Volume 1 Chapter 5 - The Night Adventures of the Three Jokers in the Temple of Juyang. Part Two

As soon as Xie Lian felt the young men's gaze on him, a slight smile flashed across his face, then he turned to them and asked: "Is this the first time you have to see a real cursed kanga?"

The meaning of a cursed kanga comes from its name, a shackle formed as a result of a curse.

For a celestial who was cast down from the Heavenly Heavens, the wrath of the heavens was transformed into the seal of the offender, which manifested on his body in the form of fetters that sealed the divine powers, and remained so for eternity. Like a tattoo on a prisoner's face or heavy shackles on his hands and feet, it served as both a punishment and a warning, instilling terror and shame.

Xie Lian was a twice exiled laughingstock of the three worlds, of course, he was wearing the same cursed kanga on his body. The war spirits must have heard about it, but what they heard was still very different from what they saw with their own eyes. Therefore, the expressions on their faces at this moment did not come as a surprise to Xie Liang.

He guessed that this thing on his neck might have made the youth feel uncomfortable and even fearful. After all, no matter how one looked at it, the cursed kanga was no good.

Xie Liang was about to use the excuse to find a suitable garment and go outside for a walk, when Fu Yao, rolling his eyes to the ceiling, blocked his way with the words: "If you show yourself outside like this, you will be mistaken for a vagrant or some other scoundrel." So Nan Feng found somewhere in the interior of the temple the vestments of a religious minister and threw them to the prince, so that he would no longer give the impression of a beggarly homeless man. The trio settled back into their original seats, but after the incident with the girl, the atmosphere became a little more awkward, so Xie Lian took out a scroll from Linwen Palace and asked, "Would you like to read it again?"

Nan Feng looked at the prince with a sidelong glance and replied, "Already read it. If anyone needs to read it again, it's him."

Fu Yao immediately reacted, "What do you mean I need to repeat it? The information in the scroll is lacking in detail, confusing and unclear, so it's not worth a dime, not that I need to repeat it."

His words about the scroll made Xie Lian involuntarily sympathize with those junior spirits of literature in Linwen Palace who wrote these scrolls every day until their faces were as pale as the dead. Fu Yao's words once again reached the prince, "Aha, so where were we? Why are there... so many female followers in the Nanyang temples, right?"

Okay. Xie Lian put the scroll away again and massaged the throbbing point on his forehead between his eyebrows, realizing that no one would be able to read anything today!

If no one was interested in a serious matter, in that case, it was time to find out what was wrong with this Nanyang Temple after all. It turned out that aside from Xie Liang, who had been collecting all sorts of junk in the mortal world for several hundred years, every celestial in the modern pantheon was aware that there was a period in the biography of the Perfect Lord of Nanyang, Feng Xin, when he was called Perfect Lord Juyang, which meant 'Huge Member'. The main participant in this story had a truly deep hatred for this nickname. All the others expressed their opinions about what had happened with one phrase: "An unfortunate mistake"!

Because the original correct spelling of the name Juyang required the use of another character Juyu. And the replacement occurred because of the following event.

One sovereign who lived many years ago, ordered to build a monastery, and as a proof of sincere intentions decided to make his own inscriptions on all the over-door boards in each room of each building in the halls of the monastery. And as if on purpose, for some unknown reason he made a mistake in writing "Hall of Juyang", and the inscription instead of "Equal to the sun" became "Huge cock".

That incident upset the officials responsible for all matters related to the construction of the monastery so much that it almost drove each of them to their graves. They could not understand whether the sovereign had intentionally made such changes in the spelling, or whether he had made a mistake out of carelessness? In the first case, it remained unclear why the Emperor did not issue a decree stating his intention to change the spelling. In the second case, the question was quite different: how could such a vulgar mistake be made at all? Nevertheless, the officials could not directly say: "Your Majesty, you have made a mistake", because then, it might happen, the sovereign would consider it a mockery of his inattention, a hint of superficial knowledge, or even a suspicion of impure thoughts. Besides, the inscription was His Majesty's calligraphic creation, so would he have to throw it away if he recognized the mistake?

Of all the mysteries of the Celestial Empire, the most difficult is to unravel the plans of a perfectly wise ruler. The officials, exhausted by their deliberations, decided that it would be better for Perfect Lord Juyang to suffer than to offend their sovereign.

