Chapter 2 - May We Meet Again

"Brother! Are you looking out the window again? Geez... don't you have anything else to do other than that? I'll be bored by just staring at the same thing for one minute."

As I continued sitting up in this hospital bed and looking through the window, I heard a familiar voice.

I turned my head and I saw him finish peeling an apple and cutting it into pieces.

How long has he been here without making a noise until now... Despite that, I still notice the smile that he always carries around.

A face that humans can call handsome, with dark eyes taken out from my father's side, silky medium-curly brown hair from my mother, a fit body that resulted from exercise, a pointed nose, and light toned skin, while wearing a half-yellow, half black jacket with a white top underneath, with blue plants on and dark blue sneaker.

I looked around to see if anyone else was there but to no avail.

My brother was the only one that visited me. Someone kind and gentle, who showed happiness towards everyone. The ability to express his emotions as he desired.

He's the one who gave me the novel for me to read, the one who keeps visiting me, and the one who keeps showing me kindness. Truly, a caring brother.

Whenever he visits, I feel this warm sensation in my heart. A sensation that was conveyed in the book many times, is the emotion called... happiness.

The same emotion I felt that day returned.

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this, but... It doesn't feel bad... I don't mind feeling like this for him.

Time went by in this distilled world. Soon, I became expected of his visit. Thinking that every time he visits me, I can continue feeling these emotions swirl inside me. That, I wasn't forsaken...

But despite feeling happiness, I can't express it to him... I try, but it just doesn't work. I dislike this feeling. I'm receiving something but can't give it back...

After a long moment of contemplation, while watching the scenery outside the window, I slowly turned my head around and looked at him.

I began my facade.

I softened my eyes and wore a smile. A smile I wished was truly genuine...

"I have nothing else to do other than enjoy the world outside."

"If you want, I can recommend another novel that's been popular. I'm sure you'll love it like the other one!"

"Well, I certainly won't be disappointed with the gift that my little brother solely thought of giving."

"You won't be disappointed! Many novels have become popular throughout your stay in the hospital. Let's see... I'll get you a book like the one you read. You liked it since you finished it in a day. How amazing!"

"Thank you... for the compliment."

After many eventful conversations about our daily life, he turned silent. The atmosphere became cold.

Ah... it seems like he wants to speak about that subject again...

"... has our parents still not come to visit you yet?"

I shook my head sentimentally; he brings this conversation every time he visits.

I know he cares but it's quite... burdensome to speak about those people with him.

I just want to feel happy when he's here...

My brother puts down the plate of apples he had finished prepping on the counter near the hospital head.

He covered his face with his hand and looked down on the floor, releasing a sigh. After a few seconds of contemplation, he looked up and faced me with a sad expression.

"...Our parents have changed after you were admitted to the hospital. They kept saying how relieved they were now that you were finally put into the hospital. Saying things like 'that monster is finally gone'... Whenever I talk about this to my sister, she begins to avoid the topic."

He closed his mouth, hesitated for a bit, and thought to himself before he spoke again.

"I feel like my parents told her something that made her unable to talk about you anymore, maybe they'll do the same with me sooner or later... I don't know why they keep saying those things behind your back..."

He looked down again sentimentally. I could feel sincerity and sadness in his face... Another emotion began to swirl inside me.

I don't know why, but I began to clutch my hands while gritting my teeth.

'Why are you sad? I'm the one being treated badly by our family... I hate seeing you hurt when I'm the one who's supposed to be suffering...'

After he finished talking, he nervously waited for my response.

'I don't want you to feel guilty... I want you to be happy like you always are... '

My understanding of this is that I'm the one at fault.

If I say that, would he stop being sad? Would he be the happy little brother that I know if I do? I hesitate to say what's on my mind.

For some reason, I always think that saying what's on my mind is never a promising idea. But I want to lessen his guilt...

While looking down at the bed, closing my eyes, and clutching at the bed sheets, I opened my mouth and began talking.

"... Well, it is not my parents' fault. I guess I am a monster."

He flinched, lifted his head, and looked directly at me with discontent and anger.

