The Real King of Shit

The pole-reversing match was a rough, somewhat dangerous team competition.

As the name implies, the objective was to topple the pole guarded by the opposing team. The side that knocked down the other's pole twice would be declared the winner.

Since the competition was restricted to boys, Class D—already short three members—entered at a significant disadvantage. Fortunately, they hadn't anticipated a win here, so the outcome didn't really matter to them.

Class A, also in the Red Group, unfortunately bore the brunt of this lack of coordination. There wasn't much to be done about that, and Ichinose would just have to endure it for a while longer.

In theory, if the two classes could collaborate, they could coordinate their offensive and defensive strengths based on individual abilities, making their strategy more effective. However, since they were teammates yet competitors, cooperation was out of the question.

The AD and BC alliances each assigned two classes to specialize in either attack or defense. The difference was that the AD alliance alternated which class would take the offensive, while the BC alliance relied solely on Class B to attack. This arrangement suited Ryuuen's aggressive approach perfectly.

"Hikigaya-kun, are you planning to issue remote commands?" asked Sakayanagi, casting a curious look at Hikigaya, intrigued by what he might do.

After all, this wasn't a game—he couldn't just click the mouse a few times to control players on a screen. Real life didn't work that way.

Particularly in a chaotic front-line contest, effective command required being on the scene.

In reality, Hikigaya had limited control over his class's movements. The only person he could truly direct was Sudo.

But Sudo alone might be enough.

"And I'm not exaggerating," Sakayanagi continued, "but Kito-kun from our class is extremely strong. While Class D has a few athletic students, I doubt they'll get past our defenses. And against Class B? Even less likely."

Just as she'd noted, the boys from Class C, who were defending, were no pushovers.

With Katsuragi voluntarily stepping back from his role as leader, internal conflicts in Class A had quieted. Katsuragi himself was well-suited for defense, and the formation he'd arranged was as solid as a fortress.

Class D, on the other hand... well, "low morale" would be putting it kindly.

"It's fine," Hikigaya said, barely glancing up. "I don't need to win; I just need to handle Ryuuen."

The first round was practically predetermined as a loss—hardly worth watching.

"Ah, so victory isn't your goal..." Sakayanagi's soft smile hinted that she understood his thoughts.

That mischievous streak of hers hadn't changed at all.

Just then, the game signal sounded.

Attackers from both sides rushed forward. While Class B attacked fiercely, the Class D boys appeared half-hearted and uninterested in making an impact.

The school had strict rules against outright violence during competitions, but they allowed minor physical contact.

For example, blatant punches or kicks were off-limits, but minor pushes or grapples were overlooked. Without that leeway, the game wouldn't be possible.

As expected, the lackluster participants from Class D weren't about to engage aggressively. They were practically playing a mock match.

Class B, however, was the exact opposite. Under Ryuuen's command, Albert Yamada—a towering, mixed-race boy—led the charge, launching an all-out assault on Class A's defenses.

Each time Hikigaya saw Albert, with his nearly two-meter height and arms thicker than most people's legs, he questioned if they were the same age.

While Class A was united and had athletic students like Kanzaki and Shibata, most of their other members were only slightly above average in terms of physical strength. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to overcome the massive gap between them and Albert.

Albert's enormous hand reached out, easily plucking Class A defenders from their positions like a child handling toys, shattering their defensive line with ease.

Moreover, Class B had its fair share of tough, streetwise students who had no qualms about using cheap tricks, leaving Class A at a significant disadvantage.

Before long, the Red Group's pole began to tilt, finally crashing to the ground with no surprise.

"That boy is Albert Yamada if I recall correctly," Sakayanagi remarked, her tone curious. "So, Hikigaya-kun, who do you think is stronger—him or Kito-kun?"

"Are we talking about sports or fighting?"

"If possible, both—let's be thorough."

"Greedy, aren't you..."

Hikigaya thought for a moment. "In sports, they'd probably be evenly matched. But in a fight, Albert wouldn't stand a chance against Kito."

"Really? I thought he'd be quite the brawler."

"No, it's quite the opposite."

After frequent sparring sessions with the Student Council President, Hikigaya had become adept at identifying those with systematic training.

It was like Ayanokoji—seemingly ordinary, but if you observed closely, there were subtle signs in his posture and movements that gave him away.

On the other hand, while Albert looked intimidating, he lacked any formal fighting skills. His strength came purely from his natural physicality.

Belying his intimidating appearance, he was quite gentle at heart.

Unless Ryuuen gave the command, Albert never initiated conflict with other students. And, given Albert's sheer size, few dared to confront him anyway.

"Haha, hearing Hikigaya-kun's words, I'm oddly reassured," Sakayanagi remarked.

"I was only speaking offhandedly… What exactly are you worried about?" Hikigaya asked, slightly perplexed.

"Yamada-kun stands no chance against Kito-kun, of course," Sakayanagi replied with a sly smile.

Hikigaya had a sense that she was stirring up trouble on purpose.

"Soon, everyone in Class D will be facing Class B," Sakayanagi continued, watching the AD team shift from offense to defense. "If we want to go after Ryuuen-kun, we'll first have to get past Yamada-kun, who's guarding him. But it doesn't seem like anyone in Class D is up to that task."

"There's no need to overthink it. You'll understand when you see it."