It cannot be overlooked that the choice proved to be the right one. When His Majesty himself discovered that "Equal to the Sun" had become a

"Huge cock," he did not bother to explain anything, only invited a group of learned men to his palace, who turned over all the ancient treatises and records in search of arguments laden with countless small details, then produced many writings themselves, proving unequivocally: "Equal to the sun" is the wrong spelling, and originally should have been written "Huge cock". In the end, the very next day, all the temples of Juyang changed their former name to the new one.

Feng Xin didn't find out about the sudden change of his divine title until over a dozen years later. He almost never showed much interest in the inscriptions above the gates of his temples, just one day he was extremely saddened by the fact that the number of worshipers offering prayers to him had increased by leaps and bounds. On top of that, while burning incense, they were all blushing with embarrassment and asking for some nonsense!

After finding out what really happened, Feng Xin went up to the cloudy peaks of the firmament and shouted at the sunlit vast expanse of the sky with a rude profanity, sparing no words.

This shocked the sky-dwellers to the depths of their souls.

But even the most fierce profanity could not be corrected, let them worship, since they started, in any case, he could not forbid so sincerely praying women to come to his temples, had to Feng Xin several years reluctantly listen to their requests. Until one overly virtuous ruler did not find the name "Huge cock" extremely obscene, so he corrected it to "Southern Sun" - Nanyang. And yet, people still didn't forget what else they could pray to Nanyang for, despite his status as the God of War. At the same time, everyone began to adhere to the tacit agreement of never calling him by that very nickname. And there was also widespread agreement on how Perfect Lord Nanyang should be characterized - 'positive'.

If you don't drive him to a white-hot temper, positive from all sides!

Nan Feng's face by the end of the story became blacker than the bottom of an old cauldron, but Fu Yao, filled with a poetic mood, recited: "A friend of all the girls and wives, he gives sons. A huge cock, a connoisseur of passions, Nanyang gives sons. Ah-ha-ha, Ah-ha-ha-ha, Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha..."

Xie Lian culturally restrained a smile, after all, in front of Nanyang's statue, one should not behave impolitely. Nan Feng, on the other hand, was literally furious, "You should gloat less while you're here. If you have nowhere else to put your energy, then go sweep the floor!"

After these words, it was Fu Yao's face to be blackened by the bottom of the cauldron. After all, while the subordinates of Nanyang Palace, for example, were furious upon hearing those two words, in Xuanzhen Palace, sweeping the floor should never be mentioned. This was because Mu Qing, as a simple servant in Huangji Monastery, was only serving His Highness Crown Prince Xie Lian in every way possible, including sweeping the floor of his room and making his bed.

One day, Xie Lian caught sight of the young man reciting rhymed rules of self-cultivation by heart while sweeping the floor. Touched to the core of his soul by his diligent efforts to comprehend wisdom even in unfavorable conditions, the prince went to the mentors to show leniency and accept the boy into the ranks of students of the monastery. And that incident, as they say, could have faded into oblivion, or it could have been remembered for centuries, could have become both a beautiful legend and the greatest shame - it depends on how to treat it. Apparently, it was indelible shame and perceived the main character of those events, because henceforth, and Mu Qing, and all his subordinates, hearing the hint of sweeping the floor, angry to such an extent that cut off all relations with the offending person. So now, Fu Yao, trying his best to keep his cool, glanced at Xie Lian, who only waved his hands innocently, then said with a cold chuckle: "To hear you tell it, you must think that your Nanyang Palace has done more good for His Highness the Crown Prince back in the day."

Nan Feng parried with the same cold chuckle, "So your general also repaid him with black ingratitude, what else is there to talk about?"

"Э..." - Xie Lian was about to intervene in the argument, but Fu Yao beat him to it. Laughing, he uttered: "That's the thing, your general didn't see the log in his own eye, what right does he have to point out other people's mistakes?"

Listening to the two of them turn him into a stick with which they were now bludgeoning their opponent's supreme commander, Xie Lian finally couldn't stand it: "Wait, wait. Enough is enough!"

Of course, the young men did not listen to him, and on top of that they fought. It was unknown who started the fight first, but the sacrificial table was already split in half, and the sacrificial dishes were scattered on the floor with a loud clatter. Xie Liang, realizing that it will not be possible to separate the fighting, sat down in a corner nearby, with a sigh of "Sinful!" picked up from the floor rolled to his feet mantou (mantou - steamed bun made of unleavened flour), wiped off the dust and prepared to eat it. Nan Feng, noticing this out of the corner of his eye, was there in a flash and slapped Xie Liang's hand, so that the mantou fell to the floor again. "Don't you dare eat!"

