038. Huu prepares to move
January 2992, Blackjack III
++ Bup bup beep bup bup ++
Huu looked up. Head ringing with a great sense of worry.
As in 'what is going on and why does everything look so difficult and bad and why am I even here' worry.
Dammit System, it's not even two months into the cycle, why are you giving me an alert now!?
++ Noblesse System Initiating. Welcome Host ++
Fuck off system, I know that's you.
++ System acknowledges user's attention. Showing Noblesse Oblige Like a Real Noble System initiated. Standby. ++
System, I know that's you. You've even got the smug little plus plus thing you do.
++ True Nobles demonstrate their superiority over other nobles by having a healthy and prosperous people. Rule like a True Noble and bring happiness to your people! ++
...
Whut.
Huu paused and pondered.
When the fuck did I become the ruler of anything? When did I become a noble of anything!? My parents are the Duke and Duchess, what the fuck is going on?
His profanity laden words hid a great deal of worry.
Two systems, well, one system that was cosplaying as two was just going to make his life harder.
Like.
A lot harder.
The stupid rules and missions were going to get him killed... but he was Huu Eggers! A man of two lives! He was going to beat this damned system no matter what!
++ System initiating. Noblesse System activation complete. Host must complete objectives to receive rewards. Objectives relate to Host's subjects. Each objective will not be constrained by time. Host must complete objectives in order. Host will be subject to penalties for not meeting objective requirements. Does Host accept this Noblesse System? ++
Hmmmm.
No cycle timers.
Objectives clearly laid out... that's not so bad.
Penalties, eh, he was used to those.
But really, no time penalties? That was eaaasy.
Yeah, he could totally handle it.
I accept he thought at the System.
++ First Objective: Host's subjects are suffering. Host must demonstrate Noblesse Oblige and raise the life expectancy rate from 48 to 75. ++
...
Fuck.
He had been swindled.
Fucking, should have thought it through before accepting. It was the same System, the System was always trying to screw him over.
Why had he trusted it?
No no, that was his fault. He had been too trusting.
Even after all this time he had thought a little good of the System, but this new objective? Even he knew just how hard it was to get life expectancy up! For the first mission as well!? Just stab him in the balls now and call it a day! How long would this even take? What about the penalties he would incur?
++ Second Objective: Host must ensure Host's personal household are appropriately attired. True Nobles are well presented from all angles, from the lowliest blade of grass to the top of Host's unkept hair! ++
...
Right.
++ First Objective Reward: Host will no longer suffer from allergies. ++
Huu had been entirely wrong of the System! The System always had his best interests at heart! Leeeet's goooooo!
++ Second Objective Reward: Host will develop hand-eye coordination! Host will be able to catch flying balls and other objects! ++
And there weeee go.
Thanks System, you really are my best friend, he thought.
++ Objective Punishments: Failure to meet any Objective within 6 months will result in Host running one Marathon (42.195 kilometres). Continued failure will result in one more Marathon every month. Failure to comply with punishment will result in loss of Noblesse System ++
...
Well... exercise... wasn't so bad?
He had no intention of losing anyway!
Let's get started!
Wait...
What was he meant to be the noble of, exactly?
+_+
February 2992, Blackjack III
It had been three weeks before the message finally arrived. Before he had found out just what it was he was meant to be in charge of.
The Rasalhague Kingdom had him declared as King by the Archon... which... was... uh.
Really?
The Rasalhague Kingdom?
What did he do to be appointed King of that place?
And why would they even want him?
Seriously, these were the questions he was asking because everyone else thought this was a good idea.
Like.
Really?
He had thought his people were a little... misguided at times, but wow.
The whole noble fever thing really bit them hard, huh?
Well, that was the Lyran Commonwealth.
He should know, he lived here for twenty years. Noble titles were really the best way to improve your social mobility in the Lyran Commonwealth.
The people must be really desperate if they were willing to accept him as King. But, well, if they had questionable taste, then that was on them.
Losing his allergies was the priority! It didn't matter who he was in charge of, Huu was going to raise their life expectancy rates!
Anyway, King.
First! First thing had been to give everyone standard uniforms.
Second Objective was a go!
A light teal, almost turquoise colour, purple secondary colours and white or black highlights depending on personal choice. Long clothes of linen or cotton. A flare at the end of the trousers and sleeves, a little lace for maximum flounce. As with all of those comfortable in their own skin, a little lace never hurt. As with a little flounce. A little in the way of boots and of course, the Zeon capes. Half-shoulder capes because, nothing could not be made better with a little cape.
And! And, as with all anime teenage boys, a large coat that you hang on your shoulders. The kind where you don't put your arms in the sleeves, so it flaps with the wind.
Of course, there had to be little clasps, so it wouldn't just fall off if you lean backwards, or if there was a strong wind. As young Huu had discovered many a time in the extremely windy city centre. Where the high rises had created massive wind funnels that stripped one's loosely hanging coats off them.
++ Weeb ++
Hah! As a great man once said. There are two kinds of people, those with kinks, and those who are liars. Huu wasn't a man too afraid to admit his own kinks!
Huu was a well adjusted human being System, he wasn't afraid of making his style preference known! Just because the System didn't have a body, didn't mean that it could denigrate his fashion choices!
++ ... ++
Sure, half the ideas had been work shopped to hell and back, but at least the general stylistic choices had been accepted.
