. My family, the people who were supposed to love and support me, abandoned me when I needed them most. The pain of their rejection still lingered, a festering wound that refused to heal.

But the truth was, I couldn't escape it. It was a part of me, and it probably would always be.

I let myself cry again. Even after thirteen years, the pain was still as fresh as the very first day.

I always locked myself in my room because I knew facing my mother and sister was never an option, so I chose the familiar comfort of solitude every day, and today would be no different.

It was safer here, away from my family's venomous words and hurtful glances. My mother and sister couldn't bear the sight of me, couldn't bear to remember that I was still alive while Axel was gone.

Even after thirteen years, they still called me a killer and a murderer, and Vesper's friends would often taunt me, their cruel words echoing in the halls.

I was a prisoner in my home, and my dad and Alpha of the Westwood Pack were nowhere in sight..... Ever.

But today was different. Today was the Ondion festival, a celebration, and joy for the rest of the pack. I knew my mother would try to drag me out of my room, to doll me up and parade me in front of the pack like a trophy. She'd want to show off her daughter, the one who'd survived while her beloved son had perished.

She'd pretend to be the perfect Luna who had suffered a significant loss but still cared for the one who had caused it. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't face the pack, couldn't face the pity and the scorn. So, I would lock myself in and stay hidden away until the festival was over.

The Ondion festival was a time of mating, a time when some lucky individuals found their soulmates. I'd always dreamed of finding mine, of finding someone who'd love me for who I was and not despise me for what I had done.

But even I knew that was a distant fantasy. I was broken, a murderer, and unwanted.

A knock on the door tore me from my train of thought. "Are you awake, milady?" It was the maid. My only maid-- one who understood and didn't think I was crazy or had some disease to have been locked away so far away from the rest of her family.

"Come in, Anel." She walked in with a smile, and I noticed her hair was made.

"Pretty, right?" She asked, her eyes hopefully waiting for a good comment, which I'd never deny her

A small smile stretched on my lips as I nodded my head. She squealed and dropped a tray of food I hadn't noticed her holding earlier.

"I came in early enough to do your hair and makeup." Giggling childishly, she tried to force me down my dress stool.

" I'm not going, Anel." Revealing this gave me the exact reaction I expected.

"you what???" Her eyes were as wide as the saucers she brought on the tray for me

When I only nodded, a solemn look plastered on my face, she said. " Are you crazy? Your mother would kill you!"

Before I could form a sentence, she went on. " You have to go, milady." She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "They say Alpha Magnus of the Strong Shield Pack is coming!" She squealed in delight again, and I stared back at her blankly, having no idea who that was.

Noticing my confusion, her eyes widened even more, and I feared her eyeballs would pop out any minute.

"Don't tell me you don't know Alpha Magnus, King of the Strong and Mighty?!" I gave her a blank look.

I shook my head.

Her eyes widened even more, and I wondered how that was possible. But before she could scream at me for my lack of interest, a knock at the door interrupted us. "Astrid, open up!" my mother called, her voice stern. "It's time to get ready for the festival."

I hesitated. Anel did, too, before Mother pushed open the door herself.

"I'm not going, mother." I suddenly heard myself say.

Her eyes narrowed, but I stood my ground. For once, I was taking control of my life.