Chapter 12

Once seated a butler, or so, comes to hand each of us a menú. I thank him and opens the small leather book, bending forward on the table to get some light from the candles...

I read all the different names and ingredients but can't really tell what most of these things are, not to mention how overwhelming the amount of options are.

-What will you get?- he asks -Uhm... What do you recommend?-

He sighs -If you're in need just ask for help- those words hits deeper than they should, he leans forward and moves closer to me -These are some of my favourites, they're made if swiss chocolate and are filled with a butter cream... Meanwhile this is a typical dessert of my area made of Hazelnuts and liquor, it's described as a pudding but it's more of a cream consistency with some crumbles in it... These others are sweet biscuits with some honey on top and go well with tea...-

As he talks close to me I find myself constantly turning my head to look at his face and neck, he seems quite fond of desserts which is a bit unexpected by such a cold and stern person... His expression is focused but much softer than what I'm used to, the lights casting shadows in the right places and enhancing his beautiful features to add a bit of extra at this scene.

-But if you want some coffee you can try one of these... This is coffe with Hazelnut powder while this is the typical beverage from Turin: Made of coffee, dark chocolate and milk... Our hills are not only famous for the Wine, but the Hazelnuts too-

He finishes talking and looks me in the eyes, I can't help but gulp down at that enchanting stare... Stopping myself from doing anything stupid -I want to try that... After all that's what got us into that conversation before...-

-Indeed- he calls for a waiter -Two glasses of Bicerin and a dish of biscuits of various types... Oh also, make some extra treats to take home- he finishes the order and then faces me again -Surely your family will appreciate tasting some too?-

I can even describe how much in adoration I am looking at him right now -Ah? Ah yes! That's so generous of you Lord Duke...-

-That's the bare minimum, it's not even worth being called generosity... Rise your standards if that's such a big deal for you- is he mocking me or giving me an advice? I can't tell at all!

After a few seconds of awkward silence I decide to talk and lighten the mood -I still haven't thank you for the other day at the Cemetery... I'm so sorry to have imposed on you so much and troubled you with my unhappy emotions-

He stares at me with crossed arms and a risen eyebrow, making me wonder if I said something wrong -A anyway, I don't have anything to repay you with... Especially not something you don't already own, I hope my sincerest thanks will be enough-

He closes his eyes and sigh before leaning on the table -You did not impose, I was the one who offered. if I ask something it's because I mean it, not just for appearances- I join my hands under the table at his severe tone, maybe I ene squirm a bit afraid that I will end up angering him in a way or another...

Yet he relaxes his tone and keeps talking -You told me about the incident and that it was your first time visiting since then, may I ask why? It felt wrong to dwell on the topic when you were so shaken- he was that mindful? Rarely people care about not hurting or saddening me...

-Uhm... That's because I can't help but feel responsible- he frowns confused -I'm pretty sure I found out some secret and drove my father to his demise... He and that woman were shouting but after I showed up she tried to kill him. Maybe that was his lover who just found out the man she loved had a family behind her back, maybe my mother was the mistress instead, maybe they were partners in crime and I ruined their business... Who knows-

-You're wrong- he looks away for just a second -There's no need to make me fell better, none of us will know anyway since they both died that night... The guilt stopped me from visiting but then I started feeling even more horrible as the years passed and I never once got him flowers, so I kept feeling even more guilty and couldn't show myself in front of him-

I cleanch my hand over the tablecloth, in an attempted to stop my tears and rage from sipping out... His ungloved hand gently approaches mine and covers it, holding me steadly and stopping my shaking. The sudden contact with his own skin partially startles me, but feeling such warmth manages to calms me too... I somehow was expecting a much colder skin from him.

-Feeling guilty when you actually did nothing wrong, I know what it feels like... I won't try to make you feel better, when you feel like that from the inside, nothing that others say can help alleviate that pain. Yet you're not alone in this world, you can ask others for help when you just can't take it anymore... When you feel like everything's falling apart... Just don't make any rushes decisions like some would- he says those last words with disgust

-Rushed decisions...?- he shakes his head -Don't mins that, all I want to say is that you have others willing to help you if you let them. Most of the people might ridicule you but I'm sure you can recall some names that wouldn't-

I begin to think about those who would miss me if I were gone, such as my mother and my butler. I can think about some people who genuinely enjoy my company too, like Giacomo... People who may not have care much about me but still wouldn't hurt me voluntarily... Or the people who would even actively help me -Woukd you be one of those?- throwing away all shame I force myself to ask him this question

-Haven't I proved myself enough already?-

He did, he helped me that night where I got accused of helping Giacomo Casanova. He helped me at the cemetery and even today in front of everyone...

-Why would you?-

-I can't stand injustices, I wanted to give a lesson to those people who feel so high above others... And I also feel a guilt of my own, a sin that I'm trying to atone for in a way or another- his tone shows that he's not willing to talk anymore about this topic, I will respect his privacy as he respected mine yesterday -I am in your debt-

-No, you're not-