Chapter 4. "What lives inside."

A poem I wrote: August 13th 2004.

(8 months into 15 years old.)

I realize that this is not in the order that it should be in, but I didn't want to open with a poem lol.

Let alone a 20 year old poem that is wickedly different from anything I have out now. 

I mean, its not BAD.

Its just VERY 15-year-old-love-blind-kid lol

Enjoy. 

-----

I sit atop this porch up high and watch as all the cars roll by.

I wish I was a bird to fly, along the light-blue evening sky. 

Its growing dark, its going to rain.

These clouds will wash away my pain...

I feel as if a lion slain

With much to lose 

And none to gain.

The sun is gone. There is no more light.

I strain to fight this continuous fight.

This pain inside dose darken my sight.

These walls are closing and squeezing me tight...

My lungs are crushed.

I have no breath.

I see a light.

I feel my death.

But then your voice comes pouring in

And the four tight walls start to grow thin.

The darkness fades and light floods in

The fight is over, and guess what? I win.

The evil inside has capsized and died

And finally ended this dreadful ride.

You assure me that everything's alright. 

And I wrap my arms around you tight.

The beast is gone with all the hatred I had

For those who have done me wrong

Like my lying dad...

I'm a new man and I no longer hide

This now untainted heart that lives inside. 

Thank you.

-----

I have no idea what I was going through, or if I was just feeling poetic lol.

I do know that I've always had a deep and staunch believe that love could and would conquer all of my fears and solve all of my problems...

I grew up with shows and movies and books that showcased that sort of power.

That ability for two people who love each other to be able to pull each other from the darkest of places...

A part of me still believes that.

Still thinks that way.

Its crazy to look back and see that as cringy as it may be, in some ways I have never changed. 

See you soon folks.