Should've Never Fallen for Him

Dylan

"I have no excuse. I'm sorry," he said, swallowing hard.

I saw the tension in his jaw, the way his eyes darted away from mine as if looking at me was too much. But sorry just wouldn't cut it.

"Come on, Kayden. I'm not a kid. You can't seriously have no excuse for lying to me like that," I retorted, my voice sharper than I intended.

"You wouldn't like it—my reason," he replied, his voice low.

I leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. "Try me." The words came out clipped, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. I was tired of dancing around this. I needed answers.

"First of all, how do you even know about my orientation? And I've known you my whole life—you're as straight as they come. So why would you do something like this?" My voice wavered, frustration lacing every word.

He didn't answer right away. Instead, he looked away, as if finding the right words was harder than facing the truth.

"I've known… for a while now," he replied quietly. "And to the best of my knowledge, I'm still straight. I just don't get what it is when it comes to you." His eyes darkened with something I couldn't quite name.

I blinked, stunned for a moment. My heart sped up with hope, that small spark of possibility igniting inside me. Maybe, just maybe, my wishful thinking could be true. "Does that mean… you like me?" I asked, holding my breath, waiting for him to confirm it — to give me something to hold on to.

But then he shook his head. "Listen, Dylan. Feelings, emotions… all of that? It's abstract to me. I just want to fuck you. Nothing more."

The words hit like a punch to the gut—brutal, blunt, and devastating.

I stared at him, trying to process it, trying to understand how he could say something like that so easily. "You're a jerk," I said, my voice trembling with a mixture of anger and hurt.

"I know. That's just how I am when it comes to matters of the heart. That's why you absolutely shouldn't have fallen for me, Dylan. Or do what you did back then."

My breath caught in my throat. "You knew about it?" I asked, feeling the floor shift beneath me. I hadn't expected this—I hadn't expected him to know about what happened three years ago, the thing I thought I'd hidden so well. But of course, he knew. Kayden always knew more than he let on.

He didn't answer. Instead, he looked away again, refusing to meet my eyes. That silence was enough. It told me everything I needed to know.

I felt dazed, and more vulnerable than I ever had before. The walls I'd carefully built up around myself crumbled, leaving me exposed and raw. I didn't even have the energy to react anymore. I just felt numb. All I could think about was how to escape this—how to make it through this conversation without completely falling apart.

"How much is my rent?" I asked suddenly, surprising even myself.

Kayden blinked, caught off guard. But I needed a way out. I couldn't stay here—not like this, not after everything that had just been said. The idea of packing up and leaving weighed heavily on me, especially with lectures starting in just two days. I didn't want to go through another round of moving, explaining things to my family, or dealing with their questions. I couldn't come out to them like this.

They'd ask questions—questions I wasn't ready to answer. And if my brother found out… I couldn't even imagine that conversation. The last thing I wanted was for him to drift apart from his friend because of me. This had to stay strictly between Kayden and me.

He opened his mouth as if to argue, but I wasn't in the mood for more empty words. I needed control over something—anything. So I pressed on.

"How much is it, and how much did you spend on everything we bought?" My voice was firmer now, more determined. I needed this, even if it was just to keep my sanity intact.

"Dylan, you know there's no need for that between us..." He started, trying to brush it off like it didn't matter, like everything would go back to normal after this. But nothing was normal anymore.

"You fucking take it, or I leave." The words shot out of me, sharp and cutting, and they surprised him. His eyes widened just a little, enough for me to know I'd struck a nerve. "After all, you want to have sex with me. Chances are you'll never see me again if I leave this place."

He took a deep breath, and I could see the conflict in his eyes.

"I'll take it," he said finally, his voice clipped. "I'll add it all up and send half of the bill to you."

With that, I stood up and left his room, not even bothering to look back. My chest felt tight, and my hands trembled as I made my way back to my own space. I should've known better than to fall for Kayden. I'd seen how he broke hearts before, how he left a trail of shattered pieces behind him without a second thought. And now, I was just another casualty.

Seems like I'm now the cause of my trouble. I ignited a fire I shouldn't have, three years back. If I hadn't done that, we'd probably be living a normal life like before. So I really couldn't blame him much. It's all my fault and my stubborn heart. Like prophecy, the book I was reading at that time came true in my life.

I collapsed onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. The weight of everything settled over me like a heavy blanket, making it hard to breathe. How had things gotten so messed up?

That silly decision I made back then changed everything between us. And now, I was paying the price for it. But I couldn't go back. I couldn't undo what had been done. All I could do was try to survive the fallout.

The worst part was that, even after everything, part of me still wanted him. Even after all the hurt, I couldn't stop the way my heart raced whenever he was near. But that didn't matter anymore. I couldn't let myself fall any further.

Kayden was right. I should've never fallen for him.