CHAPTER 3

= Shekinah's POV =

I can't take it anymore.

The suffocating presence of Almando, his constant scrutiny, and his refusal to let me be.

It's choking me.

He's standing at the doorway. I believe the maids have gone to tell him "madam is acting out again, sir."

Why is he so obsessed with me when he clearly doesn't love me?

Frustration boils inside me, and I snap.

In my desperate attempt to release the pent-up anger that have been building for too long, my hands sweep across the table, sending the files and wine glasses crashing to the floor.

I am feeling overwhelmed, like the walls of this house are closing in on me and constricting my every breath.

Frustration and anger are consuming me.

Almando's voice roars in anger, commanding me to stop, but it only fuels my fury. I grab anything within reach, smashing whatever I can find.

The room descends into chaos, just like the turmoil in my heart. He tries to get a hold of me, but I resist, pushing him away. My world has crumbled, and I don't care about the consequences anymore.

I am desperate to break free, to breathe again.

He grabs me with his strong arms and holds me firmly. "Shekinah, snap out of it!" He yells and I can sense the anger and desperation in his voice.

I can't stop the tears that are streaming down my face. It is as if my entire existence has become unbearable under his watchful gaze.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I sob, feeling like I am drowning in his intensity.

I feel trapped and helpless. The question echoes in the room as I keep asking him why, over and over again. Why can't he let me be?

"Stop this, Shekinah!"

"No! No, I won't! I hate everything, I hate myself! I hate living like this!"

"What is your problem?"

"You! You, Almando, you are my problem!"

"Would you stop this for fucks sake!"

"No!"

"I don't want to touch you, Shekinah…don't make me hit you, stop this madness now!"

"Exactly! Exactly, Almando! Come on…hit me! Hit me!" I walk to him and jab his shoulders back, over and over again, urging him to, "Hit me! Hit me, Almando!"

"Shekinah, stop!" He pushes me back and I fall to the ground.

My eyes are red with tears.

"Almando, why? Why are you doing this to me? You don't want to touch me, you don't want to hold me, you don't want to hear me, you don't want to love me…you just want to look at me like I'm some kind of painting or gold medal of yours! You don't want me talking to anyone, not the women, the men or kids. You just want me to exist only for your viewing pleasure...you can't call me your mate in front of the people but you remind me every day that I belong to you. Why?"

"I have never said I don't want you talking to anyone. I don't know where you got that idea from…" He grumbles.

"Oh, really?!" I stand up, "When I was talking to Cecelia two days ago, why did you pass by twice and then dragged me away the third time to scold me not to do that again? Do what, I asked but you got upset and left. Yesterday, I greeted the security guard and you dragged me aside to tell me not to repeat it. I asked again what I did wrong but you got upset and left. Is it that you want me talking to the wall now or sorry.. I forgot, you might get angry and punch the wall some day…"

He's silent, but not looking at me. I've noticed it too much for it not to get on my nerves. Why does he never look at me? There are so many strange and annoying things about this man but this is by far the strangest and most annoying.

I walk up to him, "Like now you aren't even looking into my eyes. Look into my eyes for once, Almando! Why do you treat me like I don't exist?!"

He doesn't move.

"You've never looked me in the eyes since I entered this house but anytime you think I'm not watching, you devour my body with your eyes. Am I only that to you?"

He doesn't face me.

"If you hate me so much, just let me go, darn it!"

"I don't hate you…"

"Oh, really? Then look me in the eyes and say so."

He doesn't.

"Does my face disgust you? If you hate to see me, why can't you just let me leave?!"

He doesn't move.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I break down crying on the floor again.

I can only hear my sobs for the minute that stretches past.

Suddenly, he kneels down to me and cups my face in his hands but I close my eyes, "I don't hate you, Shekinah…I swear by the goddess, I don't hate you. I…."

…He can't speak. He just can't tell her….

"I'm really sorry…I'm really, really sorry."

And then, in a moment that leaves me breathless, he kisses me. His lips are warm, and the kiss is passionate, and for a fleeting moment, it feels like he might truly care. I am torn between the rush of desire and the lingering frustration. I can hear him grunt as if he's in pain. I can't allow myself to be swayed by his touch. I push him away and hold my head which is in sudden pain. My heart is pounding loudly.

Confusion and desire battle in me.

"Well, I hate you Almando! I hate you!...I, Shekinah Gloria, reject you, Almando' Martinez, as my mate!" I scream at him with every ounce of energy I can muster.

I staggeredly run out of the house, the cool night air hitting my face as I sprint away from him. I need distance from the intensity of our confrontation, from the way he had shaken my world with that kiss.