"Oh? Then we'll just have to wait and see."

Hikigaya was confident that if Ryuuen wanted to take down Sudou, Class D's star player, he'd do it himself. Sending others wouldn't be nearly as effective. Besides, Ryuuen probably enjoyed toying with hotheads like Sudou.

As they prepared for the next round, the signal for the second game sounded.

Now, it was Class D's turn to defend the pole, while Class B of the White Group took the offensive.

"Hey, everyone, step it up this time! Don't even think about slacking!" shouted Sudou, trying to rally his classmates. But his efforts had little effect.

Then Hikigaya's voice crackled over the headset: "Tell them that the girls in Class A are embarrassed by the boys' performance. If they hold the pole longer than Class A's boys did, they might win the girls' admiration."

"What? Really? Would Suzune notice me, too?" Sudou responded, suddenly enthusiastic.

Hikigaya hadn't expected him to be the first to bite—truly a simp.

"Now that's amusing," Sakayanagi chuckled nearby. "Hikigaya-kun, you're quite the devil, misleading an innocent boy like that."

"What can I say? Adolescent boys are that easy to manipulate."

"Oh? Does that include you?"

"... Look, Class B is charging."

Dodging her question, Hikigaya turned back to the game. But his trick seemed to work; Class D's boys perked up, holding formation more resolutely than in the first round.

"Nice! Just like that! Ayanokouji, you're the second strongest here, so don't let that pole fall even if it kills you!" Sudou shouted.

"Yes, yes," Ayanokouji muttered, reluctantly sticking close to Sudou to keep the pole upright, unable to slack off with Sudou's watchful eye.

Well, Hikigaya thought, it seems Sudou is the one keeping him in line.

Hikigaya smirked, keeping his attention on the field, especially on Ryuuen. As in the first game, Ryuuen stood at the back, barely bothering to involve himself.

In reality, the motivation Hikigaya stirred up in Class D was temporary. Class B had a clear advantage and charged forward confidently, launching relentless, almost foul-level attacks. Cries from Class D erupted across the field.

The game was only a matter of time for Class B. But Ryuuen, like some foolish monarch who could've stayed safe behind the lines, seemed bent on showing off at the front. Inevitably, he'd end up like some ancient king thrown down by a peasant with a pitchfork.

Strangely, Ryuuen had even taken off his shoes. And there was his reason. From the audience, Hikigaya could see Ryuuen's tactics—sneaky as ever.

Hikigaya sighed to himself and activated his mic: "Sudou, just guard the pole as best you can. Follow my directions when the time comes, and I promise a surprise."

For someone like Sudou, vague promises worked.

"Alright. I'll hold it—ugh!"

Before Sudou could finish, he gasped in pain.

"Who hit me in the stomach?!"

Most likely, one of Class B's students took advantage of the chaos to jab at him. With Ryuuen leading, behavior like this wasn't unusual.

"You scum!" Sudou spat, clutching the pole, unable to free his hands to fight back. Curling up defensively, he endured the assault, holding on until he fell to his knees—yet still refusing to let go.

"What's wrong, Hikigaya-kun? Finding this hard to watch?" Sakayanagi asked.

"No, I just don't condone this kind of conduct as a member of the student council."

Without turning, Hikigaya continued to watch intently. Whatever happened to Class D was none of his concern.

Then, Ryuuen finally moved. He pushed through the crowd, silently approached Sudou, and raised his leg.

"What the—?!"

With an air of arrogance, Ryuuen stomped down hard on Sudou's back. Sudou cried out but still didn't fall.

In the chaos, no referee would likely notice Ryuuen's foul, especially as he'd taken off his shoes to avoid leaving a mark.

Ryuuen raised his leg again, aiming to crush Sudou down completely. Hikigaya seized the moment and shouted into the headset, "Sudou! Forget the pole—get up now!"

"Ohhhh!"

Sudou didn't have time to think; he instinctively let go, braced his arms, and sprang up.

"What the—?!"

Ryuuen, unprepared for Sudou's sudden rise, stumbled backward and fell flat on his face—resembling the "King of Shit."

Without Sudou's support, the pole wobbled dangerously. Ayanokouji, eager to avoid exerting himself, pretended to resist briefly, then let go.

The pole fell directly toward Ryuuen.

Bang!

As Ryuuen stood up, the pole hit him squarely in the face—a scene straight out of a comic, complete with an imaginary sound effect.

"Boss?!"

"Ryuuen-san?!"

Class B's boys stood in shock, while the Class D team, after a brief silence, burst into laughter. Even Class A and Class C turned to look.

"You jerks!" Ryuuen yelled, veins bulging on his forehead, the red mark on his face only adding to the absurdity.

"Serves you right!" Sudou cackled, clutching his stomach, oblivious to Ryuuen's fury.

With Sudou leading, the laughter grew louder. Even some boys in Class B struggled to keep straight faces.

Ryuuen's face darkened as he stalked toward Sudou, kicking him fiercely in retaliation.

"Well, that's the end of it," Hikigaya muttered, shaking his head at the chaos.

Aside from the pole, everything had gone as expected. Humiliated publicly and needing to assert dominance, Ryuuen would undoubtedly swallow his rage.

In the end, he was still just a guy of this level—predictable, even at his worst.