"No! That's not true!"

He jumped from his seat and grabbed my hands, looking directly into my eyes.

"You're not a monster! No matter what anyone says about you, even from mother or father, I know you're not a bad person!"

It hurts... Why is he grabbing my hand so hard... why is he angry? Isn't what I said the truth?

He then realized the strength he invoked from his grip and released his hands, he sat down in his seat and looked down on the floor while shaking and clutching his fist.

Why does he look sadder now?

I thought that by saying that he would begin to calm down... Even in my death bed I still can't tell what emotions are correct in such situations...

"You were the only one who was truly there for me..."

He suddenly spoke while still looking down at the floor, with his hands and legs trembling.

"You were the only one there when I was in the sports competition despite my parent and sister saying they were busy."

... why is he suddenly recalling past events...?

"Even when our class won third place, you still congratulated me with a smile on your face. When I finally got accepted to the High school that I tried so hard to get into, you and Sis were the only ones who were genuinely happy and celebrated with me. You helped me study despite being busy with your own studies, it made me happy..."

He clutched the sheet near my bed as he looked down with his eyes closed, trying to hold in his tears.

"Despite having been rejected by my first love, you comforted me throughout the whole night. You took me and sis to enjoyable places, where we created fun moments together. You even took the blame for my mistakes, you got yelled at by our parents for the mistakes I made... I regretted the actions that led to you being yelled at, but I couldn't help but feel happy to have an older brother that I can depend on..."

He looked up with his eyes open. Drops of tears began to form in my younger brother's eyes, his whole body started shaking as he continued to clutch the sheet in his hand.

'No... Everything I did was a facade. Please don't thank me. I'm someone who doesn't deserve to be called a human...'

He then looked up and smiled at me discreetly.

"You're the only one that I can truly call a family, the only person that I know I can always rely on... You're my brother that's always on my side."

'Stop. You're wrong... You're wrong! I've been tricking you this whole time... You'll regret putting your trust in me...!'

"So even in your final moments, or if miraculously you become better, I want to be by your side! I want to be with my brother who cared for me ever since the beginning. Even if I must take care of you for the rest of my life, if it means I don't have to lose you, I'll make it my destiny to protect you just like you always did with me. I want to repay the kindness that you showed me all these years!"

'It was all an act, an act! Please stop caring about me!'

With a smile so sincere, without any lies. How can you say something like that despite not knowing what I was truly doing? I wanted to scream and tell him this but for some reason, I couldn't.

My heart became heavy, I've never felt like this before. Why do I feel sluggish, why do I feel something coming out of my eyes? Why do I feel like I want to throw up? Why do I feel like something in my chest is about to burst? Why is my body tensing and shaking?

There seems to be something on my face. I touched the part that felt weird and felt a bunch of watery things falling off my eyes.

".... Tears...?"

'Why am I crying? I've never cried before. Wait... Am I feeling... sadness? Was this the feeling my brother felt for me? No... Don't feel something like this for me... There's no point in feeling something like this for me. I can't understand why you felt like this when I'm the one suffering. I don't want you to feel like this for someone like me... Please, let me stop feeling this emotion, I hate this. I hate feeling like this.'

At this point, I could only cover my eyes with my hands, trying to forcefully stop the tears from forming. But it continued to downpour without any sign of stopping.

My brother looked up at me and began to wipe my tears away. I faced him and saw how he smiled sadly at me.

"This is the first time I've ever seen you cry. With the way you always smiled whenever I saw you, I always thought that nothing could make you cry..."

He wipes his hands with a towel that is sitting on a table near the hospital bed.

He stands by the table for a while without facing me or saying anything. Shortly he began to speak.

"... If you were to ever die and leave this place and leave me alone, I'll be sure to follow you even in another life..."

Why would he say something like that? Death is the one thing all humans fear, how can he say something so easily?

No.... Don't do something reckless because of me! I was tricking you until now! Why do you have to act like this...

Remember his name!

'Choi Chun-Jan'

The name I thought I wouldn't have to remember. Say the name! Say what you were doing this whole time!

Tell him about the true meaning behind the actions that he thought were genuine.