The tears continue to flow, and I feel countless emotions raging inside me. He is making my life unbreathable, keeping me under his watchful gaze when all I want is to escape.

I need space, I need to breathe. I need to clear my mind.

+++++

My head is spinning, and tears stream down my face as I stumble through the streets on yet another terrible night. Almando's image haunts my every thought, and I can't escape the frustration, the anger, and the burning desire to hurt him back for what he's done to me. I am a mess, muttering curses and insults to a man who isn't even here. It's as if I've lost control, as if he has taken over my mind and won't let go.

I am drowning in a sea of emotions, consumed by my own despair.

I find myself in front of a bar. Without thinking, I push through the door, and the noisy chatter of patrons fill my ears. The scent of alcohol is strong, and I don't care about the curious glances from the people inside. I am beyond caring about what anyone thinks of me. The world is a blur, and I am just trying to escape from the torment inside my own mind.

I am on the edge, wanting any form of release.

The first person I stumble into doesn't matter to me. I grab his collar and pull him close, smashing my lips against his. In my hazy state, I don't even see the man's face; all I can see is Almando's. I continue to hurl insults and curses at him, tears mingling with the intensity of my emotions. The man's voice is deep, but I can't hear what he is saying over the confusion inside my head. I pull him closer, drowning in the illusion of Almando's presence.

I am lost in my own world and unable to differentiate reality from my delusions.

We stagger to a corner of the bar, and I throw myself onto the man. Do I look as desperate as I sound? He doesn't seem to mind. He continues to engage with me, his lips locked with mine. It is a tussle of sensations and emotions, a chaotic dance between two strangers lost in the night. But to me, it isn't a stranger; it is Almando, and every kiss is laced with anger and longing.

My actions are reckless, and my desires are chaotic.

The man leads me further into the back of the bar, and my mind is more clouded than a drunk man's own. I can't stop myself from calling him Almando, insulting him, and demanding answers that will never come. The lines between reality and delusion blur even further. I am lost in the storm of sensations, unable to escape the torment that Almando's memory has become. I am trapped in my own fantasy and unable to find my way out.

The man responds with more passion as his hands eagerly explore every curve of my body. He pulls my gown up and I feel him carry me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist. In a rush of time, I feel him insert his length into me and my moans keep on bringing Almando's face to my mind's eye. He's all I see, he's all I feel. He continues thrusting until we both hit climax. Then we go again and again till I sink to the ground.

"I hate you, Almando," My voice is heavy with anguish and longing as I whisper between feverish kisses. The words are a peak of all the pain and frustration I have felt, a cry of both desire and despair.

And then, the man's voice breaks through the haze, and I hear him say, "Thank you for tonight, milady."

I am lost in my own world, and then, I simply doze off on his shoulders.

+++++

•••|•••

= Almando's memory =

Dear Goddess, why did you have to bless her with this kind of beauty?

As I watch Shekinah gracefully set the plates on the table, I can't help but marvel at her breathtaking beauty. Her eyes are a mesmerizing shade of azure, like the deep, tranquil waters of a hidden forest pond, and they seem to hold all the beauties of the universe.

Her hair cascades down her back in silken waves, a rich ebony that shimmers when she's under the soft candlelight. The way it gently brushes her waist leaves me in awe and it's texture invites my fingers to run through it like fine silk. Her nails are perfectly manicured and add a touch of elegance to her already enchanting presence.

But what truly leaves me spellbound are her curves. She is petite, yet her curves from her waist to her hips are a work of art, a masterpiece sculpted by the divine. As I continue watching her, I can't help but wonder if she has been crafted directly in the image of the goddess herself. She's a living embodiment of celestial beauty.

And this is why I suffer every second.

I can't love her.

I can't hit her when she gets on my nerves as a result of the spiteful words she says to me in her fits of anger. My father always beat my mother and I'd rather die than be anything like him.

I can't touch her even if I gravely want to. The moment I do, we'll both be in pains and I might end up losing her, again.

Not again.

It's only twice I've been in love in my twenty five years of living and thrice I've gotten a mate..before her was Her and before Her was Angela. Angela died, because of me; my desire, greed and lust made her die.

Then again, It happened to Her before her. I had lost Her because of my desire, lust and greed. I thought she was gone but Goddess, you played this sick, twisted game with me and brought her back, looking more alluring than the last time I saw her. And more hotheaded.

Why would you do this, Goddess?

I want to take her into my arms and make passionate love to her and tell her how much I want and desire her as only mine but I cannot.

I fear I will lose her again and for good this time.

This is why I suffer every second. Because I know she suffers more and doesn't even know why she faces so much suffering, even from me - the person who she once called "Aisula."