Chapter 6

"I promise"

I lied, I won't be going back to those demons, they don't deserve  my presence, as shallow as it sounded it was better I was dead to them, how else was I going to exert my revenge on them if they saw me?.

They are going to make a fuss about my arrival, Damian would leave a happier life knowing I was dead, and he would be happy with his newly found bride, I bet they now had children.

His grandfather would be the happiest man in the world, if I wasn't mistaken they must have had like two children and would be expecting some other one.

I haven't checked anything about him in the past five years. I wasn't given the leverage to dwell in a painful past when everyday brought a new batch of pain and misery that tempted me to take my own life.

yes! 

That was how my life had been, it was a series of betrayals, life-threatening accidents, traumas. I didn't have the time to spend with my own children because I wasn't considered safe around them for so long, I had inflicted so much pain on myself, I had lived in self blame, it was as though I had reincarnated into a female version of job, with my children as my salvation. 

But today marked a new beginning for me, it was the happiest I had been in the past years, 

 I came back from the hospital, not because the doctor had a hopeless diagnosis of my condition, but because I was finally free to be among my fellow humans. After months of torment, and mild loss of memory I had been diagnosed with sociopathic tendencies.

The image flickered in my mind again… it made my skin boil.

'Breath, breath, breath' I recited the mantra to myself as I felt the anxiety build up within me.

'Your brain is against you, you are not a demon' I told myself again.

Those were the words my therapist had made me recite, truth be told, it helped a lot, at least with the constant hate for myself. 

My nerves felt calmer, and the little shielded wall I had found myself in finally collapsed, then it came to my realization that I had been standing at the door all this while. So I walked in then began to park my clothes into an empty box.

I couldn't help but think about what this 'new life' of mine would bring.

I could spend all day pretending that I wasn't affected by them, but I knew if I left this state, I was sure to run into Damian. I wanted to know how to act,there was no way in hell I wouldn't see him.

I could tell Sabrina and Micheal I had gone home, then travel to another country with my children, but that would mean I was a coward.

Which I wasn't, I wasn't a coward, I didn't come this far just to bear that tag.

So I chose to fight my fears rather than walk away from it. 

I took my phone, perspiration trickled down my hands as it shook gently, I haven't seen him in five years, five years wasn't a long time, what are the odds that he hasn't changed, his life must have skyrocketed in ways unimaginable.

He was very active on social media, so the chances of me seeing him was high. I typed his name, 'Damian Sinclair ' . My heart was beating so fast as it began to load. 

I tossed the phone on the bed, 'coward!' My subconscious mind yelled back at me.

Damn it, I exhaled, I shouldn't be this nervous seeing a ex-husband, I took the phone again.

There were a series of men with his name on facebook, but the sight of his family picture which had been there ever since I met him was the first on a search list. I tapped it, the first picture was that of the Sinclair co-operations, it has been renovated…

'Nice' I whispered.

Damian was hardworking, he must have pushed the company to the brink of success, and I could see the little changes in the facade of the building. It was exactly the same changes I had told him about five years ago.

Just the sight of it made my inside flare with anger, pain and resentment. And a little part of me wished I was there to oversee the progress in his life. 

'Coward!' My subconscious mind flared up again, as I attempted to reconsider my actions, but as I scrolled up, his picture came into the light, taking me by surprise.

He had grown beard hair in the last five years, his face… It looks more mature now.

'Damn' my heart was beating really fast all over again.

This picture was taken of him at a party, probably some party at the office.

'Nice' I muttered to myself as I placed the phone back on the bed, I waved my head to get the fuzzy feeling away from my heart, this was just stupid. Nothing changed, he might be the most good looking man I have seen in a long time, he could be Henry Cavill for all I cared, he was still a shity pushover.

A family puppet, who had no opinions about his needs and wants, he was a fuckin prick. I hated him and his name and the thought of him was a trigger to me and my entire existence.

'Fuck them, damn all of them, damn their fucked up live, let's reign fire on them, let's bring them down!'

My mind kept me busy like a psychotic drunk lady, and somewhere amidst my very vague thoughts I found myself laughing.

In the past five years , I have realized I was the funniest person I knew, and in times like this when life was bent on pulling me down, what I did was make jokes, and I found myself laughing  on the bed, hence the reason why I was placed in an asylum for months.

"Mummy!Are we really traveling!" Maisy ran into the room in sheer excitement.

"My princess!"  I pulled her up then kissed her.

"Yes, we are traveling!"

"Woah!!, where, Paris!!," Maisy yelled in excitement.

"Mom our last visit to Germany was too short, I wanted to go back there, mom, Hailey said her parents were going skiing, can we go there" 

My children have traveled more places than I have ever had, I could keep up.

"Well, we are going back to mummy's home town, don't you want to see where moms was born?" 

The sound of it irked the hell out of me,  "Yes!" Daisy responded.

She was calmer than her sister, talking of two identical sisters with totally different personalities. I could tell which one of them was going to be a nun and who would be a stripper in between them , but there were still my little girls.

"Yay!, we would see the other grandma and grandpa!" 

Their exclamation brought sadness to my heart , I can't force them to lie to Micheal and Sabrina, they wouldn't do that even if I bribed them, that was how strong their bond was, so I needed to rectify that.

'Actors'

If I needed to make my journey back home a little bit interesting, then I needed to plan ahead. I needed to hire actors to play the role of foster parents.

"Mum, do you know this man, he's so fine" she pointed to the face on the screen, it was Damon's in his grey suit, my heart skipped, she was fuckin me showing me her father.

"Nope, give me that, " I stretched my hand towards her to yank it away. Now she sees it as a game, running around with my phone.

" Maisy!, now is not the time to play, give me my phone" 

"His wife?They are so fine!, mom this gown is so fine

My heart started beating, "mummy she looks like you" she she added 

"Give me that now!," I yanked the phone from their hands then tossed it recklessly.

"Get out!" 

They stood still, with tears in their eyes, I had just yelled at them.

"Sorry, I didn't, I" both of them ran off.

I messed things up.

'Calm down, calm down…, calm the fuck down', breath' 

I can't… I can't

I can… 

Tears trickled down my eyes, have I really healed, I reached out for the phone again, it was slightly cracked.

The picture of Samatha and Damian in their office was half blurred by the cracked line of my phone. She was wearing a red gown, my red gown, she was seated on his thighs.

Damian gave me that gown for our one year anniversary, I only wore it once, and here she was, putting it on.

The face of my step sister looked flawless and innocent. No one would suspect her for an attempted murder. 

'Throw her inside the water now before someone sees you' 

 Her voice rang in my mind again as I felt my body fall down off a bridge , the water, it forced itself through my nose, it forced itself into my lungs.

I felt like I was drowning again, I am fine, I am fine!, 

My hands. It's sweaty again, I held it with the other one, I saw myself at the bank of a beach, the wind was very harsh, I had just been given CPR, my lungs hurt.

Fuck fuck.

"She's awake!"