Fu Yao also stopped, his voice sounding surprised and slightly disdainful, "You even eat something that's ground up in mud?"

Taking advantage of the lull, Xie Lian waved his hands and spoke, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. I have something to tell you."

Xie Lian separated them, squeezing in the middle, and softly said: "First. His Highness the Crown Prince you are talking about is me. My Highness hasn't said a word, so you shouldn't throw me over like a cobblestone you want to hit each other with in an argument either." After a moment's silence, the prince added: "I think that your generals would by no means behave in such a manner, and such unseemly conduct on your part does them no great honor."

After these words, the faces of the young men suddenly changed. Xie Lian, on the other hand, continued: "Second. You have come to help me, right? So still, is it you who has to listen to me or do I have to listen to you?"

After hesitating for a moment, the youths replied, "We have to listen to you."

Of course, each had a look on their faces that said, "No way! Dreaming!", and yet Xie Lian liked their answer, he clapped his hands together and concluded: "Excellent. And lastly, the third thing. And the most important. If you want to throw something away, you'd better get rid of me in that case, but you shouldn't throw away food."

Nan Feng still managed to pry the mantou out of Xie Liang's hands, which he picked up again and only waited for a convenient moment to eat. Finally losing patience, the young man exclaimed: "You can't eat something that is covered in mud!"

***

The next day, the famous "Meet and Greet Shop".

The owner of the teahouse was sitting at the threshold, stretching his legs and basking in the sun, when he noticed a trio of travelers in the distance. A monk in a modest white robe with a bamboo hat behind his back walked ahead, followed by two tall young men in black robes.

As they approached, the monk bowed casually and spoke even more casually, looking more like an idler than the owner of the teahouse: "Dear sir, would you be so kind as to bring us three cups of tea?

With a smile the master said, "Right away!"

He thought to himself: "There they are again, those simpletons. It's injustice: one looks more decent than the other, but it's not known who has more brains than the other. They all talk about some gods and immortals, demons and celestials. Why did nature give them the appearance they have, if they're so sick in the head?"

Xie Lian took the same seat by the window. When the trio was seated, Nan Feng spoke first: "Why did you bring us here again? So sure that our conversation won't reach unnecessary ears?"

Xie Lian calmly replied, "Don't worry about it. Even if someone hears our conversation, they won't give it any importance, thinking that we are not right in the head."

"..."

Xie Lian continued: "To avoid wasting too much time, let's get to the point. I hope you've had time to cool down overnight and come up with some solution to the newlywed spirit problem."

Fu Yao's gaze flashed, the war spirit himself replied with an indifferent tone: "Kill!"

Nan Feng interrupted him, "Bullshit!"

Xie Lian intervened, "Nan Feng, there's no need to be so rude, Fu Yao is quite right, killing a criminal is a way to solve the problem drastically. But then there is the question of where, who and how to kill. I dare to suggest..."

But he was prevented from finishing by a loud noise from outside, which caused all three of them to look out of the window.

It was another gloomy and sad procession to see off the bride. The attendants were blowing trumpets, beating drums, and continuously shouting wedding greetings as if they feared more than anything that someone wouldn't hear them. Nan Feng said glumly: "Didn't you say that the locals don't dare to hold noisy festivities near Mount Yujun?"

The procession was made up of stout and scowling men, their facial expressions and all their body muscles were tense to the extreme, and drops of cold sweat appeared on their foreheads, as if they were not carrying a wedding palanquin surrounded by an atmosphere of happiness, but a real beheading platform, on which they all awaited a painful death. I wonder what kind of girl is sitting inside the palanquin?

After pondering for a moment, Xie Lian was about to go out and take a closer look at the procession when a sudden gust of wind blew in, lifting the curtain on the side of the palanquin.

It appeared that the bride behind her had assumed an unnatural crouched posture, her head bowed to the side, and her brightly painted lips, stretched out in a too wide smile, were visible beneath the slipped wedding veil. When the porters shook the palanquin, the veil slipped off the girl's head, revealing a pair of wide-open, unblinking eyes staring in the direction of the trio.

At first glance, it looked like the girl's neck was broken, but she was laughing silently as she stared at them.

Perhaps it was because the porters' hands were trembling,

the decorated palanquin was very unstable and the bride's head shook in time with the shaking. So she swayed and swayed until she was torn from her neck and rolled down the street with a loud clatter.

And the headless body, which remained in the palanquin, soon toppled from its seat and fell out of the door with a clatter.