If he knows the truth, he'll hate me and won't do anything reckless just for me. He'll stop feeling emotions like this for me.

Yes... He'll stop caring...

I tried to say his name, but something began clogging my throat.

I coughed out in my hand and saw... blood?

I began shaking. My whole body seemed paralyzed, I couldn't think or say anything other than stare at my own bloody hands.

Ah, I'm in a state of confusion it seems.

Weird... Why am I suddenly feeling emotions I couldn't feel throughout my whole life today? Happiness, anger, sadness, regret, and confusion...

Huh... it seems like today is my lucky day...

I looked at my brother. His face looked mortified as he saw me coughing blood.

I coughed more blood after my state of confusion was over. I saw my brother getting up and calling out for doctors and nurses with a pale expression. An expression that is filled with despair, confusion, and grief.

Doctors and nurses began to enter the room. But by that time, my body felt cold, and I lay down in my bed, breathing hazardously.

Is this how it ends? As tears began to flow through my face once more. I felt the need to say one more thing to my younger brother.

"Chun-Ja, I'm sorry... I couldn't be the... brother you wanted me to be..."

He grabbed my blood-stained hand with both his hands and gripped it tightly. His pale face with a sad and confused expression was seen as my vision began to diminish.

"What are you saying? Stop saying things that make it look like you're going to die! You're not going to die!"

The sensation of his hands shaking resonated with my heart once more. The tears that began streaming from his eyes mixed with some of the blood in my hand.

"I won't die...?"

"No! You're going to be fine! Everything will be okay! So don't think like that...."

"... I see... then can you stay by my side then? I feel sleepy... once I wake up... can I finally be a brother you can count on?"

"... You were always a brother I could depend on... I'll be sure to stay by your side while you sleep..."

He faced his head up as he smiled at me. Despite him looking happy he's still crying... Why are two opposing emotions occurring at once...?

My head feels like it's about to split open. I also feel very... tired...

"... Once I wake up. Do you want to go somewhere?"

I know that I'm going to die, it was inevitable as it was fate. Yet I want to believe that I will still live and be beside my little brother, even my sister if she can just talk to me... again...

I want to go somewhere that can accept me... somewhere I can be with my siblings... and be far away from my parents.

Somewhere I can obtain a meaning... and somewhere I can experience ... The many emotions that I couldn't feel...

Like, love...

"... Yes, I always like traveling to places with you."

"Is that... so...? I always thought that you were bored whenever I asked you to travel with me..."

"Never... it was so much fun... I can never hate it..."

The sounds of many doctors trying to stabilize my condition nurses trying to clean up and prepare what they were asked for, and the sound of me breathing hazardously.

My brother was silent for a moment as he was lost in thoughts while looking at my pathetic self, never letting go of my hand.

"Say, where do you want to go this time brother...?"

His voice was calm... I like the sound of his voice for some reason. A compassionate voice that exhaled calmness and kindness...

"... I want to go someplace new... Somewhere I never... visited..."

"... Is that so...?"

My vision was beginning to be clouded... despite lots of noise coming from the medical staff, I could only hear my little brother's voice.

I looked away from the roof and faced my brother. Still, grab my arms while having a dismayed face.

I truly hate... seeing him like that...

"... I want to sleep now... I feel very tired..."

As I looked at him, his face tensed up and he started to shake immensely. After long thoughts, he seemed to come to a conclusion.

"... Is that so...? If you're feeling tired, then it is ok to... sleep..."

"Yes, I'll sleep for a bit... then..."

"Yes... I'm sorry for lying... I know you never told me to lie... but I was just afraid..."

More tears began to flow from his eyes, looking down with despair. Using the last of my strength, I gripped his hand.

"Yes... I know..."

"... I'm sorry..."

"It's... okay..."

I tried to console him, but my eyelids soon started to close.

As I started to close my eyes, many thoughts began to flow through my head.

Yes... many regrets that I have never thought about...

I'm sorry for showing you false love. I'm sorry that all the things you said about me are false. I'm sorry that in the end, I couldn't be the brother that you can depend on.