Sadly, no lace on the cuffs, it was a strong frilly fabric instead.
Sadly.
But! It had worked. Getting the new uniforms into production had taken a few weeks, and they were coming off the production line now.
Soon, his people would be the best dressed And! He could play sports without fumbling every catch, or tripping over his own feet. Or giving innocent people accidental concussions by falling on them.
Soon he would be able to sit at his desk without accidentally knocking his tea cups over.
Anyway, the clothes were set, now the Rasalhague situation.
He still had to lose money...
And if the situation on Furillo had taught him anything, it was that he had to keep an eye on his people at all times.
All of the profits they had incurred had stabbed him in the back. Stabbed him with sheer, complete, utter profits.
Hell, Tolsand Warworks! All the way over on Furillo, they were. There being nothing there to keep an eye on them... which meant that he was dealing with immense profits! The Armsman was being licensed to anyone with a pulse. All of them paying him profits, more and more and more profits!
What the hell, Lyran Commonwealth!?
You talk about how much you love Assault Battlemechs and Heavy Battlemechs.
But now... now you care about an exosuit that was under half a ton?
What fresh betrayal is this?
The Smialy!
Five tons! An ultralight that they were calling a Militiamech that was officially an Automachine.
Where was your Assault bias, Commonwealth! You liars!
All of them were selling, but Tolsand... Tolsand had betrayed him the most, the Armsman... and the Light Battlemechs. The utterly useless factory he had bought... was now making profits hand over fist. New production lines, new weapons, new systems.
How had they managed to start producing their own fusion engines on their own? Who was providing them with the computers? The weapons?
With his eyes off them for a single cycle, Tolsand had worked with some... unknown... parties to stab him in the back. Traitors, the lot of them.
Therefore! Therefore, he had to have everyone where he could keep his eyes on them.
Which was why he had chosen New Oslo as the capital, or at least his headquarters.
Why?
Because that was the only Battlemech factory in the Rasalhague Kingdom.
As in, it was the prime place to make profits. He had to keep an eye on it at all times. What if it betrayed him like Tolsand Warworks and started to make money? Potential traitors had to be kept close... watched.
Which led into the latest problem because the System is a bastard.
++ Reminder; System is not human. Human social norms do not apply. ++
That being, taxes counted as income.
As in, taxes counted as part of his personal wealth.
As in those billions of people over 43 worlds from a border connecting Kufstein, Engadin, Ferleiten, Predlitz, Pomme De Terre, Vipaava, Radije, Tronheim, Pinnacle and Thule... had left him with a substantialtax income in the next four months.
Every six months the taxes would be collected, and because of that damned Archon not sending the message through priority, he was now a month behind.
Grrrr.
Right.
Priorities first.
Using the Providences, which were needed because there were several worlds in his new Kingdom separated by more than the 15 light years of the Diplomat class Jumpships. Well, lots of worlds in the Periphery, were also more than the Providence's 22 light year jump limit, but it made things generally easier.
A direct chain of them constantly moving between Blackjack and New Oslo to carry his messages. He had to keep in touch with the businesses remaining on Blackjack to prevent them stabbing him in the back!
The route was New Oslo, Bruben, Liezen, Kirchbach, Verthandi, Chateau, Maxie's Planet, Trell I, Butler, Malibu, and then Blackjack.
A pain in the ass.
But needs must. Otherwise, he would be dealing with betrayal that he wouldn't have known about for months.
Thus!
Thus, he had to bring the most troublesome companies with him to New Oslo. A King had to live within his Kingdom and all that.
All would be joining except Eggers Education, who he could trust to lose money... and moving all of the education facilities wasn't very practical.
Oh, and Eggers Media would stay, they were always good at losing him money.
Everyone else would be coming with! Well, everyone except the companies he had bought with their headquarters elsewhere. Like Tolsand Warworks (the traitors!) and Wotan Mining Systems.
Eggers Orbital Construction would keep their facilities here, but future work would be divided between New Oslo and Blackjack.
After all, moving everything and starting from scratch would lose him all the money in setting it all up!
It would give him the chance to lose money and complete mission objectives as well!
Healthcare, and Physical Entertainment! Those Rasalhague-ians(?) would be instrumental in losing him future profits.
Actually, now that he thought about it, why couldn't he also ask the Blackjack School of Conflict to come with him? Or at least set up a new sister school? They could even be passive-aggressive to each other, like the PSA sports teams as a kid.
They would be the New Oslo School of Conflict, but spending all the money on a military school? One that needed new vehicles after exercises, new buildings, targets, campuses, mechs? Absolutely yes!
Now that he thought about it... didn't he have a solution right here for his tax problems?
The solution to having too much tax revenue was to spend it!
Weren't all the governments in his last life filled with deficits? They were always losing money on things, like spending 400 million to save the Great Barrier Reef, but only having one building and a few scientists to show for it after 5 years. Governments were just inefficient like that!
Governments were the best way to lose money thinking about it clearly. Like... governments were always trying to cut services, like cutting public infrastructure and wages... they just weren't able to make enough money to provide them! The reason why they kept cutting healthcare subsidies was because of the huge debt they had.
They were always saying how the government couldn't spend money, always had too much debt... always losing money.
Yes...
Now that he was thinking... wasn't the government just an endless pit of money? An endless loss-making machine?
He had been too hard on the System! This Noblesse cosplay and the System original were actually trying to help him out, weren't they!?