My world collapsed

My beautiful world collapsed,

Infront of my eyes,

When I tuned the age of ten,

Was it my fault?

Or my destiny's?

I don't know who to blame,

But whoever's fault it is,

Has turned my world completely upside down,

How magical life was,

When I was younger,

When I didn't had to suffer cramps,

Each and every month,

People always said it's normal,

Happens to everyone,

But it still hurted us,

It burned our childhood alive..

The world got blur,

I was running far away,

From myself,

I started hating my body,

Even though it was created by god himself,

People made me blind,

I couldn't see my own beauty,

I thought,

Weren't I too young for that?

My own mother,

She started complaining me,

About my short height,

Maybe she was protecting me,

But I never felt that way,

I started getting insecure,

About all and everything,

The same things I used to adore when I was a little girl,

Who didn't care about the world,

Who was too busy doing her arts,

Sometimes i wish,

I could paint my world with the different beautiful colours from my color palette,

But unfortunately,

God didn't made it to be possible..

It was still not as bad,

Until I turned eleven,

And started understanding feelings,

The feel of love,

The feel of heart breaks,

Then I knew,

My life was gone,

With a giant scary storm,

I got far from my parents,

Sometimes even my friends,

The feeling of being lonely,

It started haunting me till i break down in my locked room,

I started asking myself,

Was I really old enough for all that pain?,

The same people who used to carry me on their shoulder as when I was a kid,

Started saying those hurtful things on my face,

I still remember,

The way I used to lock myself up in the bathroom,

And let my heart cry as loud as it could,

Nobody ever knew,

How hurt my little heart was,

I had no one to share my pain with,

And that was the time,

When I wished I was never born..

That phase passed too,

Though,

It left many scars on my heart,

Then I turned twelve,

The age when you start liking people,

It was hard,

When I first fell in love,

While I didn't even knew what love was,

But as god's creation,

It was definetly not in my hands,

People think that love at a young age is just like an attraction,

But it's not just an attraction,

Those who had felt it will understand,

What it's like to be in love when you can not even love yourself,

First love always hits hard,

You think they are your world,

You don't think about yourself but them,

Their one love word will become your everyday thing to think about,

When you make one eye contact with them,

You heart starts to race,

When they are hurt,

You feel more pain than themselves,

When they say something mean to you,

You will overthink your whole personality,

It will lead you to the world of pain,

First loves are mostly one sided,

Just like mine,

And now that I understand love,

I don't think it was just an attraction,

The worst feeling about it,

Was while I loved someone for years,

They didn't even knew a thing about it,

I used to hurt more to realise,

That we couldn't share about it to our family,

I am sure if i ever did,

They would never stop hating on me,

And it that ever happend,

I wouldn't be here writing this poetry..

It was a really hard and painful chapter,

But anyhow I passed it again,

Like I always did,

But when the teenage called me at the doors,

I couldn't ignore it's dark shadow,

I kept coming towards me,

Like a spirit coming into my soul,

I didn't realised,

That's I was no more a kid,

Although I never thought of being a princess,

It has never been my dream,

I want to create my own world,

Which ill have power to lead myself,

I dream to be my own queen,

To complete that dream,

I know it will take long,

And there will be lots of thorns on the way,

People will complain again,

But I never gave up,

And I never will,

It's not in my DNA,

To fight these teenage pains,

Is my first goal..

I am still carrying on,

With my teenage phase,

And I've already learned a tons of things,

I no more think about love,

I don't care what others say,

I do not break my own heart by giving anyone everything,

I've learned my lesson,

And I will not repeat my mistakes,

Life is still very hard,

I have become more responsible,

I still crave for my parents love,

There is just one difference,

Younger me used to cry when things went to the wrong ways,

Or if i got hurt,

But the older me doesn't shed it's single tear for something which was bound to happen,

For my that's my first victory,

I've learned to let things go,

Either if it's a good thing or a bad,

Being alone doesn't make me sad,

Instead it gives me the peace I need,

I hate crowds, I hate people,

I prefer to live in a quite world,

With my close people,

Who has seen every phase of mine but still had never judged me,

Those, who love me the way I am,

I don't give a damn,

To those things that used to intrest me,

I have changed,

In a very beautiful way,

I no longer quarrel with anyone,

I accept the reality and move ahead,

But deep down,

There is a small place in my heart,

Which still holds all those flashbacks of life,

Some good, mostly bad,

And sometimes,

They come back to my face and slap me once again,

It makes me feel like I'm gonna fall,

It really hurts, very deeply,

But this is life,

Sometimes we fall,

And sometimes we grow,

Its like autumn,

And if this cycle stops,

Our lives will also stop..

This is not the end,

I know,

There are still a lot of lessons which is a MUST to be learned,

There are many hills waiting for me,

To go to them and break them,

I will have to suffer, again and again,

Until i reach the end,

And no matter how hard it gets,

Nothing can stop me from moving ahead,

One day,

Im sure my parents will be proud,

Of their daughter,

If not,

Ill be proud of myself,

Till then,

I'll carry my story on my shoulder,

And move ahead to another chapter,

Which I hope will be better...