I'm sorry...

If there's another life in which you're my brother again. I promise that I will show you love that's not forced, that's not acted, or love that's pretend.

I promise that, deep inside my empty heart, I will show my full potential of showing my emotions just like a normal human would, I will use those emotions to finally be a brother that you can depend on...

If there's one other thing that I regret, it is realizing these emotions too late, and not showing my real kindness to my younger brother... And with that last promise that I vowed to myself, I lay on the bed in which I soon won't wake up from...

With that simple thought, everything became pitch black. And soon... Every noise around me turned silent. Every light is consumed by darkness. Every smell was empty, and every sensation in my body became senseless.

I couldn't feel his hand anymore... Still, I want to say one more thing to him.

"Chun-Jan... please stay... happy..."

Upon hearing an unreachable word that came from my brother, I closed my eyes and breathed in one last time.

At the age of sixteen, I died pitifully with only one person by my side...

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Strange...

I feel conscious, yet unconscious.

As if I'm drowning in some sort of liquid substance that resembles water, but is denser. I'm not breathing but I'm not drowning.

I can't move my body...

This sensation... Is this what it feels like to be dead?

After an extended period of continuous sinking in this vast sea of liquid, a bright light appears before me.

Despite not being able to open my eyes, I can sense the radiating light passing through my eyelids.

"... Ah. Am I finally dying?"

And with those words, my eyes are then filled with darkness again. And soon the cries of a baby resounded through my ears.

"Congratulations, it seems like the child of the duke is born healthy without any inconvenience."

I slightly opened my eyes to where it couldn't be seen by the onlookers. I swiftly saw three unfamiliar people.

A woman holding me with a bright smile. Having long wavy hair, pure white skin, hazel-like pupil eyes, lips pink and thin, and a face that entailed beauty incompatible with those of modern-day top idols.

She was wearing a white nightgown, with undergarments underneath while sitting up in a big luxurious bed.

I looked around to see the surroundings.

The room was filled with luxurious paintings and decorations like flowers and vases that seemed unimaginable to the common people. A high-class chair that was cushioned and a coffee table. A counter that seemed like a drawer was on the opposite side of where we were with a wardrobe, a shade on the corner to change clothes, and chairs to sit on.

There was a tall man standing next to the bed where the woman was lying down while holding me. He showed quite a blissful face towards both me and the woman holding me.

Black hair that's brushed back, irises red as blood, a scar residing in his right eye going down horizontally that stopped in the middle section of his cheeks, and skin that was tanned by the sun, it would be an understatement to just call him handsome.

He is wearing a black suit with a blue vest and a white long-sleeve button-up underneath. A chain that resembled a pocket watch, and a sword in his left waist. It looked like he was in a defensive position with a hand on the handle of the sword in case a problem arose.

Despite his format, he continued to show a sentimental smile.

And the last person was a doctor with a white lab coat underneath having a light blue gown made of textile with black pants...

She had long, tied-up straight hair with glasses covering her narrow, blue eyes, and skin that was fair.

She showed a posture that was dignified, calculating her every move as if not to make the people in the room unpleasant, as if planning something. I tried to raise one of my arms.

As I slowly lifted it up in front of me, I saw that it was small and chubby with little fingers.

Strange... It isn't supposed to be this small... I tried to raise my head. My head felt heavy as a stone, I could barely shake it, and I could only stare at the unknown ceiling.

Any other limbs wouldn't listen to my command to move as I want either.

I tried to speak.

".... A bah!"

A high-pitched sound that couldn't replicate the words I wanted to convey.

Despite this scenario being impossible to happen, it seems like I'm in the body of a baby.

Using the information about the background and fashion of the three people in the room, the current possible scenario that I can conclude at the moment is that I got transferred into a world that looks like the medieval European era.

I've read the concept of reincarnation in the books of Theology.

The concept is also widely used in the Novel industry with people from the modern world being reincarnated to another world with a new body.

A situation where the person can relive life in another body and do things they couldn't do in their past life.

A second chance is what they call it...

But in the body of a newborn. Well, this is quite... Troublesome...